A Winter Paramour
When I lay my head to sleep, the things I dream I cannot keep.
Eyes open. I don't know where I am. There's snow everywhere and I'm not cold. My grey wolf fur is nice, but it isn't this nice. I'm in the woods, I can see the breath in front of me, and I'm naked. I'm dug into the snow with my back against a tree. The rough bark feels nice, like I've had an itch that I just could not reach. I sniff the air. I can't smell anything. Not me or the pine scent you would expect from the evergreen that's sheltering me. I can't speak. I don't want to. I'm listening. I don't know what for, but I'm listening.
Legs weak. I try to stand. I feel weighted as if gravity is focusing on me, just me. A breeze blows through the trees and rushes past me. The weight is lifted and I can breath again. Without thinking, I was holding it. Listening. I didn't dare make a sound. I might miss it. He. Him. Someone. No one. An indefinate article.
Deep breaths. I can stand. I can walk. He's not coming. I have to find him. The snow crunches beneath my feet. I'm wandering aimlessly. I don't know where I am, I don't know where I'm going. I don't care. I have to find him. I need him. He's not beside me, but I can feel him. He's pulling at me. Tugging at my soul. I let go of him and now I have to find him, grab him with both paws, and never let go.
Mind clear. There's no sun, but it's bright as day out. I don't question it. He's still gone. Missing. I haven't made a sound. I hear it. I hear him. He whispers so gently to me. I feel like crying. It's my fault. I'm not good enough, but I'll make it up to him. I'm getting closer. It feels like all my energy is centered. It's guiding me. I'm running. Crying. I found him. "I love you." I say, but he won't look at me.
Heart aching. I see him. I've traveled in circles. My paw prints are everywhere. I see the indentation in the snow where I lied not too long ago. He was behind me, just on the other side of that evergreen. He's curled up in the snow. Mon petit renard. He was with me the whole time. I was just so worried I had lost him, I couldn't see that he was there all along. "Wake up."
Eyes open. Not mine, but his. I'm holding him, and I'll never let go. We kiss and it's the most beautiful thing. I lay him down on the soft snow and I take him right there. You wouldn't even know, the snow flakes gently pile on top of us. By the time we've finished, we're together, whole, complete.