Those Bygone Dog-Star Days - Chapter 13 of 37
~ Chapter 13 ~
I had parked Becky's faded-turquoise Cavalier in Aaron's parking spot. His apartment had an assigned parking spot but since he didn't have a car, he never had a need for it. The day's humidity was beginning to seep from the damp grass and asphalt. But I had more important things to worry about than how hot it was going to be.
Luckily Aaron's door was unlocked. I ruminated only briefly on whether he unlocked it or forgot to lock it in the first place. I had hoped it was the former because the tone of his voice over the phone made me think he was curled up in a ball in the corner of his bedroom.
I had told Becky that I needed her car because Aaron sounded upset about something. She gave me the keys with only the slightest bit of hesitancy. I'm sure she wanted to know what was going on, but I had no clue what was wrong with him either.
And then he told me.
When had I found him, he had the strong odor of whiskey around him. His eyes were red and puffy. His gaze seemed to look through me in a lost longing.
What drew my eyes, though, was a bald patch on his chest. He had clumsily shaved the area around his heart. From the black plastic pieces I found on his floor, he must have broken the razor and used the blade to cut gashes on his skin.
"It hurts!" he sobbed drunkenly, "It hurts!"
"I know, babe," I comforted him with a wet washcloth, gingerly dabbing his wounds, cleaning them with peroxide before bandaging the cuts with whatever band-aids I had found in the bathroom.
There wasn't much coherence from him as he continued to cry. I held him. The room glowed a dark gold from closed window blinds. Slowly his sobs turned to sniffs and his tears into steady breathing. He held me back and slowly drifted into sleep.
I stayed with him, feeling him breathe. His body was heavy with sleep and I took in the silence around me. I was too awake to fall asleep myself so I stayed, sitting up in his bed.
"Why him?" a froggy voice croaked from Aaron.
"I don't know," I answered meekly, petting Aaron's head.
"I loved him."
"I know."
"I can't... I didn't forget him. I thought things would be okay."
"You're alive."
"I left him there!" he sniffed. "I ran away."
"He wanted you to live. You did what he wanted. There wasn't much you could do."
Aaron adjusted against me, wiping his nose. The room was warm with the sun hitting the window.
"You're alive," I repeated, "Thank God for that, at least."
"Yeah," Aaron sighed in resignation. And again we were in silence as I massaged the back of his neck.
I got up from the bed gently and called my professors and Becky, saying I wasn't going to be around today. With that, I softly made my way back into Aaron's bed. Aaron turned on his side and I spooned him into me. He grabbed my hand and held it against his chest.
Aaron slept.