FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

My alarm blared loudly, rousing me awake. I swung my arm behind me, groping for my nightstand, until my paw finally landed on the off button, and silence broke over the room once more. I rolled over onto my back and stared at the ceiling. It was time for school, and a Monday awaited me. I swung my legs over the side of my bed and stood up, stretching and looking around my room.

Dirty clothes were strewn about in a haphazard kind of way, covering virtually every surface in the room. It was still dark outside, but the sun was just beginning to send a pre-dawn glow over the snowcapped hills, visible through my only window. A shaft of light fell through the clutter onto a little wooden block. I picked it up. It was an old woodshop project from 8th grade. It wasn't very creative; I only engraved my name into it. In the morning half-light you could just make out Miles messily drilled into the wood. I set it back down and continued my inspection.

Various gadgets and devices were in the strangest spots imaginable. I padded over to my dresser, opened the top drawer, and took out my toothbrush. If you asked me, I would have been able to tell you where every one of my possessions was. But as soon as my mother told me to clean my room, I suddenly wasn't able to find anything. I grabbed my deodorant from my nightstand drawer and walked into the bathroom, as my mind slowly woke itself up. I glanced in the mirror as I always do and assessed what I was dealing with before I walked into the shower.

My normally silky and smooth fur was mussed up by a night of restless sleep. I looked more like a puffball than a wolf. My tail was completely limp, though it somehow remained fluffy and soft. I was slumped over with sleepiness. I groggily straightened myself up, raised my tail a little higher, and stared back into the mirror. Better. My deep violet fur was still messy, but that could be fixed in the shower. My green eyes stared back at me in the mirror, glinting off the fluorescent bulbs. I decided enough was enough, and hopped into the shower.

The water was freezing cold for a split second, causing my lungs to thirst for oxygen but my chest to lock up. Within moments it had passed, though, and I was enjoying a luxurious hot shower. The water rejuvenated me, smoothing out the uneven tufts of fur and allowing me to forget about the cold, freezing tundra outside for just a moment. Of course it couldn't erase the fact that I eventually had to step out and freeze my tail off, and being wet wasn't exactly going to help. I soaped up and rinsed quickly, and hopped out of the shower.

I hadn't noticed, but I was creating a little puddle beneath me. I was absolutely soaked. I took an oblivious step towards the bathroom sink, and my foot slid forward. I lost my balance, and nearly fell flat on my face. In one desperate lunge to retain my footing, I slammed my shoulder against the corner of a wall. A dull wave of pain resounded through my body. It eventually faded to a dull throb that I could tune out enough to function. It hurt, but I had other things to get done this morning. I went to the sink and brushed my fangs, wishing Mondays didn't have to happen. But at least I got to see my friends, which I didn't get to do very often. Sure, I guess I was popular enough. But there's a difference between fans and friends.

I slid on a pair of dark blue jeans, a plain black shirt, and my favorite maroon jacket. After I was satisfied that I was at least presentable, I strode into the kitchen and began scanning the cupboards for breakfast. There wasn't much. A few granola bars, some oatmeal, and some old, probably stale, Pup-Tarts. I glanced at the clock. I had 5 minutes before I had to leave for the bus. I snatched a granola bar and walked into the entryway, where my backpack awaited me. I slung it over my shoulder and walked out the door, trying not to wake my mother.

Nothing ever quite prepares you for that first moment when you walk into a blizzard. The cold wind cutting into you like frozen daggers on your cheeks, your fur already crusting over with frost, even though you've only been outside for a few seconds. I found myself suddenly wishing I had bundled up a little more. Nevertheless, I trudged over to the bus stop, knee-deep in snow, my teeth chattering wildly. I jammed my fingers in my armpits, trying to keep them warm.

After what seemed like hours I found my bus stop. That in itself was a miracle. Visibility was terrible. I could hardly see 5 feet in front of me. Thankfully, the bus stop stood out. It was a basically a bench in front of an abandoned pharmacy with an overhang that kept the rain and snow out. I couldn't remember ever being more thankful for it than I was at that moment. I collapsed onto the bench and waited out the cold. After 5 minutes had passed, I saw that familiar pinpricks of light through the snowfall that told me the bus was approaching. I rose, cracking the thin shell of ice that had managed to encase me. The bus's door slid open on a noisy hinge, the only sound apart from the rumble of the engine that morning, and I stepped inside gratefully.

The bus was quiet. Quiet, but not silent. I could hear the silent whisperings of classmates as they conversed, not yet having built up enough energy for the boisterous exchanges found on the afternoon bus rides. I looked up and down the rows, trying to find a friend to sit with. When the year had started, I had always been able to find at least one good friend to sit with. But things happened, bridges were burned, and people moved. Now I was lucky to find someone on the bus willing to share a seat with me. Today I was in luck, however. I'd missed him at first, because he was hunched down in his seat, with a cap pulled low over his eyes, but there could be no mistaking the orange fur that was Garreth's.

I tiptoed over to him, trying to hold my tail steady and quiet behind me. I got to his seat... reached my paw over... and flicked him on he nose. Not hard enough to hurt, but enough to wake him up a little. I guess I flicked him too hard though, because he yelped loud enough to draw the attention of everyone on the bus. As soon as they realized it was nothing interesting, the sniggered to themselves and the hush fell over the bus once more.

"Why'd you do that?" Garreth's smooth and velvety voice seemed to tease my eardrums somehow, like it knew something I didn't.

"I had to get your attention somehow, Gare. May I have this seat?" I made a sweeping motion with one paw at the empty half of the seat. We kept our voices down so we wouldn't disturb the other students, but the bus driver was starting to get impatient with me. He still had rounds to make, and he couldn't start driving again until I had sat down.

"Oh, fine," whispered Garreth, breaking into a tired grin. "And I thought I told you not to call me that." He pulled off his cap and looked at me sideways. His eyes matched mine, a bright, brilliant green. His fur was a soothing burnt orange that somehow reminded you of the glowing coals of a fire, with white markings on his paws and muzzle. His nose stood out against his glowing fur, as though it was the only coal that hadn't caught fire, and it was only a matter of time.

"Call you what? Gare?" I replied. "It's only a nickname. Besides, remember your old nickname for me?" I couldn't help but grin at the memory.

"Oh yeah," he said," Smiles. I should start that up again. What do you think?" I flashed my teeth in a smile again before I could stop myself. "Yep, Smiles it is. So anyways, are you still with that one husky? What was her name...? Angie?"

"Nah... something about it was just... wrong. It's like she's the wrong kind of person. It's so confusing. I'm sure that I shouldn't be with someone like her though, I just don't know why. She seems like a nice girl. There's nothing wrong with her. It just didn't feel right. You know?" I might have imagined it, but his eyes glinted when I said this. Out of anger, fear, or longing, I don't know. I might have imagined it.

"Yeah.... I do know." He was thinking. You could always tell when Garreth was thinking because he stared at the ground and clenched his teeth. Something was different though, this time. At first I thought I should just leave him be until he had another brilliant idea, as he so often does when he sets his mind to something. But as I glanced over, I saw his eyes watering. They glistened with what seemed like fear. He shut his eyes tight and seemed to be struggling with something internally. Even though he slammed his eyes shut, they could not stop the steady stream of tears that came from him.

His body trembled slightly. I looked around to see if anyone else was noticing his fit, and thankfully no one was awake enough to notice. If they had, they probably would have pretended not to, anyways. I was in shock, myself. I'd grown so used to Gare being the big, strong wolf that he was. This had no precedent; I wasn't sure how to respond. I was about to reach my paw over to try and comfort him, but as soon as the thought had so much as entered my head, he stopped.

"Are... are you okay, Gare?" I whispered, trying to draw as little attention as possible. He twitched his fingers ever so slightly. At first, I thought it may have been involuntary. He repeated the motion. I looked up at his face. He'd stopped crying, and his fur was already drying up the tears. In his eyes, where before had been only fear and hesitancy, now lay determination. He twitched his fingers one more time. He wanted me to lean towards him. I did so, tilting my head so that my ear was swiveled in his direction. He leaned in as well, so that his muzzle was poking into my ear, tickling the inside. His breath was hot and moist.

"I'm.... I'm gay, Miles." Garreth barely breathed the words out. As soon as he said them, my world flipped upside down.

"But... but you dated that one wolf, and she was a girl!" I said, almost trying to convince myself he was wrong, and there was no way he could be gay, and why doesn't he just cut it out already.

"She's a lesbian, Miles. We only dated to keep the secret under wraps." He looked ashamed of himself. He looked so vulnerable. It was in that moment that I realized just how hard it had been for Garreth to tell me this. He had just put his entire reputation on the line, trusting that I would react well. That I wouldn't tell anyone. And it was in that moment, that something in my head clicked. Something that had always been there, that I had always known, but never acknowledged. I smiled at him sideways. Then I laughed. Suddenly, the whole world was some kind of joke. "Miles? Are you okay? Don't laugh, this is really hard...." Garreth sounded so sorry for himself I couldn't help but comfort him in the best way I could. I looked around to see if anyone was listening in on our conversation, and I twitched my fingers, just as he had done.

A curious and questioning look appeared on Garreth's features, but he obeyed. He leaned his head forward, just as I had done. He tilted his ear towards me, just as I had done. And I whispered in his ear, just as he had done.

"Me too." And the bus pulled up to the school, and it was time to start the day.