The Worth of a Man
This is somehting I needed to get off my chest. This story Contains Violence, Death, and a lot of Pain, be advised it contains semblance of homosexuality, and romance. Please give me feedback at [email protected], I'm sorry about the theme.
What's the worth of a man.
Inspired by real life events, and
The song .45 by Shinedown
Tony D. Wolfe
Now, 11:45:54 PM
Tears streaked the young felines face. He had just turned twenty-seven last week. Large green orbs staring blankly at a black matte finished gun barrel, imagining the life he had lived, the people he had loved. The times he had laughed, smiled. It was a large gun, made by Smith & Wesson, it was hard to think about it now. He hadn't thought much about it before, but now it was in his sopping wet paws. The weight making itself all too apparent. Was he really going to do it? He wanted too, he knew it was all he had left.
This time last week he and his boyfriend had been walking down the street to get their papers sighed and documented for their marriage, a day later they had been approved for the adoption. Four years they had known each other, enjoying each others company, then in a flash it was gone, all of it. He was left holding his mate in his arms. They had been mugged and his mate so infuriated at the fact someone had threatened him had gone for his gun. A human, humans were a dominate species who showed their true colors when they thought they could get away with it. Now his mate was dead and he was alone, he and the gun. He starred down the Barrel of the big Forty-five trying his damnedest not to break into tears.
Two weeks ago
"John,' the voice of his boyfriend called out from the kitchen. "It's time for dinner sweetie."
"I'll be there in a second sweetie," He called back, sitting on the computer filling out the rest of the online form. He was just about to hit send when he smiled again at the thought of his boyfriends reaction to the gift. It was nothing really, but he had to get it for him, a simple clock, hand crafted by one of the finest clock makers in Italy. It was a small one of course he couldn't afford the bigger ones, this one had run four hundred dollars. It was made of oak, and ceramics, it gave soft chimes on the hour and took a key to wind it. It was a mini grandfather clock, and his boyfriend, his fiancee, soon to be husband loved clocks. This one he had paid extra to have personalized just a little. He had a small quote put on it "Love is eternal - From John, to Devyn". Devyn would love the small present, and he hit the submit button.
"Come on sweetie, dinner will get cold," Devyn said from the kitchen. He had such a strong, yet soft voice. It matched his lupine features so perfectly. He was of average stature build, in every sense oft he word he was average, but his heart showed his true beauty and that's what drew John to him. Devyn had once saved Johns life in a bank robbery, that's when they met. Devyn Creed was a Detective, and the Robbers had taken john hostage, Devyn talked the robbers down slowly, and when the moment was right he had leapt in and pushed John out of the way, Devyn got shot, it wasn't even serious. Just scrapped him.
John got up remembering their meeting as he walked towards the Kitchen, looking around at all of Devyn and hiss accumulated stuff, it was a small house, but that didn't matter they liked to live comfortably. They had so many pillows, and just...stuff really, he loved it.
And he watched as Devyn started setting the table with his back turned to him, he just starred, watching him and again reminded himself just how much he really loved him, how much Devyn would always mean to him, how he could never imagine living without him.
Now, 11:51:37 PM
He sniffed up another tear his small frame shaking uncontrollably, the gun falling form his paws again as he pushed his paws to his eyes again trying to gain control of himself, he needed this so much, this release from that horrible pain but...but...but what? He couldn't figure it out why was it so hard for him to just do it? Why couldn't he just pull the trigger. A small package set unopened on the shelf of the bookcase, it was shipped in from Italy yesterday, he had finally gotten Devyn's clock in the mail, and Devyn wasn't here to open it, he could never open it. Devyn was dead.
Dead, that word brought him out of his uncontrollable crying once again as he starred down at the gun laying on the kitchen table, slowly reaching down to pick it up. Devyn's gun, Devyn had promised him after he got his transfer in he would get rid of it. He would be out of the line of fire, John wouldn't let him take it with them when Devyn wasn't on duty, now he wish he had Devyn would still be alive today. They would still be happy.... And then came the tears again. It seemed that it should be raining but it wasn't, it wasn't like the movies he had come to realize, this wasn't how he thought he would take it, and now that he knew, everything hurt.
Last week
The storm had moved in silently, the dark clouds gathered all around, and the thunder was rolling. But they were revealing in it, dancing outside in the rain, they were truly happy. They had come from the adoption agency, and it was going to be all right, they could adopt the child they wanted, since they couldn't have one of their own. They had met with a lot of resistance at first, but Devyn's police career helped, but so did Johns Doctorate. John was a doctor, a surgeon, he was very good at what he did. He had taken a lot of courses in pediatrician recently he wanted to work with children instead of Emergency surgeries in his city, he had seen a lot of people get hurt, a lot of gunshot wound victims.
It was why he wanted Devyn to stop being a cop, he would hate to have been working one night and his Boyfriend get rolled in. They had fought about it more than once too, Devyn knew John hated guns, but he also knew without justice there would be more violence, someone had to stop it. But he conceded at last, and requested a transfer to a desk job. Maybe he could be more effective there.
But on they walked, turning the corner towards their car. It was such a lovely day, and even with the storm lingering they were enraptured by the events. Both of them knew that their lives had come to an exquisite turn, and everything would be all right now. Then they saw him, the man laying on the ground crying, John being a Doctor had rushed over to see if the man was ok.
It's when everything went wrong, the man had been faking convincingly, and had pulled a gun on John, sticking it to his throat.
"Give me your wallet boy," The Human had said. "Give me your wallet or I'll cut your throat, yours two wolf bitch." They were being mugged and John had fallen right into the trap, he cared for the well being of others and it had done him wrong. Devyn was suddenly shocked, and enraged at the same time making a sudden reach for his gun that wasn't there.
"Oooh, getting grabby are we?" The human smiled pulling John to his feet, towering over him by a good half a foot, holding that knife taunt against the Cheetahs neck. "Give me your wallet or I'll kill him and you." That's when the mans gun became obvious, it was in his other hand leveled on Devyn. Devyn had reacted though, he had begun pulling his wallet out when he let it drop purposefully, shaking, he was faking. John suddenly realized what was about to happen and tried to stop it.
"No, Devyn don't!" He shouted, even as Devyn bent down pulling his back up .38 from his leg. He heard the gun go off right next to him, it was at his side and he saw it all like it was slow motion. He had given away his mates plans, and then a hole appeared in his tee shirt, right over where his heart should have been. It was a lucky shot, and the look of surprise on his mates face was forever burned into his memory.
"Stupid bitch!," The human screamed as he drug the knife over Johns throat, but his fur had protected him from getting much more than a nick, but regardless he had fallen forward, onto his knees unable to vocalize anything. He didn't know what to do, his phone...his phone he had to call the hospital...the police... he had to call someone. It was amazing just how hard it was to think of the reasonable thing to do in this sort of situation, he didn't know how to react, he had even forgotten what the number to the hospital was.
The human was running off and Devyn was staring at him, the pain in his eyes was unbearable, he tried to say something but couldn't. John tried to diagnose the problem as he heard an ambulance approaching, who had called the hospital? it didn't matter, he grabbed Devyn, he knew he shouldn't have been so rough, his mate had just suffered a very likely mortal wound. No, his brain wouldn't accept that, there was a chance, he was trying to remember what to do as he clung to Devyn feeling his breaths coming in and out slowly, painfully. Then they were separated and he was told to go with the police officer, when had he gotten there. He didn't remember anymore, time wasn't making sense, how had all of this happened.
Now, 11:58:03
That night, it replayed in his mind again and again. The gun was held very carefully in his paw as he walked towards the door. He stuffed it down into one of his sweet jackets pocket, he didn't know how to hide a gun. He needed to go to the cemetery again, he had been there once, when Devyn was buried, and even then he left before it was all finally over. He had to see Devyn's headstone by himself without their families there. He wanted to be with Devyn one last time before....Before... he still couldn't convince himself he was going to do what he knew he was going to do, it was all over now, he had nothing left.
He held the adoption papers in his other paw, they had been finally been declined when the news reached the agency, maybe if they hadn't been John wouldn't be doing this, but now he had nothing left, not even the people he thought he could talk too. Friends and family had all turned their backs on him. They knew it was his fault Devyn died. He was sure it was his fault too.
Last week, the Hospital
"John," his friend walked up to him slowly, down the hall, dressed in a green surgical outfit, he;d just come out of the ER, and John had been waiting balling his eyes out in a private room, his office he finally realized after some time. "Th....John I...."The older badger turned away slowly seeing John standing there quietly the tears still coming.
"He's...he's all right," John started slowly, watching his old friend, his mentor." He'll be all right, right Adrian?" John began walking forward, he was convincing himself it was all ok, but the older badger looked up to him and John saw the look on his face, he;d seen it before when Adrian had to tell someone the worst news, he got this look too he knew he did. Now he was getting it, Devyn was dead.
"John, maybe you should...I..." Adrian knew how to handle other people, but Adrian knew John, Adrian knew John very well, and he couldn't do this, he couldn't put his friend through this torment. "The bullet didn't damage his heart that badly, shock, and it damaged one of his lungs, we didn't even realize until till it was too late...." Adrian reached up to wipe a tear away and turned away. "I'm so sorry John, I tried, I tried so hard, I just didn't realize...." And he walked away, he couldn't bear it. This was the worst thing that had happened to the staff of the hospital in years, they used to talk about it like a joke and then something bad happened.
He lost it then and there, he tore his office apart, and screamed profanities out, they had to subdue him, they had the security guard come down and the orderlies to give him a drug to calm him down, all it did was put him to sleep, and the nightmares came.
Now, 12:13:41 AM
He walked into the cemetery slowly, almost afraid he was going to see all the people there again, yelling at him, hating him, loathing him for what he did, it was his fault after all. they weren't there and all he knew was Devyn's grave was high upon the hill, and he walked there, realizing he forgot his shoes, he hadn't changed out of his funeral clothes since he put them on, they were worn and tattered. He didn't care. All he cared about was seeing Devyn one last time, and then it would be ok, forever.
Once he finally set down next to the grave he leaned against it, realizing how stupid he looked, but not caring, he was wearing a suit with a sweet jacket on. He tried to wrap his arms around the tombstone but he couldn't so he laid down next to the mound resting his head on the raised earth.
"They wont let us have him now Devyn," John said quietly whimpering a bit. "They said I wasn't mentally able to cope with a child right now, because I messed up and got you killed. I might has well just killed you myself. I'm so sorry sweetie. I got your present today. The one I ordered for you on the Internet... You remember? No I didn't tell you I forgot.. it was a surprise...." John was outright crying now, he couldn't stop himself from falling apart right there. His tears drenching the dirt bellow his face turning it to mud as it coated his fur slowly. He looked more and more like some homeless fur.
"I have to go now sweetie, I don;t thin kI'll ever see you again," John said breathing harder as the tears came, as he got up. "I have to do this though.... and maybe we can be together here...." And he turned slowly walking down the path, crying still uncontrollably.
Two days ago, The funeral
The preacher who stood up at the podium addressing the furs and some humans present was crying slowly, though his voice did not waver. This was the person who was going to marry him and Devyn. Now he was putting Devyn to rest, and it hurt him, the otter simply stopped as he finished his speech, shaking his head a little as he looked down into the coffin again.
The others present had not said a word to John. They wouldn't look at him, they blamed him. The police commissioner tried to say something to him but stopped and walked away. They hated him, they all hated him. They didn't have to say anything hateful to him, he was a doctor he could have saved him but he didn't. He got him shot, he let him die, he murdered him in their eyes, they had to have been thinking that all along, he knew they did. He knew that's why Adrian walked away, Adrian hated him too.
On the way to the burial plot his mother had held his paw quietly and said nothing. His mother had had so much planned for their wedding, she had set everything up for them. And now here she was blaming him, trying to pretend like it was ok when he knew she hated him, and it hurt more now. They were putting Devyn into the ground and Devyn's mother received the flag, the police officers gave Devyn a heroes burial, and they were all glaring at him he thought, he didn't see the sympathy in their eyes he saw the hate. Now they were firing their guns, and John ran away. He was crying again, and he was crying, he had fallen and tripped. they were yelling now, he heard them but he didn't understand what they were saying but they sounded angry.
All he had left was himself they hated him and now his arm felt sprained kinda he had opened a few cuts on his legs and chest, his eye felt sore he thought he was going to have a black eye from it. Not that anyone would notice. So he ran, and he ran. He ran back home, he ran for five miles to his front door like he would do again in a few days. He ran, he always loved to run, now he hated it, he hated everything because everything hated him he even hated him.
He spent days avoiding the door, pretending he wasn't home living in his misery, he wouldn't answer the phone, he wouldn't read the mail, he wouldn't leave the house. He ate the food that they had, he forgot to take a bath and he spent most of the time crying. That's when he found Devyn's gun. Devyn's gun was hidden, locked in the safe they bought three years ago. John had always wondered about the safe but promised he would never open it. Not unless he absolutely had to.
John kept his word, but now he had to open it, and when he did he found a letter, and the gun. He found a will, which everyone had thought Devyn had none, but it was Devyn's will, leaving everything they had earned together to John, and John starred at it, and decided to send it to the courthouse, the will instructed him to do so, but it told him to live on, and be happy, the will urged him to forgive Devyn for dying, and then trailed off Devyn left everything to him. So the gun was his now.
Now 1:23:36 AM
That's when he had gotten the idea to use it on himself. To end himself completely, so he was walking barefooted through the streets with a gun, his feet were bleeding, he'd probably caught some horrible disease from this, he was sore, he was in a lot of emotional distress, and that's when he found himself at the place Devyn had been shot, their car was still there. The adoption agency wasn't far off, and a human who was about six inches taller than him was staring at him.
John starred at the man quietly, he knew who this human was, this human had pulled the trigger, and the cops, Devyn's friends, hadn't caught him yet, and the storm rolled in. Thunder rolling overhead, and the lightening lit the street for an instant, and the Man began walking forward pulling something form the back of his pants.
"No, you stop," John said suddenly, he didn't know what to do, something inside of him had snapped and he didn't know what. "You stop right there." He had somehow pulled the big forty-five from his pocket and pointed it right at the man. Just like he;d seen Devyn do before, and the man did stop. "You killed him, you killed Devyn."
"So that was that bitches name," The human said softly, but that vile edge was still present "I didn't know he was a cop, I would have killed you both had a known, but I see that you've suffered a lot because of it. Why don't you just end it now?" The man said with a smirk as the lightening struck yet again, thunder was rolling overhead.
"You...you KILLED HIM NOT ME!" John screamed and he pulled the trigger. Nothing happened though, no click nothing. He realized he didn't check to see if it was cocked, loaded, or anything. A police officers gun had no safety, it had a de-coking mechanism which prevented it from going off when dropped or something. Hastily he reached to pull the slide back but was met suddenly with a gun in his muzzle and he closed his eyes.
He heard the sudden explosion again, gunfire and he winced. He didn't feel hurt, he was falling though, falling back, he felt a pressure on his chest. It felt like someone hit him full force in the chest, so he guessed this is what Devyn felt when he was shot. The weight, the pain was absent he always saw his patients in horrible pain, but he wasn't. Maybe they only thought they were hurt.
"John are you ok?" a quick, and soft voice said from above him, he thought at first it was Devyn, but then he remembered Devyn didn't sound like that. "John give me the gun ok? It's ok now, we got him." John slowly opened his eyes and saw Devyn's best friend laying on top of him holding him down, and the human was missing, no the human was on the ground but not dead, he was handcuffed, there was blood, not his own, but blood.
"John say something," Tom said softly slowly getting up off of him as he took the gun from his paw. "John it's ok, you're ok..." It wasn't ok though, he even failed to kill the murderer of his fiancee, his mate his love, and now he was completely gone.
"Tom....," And he started crying again, it hurt, he didn't know what to do, and so he tried to run again, but he was caught. He didn't know what to do anymore, and so he sat down and talked to Tom, told him everything that he thought was going on, and Tom in turn took him to the hospital, where they took care of him, his injuries. He would be ok, they ran blood tests, everything on him and they let him rest.
One Month Later
It took a while but once everything was all over, he was back at the hospital working, trying to get back to life, but it was so hard without Devyn. But he tried, his friends told him why they couldn't talk to him, they couldn't stand seeing him in so much pain it hurt all of them, they had lsot Devyn and John had most of all suffered and they couldn't bear it. He was so afraid now, so alone. But Tom was helping him get through it, they all were helping. Tom had lost his partner before and knew how this felt, and Tom was helping him get through it, but they would never be anything more than friends, Tom was straight and married, and this made it easier for John, but harder too.
And so, the Thunder Rolls.
Fin.