Starting Over
#2 of View From Heaven
I wrote this with a very happy ending in mind and this was to be a three part series. Things have changed. So deal with it. I also left out the yiff for the next one because it honestly didn't seem appropriate, though I could have easily done it. Hope you enjoy it tho. Also note that Round Three Fight is a Bay Area band and I had to listen to those lyrics so many times and I still think I got them wrong. Oh well, you get the idea.
Disclaimer: Do not read (and GTFO) if you are not of the correct age (aka 18 or over) as it may (eventually) contain suggestive material. And I wouldn't want to be the reason why your hands are in your pants and your innocence has been stripped from you (lol there are no innocents). Also...very gay up ahead, abandon your heterosexuality at the door, though I cannot guarantee it'll be here when you get back. Enjoy the story furs. (and my [hopefully] good choice of music)
View From Heaven pt2
Starting Over
Round Three Fight "Here the Whole Time"
Come and sit down
And pause your busy life to see
The impression that you've left on me
And hear the things I.
Never get to say
Alone tonight
My mind is racing circles now
No way ends with you and how
Your always going
Somewhere I can't be
This is what you do to me, yeah
I wanna know what it feels like
To hold you tight
I wanna know what it feels like
To be on your mind
All the time
Hold me close
And make with this lonely night
If you were here
I'd feel alright
You've always had a way
To make me smile
Never ends
Even though your off again
I'll be here where you left me
When you saw me getting hot up in your eyes
This is how I feel inside, yeah
I wanna know what it feels like
To have your heart
I wanna know some direction
And know where to start
Where's my part
And if you relax just know I found you
Time to stop and look around
To see the things that you've been missing
Right here with me
Everyday I go without you
Feel so empty and I miss you
Just think of how I need you
Right here with me
I wanna know what it feels like
To carve that hole
I wanna know what it feels like
To not feel alone
I wanna say what I never
Get to say
I wanna watch the sunrise
Light up your face
Everything was dark. All I could see was darkness surrounding me. I could have sworn that Jeff had been with me but a second ago. I tried to move, but I couldn't even feel, let alone move any part of my body. Like all my nerves had decided to disappear on me at once. The only thing I was sure about in this perpetual abyss was the fact that I seemed to be floating. I felt confused, scared, and lonely. The same way I had been my whole life. The way I had always felt on the inside, at least on some level. Just when I thought that those feelings were buried, they come back to haunt me. I knew that this had to be some sort of dream. Nevertheless, I felt scared for some reason.
Then I saw something in the black void that surrounded me. The darkness was giving way to some light. I felt myself moving towards it, or maybe it was moving towards me. It was hard to differentiate between the two, and I was giving up on actually finding out. I just watched as the scene unfolded in front of my eyes. I saw a road that headed up towards the mountains. I recognized them; they were just up north from where the school was located. I remember because it was Randy who took me hiking up there during the summer. Then, as I was pulled closer to the road, I could see Jeff's truck driving towards the mountain range. I thought that it was strange that he was driving that way, I tried had no idea why he would head up that way. As I got closer to the truck, I wondered if I was going to hit it or not.
Instead of hitting it though, I found myself going through the roof of the truck and into the cab. Now in the passenger side I could see Jeff in the driver seat. I was happy to see him, but the look on his face suddenly changed that for me. He had his eyes trained to the road and his face was full of sorrow. I wanted to ask him why he looked so sad, but my mouth wouldn't cooperate. As a tear fell from his eye, I knew something was wrong, and I could feel the pain in my heart from watching that singular tear hit his shirt. I wanted so bad to know what he was thinking and why he was feeling. Then, his lips moved, but all that came out was a very silent whisper that I couldn't hear. Maybe it was because of the music playing on his radio.
"It's not the way you see me, it's the way you let me down."
I recognized the song, but when I looked at the trucks radio, it was off.
"I can't believe that it hurts this much, when I hear your voice, your calling out to me, though you know I can't be with you."
Then I looked over and saw Jeff speak again. This time I could make out the singular word as he reached over and turned off/on the radio. "Why?" Then, he flipped the switch on the radio and I was thrust out of the dream and back into my dorm room. My radio-alarm going off with Faktion's "Distance" playing on the station.
"So please don't leave, just remember to keep some distance, and remember you've already had your chance with me..."
As nice as the song was I quickly turned it off. "That's the first time any radio station has ever played that," I said to myself as I turned over and saw that it was 6:30 and time for me to get ready for classes. 'I still can't believe I have to get up at this time for classes,' I thought as I got out of bed. I looked over at Randy's bed and saw that he was still asleep. As much as I didn't want to, I had to wake him up. He and I had classes at the same time so; I was going to have to give him a little bit of a nudge. I reached into the top drawer and pulled out an air horn, a way one of us gets the other up in case they get up first. It has been the reason why we have been trying to get to bed on time and not stay up so late. It turns out our neighbors like us more when we get up at the same time as well.
I folded my ears back and stepped up to my sleeping friend. I covered my left ear with my left hand and mumbled, "Sorry bout this," and let out a short burst from the horn. Randy woke up pretty fast and fell to the floor, taking his covers with him. I heard him say a short "ow" and could have sworn I heard the same bang from the room next door. Why we hadn't been kicked out is still a mystery to me.
"Okay Tim, what the fuck? You coulda just punched me or something, not destroyed my hearing." Randy said, picking himself and his sheets off the floor. I saw he had nothing on, save his underwear, and smirked.
"I could of, but then I wouldn't be getting the view I have now." I tossed the can back into the drawer and when I looked back, he was already getting his pants on.
"I'm so happy you like my looks. But that's all your gonna get to do is look." He put on his shirt, covering up his black fur and said, "Although I am flattered that you would think that I look nice. Just keep your thoughts to yourself please."
"Don't worry; I have Jeff to go to if I want a cute wolf to check out." I said throwing some clean clothes on.
"By the way, when I got home you were already asleep so I never got to ask how your date with him went."
"It went wonderfully. He never pushed himself on me. I really like him a lot and I believe he does to."
"I was a little surprised I didn't come back to see him in bed with you."
I stuck my tongue out at him and said, "As much as we wanted that to happen, we never would have gotten to sleep. You probably would have kicked us out if he was here."
Randy groaned, "Gee thanks for that. I only hope that I can get it out of my head before class starts."
I laughed, "Hey, you were the one who brought it up." I then remembered that he wasn't here when I got back. "So, where were you last night?"
"Meh," he grunted. He then turned to me and gave me a toothy grin, "Nothing that would interest you. Let's just say though that you aren't the only one that has someone to see now."
My eyes widened, "Your serious?"
"Why, does the prospect of me having someone really seem that farfetched?"
"Heh, no, but I didn't think you were going out to get some girlfriend or somethin'. I just thought you were going out with a few friends and that was it. Not that that's a problem because I am happy that you found someone. So who's the lucky lady?"
Well, I want to get to class on time today," he said pointing to the clock. "How about I introduce you to her later?"
"Fine with me," I said. I grabbed my backpack and my Zune, and Randy and I left for class. On the way out of the dorm we got a few glares from our neighbors, but I knew that, in a way, they were grateful for the wakeup. I, myself, found it difficult to get up sometimes on Monday mornings, but today I felt good, regardless of what the dream had shown me.
We separated and headed for our separate classes, not able to see each other until the end of the day. I also didn't see Jeff at all, which was probably because he had class at a different time than me. I had failed to ask him about that at all yesterday and I kicked myself for it. I wanted so bad to see him before the weekend. It seemed so unfair to me that we would be separated for this, seemingly, long period of time. I was beginning to feel alone again, but I tried to not let it get to me. It'd be useless to get depressed over something like this. It's not as if I wasn't going to see him again.
Throughout classes I tried to decide which was more stressful, the fact that I couldn't think about anything but Jeff, or that I couldn't see him until then. Then I thought that maybe I could walk over to his house, it wasn't all that far from the college. I didn't see the harm in going over to see if he was there. 'It might be a good to surprise him and maybe we could talk more,' I thought. I hoped that he didn't have evening classes then so we could maybe go out to dinner again.
When classes ended at three, after getting the normal lectures and lessons from the professors, I headed back to the dorm room to see if maybe Randy was back. I was hoping that maybe him introducing me to his new friend would keep me occupied until I went to see if I could visit with Jeff. Even though we were supposed to get out at the same time, he always seemed to get back well before I did. I think I asked him how he did it once and he said that it was because of his last class's teacher. He didn't give much of a reason, but it wasn't a big enough deal for me to go into it.
When I opened the door up and entered the dorm, I saw Randy was just getting finished getting dressed. I shut the door and he looked up from the dresser giving me a smile and a, "Hey." I returned the greeting and the shirtless wolf returned to rummaging through his shirts. I sat my pack down and said, "So where you goin' today?"
"Remember that girl I told you about," Randy asked excitedly. I just nodded, already knowing where this was going. "Well," he continued, "she wants to go on a date with me today. Gonna pick her up and go for a walk before we go out to dinner. After that, I dunno, but I'm excited."
"Heh, I can tell," I said pointing to his spastic tail. "Any chance I'll be meeting her today?"
"Well this was just supposed to be me and her," he sighed. "Do you think that I could possibly introduce you to her tomorrow?"
I shrugged and said, "Well, sure, I guess. But what about your homework?"
"Don't worry about that, I already handled it," he said simply.
"'kay, I was also gonna go out for a little walk so I guess that works."
"Oh? To where, if you don't mind me asking." He said, finally slipping his shirt on.
"I think I'll just walk around aimlessly for an hour or two. You know, just to get out." I didn't want him to be concerned with me just going out, but I also didn't think I wanted to let him in on where I was going either.
He paused to look at himself in the mirror for a minute before he said, "Alright, but you have money for food, right?"
"I have enough on me right now. I'll be fine." My parents still sent me money each month to pay for food and my half of the pay for room. I had a job, but that was back in my hometown and I didn't want to risk a job getting in the way of my studies. My parents agreed and gave me what they thought would be enough to last me a month. A few times, I had wondered if they would be willing to pay if they knew I was gay. That was a thought that I was not willing to dwell on to much. The end of the month was a few days away, and I had more than enough to feed myself for the rest of the days and put the rest in the "overflow." I had enough there now to last me a month or two, but I was hoping I wasn't going to need it anytime soon.
"Well I'll be off then. Have fun walking." I gave him a slight wave as he turned and left me alone. I decided to wait a few minutes before I left myself. As I waited, I remembered the husky that had been at the restaurant with us. He had given us his number and a good idea of what he looked like without pants. I wondered if he would consider us friends and if he'd like to hang out some time. "Maybe if Jeff's not in I'll give him a call," I said to myself as I lay on my bed. I pulled out my phone and turned it on. When the screen came up, I noticed that there were a five voice messages on it.
I listened to the first one and heard Jeff's recorded voice played over my phone. I sat up and listened to each one, all of them with Jeff's sweet, yet tough, voice on them. By the tone of his voice I could make out a hint of nervousness in it. It seemed as though this lonesome feeling was mutual between us and he too couldn't help but think of me. He said, in each of them save two, that he was calling in-between classes and he was just calling, hoping to hear my voice again. In one of the other ones, he said he really wanted to have lunch with me at a local café, making me regret not turning on my phone for lunch. I could have spent time with him rather than bought and eaten lunch in the cafeteria.
The last one was, among a few other things, surprising in the best sort of ways. He said that he was finally out of class and wanted to "hang out" (my words, not his) with me. Upon hearing the invitation, I shut my phone, grabbed my jacket, and was out the door in record time. I barely remembered to lock the door as I ran down the stairs and out the dorm and sped over to Jeff's house.
I was just leaving the school grounds when I finally ran out of breath and stopped to catch my breath. I had just sprinted a quarter mile and that's all it took for me to remember why I never went into track in high school. "I...should pro-probably...get into shape," I panted, speaking to myself out of slight annoyance. It was still ironic to think a fox would be doing a wolf's job and would be unable to run any distance. "To damn skinny," I said under my breath, which was slowly returning to normal. The pain in my chest was annoying, but then again so was most physical activity. I began to walk the rest of the way to Jeff's place, thinking to myself that maybe he could help me get a little more in shape.
When I finally got to his house, I was feeling a little better and a lot more excited. I knocked and waited for him to answer. When I heard the sound of someone approaching the door I felt myself stand up straighter and my tail sway in anticipation. I was very disappointed, not to mention slightly confused, when a very bored looking tiger answered the door. He was about my height, and a little on the skinny side. His fur was the typical orange with black stripes. His eyes were a very nice bright green, but the look in them was of boredom. His eyes gave away his curiosity before he said a word to me. "So what do you want, fox?"
I recovered from the surprise and briefly wondered if this was Jeff's roommate. "I was wondering if Jeff was home," I said nervously. As I said that, I realized how much it sounded like I was asking a parent of a friend if they could come out to play.
"Yeah, he is, who are you exactly?" He asked me, still obviously bored.
"I'm a friend of his." I was rubbing my hands together now, a nervous habit that I tend to show from time to time.
The tiger sighed and shut the door, leaving me on the porch feeling slightly awkward. I could only blink and wonder what was wrong with him. 'At least he wasn't rude or anything,' I thought to myself.
A few seconds later Jeff walked out and greeted me with a hug, which I happily returned. "I'm guessing you got my message then," he asked.
"Yes, and I'm sorry for not having my phone on. I would have loved to have lunch with you." We released each other and looked into each other's eyes. At that moment, I wanted to kiss him so bad that it became hard to think clearly. With only every ounce of my willpower was I able to hold myself back.
"Don't worry about it, we got some time now."
"So, was that your roommate?" I asked timidly.
He smiled, "Yeah, that's Craig. He's actually really a nice guy. He just had a bad day today."
I nodded slowly, "Okay. So he'll be okay?"
"Yeah, don't worry; he just needs some time to get his thoughts together." He put an arm around my shoulder and turned me around. As he lead me down the porch he said, "How bout we walk to the diner since it's so nice out?"
"Diner?" I asked curiously.
"Sure, unless you want to go somewhere else?" He asked rubbing my shoulder lightly.
"No, anything sounds good right now." And as I said that, I thought, 'As long as it's with you.' I leaned into him and relinquished all my fears and thoughts about what others would say to us. It didn't matter now, and neither did my dream last night. It was all irrelevant when I was in his arms. We walked a short while before coming to a local restaurant. It was too early to have dinner, but I was still hungry enough to order a sandwich and a soda. Jeff sat across from me and ordered a soda but nothing else. After our drinks and my food got there we began asking how the others day had gone and what happened in classes. I was barely paying attention to the conversation and instead paid more attention to looking into his eyes and letting my mind almost wander.
"You okay?" I heard him ask me, snapping me out of my trance. I felt somewhat stupid for letting my mind wander and letting myself lose track of myself like that.
"Huh, yeah, I'm okay. I just kinda zoned out."
"Looked to me like you were thinking of something," he said. The smile on his face made him look cute and I smiled back.
"You could say that I was," then I said quietly, "Though it was more like I was distracted by you."
He giggled, "Me? Distracting? Well what part of me is distracting?"
'Where should I start,' I thought. "Well your eyes are very nice and for some reason I can't stop looking into them." As I said this, I felt the burn on my face as I blushed heavily. I don't understand why I had actually admitted it; it made my head spin a little when I thought about it.
His laugh was not mocking, but gentle as he said, "That's sweet, thanks. If you don't mind me asking, is that the only thing that you find distracting or are my eyes my best quality?" I slowly looked up, still feeling quite awkward about what I had said.
I saw the gentle smile on his face and relaxed a little, "No, I like every part of you, your eyes just happen to be the thing that caught my attention at the moment." His hand touched my cheek, surprising me a little, and I tilted my head into his palm. The warmth of his paw felt comforting to me and I closed my eyes and murred.
"Tom, can I ask you something?" He said as his paw moved back to my ear and began rubbing it softly.
"Anything," I said dreamily.
"Would you consider us boyfriends?" His had moved down to the base of my neck and rubbed me gently. His words confused me a little, 'why would he ask that,' I thought. Then I realized that the subject hadn't come up but once and that was mostly a joke...at least for Randy I think it was. I hadn't really thought of asking him, though now I realize that's what I should have done before he left me at the school last night. The fact that he was the one asking me now surprised me as well.
"Why do you ask?" It was the only thing I could think of and I mentally kicked myself for not just saying 'yes.'
"Well, I know this is only our second date and we've know each other less than a week, but..." He paused and sat there or a second in thought. His hand moved down my shoulder, found my black furred hand on the table, and held it tightly in his paw. "I would like it if I was your boyfriend. Is that okay?"
My eyes were wide and my heartbeat accelerated. The words that I myself had hoped to speak had come from his lips. I was spared from asking the question myself and I now felt better than ever. The smile that came across my muzzle almost hurt, I had never felt so good in my life. I wanted so badly to come over the table and pull him into a deep kiss. All I could manage to do was say, "Of course." Why I couldn't say anything else was probably due to the surprise of it. I also couldn't feel my body, but I tried to ignore that. Then things started to get blurry and I tried to say something. I couldn't hear, I couldn't speak, and before I blacked out, I vaguely felt my head hit the table.
In my blissful state, I felt nothing but good, and in the back of my mind I knew that I had fainted. I didn't care about that though, I had Jeff and that was all that mattered. However, in the darkness, I couldn't see him and that concerned me a little.
I could feel someone petting my head and I was now aware of my body being horizontal to the ground. I tried to open my eyes and was thankful for the minimal lighting in whatever room I was in now. I thought I could hear a voice, but for some reason my ears weren't working all too well. My body suddenly was picked up and I could feel a pair of strong arms surrounding me as well as a muzzle nuzzling my head. I immediately thought of Jeff and opened my eyes wider. I turned my head around as best I could and saw the wolf's beautiful eyes staring back at me.
"You know," he said casually, "passing out like that scared me a little. It's not a good idea to scare our boyfriend you know."
I smiled warmly to him and asked, "So where are we now?"
"We are in my house," he said nuzzling my neck.
I pushed his head back and then leaned into him, kissing him deeply on the lips. This was my first kiss, but from all my fantasies and what I have read and seen I thought I had a pretty good idea of what to do next. Or at least what was going to happen.
"So is the fox okay?" I jumped out of Jeff's arms and screamed at the sound of the unfamiliar voice. I finally noticed that we were on the couch on the living room and now I was groaning and on the floor in front of the couch. "I guess that'd be a yes," I heard the voice say.
"Uhh, yeah, he was okay until he went and threw himself back on the floor." I felt Jeff put his paws underneath my arms and pick me up. He sat me on his lap as he lay against the arm of the sofa. I saw Jeff's roommate, Craig, sit at the other end of the couch and begin to eat something out of a bowl. I swallowed hard, wondering what he'd say to me and Jeff.
He set the bowl down on the table and then turned to me and I noticed that his eyes seemed considerably brighter than they did when I first saw them. He was even smiling slightly when he said, "So your Jeff's new mate?" He didn't give me a chance to answer before he continued, "Sorry about earlier, I guess we weren't properly introduced, I'm Craig. You're...Tom right?"
I wasn't quite sure what to think about this tiger. But apparently, Jeff trusted him enough to tell him about us so I didn't see any point in trying to hide anything. I smiled nervously, "Yeah, I'm guessing Jeff told you about me."
He smirked evilly, "He couldn't stop talking about you last night." I saw Jeff's leg kick up in an attempt to hit the feline. I laughed a little and realized that it felt good to think that I was on his mind. "Oh come on, it can't be that bad that he knows." Craig continued.
Jeff sighed, "Yeah, but don't you think It'd be better if I had been the one that told him that?"
Craig just shrugged and continued to look at me. I had to ask the question that was bugging me, even though I already knew the answer. "So you're okay with gays and us?"
He laughed and I couldn't figure out if it was the question he was laughing at or me. I figured it was just a stupid question and bushed a little as I waited for him to answer.
He saw the look on my face and immediately stopped laughing and said in a concerned tone, "Wait, you mean you seriously don't know?" He looked past me and said to Jeff, "You mean you didn't tell him?"
Again, another sigh from Jeff as he said, "Well, I thought that you'd like to be the one to tell him."
"Oh," Craig said. "Well in that case, I guess I should tell you that I'm also gay."
Now I was more than a little surprised. Another gay fur and he lived with Jeff. 'Wait...' I thought, 'two gay guys living together, there has to be more to this than just friendship.' I didn't have much of a dirty mind, but that was still what went through it. The question is, should I ask or not?
"So," I said slowly, "how long have you two known each other?"
Craig expression changed and he looked away from me. I figured I had said something wrong, but I didn't know what. That's when Jeff picked me up off his lap and set me down in the middle of the sofa. He adjusted his position so he was sitting with his legs crossed and was facing me. I looked into his eyes and saw the same look in his eyes that he had last night. The look had sorrow, regret, and perpetual emptiness all mixed in his face and eyes. I felt my blood run cold as he looked at me, and I was vaguely aware of Craig moving closer to me.
"Okay, what's wrong guys," I asked looking from Jeff to Craig and back again.
"Well, ya see, we met on the same day that...well, okay Jeff, I know that you'd rather explain it to him."
"I think it's time you get to know me better." He took in a deep breath and then said in a quiet, sad tone, "We've known each other since high school, and he was the one that introduced me to my first love. Things back then were good. First year of high school, I found Craig, another fur like me, preference-wise. But it was when he introduced me to his friend that I was sure I had he found love.
"He was a Dalmatian, we hit it off immediately. We would be around each other during and after school. Always going over to each other's houses and hanging out. We were just friends for some time; I had been unable to tell him of how I really felt about him because I was too afraid about what would happen. But I could feel my love grow for him everyday. I didn't know if I could keep those feelings a secret from him for much longer. So I decided that, during the winter break, that I would confess my love for him.
"On Christmas I asked to go over and was allowed to spend the night. After dinner, I decided that I would tell him when we got up to his room. I was so nervous I almost fainted myself. When we got in there I told him I needed to talk to him. We sat on his bed and after drawing it out a little longer, I finally blurted it out. I told him I loved him, and I wanted to now if he felt the same way. I broke down, began to cry silently in wait for the answer that meant more than anything else before it. I waited for the 'no' that would break me, or the 'yes' that would make me feel better than I had ever felt. I didn't look up, I didn't speak, all I did was wait as his silence filled me with fear.
"Then, he held me in his arms and I knew what his answer was. I held him back and we kissed, it was the first kiss either of us had experienced. And the fact that we shared it with each other meant so much more to me. That night, it was the best night I had ever experienced. I had never felt so close to another being in my life. And the next day, waking up with him in my arms and seeing his smiling face, made me complete somehow. Neither of us regretted that night."
Jeff had started crying halfway through his story and he barely able to say anything without hiccupping uncontrollably. I could see now that his last love meant a lot to him. And seeing as though he wasn't here now I could tell that something had gone wrong. Something very bad to have him react like this He was now crying into my shoulder and Craig had a paw on the wolf's shoulder, trying to comfort the poor guy. I held him as tight as I could, in hopes that he would soon calm down a little bit, but on some level, I knew that he had to get this out.
After a few more moments of crying, Craig picked him off my shoulder and he walked the wolf into the back of the house. After a few seconds passed, and the sound of crying had all but disappeared, Craig walked back into the room and sat back on the couch where he was before.
Craig finally spoke, "You know, I think that's the first time he's talked to anyone about that day, not after..." He seemed uncomfortable, not as uncomfortable as Jeff, but enough for me to notice all the light in his eyes were gone again. "Do you want me to tell you where all this was going?" He asked me quietly.
"Would he want you to?" I asked him.
"I think that he was going to tell you about it, but he may have been caught off-guard by how much it hurt to re-live those days."
I swallowed nervously and asked quietly, "I would like to know what happened to his ex..."
He sighed, "Alright, but for the record, his name is, was, and always will be Ken. And this is going to be very hard for me to get through this, so bear with me." I just nodded and waited for him to continue where Jeff left off.
"So you know that on that Christmas was when they decided it was their first day together. No surprise, really, but after that day the two were practically attached at the hip. When school started up again, unless you knew the two personally, then you would have just thought that nothing had changed between the two. But I could tell the moment I saw them that something had changed between the two. They were, as far as they were concerned, a couple, and they did an incredible job hiding it at school.
"They were together right on through to their Junior year. Sure, they had their tough times, but in the end, they always came out unscathed. Like nothing had happened between them. The only way anyone knew they had fights was because they would talk about it with smiles on their faces. I personally envied them, because I new I could never have such a perfect relationship. By the time Junior year rolled around, all of their friends thought that their relationship would last forever. Nobody could see what happened coming. The impact of it...
"Ken had gotten his license near the beginning of the year. He was seventeen, he had his own car, some little 2 door, and he had a fur to call his own. The only thing he ever complained about was that he couldn't drive his mate until halfway through the year. He would still drive over to Jeff's house and they would do their thing. It was all good.
"On December 19th, it was the middle of the night and he was out way past curfew. Nobody, not even Jeff, knew why he was out at that time. According to a few rumors, and then a full police report, he wasn't at fault, it was the driver of the 4x4 that T-boned him that was at fault. Yet they said that he was DUI and it was probably going to happen at some other point during his drive home, which is where they thought he was heading. He died on the ambulance ride, and the driver of the truck ended up in a coma. Something about a crushed ribcage, and something else, at that point though I couldn't think about anything but how my best friend was dead. The news had spread through the school so quickly; everyone seemed to be talking about it.
"Though, after getting over the initial shock, which wasn't easy for me, I noticed that Jeff wasn't at school. I tried calling his cell, no answer, and his house phone brought up no luck either. I decided to try to wade it through the day and not break down. I managed somehow, went over to Jeff's place, and wasn't really surprised when nobody answered the door. There was no car in the driveway, but I knew that he was home. I went around the back and went tried the back porch door. It opened and I entered his house yelling his name. I ran up to his room, already knowing he must feel many times worse than me if he heard about what happened. I guess I was expecting to see him on the floor with blood pooled around him and a razor in his hand.
"Instead I found him lying on his bed, quietly sobbing and holding a picture of Ken to his chest. He didn't move when I sat on the bed with him. I tried to think of something to say to consol my friend, but I knew there was no way there was anything I could say that could help him. So I just lay there with him and hugged him. He then turned in my arms and held me back, and he started crying. It took a while, but he finally fell asleep, and I thought that he'd never be okay again. I thought that he was going to be in a perpetual state of depression. Not that I'd blame him if he had, I know it would have been near impossible for me to come to terms with that if it were me.
"His parents, who knew nothing of what went on between Jeff and Ken, didn't truly understand what he was going through. Hell, nobody but Jeff knew that pain, but I made sure that I was right there for him if he needed a shoulder to cry on. I remember missing a lot of class for the next few weeks. But Jeff needed someone to be there for him.
"When it was time for Ken's funeral, I worried about Jeff a lot. I worried that he wouldn't find closure in saying goodbye, even if there were no chance of it really doing anything. When we looked into that casket and saw him laying there...our eyes filled with tears again. I felt a lump in my heart, as I finally registered that he was gone and he'd never be coming back. I can't begin to imagine what went through Jeff's mind. His tears were so silent and, in a way, disturbing. After that whole experience, I never wanted to go to another friend's funeral. His depression lasted until the beginning of our Senior year. After that, he was still kinda quiet, but some of his lost energy just seemed to come back to him after we thought it was gone for good.
"It took him so long for him to get back to this point. I'm so glad he found someone to fill that gap that had been so viciously torn into his heart. I hope you stay with him Tom, he really loves you."
I had tears rolling down my cheeks and I couldn't believe that Jeff had suffered through something so horrible. How he had made it past that depression, it was beyond incredible. The pain he must have gone through, I just couldn't imagine it, nor would I want to. 'Pain like that should never be felt,' I thought. I got up then and I asked quietly, "Where's his room?"
"Last door," was all he said and he pointed down the hall. I made my way down the hall, without saying a single word. His door was closed, and I opened it slowly without knocking, seeing Jeff's huddled form lying on his bed. He didn't react to the light that filtered into the room from the hallway. The only sign that showed he was alive was the steady rise and fall of the covers that covered him. I took a step in and closed the door behind me quietly. I tried to say something to him, I even opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn't think of anything. I stood there for a second, looking at him, trying to think of something, anything, to say.
I shut my mouth, an idea popping in my head. I walked over to the bed and lifted the covers enough so I could get in behind him. The only part of his body that was not in the covers was his head, and all I could see was the back of it and his ears folded back against his head. I wrapped my arms around his muscular torso, noticing that he had his shirt on. I figured that he still had his clothing on; he just lay down and sobbed. I squeezed him and said, "Don't worry; I'll be right here for you." I then leaned in, kissed him on the head, and nuzzled him gently.
I heard him sniff and heard a short whine as he put a paw over one of my paws and he squeezed it. I watched as he turned himself around to face me. His cheeks and muzzle were damp with tears and his eyes were puffy from crying so much. He put his arms around me and we just held each other there. "Thank you," was all that he said to me. I could feel myself falling asleep and I didn't try to keep myself from it. I feel asleep for the second time in less than a week to the sound of his breathing.
I woke up with the feeling of the wolf's arm around me and I just lay there, reveling in his touch. After a few moments, I wondered how long I had slept for. I reached down to my pants pocket and, with some difficulty, pulled out my cell phone and opened it up under the covers. I looked down and saw it was nine at night, and I had two messages. 'I've been here a little long,' I glanced up at the still sleeping wolf, 'but I needed to do it.' I smiled a little and thought about the messages, 'must be Randy wondering where I am,' I thought. For a second I thought about just staying here all night, but all my school stuff was at the dorm. As much as I didn't want to move, I still had priorities. So I kissed the wolf on the top of his muzzle and began the tedious job of lifting his arms off me without him waking up.
Somehow, I managed to sneak out from the bed ad quietly left his room, stealing one last regretful look at him. I went out to the living room and saw Craig sitting out there watching T.V. Without turning around he said, "Sorry I didn't wake you up, it didn't seem that necessary."
I thought about asking him how he knew I was there, but I decided it didn't matter. "It's okay," I stood there for a minute, trying to figure out if I shouldn't just crawl back in bed with Jeff. As tempting as it was, it had to wait for another day. "I'm gonna head back to the dorm room now. In case he gets up and wonders..." I didn't know what to say. I had learned about an immense part of my new boyfriend's life and it was so hard to think about because of the pain it brings up. I knew now that he was more than a little grateful for me accepting him as a partner. Before, I was glad to have met him at the party, now I was glad that he had gotten past most of the pain and been able to carry on. Many furs wouldn't be able to move on, or would become dark and lonely, letting their depression take hold. I could see that it was a hard thing to talk about, but at least he wasn't going to do something stupid because of it.
"Want me to drive you?" He asked me holding up keys.
I looked at the keys for a second and realized I didn't feel like walking all the way to my dorm at this time of night. "If it's not too much trouble then I'd really appreciate that."
He turned off the television and said, "C'mon," as he got up and opened the front door. He let me walk past him, he locked the door behind us, and we made our way to his car. It was an old Honda Civic, the maroon paint weatherworn and chipped in places. We got in and drove off quickly. It was a short drive, but it was better than walking.
"You asked earlier," he said, not taking his eyes off the road, "if me and Jeff had been in a relationship. We were never like you and he are, but, when he lost Ken...he needed someone to be there for him. I gave him my body and love, he was my friend and I know he'd do the same for me if I needed it. I told you this so you didn't keep wondering. You don't have to worry about me taking him from you, we are just friends and that is how it will stay." It surprised me that he was willing to admit that to me. It wasn't of extreme importance, nor did it matter anymore, but him telling me this made me feel that I could trust him. Not that I was worried before, but it just cemented it for me. If he could flat out tell me that he had a physical relationship with Jeff at one point then I could tell trust was never going to be an issue.
"Thanks for telling me," I said. "I wasn't really worried that you and he were going to get to do anything..." I trailed off as we approached the school.
"Yeah, don't worry, we're just friends anyhow. Can't wait to see you again, Tom," He said as I opened the door and got out of the car. I waved goodbye as he drove off, leaving me alone in front of the dorms, again. I walked to my room with my head down, still in the middle of thought about what had just happened. So I was surprised when I was suddenly grabbed and stopped in my tracks. I looked up quickly to see Randy standing there, holding my shoulders with his paws.
He let me go and said, "Hey dude, where have you been?"
"Um...well, I've been with Jeff." I said.
He raised an eyebrow, " Been at Jeff's? For how long, I've been waiting for an hour for you to call back. You could have at least told me you'd be over there so I didn't have to drop my date off early."
I lowered my head "I'm sorry, he needed me there for him and I fell asleep."
"What happened," he asked. He sounded concerned, which I had expected from him.
"Well, I'd rather not go over it. Would you be okay with me just saying that he told me a very emotional story about his past and we can leave it at that for now?"
Randy nodded, "Okay, well we'd better get some sleep, I don't think anyone on this floor would like us to wake up like that again," he said giving me a friendly shove. I smiled slightly and he motioned for me to follow him back to the room. We went to bed without saying much else to each other, I set the alarm, and this time I had a dreamless sleep.
I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock, and so did Randy, thankfully. Really didn't feel like getting kicked out of the dorm. During the morning ritual of getting dressed Randy was rather quiet. He did keep looking at me though, probably wondering when the right time was to ask me what Jeff had told me. If he asked, I'd just tell him what I told him last night and leave it at that.
I didn't really want to think about it me to much anyways, I'd be bawling my eyes out before the end of the day. I keep thinking that if it had happened to me I still don't know what I would have done. I also wondered what Ken was like as a fur, and what he would have been like if I had met him.
Lifehouse "Make Me Over"
Wrap my arms
Around your name
Feel your breath
Against my pain
As I breathe out the past is gone
Empty smile
Naked heart
Who I was
Falls apart
When you're here Inside of me
Feel till you're numb
Depth perception becoming
The new deaf and dumb
I'm losin myself just to find a place in your mind
In your mind
Changin myself just to stand alone in your eyes
In your eyes...
Pull me in
Take me out
Make me over
Read the wave,
Ride your fears
In this ocean of years
We've been here, swimming on
Take me deep
Till I find
Every corner of your mind
We've been here, swimming on
Touch till you taste
All the time we are wasting
Alone, waiting here
I'm losin myself just to find a place in your mind
In your mind
Changin myself just to stand alone in your eyes
In your eyes...
Pull me in
Take me out
Make me over and shout me out loud
Shout me out loud
I'm losin myself just to find a place in your mind
In your mind
Changin myself just to stand alone in your eyes
In your eyes...
Pull me in
Take me out
Make me over
First off, if anyone has a problem with me writing down songs, please tell me. Because I will laugh at you, and ignore you. Because when I write, I like to make a soundtrack for my work. Don't like it, bite meh ?. Also, as for the story, I already have the next one planned out, so happy days. I just need to write it down. I hope that this had made the series interesting, though I hate to bring that fact down on y'all this early on. Hope you enjoyed it, cause as I said, there is more to come.
"Here the Whole Time" copywrite to Round Three Fight
"Make Me Over" Copywrite to Lifehouse
"Distance" copywrite to Faktion