This Used To Be My Eternity (Poem)
--This was written a while ago as well. Again, I was in an odd mood. I much prefer this piece though than the previous one. The title and the final line come from 'Le Portrait De Petite Cossette'--
There was a time when I was alone Interacting with the world with but a phone I hid away, in my room, my castle Human beings are too much of a hassle This was a problem, so I tried to resolve it Ah, hypnosis, that outta dissolve it.
Trance came, trance went, from day to day Nothing seemed to get better, until thoughts went astray And strange as it seems, what would I find? But a girl, quite young, floating free in my mind She was young, beautiful, and ripe with beauty She looked like she had a true sense of duty
I left her quickly, wondering what I saw It wasn't long though before I answered the call 'This girl needs me!' I resolved rather fast, So once again, into trance I was cast Upon entering though, the girl was not to be found I sighed, grumbled, and kicked at the ground.
"Who are you?" I asked, with a tremulous sigh "Why are you not to be seen by my eyes?" The silence stretched for an uncomfortable hour The loss of this girl, was a loss of power Then, a sound, like a soft, silent dove "I am Raine, and it is you whom I love."
Taken aback, I turned and saw, The girl from before, I could only gaze in awe Her sapphire eyes, how they shone in the light, Her pale skin, but a few shades from white Her tumulous hair, blonde as the sun Her ruby lips, showing, like roses redone
She curtseyed, I bowed, and then she spoke "Why are you here, when my form is but smoke?" I puzzled and stared, what could she mean? "Are... are you from the world in between?" She blinked, then nodded, a soft small gesture "Yes, where my soul... has been captured."
I blinked. "Captured? What do you mean?" I was confused, was she not what she seemed? "I have been here, for many, many years Waiting for my pleas to not fall on deaf ears, So please, please, take me from this place I promise to remain in your good grace."
It wasn't easy to refuse, what could I say? This girl needed help, it was her lucky day. I extended a hand, smiled, and said. "Well come with me, and rest your pretty head." I retreated from the trance, bringing with me Raine. Little did I know, this would one day be my bane.
Upon bringing her home, one thing was seen Her dress was far more elegant than that of my jeans Perhaps my situation or thoughts were dire, As I slowly began to alter my attire From shirts to suits, from jeans to pants I thought for sure this would be my chance
However, despite her claims, adoration was not found So I tried to impress her, with methods less than sound I asked her of her life - both before and after her passing However, she was secretive, very little amassing She told me of life, she told me of death But not of what she said to me with her first breath
I was on the verge of giving up my pursuit She was too quiet, almost as it was her repute I sighed, and backed off from her personal life Remembering it was only causing her strife I left her to her own devices for now With but a simple word, and a very slight bow
One day came, I was standing alone, I heard her words, almost a soft, calm drone "Why have you left me Lover? We've barely begun." I sighed. "Because I believe you mistake me for the wrong one," I stood there, silent, staring with a pallid face, And then I felt her arms, a spiritual embrace.
"I am not mistaken," She said in my ear "When I spoke, you did not mishear I've been looking and searching for one like you And just as we meet, you believe we are through," I sighed and leaned back, her voice so soft Perhaps I wasn't wrong, my thoughts were aloft
I smiled softly, she did care after all for me Her soft gentle smile was all I needed to see Before I knew it though, I was beginning to fall Passing through Raine, until I couldn't see her at all Faster and faster I continued my descent But what had happened? What had this meant?
Surrounded by blackness, without a single light Unsure of what had happened, had it shifted to night? No, that couldn't be, night never grew this dark So where was I in this land where life is stark? I curl against myself, in the land of black Perhaps closing my eyes would lead me back
My eyes opened to a familiar sight My bed, my pillows, my sheets - I was alright! I pulled myself from the entangling covers I was alive! Now Raine and I could be lovers. But something was wrong, something felt off I looked over myself, and choked out a cough
My legs, they weren't mine, nor were my hands Not my face, my body, feet where I stand! Wait... my face... It looked like mine... But it was femenine, softer, beauty divine. I was shorter, looked younger and somewhat familiar But even a good friend wouldn't see where I was similar
I looked to the sky, asking what was going on "Where are you Raine?! Where have you gone?!" Silence, and then, a small soft tone. It was Raine's voice again, I wasn't alone! But, strange, she was nowhere to be seen, But there was it coming from? What did it mean?!
"Thank you so much, you've helped me a lot. "Now I can live, instead of waiting to rot." I blinked, and puzzled, what did she say? I tried asking, but my words held no sway She smiled again, only this time, I did as well Only then did realization become clear as a bell.
In trying to gain Raine's adoration, I had triggered a transformation No longer would I go through life as a boy, But rather, a girl, which Raine would enjoy. Tears welled up in my eyes as my fate sinked in I wasn't a girl! I was male within!
Then Raine spoke, and my mind went numb It seems, to her will, I was starting to succumb I asked her why, why had she done this? Trying to find out before I fell to the abyss She smiled that smile, as I awaited her reply What had I done to lose myself as a guy?
"For years I waited, and waited for one Who would find me, and cause this curse to be undone I waited, and waited, and almost gave up hope, And then you appeared, and I believed I could cope. Rest assured, I sitll love you, for breaking my curse, If I hadn't found you then, things would have gotten worse."
I silently wept as my will ebbed away, My self was leaving, I had been betrayed, I wept, and I wept, until the tears stopped their flow, And then, I felt my thoughts begin to slow Soon I would be gone, just a faded memory, And Raine would live on, wild and free.
I asked one more time, why had she done it? She smiled that smile, and answered to wit: "All those years I waited, and waited for you, You came, I was elated, there was nothing else to do. Finally, the answer came to my question that was causing me strife... 'Who will love me enough to sacrifice his very life?'"