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_ On Defence _

"You look good," I told Sam, smiling at him through our bathroom mirror. "I hope you're not planning on picking anyone up tonight."

"Why would I?" my little 'panda replied from atop the counter, standing at his smaller version, straightening the cuffs of his pale lavender shirt. It set the red of his fur off splendidly. "I'm already going out with the best-looking player on your team."

"Aww." I watched his fuzzy ears flick and that cute red and white tail sway. They only moved faster once he turned to rub at my belly.

"This shirt shows off your arms nicely," he said, nosing between the buttons above my navel. "Not to mention all of this."

"Can't say that that's what I was aiming for, heh." I brushed some lint off my sleeve, noticing how tight it looked around my flexing bicep. Below, overhanging the counter, I spotted the same with my stomach, pushing this green chequered shirt Sam had got me for my birthday last week to capacity. Suddenly, the big red panda in the mirror looked that much bigger. "It looks okay though, right? Not too revealing?"

"Hon, honestly, you look fantastic. Smart, handsome, as always."

I felt my own tail waving, batting at the shower cubicle behind. "Likewise, sweetheart."

Sam scratched at his head, then some more, messing up a patch of the sideswept headfur he'd spent so long styling. "But, uh, Lukas... He definitely knows I'm going tonight, right?"

"Yeah. Of course." I reached out a finger, using my claw to tidy him up again. "He actually checked with me after the game last Sunday to make sure you were still coming."

"Good." He sighed with obvious relief. "That's good."

My knocking at the shower stopped. "Why?"

"Oh, no. Nothing... Just I know that it's a party for your rushball team."

"For the team, partners _and_their friends." I squeezed him into my stomach, wrapping him up in a paw. "Lukas and the guys'll be happy to see you."

His sweet blue eyes grew that bit wider. "That's cool. I just don't wanna impose on 'em, y'know?"

"As if." I slid a couple of fingers down to poke and squeeze at that firm little butt of his. "Come on. Everyone's expecting you just as much as they're expecting me."

"Okay," he sang softly, wiggling against my touch and squeezing himself even tighter into my padding. "Thanks, Marek."

Poor Sam. I wasn't quite sure what he thought he was thanking me for. It'd been months since he first came along to watch me play, but still he'd subject himself to these phases of acting like he was a stranger around the team. I understood the trepidation, of course. Doubly so when considering the size aspect. I had similar feelings when we first started spending time with his friends. Not so much around the size difference, even if I were often the only Visoka in the group, but more so the need to impress, to settle and to 'fit in'. But Sam, he'd always been the more outgoing of the two of us, so not once did I doubt that he'd hit it off anything but amazingly with my friends on the team.

Hearing him speak with so much uncertainty at home, then watching him sit so quietly during the taxiride over to Lukas' place, it was like the two of us had swapped places. I knew nothing I could say would ease his doubts completely, but at the same time, I knew I needn't have to. Tonight, Lukas and the guys would do the hard work for me without even realising.

---

Lukas' apartment sat on the ground floor of his building. That saved me from a long walk from the front entrance, and it also saved Sam from an opportunity to tighten up even more in my shirt pocket.

"Hey, M!" I heard Lukas call above a distant bassline, a split second before the door of his place swung fully open. "Hey, Sam, you made it!"

"Hey," we replied in unison. Sam avoided sounding too anxious before adding, "Yeah... Uh, good to see ya."

"Likewise, man." The tiger extended one of his mitt-like paws, stretching out and offering him a finger to bump a fist to. "Been a while since I've seen you at a game."

"Yeah... Shifts at the gym haven't fallen too kindly. Had to work the last three Sundays in a row."

"Ouch."

"And then some."

Lukas gunned both index fingers at him, grinning. "But work's all going good though, yeah?"

Sam nodded. I could feel his tail untucking against my chest. "All good. Thanks."

"Solid!" Lukas put more of his sharp front teeth on display before lifting his head to me. "M, man, you made it outside. Time to be social at last!"

I snorted, raising a paw and slapping it hard against his. "Work finally calmed down enough to not leave me dead on a Friday night."

"Nice, man." We clasped our paws tight, hooking fingers as we pulled them apart. "Fuckin' glad to hear it! They best have hit you with a sweet bonus after all those fifty, sixty hour weeks."

"Not enough of one to have made it worthwhile."

"Tsk." He folded his arms, leaning back against the doorframe. "Well if you're ever feeling a job where overtime actually pays, all you gotta do is hit me up and I'll get you on-site."

"Heh, thanks... but I think I prefer to do all my heavy lifting either at the gym or on the field."

"Fair." Lukas winked, beckoning us inside. "Come on guys. Get yourselves settled."

We'd arrived barely past eight but already the apartment was packed solid. Standing at the end of the hallway, I could see that pretty much everyone I'd expected to show their faces had done so, sitting in every seat and leaning against every counter in the living room and adjoining kitchen. The beat of some downtempo dance track battled to be heard over all the laughter and conversation bouncing back and forth. As Lukas had mentioned, thanks to work and its busyness over those last weeks, months, the time I'd been able to spend with these guys had been cut down to a bare minimum. No matter. Even with the heat and stuffiness, the chilled music and familiar, smiling faces helped put me at ease. At last, I could leave all that stress behind me and make up for missed time with my friends.

"Can you see Sandor anywhere?" Sam asked from my shirt pocket, peering around in search of the raccoon and his usually unmissable spiky headfur.

"Not yet... Ah, there." I pointed out his spot in the far corner of the kitchen, right next to the fridge. Beer in paw, he was chatting with Tamara, Lukas' girlfriend, waving away and grinning at whatever the tigress had just said.

"Cool, cool," Sam muttered, settling into my chest as if it was on our couch at home.

"Shall we head over there and say hi? Let you have a chat with him?"

"Uh." His fluffy white ears lost some of their perk. "Nah, it's okay. He's busy with Tamara.

"They won't mind."

"Yeah, I know... But we've only just got here."

"And?"

"And there's no rush... I'll catch him in a bit maybe."

I let that go. No sense in forcing him. He'd shake off his nerves and get back to his usual self in no time, no doubt.

Carrying us away from the hall, further into the living area, I took another, closer look around in search of more faces. Most of those I could find were guys on the team that I didn't hang about with all that much. Good people, good teammates, polite enough to share a happy wave or a greeting nod, but just not guys I really spoke to outside of a rushball setting. In my experience, teams often had a lot more social groups, or cliques even, than people unfamiliar with sports might realise. Much like workplaces.

Out of all these acquaintances of mine, the one that stood out most was Kaspar, sitting on the arm of the two-seater couch in a form-fitting silk shirt. Chilling alongside the fox was Anton, a skunk that played as a centre for us.

Like me, they'd joined the team together last summer, so I didn't know either of them all that much. But, what I did know was that Kaspar was rapid. He played out on the wing, and with his speed and running ability, he was comfortably our standout player of the season so far. I'd never say it in front of Coach, but I think we all knew that he wouldn't be kicking around in the amateur leagues for long.

I threw them both a wave through the crowd, holding it for the time they needed to spot me. It went on for a few more seconds than I'd have liked it to. Just a little awkward.

Eventually, the pair of them saw me, shooting back short smiles and raised paws before turning straight back to their conversation. They sure looked to be having a good time, more than a couple of drinks in already, gauging by all the empty bottles on the coffee table. Many more, and they'd be at risk of crowding out the two Maleni guys hanging out on some makeshift tabletop seating.

Someone patted me on the back. Way harder than I appreciated with Sam here in my shirt pocket. My jaw set, tail lashing, its fur stood on end. Only more so once the culprit made himself known.

"Hey, Marek." Damian scooted past me from the hallway behind. Peering upwards, the wolverine's toothy smile glistened under the ceiling light. Almost as much as the excess fur wax in that short red mohawk of his. "How goes?"

"Hi." Slowly, _very_slowly, my tail settled and my jaw loosened. "Good. You?"

"Yeah, cool, I'm fine. Thanks, man." Heh. With that dozy expression and lazy voice of his, you could easily assume he was on his way out of the party, not only just arriving. "It's good to catch you outside of training and all. Haven't seen ya too much at the pub post-game lately."

"No..." I shrugged, giving myself space and time to think up an excuse I was happy to share. "Been busy with work. Finding time for rushball alone's been tricky these last couple of months."

"Ahh, okay... Sorry to hear, man."

"It's fine." He nodded. Stopped. Stood there watching me with that same dopey, half-lidded expression. My tail started flicking again. "Work good for you?"

"Uhh, well. I mean it was, y'know." He started to sway, peering off across the room. "Still looking for a new job after getting laid off from the factory before New Years."

"Oh." My ears splayed. "Yeah, you said... Sorry."

"It's cool." His smile eased, hiding his teeth. "Got an interview lined up for a security gig at some office downtown, so... fingers crossed."

"Yeah... For sure."

His own ears dipped, muzzle following suit as he turned his attention towards my chest. "Heya, Sam."

"Hey!" Sam's tail brushed against me. "Good to see you. Great game last weekend by the way."

"And you, man." Damian lifted, smile spreading once again. Good job, little 'panda. "Uh, good to see ya, I mean. Not great game... But, uh, thanks a lot."

Damian... Man, deep down, I did feel bad for not liking him all that much. The guy was a kind of a drip, rocking all those awkward mannerisms that just rubbed me up the wrong way sometimes, but he certainly wasn't a bad guy. I wondered how much of it was a hangover from him and I competing for a starter spot at right forward tackle. That spot had been mine for months, leaving Damian to battle with Radko for a slot on the left. For that reason alone, I shouldn't have felt as hostile towards him as I did. Plus, Sam got on with him as well as anyone else on the team, so surely he couldn't be all bad, right?

I stood there waiting for a couple minutes more, happy to let my little 'panda enjoy a chat with Damian over something or other. For someone who'd been anxious about coming, Sam was already doing a fantastic job of putting me to shame on the social front.

"Marek!" called a familiarly gruff voice from towards the kitchen. "Sup?"

Radko. Speak of the devil. The burly boar came striding over, his trunk of an arm extended towards me. "Happy birthday for last week, my man."

"Uh..." Awkward. With Sam still mid-conversation with Damian, I dipped my arm down below my chest, keeping it out of both their muzzles as I bent it back up towards the boar. "...Thanks."

He snorted hard at my predicament. "You good there, big dude? 'Bout to pop an arm out a socket or something."

"Hope not."

Thankfully, Radko helped me out, meeting and clasping my awkwardly angled paw. "Hope you celebrated it good and proper."

"Yeah... Sam treated me to a meal at a place near ours. Being a work night, I couldn't go too crazy."

"Got you." His brow lifted. "Gonna haveta make up for it next year though, am I right? The big three-oh."

"Guh, don't remind me."

"I'll make sure he does," Sam cut in to add. "He won't get away with it."

"Good man!" Radko roared, winking and offering him a big thumbs up. "How be, Sam?"

"Great, thanks. Good to see you."

"'Ey, likewise, little dude." Back to me he grinned. "I'll getcha a drink. On me."

"Heh, it's a party. It's all free."

"Yeah, I know." He tilted his head, shrugging. "But the effort to head on over to the ice bucket's my gift to you. Ya welcome."

I chuckled, nodded. "Appreciate it."

We couldn't have arrived more than ten minutes earlier, but already the party felt like a whirlwind. People were coming and going, offering their greetings before disappearing off into the crowd again. The one constant that remained was Damian, still standing close, even after his conversation with Sam had eased to a halt. All this social whiplash had me forgetting about the guys I'd most wanted to catch up with but still hadn't had the chance to.

"Hey, hey!" The roomful of chatter quietened in response to Lukas' flustered hollering from the counter dividing the kitchen and the living area. "Just gotta text. Pizzas are here."

"Already!?" Sandor replied from the fridge.

"Yeah."

"So much for needing two hours for a party order."

"I know, right?" He slipped his phone away, marching towards me and the hallway behind. "Can ya gimme a hand?"

"Sure." The raccoon followed, slipping his way through the crowd. I expected him to swerve past me, following in Lukas's slipstream. He probably would have if he hadn't spotted me at the last second. "Oh, shi--" Sandor stopped hard, reeling back as if he'd walked right into me. "Sup, big guy!"

"Heh, hey."

"I didn't see you come in." Sandor scratched at his ear, smirking. "If you can believe that."

I offered him a paw. "Maybe I blend in well in this green shirt of mine."

"Against these white walls, absolutely." He slapped and clasped his paw to mine, stepping in to share a one-armed hug. "And what with you damn near bumping your head on the ceilings."

"Pfft, yeah sure."

The stocky raccoon just about came up to my chest, perfectly positioned to greet Sam with a firm nod. "Sup! Real glad you managed to make it tonight."

"Uh, hey." Sam rubbed at his cheek. "Same. Glad to be here. Glad to see you."

"Sorry guys," Lukas called, leaning on past me from the end of the hallway, bumping Sandor on the arm. "Don't mean to go breaking up a party at my party, but we should be quick. Last time I ordered from this place they left everything out on the front step. Ain't no way I wanna try carrying twelve large pizzas through the security door."

"No shit?" Sandor replied, slipping his paw from mine. "Yeah, let's get on it."

"I'll help," Damian called after them. I forgot he was still standing here. "If you need it."

Lukas nodded. "Solid. Thanks, dude."

In a hurried flash, Sam and I went from being a central hub of conversation to standing silently alone on the edge of that crowded living room. No matter. Everyone had offered us a wonderful welcome. Plus, if a few minutes of awkwardness was the price to pay for a whole load of pizza, who was I to say no?

Radko eased that isolation for a brief moment, coming back with a Sam-sized beer for me and an appropriately-sized one for Sam. I'm sure he'd intended to chat with us some more, if not for his competition in whatever card game he'd put himself forward for loudly dragging him away.

So, that left me to share a beer and a chat with my 'panda in my pocket. I couldn't say I considered that an all too terrible backup plan, regardless of my need to step up and help defeat the last remnants of his anxiety.

"Marek." Sam brushed at my neck fur, glaring at his little beer bottle. "Does it matter that we didn't bring our own drinks?"

"You already asked me that at home," I put back, rubbing his arm with a finger.

"Okay... Are you _sure_it doesn't matter that we didn't bring our own drinks?"

"I'm sure." His stare said that wasn't enough to ease his worry. "Lukas said it was fine."

"Most parties I've ever gone to have been 'bring your own'."

"Same, but he made it clear, more than once, that we didn't have to. He said he preferred getting drinks and stuff in himself while we all chipped in with a money transfer."

Sam's ears perked up along with the rest of him. "Really?"

"Really. Stop fretting."

"Man." He shifted and sank into my pec, taking another look around the room. "That's way more effort than I'd have gone to, especially for this kinda crowd."

"Same here. But hey, that's what Lukas wanted." I raised my bottle, moving it towards my pocket. "So feel free to drink on."

He smiled, lifting and clinking his own bottle to the base of mine. "Cheers."

"Cheers."

We each took a sip, savoured and enjoyed the cold hoppiness on our tongues. Swallowing carried that sensation to the back of my throat, tingling the fur around my neck as the soothing coolness rolled down to and beyond my chest. That was about as long as Sam needed to speak up again.

"Oh, uh..." He licked his lips, taking another half-sip of his drink. "Lukas, Sandor and the others. They kept saying they were glad I made it."

"Yeah, they did." I flashed him my teeth. "Told you they'd be happy to see you."

"Yeah, yeah... You did."

Oh, Sam. What now? "You don't think they really were happy?"

"No, not that." Sam's little tail swayed. "They were."

"Then what?"

"It's only... The way they kept saying 'glad you made it'. Was there a chance I wouldn't?"

His blue eyes grew steel. My own tail tucked as I battled to figure out what angle he was coming at me from. "I mean... I told them that you might have to work tonight."

He blinked. "You know I made sure to keep this evening free. I told my boss weeks ago."

"Yes, and I also know how anxious you've been over it."

"I haven't."

"You have." I stepped back towards the hallway, distancing ourselves from the rest of the room. "You still are a little bit."

His eyes widened as if he were about to snap back at that, only for them to soften along with the rest of him. "...Am not."

"Heh." I wrapped my paw around him, holding him closer. "It's fine though, honestly. I know this here is different from watching the games from the Maleni stand, or coming to the pub for the post-match hangout. Lots of Visoka in a crowded place, and... I didn't want to commit on your behalf. Just in case you changed your mind."

Sam went quiet, starting to navel gaze. I hoped I hadn't upset him in doing that somehow, but only for as it took him to rest his cheek and rub his paw against me. "Thanks, hon."

"No problem." I rubbed a claw behind his ear, loving the happy grunt it drew. "And thank you too for coming. It wouldn't have been as nice here without you."

"Oh, Marek!" I heard above the music, carrying from the crowd towards the kitchen. Tamara? "Hi!"

I found her hurrying on over, wearing a pretty white dress and bravely holding a very red wine. The tigress lit up brighter the closer she came, carrying her usual cheerful spark that always proved infectious. "Hey, Tamara--"

"Gods, it's so nice to see you!" She took and rubbed over the back of my free paw, squeezing. "It's been... How long?"

"Ah, January? I think it was at the pub after the game against the Towers."

"Oh, that's right!" She looked at Sam, closer to her eye-level, finding a way up onto an even higher plane of contentment. "The weekend before your move in together."

"Yep," Sam replied with a cheerful chuckle. "I was busy at home that day getting all my stuff ready to take to Marek's."

"Aww, that's so sweet." She waved her paw, purring, leaning forward to brush the tip of her nose under his chin. As she pulled back, I was surprised to see her jolt. "Oh, I'm sorry."

"What's wrong?" I replied.

"Here you are standing by the hall, Sam still bundled up in your pocket."

"Oh, no, you're fine--"

"We have some seating set up over on the kitchen counter if you'd like it, Sammy?"

"Ahh, nah, no, I'm good sitting here." He smiled wide, ears folding back in that way that told me how much he meant what he'd said. "Thanks, though."

"Are you sure?"

"Uh, we're just waiting for Lukas and the guys to come back in," I explained, doing my best to stop it sounding like an excuse I'd rustled up barely half a second prior. "We'll probably head over there in a little bit."

"Aww, okay." Tamara tilted her head, eyes closing with the wideness of her smile. "But how are you both!?"

"We're--"

"Are you good? Settling? I _can't_believe it's already been two months since you moved in together. Wow!"

"Closing in on three now," I said, squeezing it into the half-gap she'd left. "But it's going great."

"Really great," Sam added, tail stroking against me as warmly as his paw. "A couple of difficult moments dotted about, but... y'know."

"Standard teething problems." I smiled, glad to get one back from him. "You get used to living alone for so long. I guess it took me a little bit to break some old habits."

"He's stopped leaving huge bundles of clothes everywhere for one," Sam said, snorting. "But no... It's just so great to see him everyday."

"Oh, sweetie, that's lovely." Tamara bounced on her heels. That wine of hers was getting livelier. "I'm so happy to hear it's all going so well. I know I felt just the same when me and Lukas moved in here... wow, three years ago now."

I opened my mouth with the aim of moving things onto her and Lukas, but with her excitement and speed on the draw, Tamara made sure to keep the spotlight fixed firmly on Sam and I.

"Plus, I've heard how important space is when it comes to mixed-size relationships. Not to crowd or to overwhelm."

"Ahh.. well..." Even with the persistence of her cheery enthusiasm, the change in her conversational tune sure did shift my weight back onto my heels. "That's... Probably true of any relationship."

"Oh, sure! Of course."

"I have my quiet space, I guess," Sam said. "The spare Maleni bedroom. I've got a desk and a bed and stuff for whenever I need some time to myself."

"Aww, that's cute!"

"Heh, yeah..." He rubbed his ear. "Mostly I use it for reading up on stuff for work."

"I bet it's funny at times," Tamara said with a rising smirk. "Living together."

"Funny?"

"Quirky and stuff." Sam stayed quiet. I did also. Where was she going with this? "Like... cooking for each other, or together, with the size difference. I can picture you rushing about the counter helping Marek, serving up your own little plate while he does his." She clapped her paw to her glass, ears flicking with the same tempo. "It's so sweet."

"Uh, yeah, for sure." Sam took a half-glance up at me. "I guess it _is_kinda... quirky."

"Tricky too, hmm?"

"Tricky?"

"Needing to take extra care around the apartment in the same space and all."

"I suppose..." He peeked upwards again. My turn to field her questions, I decided.

"We're used to it." I stood up taller. "After all, with how often Sam was staying over, I'd say we were practically living together long before the actual move."

"Very true," she sang, giving us another clap and the biggest beam yet. "Aww, that's so great! I'm so happy for you two."

"Thanks--"

"Mixed-size relationships are _so_adorable!" Tamara reached out to stroke Sam's arm with a finger. "The way you're holding each other, a little red panda and larger, it's just... Oh, I love you two so much."

"Tamara?" I heard someone call, right before a vixen friend of hers arrived with a fresh glass of red. I recognised her, but for the life of me, I couldn't place her name. "Here."

"Another?"

"You're falling behind."

"Pfft. You're bad you are."

"Anna just got here, so I figured I'd pour us all another."

"Oh!" The tigress hopped right before accepting that second wine glass. "When did she sneak in?" She turned back to Sam and I, showing her affection with a grin in lieu of another stroke or squeeze from her occupied paws. "Sorry, boys. Excuse me."

"No problem!" I replied, guilty for how easy my next breath came. "We'll catch you later."

"Sure!" She stepped away to follow her friend, shining us one last smile. "Have fun. Really glad you're both here!"

Back came the space for the pair of us. From the way Sam's shoulders sagged after a hard exhale, I figured he shared in my appreciation.

"I think she's happy for us," he muttered, snorting.

"Just a teeny tiny bit."

"Adorable..." Up he looked, smirking. "I guess I _am_pretty cute."

I scoffed hard. "Don't forget humble."

He turned, arms spread beyond the width of my shirt pocket, squeezing and nosing deep into my chest. "You're pretty cute too. For a giant 'panda."

With a huff, I ruffled his headfur, following up with a tight, one-pawed hug to ease his grunting, faux-outrage. "Thanks, little 'panda."

"Anytime," he cooed, licking at my index fingerpad. "It's nice that she cares so much."

"Yeah..."

I felt Sam push back at my paw, glancing down to find him looking back with head cocked. "You don't think?"

"Sure, of course, but... Man, people act like it's so different. Mixed-size stuff. They always want to know the ins and outs." I leaned back, resting against the wall just outside the hallway. "And I thought people were nosey when it came to gay stuff."

"Yeah, you're not wrong," Sam mused, idly stroking at me. "Guess it's curiosity or something."

"I suppose... Something like that."

His little paw worked between the buttons of my shirt, diving deep into my chestruff, clawing and scritching at the flesh between my pecs. "As for what she was saying about crowding and overwhelming, I gotta say, you do a wonderful job of not doing that to me."

"Oh..." My tail swept out, tip drumming against the doorframe. "I'm glad. As long as you're comfortable, that's all I--"

"Except for when I _want_you to overwhelm me," he cut in with a quiet growl, corner of his mouth rising high. "Then that's a very different, very... _enjoyable_story."

"Heh, well..." I tapped a pad to his nose, lowering my head along with my voice. "On that, I definitely agree."

I heard voices out in the hallway. Then the scuffing of footsteps on the carpet. With a hard clunk, the front door closed. A moment after, I felt someone easing my tail aside.

"Sorry, big guy," Sandor called, brushing on by, battling with the four big pizzas stacked in his arms. "Food's coming through!"

Damian followed, taking obvious care not to stumble and drop his load. Finally, Lukas returned, balancing a smaller set of Maleni-sized pizza boxes atop his share of the stack.

A few playful cheers and hollers rolled around the apartment as they made their way over towards the kitchen. And I had to say, while I kept quiet, my stomach decided to be anything but that.

Sam patted at the top of it. "Hungry, hon?"

"Uh... A bit. Yeah."

"Sounds like more than a bit," he sang, grinning.

"I haven't eaten anything since lunchtime, and even then, all I had was one of the dry sandwiches leftover in the canteen."

"Hmm..." Sam kneaded at the crest of my belly some more, grumbling almost as loud as it was. "I guess I'll let you off then."

"Heh, don't have too much fun down there," I muttered. "We have something of an audience around."

"Mmm, good point." He flopped against me, smiling up with sweet, half-lidded eyes. "Suppose I'll have to wait until later then."

"Hmm." Gently, subtly, I treated him to a squeezing hug accompanied by an 'accidental' wobble of my stomach. "Will that be some of that 'wanted' overwhelming?"

"Sure do hope so," he grumbled, giggling, leaning up to peck me on the chin. "Let's go get you some food, hon."

Running the risk over further playful jibes about my size, I took Sam up on his proposition, slipping and squeezing us through the crowd to join the guys in the kitchen. A few of the pizzas were set out on the counter, waiting for people to come help themselves. First things first, though; I had to make sure Sam got himself one of those little boxes from the Maleni-sized countertop table.

"I won't want a whole one," he mithered as he took his pizza from the tips of my two fingers. "Damn."

"They're not big..."

"Not to you--"

"No, I mean... that's a medium, right?"

"Yeah... but still."

"Have what you want, then put the rest back."

"Hon..."

"There's not that many Maleni here tonight." I rubbed between his ears. "You're fine. Stop fussing."

He huffed, smiling, reaching up to straighten his headfur. "I hope that finger wasn't greasy."

"Oh, stop it." I scoffed, winning a reluctant smile from him. "Enjoy."

Next up, the time came to get myself close to that big fully loaded pizza steaming seductively at the far end of the counter. Paper plate in paw, I watched it the whole way from my vantage a head taller than anyone else forming the makeshift queue. By the time my turn came, only a couple of its slices had been claimed. Of course, I made sure to grab up three for myself as a starter.

Food acquired, a fresh beer too, I wandered over to join Lukas and the guys at the counter in the far corner. There, Sam and I soon jumped into the heart of the conversation, catching up with one another about how they were faring at work, at home, and elsewhere in their day to days. Lukas was busy building at his company's latest site out towards the docks, while Sandor was dealing with some big network headaches in his role as his school's IT manager. As for Damian... I made sure not to put my foot in my mouth again on the work front, asking him instead about all things rushball.

In particular, I wanted to chat more with Sandor, seeing as I hadn't had much of a chance to so far that evening. Sam, too, made sure to have a good long talk with the raccoon from my pocket. Not unexpected, given how big the two of them were on their handball.

Like me, Sandor hadn't had much of a chance to be social in recent times. A hangover of the unexpected costs he and his fiance had incurred after moving into their new house together, just before New Year. In a sense, that was the answer to my question about where his girlfriend was that evening. Sandor explained, once I managed to find space between his and Sam's excited rushball conversation, that Karina had opted for a lateshift at the supermarket. Just one more in a long line of overtime shifts she'd taken recently.

Yeah, we might not have been chatting about the deepest, most enlightening topics in the universe, but damn it if I wasn't having myself a good time.

"So hey," Lukas called, grabbing the attention of everyone in this little bubble of ours in the crowded kitchen. "April almost. Springtime'll be properly up and running soon."

"Thanks the gods," Sandor grumbled, clinking a bottle with Damian in agreement.

"Anyone got any cool holiday plans coming up for it?" Silence amid the noise was the answer. Lukas' eyes went wider. "Oh c'mon. Anyone?"

"Not really," Sandor replied. "Can't take time away until the school summer holidays. Even then... much as Karina's spoken about flying out for a week on a beach in Damaras, we'll probably keep it cheap and local instead." He chuckled, smirking. "Dunno how I'll break that one to her."

"I'd suggest from a distance." Lukas bumped him on the shoulder, turning towards my chest pocket, then glancing up at me. "Sam, M? What you two got going on? Any kinda honeymoon plans?"

"Heh, we're not married."

"Nah, but ya living together now! That's gotta be calling for a celebration, right? A nice trip away?"

I hesitated, realising just how little I'd been thinking about those kinds of plans. Time enough for Sam to slip in and take the lead.

"Marek's parents have been bugging him to go visit them up in Karnik sometime." He peered up, beaming. "Ain't that right?"

"Yeah... Bugging's an understatement, I'd say." I shrugged. "No plans for that at the moment though."

"Well I'd like to go sometime," Sam said. I wasn't sure if that was a statement aimed at Lukas or as a retort to me. "They're nice. Plus I've not never been to Zolnia before."

"Mmm..." I weighed up my plate, pondering another big bite of pizza. "Sometime. We'll see."

Sam's ear twitched low while the other perked high. The corner of his mouth tightened. I wasn't sorry when Damian piped up to explain his equal lack of springtime planning.

As much as that topic came dead on arrival, the laughing, drinking and chatting flowed on and on, taking us through the next hour or so. Around us, a few games broke out in the various groups forming around the room, most if not all of them involving big cups and even bigger bottles of spirits atop both standard and makeshift tables. It was all in good, loud, bassline-backed fun, but I couldn't say it was a scene I wanted repeated at our quieter space here in the kitchen. No, hanging out, nicely buzzed and catching up over a plentiful supply of food and drink was my idea of a good time. Sam too, surprisingly.

In fact, by that point of the evening, my little 'panda had pulled himself all the way out of that anxious shell, returning to his usual chatty, confident self. I'd helped him over to the counter around about the same time I'd grabbed another load of pizza, giving him the chance to stretch out and chill on one of those Maleni-sized seats. From there, even at waist-height, he chatted away with Lukas, Sandor, anyone else that'd listen. My Sam must have been relaxed, given how much of that little pizza and how many beers he'd got through. Heh, I could hear his grumbling at himself already. No doubt he'd wake up in the morning, pat at that flat stomach of his, and still figure it called for one of his 'extra-long' runs to make up for it.

"Hey, Sam," Lukas called, leaning on past me towards the counter. "The pizza, it was good, yeah?"

"Uh," Sam muttered past a mouthful, swallowing down hard and wiping his muzzle. "Yeah. Good. Thank you."

"Wasn't sure on toppings so figured... sausage, onion? Can't go wrong, am I right?"

"No, for sure." He craned his neck up higher in his seat on the countertop, smiling. "I love sausage."

A hard snort split the air, as if it were twice as loud as anyone or anything else in the apartment. We all turned, silent and, personally, puzzled. Damian stood there, wearing a daft half-smirk, snout pressed into his fist. The wolverine sobered up real quick when he saw me, horrified, like he'd seen a ghost. "I, uh... For some reason I thought it was a... gay joke." His face fell even further. My tightening shoulders and twitching muzzle must've been noticeable. Maybe he heard how hard my tail whipped the counter, too. "Sorry, Sam... Mind in the gutter or something."

"Hah." Sam shook his head, ears perking high, reaching up his own fist. "You're fine, and uh... that kinda sausage ain't too bad either."

Lukas and Sandor let a chuckle flow. As did Damian, almost giggling as he offered Sam a fingerbump. "Nice one."

The rest of the guys eased, tutting and play-punching him in the arm. Hell, even my shoulders loosened, seeing Sam happily raise his beer towards Lukas. "But yeah, the pizza. Thanks for ordering it for me."

The tiger shot him a thumbs up in return. "No sweat."

"Lemme know how much I owe you, and I'll--"

"Hey, nah, it's all good." He nudged my arm. "M's covered it already."

"Oh." Sam shifted his attention to me, tail flicking. "Well then thank you, too."

I reached out, savouring his cute little smile as I rubbed a pad at his paw.

"Besides," Lukas said. "I couldn't expect you and the other Maleni peeps here tonight to battle it out with Visoka-sized pizza slices."

"Why?" Sandor barked from just along the counter, grinning. "Shit, slices as big as me? Best believe that'd have been my choice."

"I hear that," I called, weighing up the regular piece on my plate.

"Ah, M." Lukas slapped the side of my stomach. "Of course _you'd_agree."

Up went our combined laughter, ringing like music in my ears. Man, even with Damian's dumb joke, I was having such a great time, surrounded by my friends and side-by-side with my little 'panda. I swear, if the rest of the evening had played out that way, I'd have been more than happy.

Beyond the counter, over in the living room, the music kept on pumping, still underscoring the jovial rumble that refused to stop rolling. The voices were growing louder, less inhibited, far tipsier. Everywhere you looked was a smile, a glass and a good time, be it from the atmosphere, the company, or those drinking games still ongoing. If I were Lukas, I'd be starting to wonder what my neighbours were making of all this, Friday night or not. Either way, my attention would quickly find itself pulled right back here to the kitchen counter.

"Yo, yo, how we doing?" slurred a voice, low and lazy. "We all good, people?"

From beyond the living room crowd emerged Kaspar, wandering over towards the opposite side of the counter. The contents of his brim-filled cup sloshed hard as he bumped to a stop, still threatening to spill from his idle swaying alone. Man, the fox had _definitely_been having fun since I last saw him.

"You good?" Lukas asked him, head tilting.

"Yeah, yeah." Kaspar waved and batted that away, tugging at and failing to straighten his scruffed up silk shirt. "Listen, listen. Gotta ask..." He trailed off, resting an unstable paw on the counter as he turned to search the room. "Hey, where'd he go?"

"Who?"

Kaspar found Lukas and the rest of us again. "Ah, nah, it's fine. He'll be back."

"Who!?"

"Anton. He was here a minute ago. It was... kinda his idea, actually."

Lukas scoffed, sharing a look and a shake of the head with the rest of us. "_What_idea?"

"Truth or dare! Tryin' to find new players for the next game."

Damian frowned. The wolverine didn't waste time throwing back, "Dude, that's a kids game."

"Only if it don't involve a bit o' this." Kaspar shook his cup, sending a splash of it's orange-tinged contents to the counter. Nowhere near Sam, fortunately. "So c'mon! You guys are in, right? Mix things up a bit?"

The rest of us fell silent, shooting half-hidden glances at each other, waiting for that lead to follow. Fine then. I had no problem carving a path. "I'm good just hanging out for now, thanks."

"Ah, don't be like that! You can hang when we're done."

I took a look at Sam, sitting there with his tail on his lap. As reluctant as I was. "Nah, not for me."

"Man, you can't just eat pizza over here all night."

"You don't know Marek," Sandor said past a snicker, poking me with an elbow.

"Like_you're_one to talk."

"Did I say it was a bad thing, big guy?" He grinned up at me, then threw a dismissive paw Kaspar's way. "I'm with Damian. Bit of a kids game, no?"

"Not this style!" A growl undercut the fox's enthusiasm. "No holds barred on the questioning. Penalty shots for backing out on truths_and_dares. Tellin' ya, it's a good time, promise!"

Kaspar wasn't giving in. He stood there across the counter, smirking, still swaying on his almost wasted feet. In the end, it'd be Sandor who'd fold first.

"Screw it. I'm up for giving it a try if you guys are?" He shrugged. "Could be fun."

A pause followed. Not that long of one thanks to Damian chiming in with, "Ah, what the hell, I'm in."

"Yeah, let's do it," Lukas said, holding up a finger. "But let's keep it cool. All in good fun, a'ight?" He nodded down towards Kaspar's drink. "And uh... maybe chill a little on whatever penalty you've got going on there, yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah, sure!" The fox less bounced, more stumbled on his feet. His tipsy grin then came for me. "You in?"

My jaw tightened. With the others committed, I already knew my answer. Still, I had Sam there next to me to think of. "Do you want to play?"

"Yeah!" Kaspar called, sliding along the counter. "C'mon, tiny. In?"

Sam's tail twitched hard enough to jump out of his lap. "Uh, I'm not_tiny_, but... I'm in."

He looked puzzled at that response, but not for so long that he might've thought about it. Setting his cup down, clapping and pumping his paws, he was more concerned with celebrating. "Alright! Let's do this."

The others started to move, drinks in paw, filing out of the busy kitchen to follow Kaspar into the even more crowded living room. I waited a moment for space, bending down, lowering my head to speak directly into Sam's ear. "Are you sure you want to play? You don't have to."

"I'll play if you and the others are." He patted the side of my snout, scritching around the base of my whiskers. "Besides, I don't think he was taking no for an answer."

"Heh, no... That's Kaspar." I leaned into his petting, lapping my tongue under his chin. "But don't worry. I don't think we'll be playing long. And if it sucks... well, then _we_don't have to play long."

"Okay." He stood up from his little seat, tail waving, ready for me to scoop him up to my chest. "Sounds good."

---

Much to my creeping, reluctant regret, the whole atmosphere of the party shifted. We moved away from the comfortable relative quiet of the kitchen corner, squeezing, brushing, and bumping through the crowd. With this many people crammed into the apartment, the kitchen had been warm enough, but here in the thick of things, it was borderline suffocating.

I followed the others to the far side of Lukas' living room, over towards the couch beneath the open window. At least there we'd get some fresh air and a little breathing space, I figured.

Damian took a seat next to me on the couch while I settled Sam in my lap. Sandor parked himself on the adjacent armchair with Lukas perched on the arm beside him. Across the coffee table we were setting up on, Kaspar took up position beside Anton, sitting on some fold up chairs in the tight space between us and the swaying tails bordering the rest of the party. We weren't exactly spaced out well, but with the number of people we had crowding us out, shuffling around and all, I'd say it was a damn fine attempt.

Kaspar ran us through the rules one last time, only forgetting a few points between his drunken slurring. Anton filled in on those occasions, also finding an empty beer bottle for us to use as the 'spinner'. The skunk wasn't sober by any means, wobbling here and there in his seat, but he still had a way to go to get on Kaspar's level.

"So who wins?" Lukas asked, clearing a little space around the various bottles of spirits on the table. "What's the end point?"

"The person with the least penalty points," Kaspar replied, wincing from the big gulp from his cup that he followed up with. "Oof... And probably... the least wasted."

"Wanna quit now while you're behind, or...?"

"I can handle plenny more than this, doncha go worryin' yaself."

"You get a penalty point for every truth or dare you back outta," said Anton, dishing out a few plastic shot glasses... I made sure to grab a smaller one for Sam, too. "_And_a shot of the spinner's choice."

"Little red... Uh, Sam," Kaspar muttered, batting a paw through the air at him, snorting. "If you can manage, you'll need to get your own shots into that little glass o' yours."

Sam's head cocked. "That's... fine?"

"There's taps fitted at the base," I added. "You know, like normal. He's not gonna need to climb up the side."

"Yeah, I know, whatever." He shrugged. "Just sayin'."

"Guys." Lukas sat forward in his seat. "Let's just keep it cool with these shots and all, yeah? I'm not trying to be cleaning up after anybody."

"Ah, stripes, we're cool. Don't gotta worry 'bout all that."

"I'm not the one who's worried. It'll be Tamara ripping _your_head off if you hurl on the carpet."

"Tsk, ain't nobody here hurling." Kaspar batted that away, fixing his glazed eyes on me. "Ah, Marek, yeah, I never said..."

"What's that?"

He threw a finger at me, grinning, moving it up and down between Sam and I. "I never realised."

"Never realised... what?"

"Gay," he blurted, a biting undercurrent more than audible beneath his slurring. "Heh, didn't know you was gay 'til I saw you two holding paws... outside the pub. Few weeks back."

"Seriously?" Sandor scoffed.

"What?"

"It's_obvious_they're together."

"Wouldn't say that!"

"They've been together for months. Since before Sam even started coming to watch the games."

I couldn't say I appreciated hearing this conversation from the sidelines. Mind, I couldn't say I appreciated it, full stop. "Would a sign have helped?"

"Nah, nah, look, you're taking it wrong." He held up his paws, still wearing that full-on grin. "Thought you was, Iunno, friends at first... given the size thing. Fooled me is all. Plus I'd never tagged you as gay."

I noticed the fur at the back of my neck rising in time with the warming in my ears and cheeks. With laser focus on his toothy contentment, my jaw set hard... but at the same time, I could feel the looks from everyone else around us. My tail, draped over the arm of the couch, began to retreat back towards me, tucking tighter and tighter against my thigh and hip.

"Does it really matter?" Damian called from beside me. "If they're gay or not."

Kaspar huffed. "Who said it mattered, stump tail?"

"Yeah, I get that a lot," I snapped out, sighing. "Shall we just play?"

"Oh..." the fox raised his paws again, teeth still sneaking out onto display. "Didn't mean to upset ya. Didn't mean nothin'."

"I'm not upset." A waved my own paw at the table. I wondered if he'd noticed my ears lowering as much as I had. "Let's just get this going."

From nowhere, Anton started chuckling. Swaying in his seat, sipping deep from his cup, the skunk kept his attention on Sam here in my lap. "Heh. Heh... Big red panda, little one... Heh, it's funny."

I wanted to shoot back and take him down... but my mind went blank. A chill rose from the base of my tucked tail, overtaking my spine. Knowingly or not, Sam jumped in on my behalf.

"I mean... I guess so? Like... it's not as if you see Maleni and Visoka out on the street together everyday or anything."

Kaspar and Anton either didn't notice or didn't care about his comment. Man... they were so much further ahead in the wasted stakes than I realised. How much more vocal would they get after a few more drinks?

Kaspar clapped his paws. "Okay! First round." He pointed to Lukas. "You're hostin', your spin first."

After that moment of what I'd call... drink-fuelled awkwardness, the game itself got off to a smooth and, dare I say, decent start. Kaspar and Anton might've been working their way towards hammered, but the rest of us weren't exactly fresh either. A fact not helped by the makeup of those first couple of rounds.

Never mind penalty shots. A good few of the early dares concocted involved throwing two, three, or more spirits into a single shot glass and downing it all in one. Gods, some of the noises that went up in the aftermath were something else. My personal highlight had to be the shot made from vodka, whiskey and... amber stuff that Sandor had to take on. I swear, he hacked and groaned like an old truck engine trying to start on a winter's morning.

"Don't hurl," Lukas shouted past his unashamedly heaving laughter.

"You made it!" Sandor cried, voice crumbling, peering around at the rest of us all chuckling away. "Gods... Fuck."

"Just..." He slapped him on the back, trying and failing at not laughing even harder as the raccoon folded up in the seat next to him. "Man, you all good?"

"No." Sandor gagged. Then he made a few more equally impressive noises. Eventually, with a deep breath, he sat back upright, eyes less watering, more sprinkling. "Fuck you so much, man."

That started us all laughing again. Sandor too, between harsh spluttering coughs at least.

Thankfully, the actual penalty shots seemed far tamer, largely coming off the back of questions and challenges posed by Kaspar and Anton. See, truths like 'who did you lose your virginity to' and dares like 'head out into the communal hall, bang a neighbour's door and scream "cock" as loud as you can' were way spicier, personal or frankly downright unreasonable. Especially considering they were teammates rather than close friends. For those two examples, Lukas and Damian respectively were happy to take a shot and a penalty point apiece.

Sam and I had got off pretty lightly up until that point, with only myself asked to name my first ever crush by Sandor. As it turned out, my high school biology teacher came as an apparent surprise. In my defence, The Maleni raccoon did have himself a nice tail and a _very_cute butt... Though not in the same league as my Sam.

The easy treatment wouldn't last however. After a few spins more, the bottle stopped to point in our direction again. More precisely, it settled on Sam, huddled up against my stomach in his seat on my left thigh. Kaspar lit up, paws on knees, reddened eyes shining. I'm sure I saw him lick his lips right before posing, "Truth or dare, short stack."

Sam didn't seem fazed. That, or he hid it well. Sitting forward, upright, he peered on up at Kaspar and called, "Truth."

"Truth it is!" The fox threw his paws together with the fiercest clap, less rubbing, more grinding them. His black ears peaked to their maximum, grin stretching to match. "Man... wanna make this a good one."

We all waited, sipping our drinks, watching. I doubted anyone else here had the same rising discomfort in their stomachs that I did, nor the same icy chill lingering at the back of their necks. Not even Sam, little tail lashing, ready to face whatever was thrown his way... I hoped.

"Right, how 'bout this." Kaspar leaned forward, topping off his cup with a heavy splash of vodka and a meagre dash of soda. "Wanna know... What's the biggest difference... between mixed and proper relationships?"

"Proper?" Sam threw back with the beat of a jab.

"Sorry, sorry," he replied, raising a paw, but still wearing that smile. Next to him, Anton suppressed a snicker into his own drink. "I meant to say 'same-sized' relationships."

"...Got it."

"So?" Kaspar's eyes sharpened. "Hit me."

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" His muzzle twisted, recoiling like he'd been hit. "Oh c'mon--"

"No, nothing," Sam insisted. "I mean, if you really wanna know, this is my first proper relationship, so... How am I gonna know what's different from something I ain't never had before?"

"For real?" The fox's head tilted. Sam responded in kind.

"What? What else can I say? That we've got a bigger bed? Actually, yeah, there you go. Bigger bed. Biggest difference."

"Hmm..." Kaspar downed a big gulp of his drink, shrugging. "Okay, whatever. Next spin."

Sam handled that well. _Real_well. Petting over his tail, curling it around my finger to let him know I was there, I couldn't stop replaying that whole brief exchange over and over in my head. Kaspar acted real shitty just then, throwing out attitude after asking such a personal, damn it, _offensive_question. Proper relationship? This _was_a proper relationship. Just like any other!

Past my internal screaming, through my stiffening arms and creasing muzzle, I managed to rub and smile down at my little 'panda, hoping to let him know how much his reminder that I was his first 'proper' partner had warmed my heart. I wanted to reach out, scoop him up out of my lap and hug him tight to my chest. I might very well have, if not for wondering about how those two across the table might take it.

For the next two rounds around the table, both Sam and I remained largely out of the game, free to sip our drinks while waiting for our turns to spin the bottle. Of course, when the time came for Sam to spin, I didn't mind letting him sit back while I lended a helping paw.

Mostly, when our time came to play, we were both tasked with firing off some basic truth questions. Nothing drastic. Stuff like 'tell us your biggest fear', which Damian quickly confirmed as 'the dark'. Yeah, it might not have been 'cutting' or 'no holds barred' enough for Kaspar and his friend, finding more and more interest in their own private conversation as they were, but... fuck them. I wasn't there to upset or offend anybody. All I ever wanted was a good time with my friends and my partner.

Even so, regardless of how unimpressed they seemed over mine and Sam's playstyle, when their time came to challenge others, their own truths and dares weren't that much more intense. Kaspar for example dared Sandor to grab a beer and down the whole thing in under ten seconds, or else suffer an extra-bad mixer penalty shot. Dumb call. Sandor could have and did do it in half that time, following it up with a triumphant belch that had a fair share of the folk around our table gawking at the raccoon.

Between fun moments like that and an apparent calming of Kaspar's attitude, slowly, the ill feeling that'd taken hold in my gut faded. The brightness and laughter around the game returned and remained, long into the next round of turns... when Kaspar's spin of the bottle stopped firmly on me.

"Hah, yeah, okay... Your turn, big boy." Kaspar flopped back in his seat, slouching further and further. "You feelin' a truth, or... darin' a dare?"

"Heh, heh." Anton giggled away, eyes heavy and glazed, words slow and mumbled, just like the fox. "Daring a dare... Heh, like it."

"Truth," I confirmed, folding my arms, watching the pair of them fighting to function in their seats. I figured that was the reason for Kaspar taking longer to ponder on my selection. If so, I wished he hadn't bothered.

"Okay." Drink sloshing in one paw, he jabbed a finger at me with the other. "I wanna know... Yeah, yeah, I'm wannin' to hear what goes down when you and short stack are getting on it."

My ears jumped up and splayed back down again. He hadn't just asked what I thought he had, had he? "What?"

"C'mon, you know." He smirked. "How do you two like... getting it on?"

"Woah," Lukas shouted, hauling himself upright from his slouching on the arm of his chair. "Come the fuck on, man."

"Hey, all's fair!"

"A bit close to home though, doncha think?"

"Close to home?"

"Yeah."

"And what about Sandor?" Kaspar dipped his head towards the raccoon. "Askin' me 'bout the worst girl I ever done slept with?"

"That ain't the same league," Sandor replied. "Didn't go presing for details about fuckin'... positions and all."

"Well, I just did." He turned back to me, and Sam, that smirk of his still going strong. "So how 'bout it? What's the... logistics of you two having yourselves a good time?"

"I'll take the penalty," I shot back, barely needing to think. "Mix up for a shot for me."

"You serious?"

"I am."

"How you gonna chicken out of this?" Kaspar's eyes narrowed. "Tsk. This is standard stuff, man."

"Maybe so, but a standard penalty shot sounds good to me instead."

He sat there looking like I'd grabbed that drink of his and poured it all over him. Hell, right then, a part of me wouldn't have minded doing exactly that. What the fuck was his problem? Why was he going so hard on me versus everyone else here? Would a dare have been a better option? Hardly. Gods knew what kind of nonsense he'd have sent my way in that regard.

I sat back in my own seat on the couch, waiting for Kaspar to eventually lug himself forward and start grabbing bottles. Into my shot glass went some clear stuff and a lot of that amber shit from earlier. I didn't much care about the contents, nor did I feel like acknowledging the others watching on. I just wanted to get this round behind me. Something well worth throwing that strong, bitter, throat-burning monstrosity of a shot into my mouth over. "Guh... There. Next turn."

"Try to wheeze too much," he threw back. "It wasn't _that_strong."

I coughed hard, then forced another to help ease the discomfort. Another might have helped more, but I had no wish to offer him any more satisfaction. "Next turn."

All that laughter and good-natured taunting this game had inspired had all but dissipated. As Sandor reached forward to spin the bottle and take his turn, our small corner of Lukas' party had fallen quiet, save for the shifting of players in their seats, drinking from or peering down at their cups and bottles. Not that Kaspar and his equally giggly friend seemed to notice, or care.

Usually, a drink-fuelled haze came with a mellowness. A sense of distance that afforded ease and contentment unattainable in usual circumstances. Maybe, I'd go as far as to say a feeling of invincibility. But at that moment, scrunched up on that couch, opposite that laughing fox and his grinning friend, I'd have done or given anything to sense even half of that. All I could hold onto was discomfort, head aching with the unending desire to be anywhere else in the world.

Down in my lap, crowded out more and more by my tail curling itself around my hip and stomach, Sam sat with a stoicism that I'm sure belied his own displeasure. Gods... I didn't want him to suffer through this too. I'd told him back in the kitchen that if this game sucked, we'd stop. Simple as that. So then, why did I wait for Sam's spin to come and go? Why did I then take my turn, posing a truth or dare that I couldn't recall to a person I couldn't remember? Worst yet, with that discomfort digging deeper and deeper into me, hollowing out every sensation, why did I just continue to sit there? Fuck, Marek. Why didn't you just get up and take Sam with you? Was it your friends, sitting there quiet, drinking, carrying on like everything and everyone was fine with this game? There'd have been no shame in calling it quits. They wouldn't have thought less of you... would they? Perhaps it was Kaspar and Anton, still finding delight in this damn game that they'd dragged you to. Sure, they might have thought less of you, but did you really care? They weren't your friends, just teammates... Teammates that you'd have to see again during the next training session, then the next game after that.

Gods, my head started spinning, and not only from that penalty shot meeting and mixing with the half-dozen beers I'd drunk so far. I wanted to ask how Sam was feeling beneath that calm facade. I wanted to offer so much more than a smile and a stroke of his tail when we met eyes. A desire that only heightened when the time came for someone to call him out again.

That damn bottle crept around the table, taunting, threatening to spin on past Sam and offer up some respite. No such luck. Its lip seemed magnetised, coming to an almost perfect stop in line with his position in my lap.

"Right..." This time around, it wouldn't be Kaspar piping up to offer a selection. Anton hauled his drunken self forward in his seat, elbows on knees, peering down at Sam. "Truth... or dare."

If it had been me making the decision, honestly, I don't know what I'd have chosen. Frankly, I wasn't sure it mattered. The result would be a bad taste in the mouth either way. Perhaps Sam felt the same, huffing a vibration through my thigh and stomach as he grunted, "Dare."

That brought with it a familiar scene when it came to the fox and skunk across the table regaining control. They looked to each other, putting on what I'm sure were the stablest smirks they could in their condition. The low, barely audible conversation they shared left me burning and cold all at once, annoyed and anxious. Did truth or dare _really_need this much thought to it? I suppose it did when you were trying to flash as much edge as possible.

Around us, this game existed in its own bubble more and more; the atmosphere silent and awkward while all around us was noise and enjoyment. Lukas took great interest in his bottle of beer, idly picking at the label with a claw. Sandor meanwhile had practically reclined in his chair, peering on up at the ceiling. As for Damian, sitting beside me on the couch, his eyes were fixed firmly on Kaspar and Anton, waiting for whatever challenge the pair would concoct between them.

"Heh, okay," Anton slurred, awfully pleased with whatever he had in store for Sam. Snickering like an idiot, he turned back towards him, still flashing that sloppy grin, barely able to contain himself as he blurted, "Kiss Marek."

"What?"

"Why what?" He shoved a gesture in my direction. "Kiss your boyfriend. In front of us."

"Not much of a dare," Kaspar called, sinking forward to rest an elbow on his leg, then his cheek on a fist. "Right?"

Kiss. Almost a hundred percent of the time, I'd need no excuse to kiss Sam. But almost a hundred percent of the time, I wouldn't have a captive audience amid a room full of people. Was a kiss that bad, I asked myself. Seeing couples showing their affection for one another wasn't exactly rare. In a pub, a park, on a bus even, you'd find it if you waited long enough. How many of those couples were the same sex though? How many were mixed-size? And, how many had a fox and Anton watching on, pointing their sharp, unwelcome muzzles deep into their business?

The air was so hot and so thin. More so that earlier. I wanted to head outside to recuperate. I wouldn't have minded staying there while waiting for a taxi to take me home.

I hadn't realised how tight my paw had wrapped around Sam's chest and stomach until he started pushing back. His little tail lashed between my wrist and my hip, focused still ahead, locked on Kaspar and his still snickering friend. I swear, if my Sam were a Visoka, he'd have jumped to his feet and shoved those pricks right out of their seats.

"Hey," For a split second, I forgot about the others around the coffee table. Damian's pressing at my arm got faster and firmer, only stopping once I glanced his way. "Guys. You don't have to do it if you don't wanna."

"Don't be a wuss, stump tail," Kaspar roared, letting slip a momentary show of muzzle-creasing, teeth-baring anger. "It's just a game."

Damian's ears splayed out around his mohawk. With one player shouted down, the fox's twisted smile found Sam again. "You ain't gonna spoil the game over a little kiss, are ya?"

"Didn't realise it was _your_turn," Sam shot back. "Anyway, ain't that the point of penalty shots?"

"Doubt anyone's gonna mess around getting a shot in that tiny glass o' yours."

"You don't have to?" He squirmed an arm free from my grasp, pointing towards the crowd of near-empty spirit bottles. "The Maleni taps near the base? Remember?"

"Whatever--"

"Have you been to a booze store in an integrated area before--?"

"Just...!" Kaspar groaned, egged on by Anton's snorting, otherwise silent support. "Dare. Kiss your boyfriend. Right here, right now."

"You want a kiss?"

"Didn't I just ask for that," Anton said past a scoff.

"Fine." Sam's tail whipped hard against my hip. "A dare's a dare."

"Sam," Sandor called from his seat adjacent. "You don't gotta."

"I know I don't." He snatched himself free from my grasp with so much force, climbing to his feet, it shocked even me. "But, I'm pretty sure that I'd like to kiss my boyfriend."

Sam spat that at Kaspar with venom, paw sinking into my stomach as he steadied his tipsy legs. He sucked down an angry gulp from his beer bottle, sighing defiantly, peering up from my waist with a devious yet... loving smile. "How about it?"

At that moment, basking in the sheer resolve that radiated off of my little 'panda like an aura, I swear he gave me far more of a lift that I could've possibly offered him. That held true even as I scooped him up into close, cupped paws, bringing his handsome smile and sweet, swaying tail up towards my face.

The stupid oohing of anticipation across the table sent a jolt through me. I think Sam noticed. Either way, his delicate caress of my muzzle fur was just what I needed; a steady, soothing touch that settled my unease before it could even get going.

"Come on, hon," he whispered, tugging himself closer still until he'd practically wrapped his whole self around my snout. My Sam took the lead, comfortable in his own confidence. His delight in our proximity rolled out in the form of a quiet yet forceful growl, parting the alcoholic mist in my mind, rumbling through and spreading deep within me. Those small, warm, delicate lips found mine, snout slipping ever so slightly between them. His eyes closed, ears perked, paw stroking at my whiskers, claws scritching at the tender, grateful skin around them. Cupping his butt and back with one paw, petting the back of his head with the other, I was only too ready and willing to shower him with affection in kind.

Was this performance? Defiance? Who knew. Who cared. Those noise of the room and the glares of our group left us, forced aside and away by our deep, loving kiss. Sam's tail flicked against my palm while my own hammered the couch. I could have stayed locked with him for the whole evening and beyond, tasting and touring my 'panda, but how sweet a consolation prize was his gentle smile and shining blue eyes as he eventually pulled away. Not so far as to deny me a soft lick and a bump from the tip of my nose to his. My heart was pounding, gushing out an intoxicating, invigorating warmth that swept any hiding, lingering cold far, far away. Neither Sam or I said a word. Not that we needed to. Our quiet treasuring of one another grew, flourished in the silence; the awesome power of a two second kiss.

"That it?" Kaspar grunted, paw on hip, distaste readable on his own muzzle. "That's all?"

"That's all," Sam replied, resting back in my paws, still petting my nose.

"So that's how it works... huh." Even with the lure of my boyfriend smiling wide in my hold, a sight that should have held my gaze without issue, I just couldn't miss the fox across the table leaning towards his friend. "Guess a proper kiss is too risky, what with how small he is."

Anton snorted hard. Kaspar followed. I left them to it, drawn back to Sam by a rub under my chin and keen, insistent glare that said 'fuck them'. A sentiment I could get behind, no question. If only I could allow myself to share it.

I let their stupid scoffing laughter slide, knowing that we could take it... But at the same time, I scolded myself for forcing us to have to. Where was that anger I felt over Damian's hamfisted attempted at a gay joke earlier? Where was the outburst that I expected, wanted to come in the face of their nasty, shitty attitude? Why, again, was I sinking within myself, hiding away in the face of people taking me down for the way I was?

I hadn't missed this feeling. The hurt and the... shame, even. I hadn't experienced it for a long, long time.

"Are you okay?" Sam whispered, patting the top of my nose.

I didn't know how to respond. My ears had splayed so hard that they'd surely sank into my headfur. Gods, I was so lost, so confused. I searched the room, pushing past the slow return of my tipsy haze, plotting the best path to the hallway and Lukas' front door beyond.

"Hey," Sam muttered, grabbing, wrapping a paw around and squeezing at my finger. He didn't say any more. He needn't. That alone was enough to remind me that this time, I didn't have to face the pain alone.

Gradually, the table, the group, the party came back to the fore. As I set Sam back down in my lap, freeing myself from the tightness of my curling tail, I didn't need to read minds to know that the game had lost all its fun. Damian, Sandor, Lukas: none of them were smiling. They were ready to up and walk away, just like Sam and I. Seconds more was all it would've taken for that to happen, I'm sure. Too bad for Kaspar and his fucking lapdog for persisting because of or inspite of our collective irritation. If only I'd ended it there and then, I thought. If only I hadn't delayed long enough for that fucking fox to spin that damn bottle one more time...

"Oh man, heh," Kaspar mumbled, clenching a triumphant fist. "Think it's tiny's turn again."

"Tiny?" Sam snapped, jerking atop my thigh.

"Truth or--"

"No. That's it for me." He'd barely settled, but that didn't stop him wobbling right back up onto his feet. "I don't wanna play any more."

"I ain't even finished!" Kaspar swiped, unnoticing or uncaring of Sam's stand beside my paw. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth, dare, who cares. Either way, I don't think I'm gonna like what you'll throw at me."

The smallest person here made enough noise to get the rest of our ears perking. Sam kept his squeezing hold on my finger, only releasing me once he'd strided far enough down my leg and towards the coffee table beyond. Yeah, he might've needed to peer up to find the bigger fox in the seat across from us, but the confidence in his stride and the swing in his tail told anyone with sense that he couldn't have cared less.

"You're chickenin' out then," Kaspar muttered. "Don't gotta make this big a deal about it."

"I ain't chickening out of anything." Sam stopped halfway to my knee, balancing as his feet sank and settled small divots in my bulk. "I'm just done with putting up with how much shit you've thrown at me and Marek."

"I've not thrown shit at no-one--"

"You've done nothing but!" Sam roared, shaking with its sheer force. "Every single damn question you've thrown has been way too personal or... just way below the fucking belt. I'm done."

"Damn," Anton said past a scoff. "Chill out, tiny."

"Stop calling me tiny, damn it!"

My 'panda's cry echoed around the table, and beyond. I sat up straighter, sliding both paws towards him. I noticed Damian perking beside me too, red mohawk entering my periphery. Some of the other guests started peering over their shoulders at us, breaking from the party mood being enjoyed by the rest of the room.

"Then what should we call ya?" Kaspar sneered, muzzle falling against his paw, wholly uninterested. "Shorty?"

He and Anton found plenty of entertainment from that. Sam jabbed an angry finger right on through it. "You were talking about no holds barred earlier, but I'll tell you now, you can get fucked if you think I don't know what's up with all those 'holds' you've thrown at us and us only."

For a second, just a split second, their dropping jaws and flicking ears had me thinking those two had seen some kind of sense. Either that or they'd knocked down a peg. They gawked down at Sam, almost shocked to be told some home truths by someone similar in height to my beer bottle. Of course, it'd have been far too easy for Kaspar to shut his big, shitty mouth for very long. With a creeping, lip-curling smile, he sat further forward, unaffected, boosted even by his drunkenness. "That's a whole lotta words for sayin' 'I'm bitching outta this game'."

I didn't get the chance to jump in. Maybe it was the haze. Maybe it was the hangover of how small Kaspar and Anton had made me feel with their taunting. I couldn't tell you how much I wanted to be the one to jump to my Sam's aid first. Nor could I tell you what it was I'd have said in his, our defence. But, I could tell you how heartening it was to have our friends in our corner.

"What's your problem, man?" Damian barked, plonking his beer on the table. "You're being a real dick right now."

"_Me_a dick?" Kaspar growled. "It's a game, stumpy."

"You don't reckon your questions and all have been outta line?"

"Is this about the kiss!?" He swiped a backhanded paw through the air. "Fuck, who else was gonna kiss anyone? They're the only ones of their sort here."

"_Our_sort?" Sam cried. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Woah." "Man." "Hey, come on..."

Damian and the others rumbled with disapproval. Kaspar didn't look fussed. Anton neither. They slumped back in their seats, biting back something. The fox in particular glared lazily between Sam and I, tail swaying, smirking with the look of someone who thought themselves untouchable. Untouchable... maybe on the rushball field, but not here. No ball to grab, no tacklers to swerve and outrun. Here, there was just me, Sam and that damn bottle on the coffee table. Teammate, star player or not, I'd heard enough. Now, it was him versus me.

Like instinct, I wrapped my paw around Sam, nursing him away from my knee and back to my stomach. The rest of me lurched forward, ploughing aside my groggy, messy stupor. In one motion, I grabbed that bottle, pointed it at Kaspar and slammed it back down to the table.

"I don't have any dares," I spat at the fox, defying the slackness of my tipsy tongue. "So, I'll ask a truth. What is it you don't like about us?"

Kaspar's lip twitched. Tail, too. Even harder once Sam jumped in to ask, "Is it that we're gay, mixed-size or both?"

"Yo, who _you_shouting at, tiny?"

"I'm shouting at you, prick!" He thrashed against my paw, punching his at the air as if it might grow and carry across the table. "Come on! Fucking out with it."

Even more of the people lingering closest to our game began to glance over, a few going as far as to turn their tails away and watch us directly.

Unknowing, unfazed, Kaspar threw himself forward, snarled down at Sam. Then, his eyes lifted to find me, still holding, squeezing that bottle on the table. He softened to a sneer, collapsing back in his seat. "I'm just curious is all." He turned towards Anton, smirking, bumping him on the shoulder. "Like how the hell's that even work?"

"Got me, dude," Anton jeered back. "All kinds of confusing."

"'Cos tail-lifting, that's one thing..." Kaspar flashed part of that shitty look of his at me. "But... you ain't going up him, Marek, and I don't even _know_what the fuck he'd hope to do to you."

Anton damn near cackled; all the motivation the fox needed to show the whole of his distaste. "How d'ya not... squash the guy when you're screwin' or whatever weird shit you do?"

The grumbling around the table got louder, heated. More of the party found us, pulled from their own distractions. Kaspar's tail swayed cockily, matching his pointed muzzle. They hit me like a haymaker. Almost as hard as the spite in his words before them. I put up the strongest facade that I could, but inside, he'd left me bleeding out. Crushed, scared, sad, angry, all at once.

That mess of emotion swirled through the haze in my head. My throat had all but closed, tightening in tandem with my chest. I couldn't let him win. I had to stand up for myself, for us... right?

"Hey!" Sam snapped, channelling my pain, I swear, overtaking the whole damn party. "It's not got a damn thing to do with you."

"For real!" Damian growled. "You think it'd be cool if I asked questions about how you and your girlfriend go at it? What positions and all?"

"Who--"

"'Course not! Because it's nothing to do with me."

"Hey!" Kaspar threw up a paw. "Noone asked--"

"So the answer's both," Sam sniped. "You don't like us 'cos we're gay _and_mixed-size... Maybe if we were inter-species, we'd have had the hat-trick."

"D'ya know my girlfriend's an otter, Kaspar?" Sandor asked, glaring with a spikiness that matched his headfur. "Maybe one of your shitty truth questions might've come my way if you did."

"Ah, screw this." Kaspar's tail wasn't swaying anymore. He'd lost that cocky edge. Good. "You guys are being pricks. It's just a game."

"Na, man," Lukas called from next to Sandor. "_You're_being a prick."

"Ah, get fucked, stripes."

"Okay." He stood up from the chair arm. "I think you'd best call yourself a taxi and head on home."

"You kickin' me out?"

"Man, I think you've kicked yourself out."

"Ah... fuck you." Kaspar hurled his near empty cup at the tiger. Missed. "I ain't gotta listen to this!"

The remnants of his drink splashed all over the wall. Somehow, Lukas didn't drop the guy there and then. "I think it best ya do."

"You wanna cosy up to a pair of tail-liftin' size freaks, that's on you." Kaspar groaned, growled, wobbling around in his seat. "You don't gotta kick me out. I'm fuckin' done with this."

"Hey," Damian shouted through the slurred commotion. "I wouldn't bother turning up to the game Sunday if I were you."

"Or else what? Huh!?"

"Or else you'll get told where to go." The wolverine had stolen that cocky smirk from Kaspar. "Coach won't want you around. Not after I've told him I'm not playing with a homophobic sizeist."

"And who the fuck are you!?" Kaspar slammed his feet to the carpet, swaying up out of his chair. "You barely play anyway."

Sandor and Lukas followed, outsizing the fox, the latter even more so. They needn't have said a word to make their point. Lukas made sure to anyway. "This is the last time I ask nicely. Leave. Please."

"We all good over 'ere?" Radko arrived on scene too, striding forward from the gobsmacked crowd we'd drawn to the table. The wide boar carried on walking, right up until his stomach bumped Kaspar almost clean off his feet. "Heard you was headin' out about now."

The room fell as quiet as it'd been all evening. Thumping music aside, you could have heard a pin drop. Kaspar had nowhere left to turn. Not a single friendly face to rely on, not even from the gormless skunk shrinking down in the seat beside him. End of the line.

"Ah... screw this," he grumbled, staggering, bashing the table, almost falling onto it completely. Bumping past Radko, growling, he slinked away into the watching, parting crowd.

"You can go too," Lukas snapped at Anton.

"What did _I_do?"

"Get the fuck outta here!"

That sent him practically jolting up out of his seat. On wobbly, wasted feet, Anton damn near tripped over himself as he rushed to follow Kaspar's walk of shame, calling after the fox the whole way out into the hall.

Steadily, the tension in both the air myself eased. Curious voices returned to more regular conversations, rejoining the music, helping the party to feel more like a party again. Fickle, maybe. But not those around the table.

"Hey." Damian set a paw on my shoulder, peering on down at Sam in my lap. "Are you guys good?"

I nodded. Slowly. Sam managed to offer a steady, "Yeah."

"Where the hell did that all come from?" Sandor grumbled.

"If I see that prick on Sunday..." Lukas grunted, still glaring towards the hall. "He'll find out what's up."

Sam's tail wagged between my palm and my stomach. That helped lift me from the ground as much as the support for us. Finally, I found my voice again. "Thanks... for having our backs, guys."

"Don't even sweat it, big man," Radko hollered, twice drumming his fist to his chest. "'Ey, Lukas, Imma go make sure they get gone."

"Solid. Thanks, man." The tiger turned towards the dripping mess on the wall behind him. "Better get something to clear _this_up."

"I'll get more drinks," Sandor called, slapping me on the arm, smiling, dipping his gaze towards Sam. "Wanna come grab yourself one too?"

"Sure," he confirmed, his nod assertive. I loosened my grasp, helping my 'panda into Sandor's cupped, waiting paws, resisting the urge to tell the raccoon to take care of him. Gods... how much of a mess was I?

"I'll help you out when I'm done with the wall," Lukas said, following Sandor and Sam towards the kitchen. In a matter of moments, the crowded coffee table had cleared, leaving just myself and Damian behind, sitting together on that two-seater couch.

"Marek..." My fur frizzed at his voice. I couldn't place the reason why. "I, uh... I'm sorry you had to deal with that."

I turned to him. Strangely, his small smile settled me back down again. "Yeah... Not fun."

"You're okay though. Right?"

My nod came near automatically, as much as I felt like I should've shaken my head instead. I wasn't sure what else to say, other than to repeat my, "Thanks... for helping."

"It's cool." His smile spread, putting his fangs on show. "I think I told you a while back. My sister's going out with a Maleni too. I, uh..." He peered down to his lap, wrapping both paws around his empty beer bottle. "I hear about the stuff that gets said to them. Not very often, but... sometimes."

I searched my mind for that 'while back', finding it in that afternoon in November. The first time I brought Sam to watch one of our games. Admittedly, I hadn't really been listening to him back then, but my lifting ears were very much open this time around.

"But sometimes, any time, it sucks either way, and... Thinking of sis and her boyfriend going through that, seeing you and Sam going through that... Nah, I ain't gonna stand for it."

I nodded again, far more conviction this time. "I didn't expect... I never imagined... I thought everyone on the team was fine with it. I guess I'm... shocked."

"Hey, it's cool." Just for a moment, the wolverine's ears perked to rival his red mohawk in height. "No, I mean, _it's_not cool, but... There's no shame in being hurt is what I'm saying."

"Heh." I smiled: a long forgotten sensation. "I know."

"But I think, nah, I _know_I'm speaking for everyone else when I say we won't stand for that shit. The gay side, the mixed-size side... Any side."

I sighed, wanting so much to find that same confidence. "I'm not sure how Coach'll like the idea of losing one of our best players."

"I think he'd hate the idea of losing all us guys worse." He held up a finger, starting to grin. "Kaspar might be good, but not _that_good."

My tail flicked away from my leg. Sitting up straight came easier. For a third, final, most forceful time, extending a paw, I could offer Damian my deepest, "Thanks. I really appreciate it."

"Anytime." He slapped his paw to mine, clasping, trying to pull me, but ultimately throwing _himself_into a quick, unexpected hug. "I forget you're so big sometimes, damn."

The smile that drew was the biggest, easiest one yet. Man, he might have been a drip sometimes, but deep down... Yeah. I guess Damian was a pretty stand up guy.

One by one, the others returned to clean the wall, bring drinks for all, and finally to announce that the coast outside was clear. We all settled around the coffee table, returning to our previous positions, with Radko taking Kaspar's place on the chair opposite.

"Let's get this gone," Damian grunted, shoving away the empty bottle that'd caused so much pain, leaving space instead for Sandor and Lukas to set those full ones down instead. Oh, how much more of a pleasure were they to look at, and how much more did I enjoy the laughter and joking that accompanied them.

"Did ya see how fast he took off," Sandor jeered, grabbing up his fresh beer. "Turned tail like he was out on the field."

"Pretty sure Radko had something to do with that," Damian replied, almost cheering. "You weren't far from bumping him clear outta the window."

"Ahh, that was just a warning nudge," Radko said with a satisfied smirk. "Outta the window was the next stage."

Through the ripple of laughter that won, Sandor gestured his bottle my way, asking, "Why didn't ya slam him through the table or something?"

"Hey," Lukas called, still chuckling. "That's _my_table, man."

"Yeah, yeah, but wouldn't it have been somethin' to see Marek blitz him like he did that badger playing for the Scarlets?" Sandor grinned back at me. "That's still tackle of the season for me by the way."

"Heh, I mean..." I rubbed the back of my neck. "I, uh... I guess I like this table too much to have put him through it."

"Good answer," Lukas grunted.

"Never mind Marek," Damian said, nodding down towards my lap. "We're just lucky Sam didn't go after him. The way he was looking, size difference be damned, I swear we'd have been dealing with a murder scene."

That drew the bigger round of laughter yet. Heh. Even I managed a snicker, stroking my finger through Sam's headfur as he rocked against my stomach. Wide smiles spread all around us. As if what'd happened just a few minutes prior hadn't happened at all. We sipped down more of our drinks, letting the mood ease further. Still, some of us had more left to say.

"Hey, M." I turned to Lukas' call, finding him with his head hanging, itching his nose with a finger. "I'm sorry for not talking up more sooner..."

"Same," Sandor added, his smile shrinking, pained. "I didn't know he was gonna go so... y'know."

The quiet amid the party returned to hang between us all. Like them, I was at a loss over what to say. Maybe the shock hadn't passed... but I appreciated what they had done. What they were doing. "It's okay."

"Why the fuck did you agree to playin' this stupid kids game anyway?" Radko's less than subtle question killed the silence before it could return. "You shoulda come played cards."

"I'd have cleaned you out is why," Sandor shot back.

"Fat chance."

"You reckon?"

"Yeah!" Radko grinned. "The other guys woulda beat you to it."

The loudest roll of laughter yet cut through any lingering frostiness the memory of Kaspar had left behind. The atmosphere lightened, easing the weight on my shoulders, setting me free to sit back properly and squeeze a grumbling, contented Sam tight against my stomach. Right there, right then, even in the shadow of all the unpleasantness that'd come before, these guys, this team, reminded me why I loved them more like family.

---

We left Lukas' place... two hours later? I couldn't be sure. We'd sunk into chatting and joking and drinking so completely that time just flashed on by. A wonderful feeling. A wonderful time... but I'm not sure if it could've ever been wonderful enough to pave over the foundations beneath it.

Sat there in the backseat of our taxi home, snout against the window, I watched house after sidestreet after storefront roll on by, dull and lifeless under cover of night. The world felt floaty. Distant. Almost unreal. I wasn't sure if it was the drinking or the aftermath of Kaspar's game, but I'm sure it was responsible for this cold, numbing sensation overtaking me.

Beside me, down in his smaller seat in the middle of the backseat, Sam wore that wide, shining, beer-boosted smile. His words were dulled, muffled, suppressed by the static between my ears. I appreciated it, though; he always did an excellent job of bearing the brunt of an over-talkative driver, and this was one taxi ride that I couldn't pretend to social on.

As we coasted to a stop, waiting for the green light at a junction I didn't care enough to recognise, I couldn't save myself from reliving that damned game over and over. Kaspar had bailed, hopefully never to be seen again... but that smirking, pointed muzzle of his just would not leave my head. Why did I care so much? Why couldn't I be as... happy as Sam seemed to be? Why in the gods' names did I keep dwelling on those horrible, soul-crushing, borderline hateful comments? Comments designed to tear me and my life itself to pieces.

I did what I could to take heart from how my friends had stood up for Sam and I, showing us that they cared and accepted us. Truly, I was grateful to them, more so than I could've ever hoped to tell them in my shock-driven near-paralysis... but I also remembered Lukas and Sandor's regret for not stepping in sooner. They'd apologised, asked for forgiveness, wholly unaware that inside, I was just as sorry as them.

I tore myself from the night, returning to watch over my little boyfriend beside me. As happy and as talkative as he seemed, eyes shining, tail sweeping the seat beside him, I just hoped that it wasn't a facade meant for me as much as our driver. I hated myself for not standing up for us both harder, earlier, but just as much, I loathed the fact that I'd had to hear those kinds of spiteful comments. Again.

Why did people have to treat us so differently? Why couldn't they get that we were... people? Just two people that loved each other, no more, no less? Why couldn't they just keep their snouts to their own lives and leave us to ours?

The light ahead turned green. We jerked back into motion. It wouldn't be long before Sam and I could escape back to our home. I hoped it might bring me peace...

The bathroom tiles chilled my bare feet, sending constant, body-twitching reminders from my pads all the way up to my shoulders. I'd shaken myself free of my trousers on the walk down the hall, unfastening the bottom few buttons of my chequered green shirt in the process. Sure, it helped me feel looser, far less constricted, but my clothes alone couldn't help with the tension running through me.

The tap hit my snout with another cold front, waking me from my stupor for the time being at least. I gulped down all the coolness I could, trying in vain to ease the dryness in my mouth, only stopping once the need to come back up for air proved too strong.

I hauled myself away from the sink again, fighting through a stiffness that had me feeling like I'd just stepped off the rushball field. As if the 'panda gawking back from the mirror could've been capable of that.

Head hanging, nose dry, eyes red, splashing my face with more water did nothing to improve matters. Every one of my senses felt dull, the fogginess in my head still persisting, now underscored by the slow, strengthening rise of a headache. I wasn't sure what I was looking for in the mirror, but I doubt I'd have found it regardless.

I must have set my phone down on the counter somewhere along the line. Beside the sink, through the spattered remains of my attempts to wash the haze away, I could see a number of notifications beaconing me. Blinking hard, shifting myself closer, a limp drag of my finger across the screen revealed their source: my friends' group chat.

'Take care M', 'Get home safe', 'Chat to ya tomorrow'.

I appreciated it. A lot. So much so that I could feel the dampness starting around my eyes.

'Home ok', I jabbed into the keyboard, hitting send and nudging my phone away in one fell swoop. No matter how much warmth and reassurance their concern offered, I just wanted to put that party, this night, behind me.

"Marek?" Sam called from outside, knocking away at the Maleni door behind and below. "Can I come in?"

The 'panda in the mirror didn't answer. Who knew why.

"Hon?" He knocked again, then paused. "Are you in there?"

Again, Sam didn't get a response; the cue for him to open that little door and creep a few small steps across the tiles.

"See, I _knew_you were in here," he sang up at me with a triumphant, slightly slurred tone. That cheer in his voice wouldn't last. "Marek? Are you okay?"

I genuinely wondered what gave it away. My tail was pretty tucked, I suppose... Ears too, if he could see them from down at shin height. It was no use. I couldn't keep it up, nor did Sam deserve the silent treatment. Tugging myself away from the mirror, and the sink, I turned halfway around towards him, nodding gently, sighing harder.

"Well then," he said from just inside his door, head cocked, wearing nothing but his boxers. "That's a no."

I scoffed, retreating back to the counter, hearing Sam's continue across the tiles. "Do you expect me to be?"

"Probably not." The light tapping of his feet carried him past mine, all the way to the side of the counter unit. "But I'd like to talk about it... If you think it'll help."

The whirring of the lift began. In a few short seconds, Sam reappeared, peering up from stomach-height, ears perked in wait for my answer as he stepped onto the countertop.

"I'm not sure it _could_help."

"Try me."

I pondered that for a moment, watching him pad over to his little sink a short way from mine. The whole time, he remained patient, not pushing. That cute red and white tail of his swept the laminate, buoying my mood enough to make words that much easier to come by.

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" He scoffed back.

"For... putting you through all that tonight."

"Putting me through what?"

"Oh, you _know_what, Sam."

"Do I?" He folded his arms. "Because last I checked it wasn't you being the jerk."

I huffed a fog out onto the mirror. Too bad the one in my head remained.

"Hon..." Sam padded across the counter, reaching out to rub at the thick fur around my navel. "Listen, I really enjoyed the party... The bottle game aside."

"I'm glad."

"And did you?"

"Huh?"

"Did_you_enjoy the party?"

"I... don't know."

"Sure you do." He beamed up at me, spreading his arms wide beneath my open shirt and flopping against my bare stomach. "There were good moments. Way more than bad ones."

I sighed again, rubbing at my increasingly sore eyes. Sam had a point about the good moments, but it was very much those bad ones clouding my mind. "Fucking Kaspar. I just wish..."

"Hmm?" He pushed his little snout into my fur, nuzzling and planting a smooch deep beneath. "What do you wish, hon?"

"I wish I'd... said more." I clenched a fist. "Or punched him or did... something."

"You_could_have punched him, but that's just not my big 'panda." He jiggled my belly for a moment, easing into a softer round of patting. "And as much as it might've felt good, it wouldn't have solved anything. He'd have still said everything he'd said."

My whole self seemed to sag, flop, sending Sam a couple of steps back across the counter in the process. He snickered, clinging onto and squeezing harder at my bulk.

"Watch where you're throwing this thing," he cried, throwing a playful cuff at me. "Or at least make sure I end up underneath it next time."

That forced a hard snort out of me, one that Sam matched and then some. Bless my little 'panda. I doubt he realised just how much of my weight he truly was carrying. "I really did have no idea that Kaspar was like that. Not that I knew him that well."

"He's just a teammate. You're not gonna know them all inside out."

"I guess."

"It's a bit like my handball team back in high school..." Sam stopped, ears splaying. "Actually, no. Now's not the time."

"Heh." I rubbed a claw at the fuzzy white fur of his ear, happy to be able to tempt them both back upright again. "Was that going to be another motivational anecdote?"

"Maybe." His tail swayed hard, a bright chuckle sending happy vibrations into my stomach. "But you don't need to hear it."

I wrapped a paw around him, hugging tight, loving how he felt against me, only loosening and releasing again once my thoughts returned to that damn fox. "Kaspar... He could be a moody dick sometimes when things didn't go his way out on the field, but... I didn't know about all _that_stuff."

"Forget him. Him and that dumb skunk friend of his are two jerks out of who knows how many. Not just in that team, but..." He threw up his arms, waving two big circles. "Out of everyone."

Sam had a point. I knew he did. His logic was sound. If only logic was sufficient to stop me focusing on those two out of many, rubbing and grinding my paws together.

"Hey..." His paw reached up to stroke mine, only stopping once I'd stopped tugging away at my own fur. "Is there more?"

That pushed my shoulders back. "Why do you ask that?"

"Only... You're taking this real hard."

"How else should I take it?"

Sam huffed, shaking his head. He'd stay with me, though. "I mean, what happened wasn't nice, but... What's wrong? Honestly?"

I gazed down at my own paws, idly fiddling with my fingers. Speak up more, that's what my Ma used to say. The same message that Sam had taken upon himself to continue pushing. Staying quiet was easy. It avoided friction. Maintained the status quo... but as I stood there, hyper-focusing on my blurry claws and fingertips, I had a question to pose myself. What kind of status quo was this?

"See, big 'panda..." Sam reached up for my paw again, wrapping his around my index finger. "I'd help lead you someplace more comfortable than the bathroom to talk about it if I could." He squeezed at my pad, offering me a big, gleaming smile. "But, y'know, you're probably just a teeny bit too big and heavy for me to do that."

I choked out a laugh, sniffing, stretching my own show of contentment for him, even as the pressure behind my eyes turned to tears. "I'll, uh... H-How about I help you lead?"

"That could work," he answered in a sugary tone, play-tugging me by the finger. "Ready when you are, hon."

I needed no second invitation to part my paws and cup them again. Sam always fit so perfectly within his most personal of personal seats. Almost as perfect as he did within the valley of my chest. His loud, delighted grumble echoed through the bathroom, sending my ears flicking as hard as my tail. The cold of the tiles didn't stab my feet so hard as I crossed them again, carrying my warm little 'panda and I back out into the hallway. The living room sat beyond. Maybe there, in the space it offered, I could properly open myself up for him.

The couch caught me, groaning as if channelling my own aches and pains. Most I could blame on the amount of drink I'd taken on at the party. Most, but not all.

Sam settled down in my lap while I sank back into the cushion, peering up at the floaty, shifting mess that was the ceiling. I needed more water. Getting up again felt too much like hard work. Maybe in a little bit.

"How's this?" he called softly, doing his own sinking into my belly fur. "Better out here, right?"

"Mhmm..." I was so taken by his care and his sweet gesture of 'leading' me somewhere more comfortable... that I forgot the 'talk about it' part of his proposition.

"So?" His handsome, still tipsy muzzle shone for me. "What's on your mind? What's really got you upset?"

I looked at him, properly looked at him, enthralled by just how much he belonged there, cuddling my stomach, stroking at my fur. Sam could have waited there all night for me, I'm sure, but he deserved far more, far better than that. Right there in that moment, I realised no, I didn't want to talk about my thoughts... but I very much wanted to share them with him.

"I... know that tonight might not have felt like a big deal to you, but... Yeah. It hurt me. A lot."

Through my fatigue, mental and physical, I knew I hadn't worded that well. I expected a comeback or a rebuttal of sorts, but instead... Sam simply sat there, smiling sleepily, slowly rubbing a cheek against my fur. This couch was comfortable. My position upon it even more so.

"You see... This is hurting so much because..." I took a deep breath, securing him against my padding in the process. "This isn't the first time I've had to deal with this."

Still, Sam kept himself so still, so quiet, ever so delicate with his petting and nuzzling. As if he were the Visoka and I were the Maleni.

"Back in Karnik, when I was growing up... It's such a different place to here in Koprovice."

"How so?" he sang, yawning. "Sorry. You're really comfy."

"Heh." Sweet little 'panda. Even as the whole room seemed to darken with my thoughts, he could find a way to make me laugh. "Back home... you'd hear a lot of... shitty comments."

"About?"

"You name it." I sighed, tail tip flitting closer to the outside of my leg. "Homophobic stuff. Sizeist. More. Thrown around out in public, in stores, at sports, like it was... nothing. Normal. You'd hear it from older folk, younger... talking about tail-lifters, homos, fairies and gods know what else. That's not to mention attitudes towards mixed-size relationships, even if they weren't that common."

"Did they make those comments to you?" I shook my head. "To friends?"

Peering down came easy with my hanging head. There beside my Sam, I found my paws locking up and grinding together again. Not even his affectionate attention could stop them this time. "I had a Maleni biology teacher in high school. Mr. Kaminski. Every class, before and after, the other guys in class would _always_joke about him being a... y'know."

"About him being gay?"

"Yeah... though much less kindly. Tying it in with his size to boot."

"Hon, that's... Kids being kids. Dumb as fuck."

"I'm not done," I snapped, albeit bluntly. The haze was coming on stronger. Plus I couldn't bear to find an angry tone, even at the height of frustration. "That was one thing, but then it came out that, yeah, he _was_gay..._and_in a relationship with a Visoka. After that, it wasn't just kids with something to say, but parents too."

"Why were they so concerned?"

"Why do you think?" My huff almost bounced Sam clear across my lap. "Because it's 'unnatural'."

"I've never heard that before."

"No, I'm sure not--!" I bit back my complaints, squashing them up and turning them into a rumbling groan instead. Sam hadn't done a single thing wrong. My experience simply wasn't his. "It's Karnik: capital of the sticks. Plenty of preachy freaks getting their religion all twisted."

His fuzzy ears dipped. I figured the penny had finally dropped.

"You'd get parents bawling about how inappropriate it was, worrying about what 'godsless' nonsense they might be pushing in the classroom, as if Mr. Kaminski's personal life was part of the syllabus. Poor guy. I hated to see him leave... but no shock that he quit to move back to Pozrun the following summer. Chased away by a bunch of small-minded bigots in a small-minded town."

My trail of thought had run its course, leaving me nowhere to go at the very height of my fleeting openness. I didn't know where to look. The floating ceiling only threatened to upset my queasy stomach, while the view outside was nothing but near-lifeless apartment buildings around a silhouette park. Ahead, the clock beneath the TV ticked a minute closer to one in the morning. Lonely hours.

So then, thank the gods for my Sam, bumping his nose into my stomach, showering me in sympathy with sad eyes alone... and bless the way he could be so utterly abject with words sometimes. "So... You weren't out at school."

"Wha-No," I barked, choking on the mess of words that all jumped forth at once. "Imagine me... thirteen, fourteen, having funny feelings for other guys... Visoka and_Maleni... all while the _one_gay person in my life is being hounded out of his job. How could I ever be open about or around _that?"

"Yeah..." He grimaced, burying his face in my fur. "...Yeah."

"I used to get plenty of so-called jokes as it was, going through the worst of my growth spurts. Living down stuff like ripping the butt outta my trousers one lunchtime was hard enough... But my life would have been hell if I'd come out at school."

My voice cracked and crumbled away, leaving me able to do nothing but fall back in my seat and try to sigh this aching in my heart away. The hurt was real, flooding forth from fifteen years ago to drown out my present. I squeezed my eyes shut, clenching up as if I were heading full speed towards the wall ahead, waiting for the inevitable impact. It made no sense, but fuck, what did?

"Hey, hey," Sam called, tugging at my finger. "Calm down. It's fine."

"Guh... Tonight... It brought it all back." I grunted, gasping for air as the weight of the world hammered at my chest. "Shame. Loneliness--"

"Hon. Please." He grabbed either side of my paw with both of his. "Come here."

I pried my eyes back open, wiped away the dampness. There in my lap, my little 'panda heaved away at me with all his might, trying to guide my paw towards him. I let myself go loose, only too happy to watch and to feel Sam wrap himself inside a cuddling hug against my stomach.

"That's in the past now," he muttered, showering me in licks, nuzzles and more against my pads ahead and my bulk behind him. "I'm sorry... I had no idea things were that bad for you growing up."

My jaw set itself shut, tightening with the rest of me. I figured that window into my past had closed along with it. As it turned out, Sam and his sweet, prying little snout had other ideas.

"How about your parents?" he asked, sinking ever so slightly into me. "Did they know?"

"They were great," I insisted. "Gods, I loved them for how great they were about it... When I did eventually get the nerve to come out to them. I was seventeen and... I just couldn't keep it bottled up anymore, y'know? I had to tell them."

"I know." Sam sighed hard against my fingerpad, tending to my fur with his claws. "I felt the same in a lot of ways... though I guess I had it easier than you did."

"Just differently." I rubbed that pad against his cheek. "I told Ma first. One evening, before I went to bed. I knew I wouldn't have been able to sleep otherwise. Turned out I didn't really need to in a lot of ways."

"Why?"

"Because I shuffled on into my parents bedroom while Dad was out in the garden, took a deep breath, told her... only for Ma to tell _me_that she already knew."

Sam's ears flicked against my finger. "She knew?"

"Yeah! Or at least, she said she knew, deep down. 'What kind of mother wouldn't' was her explanation for that."

"My Ma didn't," he murmured. "I mean... maybe she did, but... Either way, the shock on her face didn't last long after I came out to her. She told me she didn't care and that she loved me, and then five minutes later was asking if I was okay with chicken for dinner."

That rocked me with something approaching a chuckle; a reaction that pleased my smiling Sam no end.

"How about your Dad?" he asked.

"I told him a few weeks later, on the ride home after rushball practice." I managed a full, proper chuckle that time. "Like your Ma, he said he didn't care, but...

Sam squeezed at my finger. "But?"

"But then he also said that he supposed I'd be quitting rushball."

He scoffed. "Really?"

"Yeah! Heh... I know he didn't mean it badly, just... I guess he figured gay guys don't like rushball."

"Well that doesn't make sense," Sam flopped against me, sending a ripple through my stomach. "What kinda gay guy _wouldn't_love tackling and bumping up against a bunch of other big, strong guys, having them... crashing around, landing on top of you?"

I snorted hard, moving to wrap both my paws around him. "I think the whole 'big guys landing on top of you' thing might be your niche, actually."

"Only if it involves _you_doing the landing, big 'panda." He wobbled my bulk as much as he could, rubbing and kneading the edges of my navel, planting a kiss within. "No-one does it quite like you do."

"I'll take your word for it, little 'panda." I snuggled him close, finally feeling my tail starting to sway away from my thigh. "But... as much as my parents were great about it, I had to get away. That's why I came here for university, and it's why I don't want to go back to Karnik, even if it means not visiting family as much as I'd like to. As much as they'd like to see me... us."

My little Sam, even as I laid myself bare for him, deep in the depths of this persistent haze, he had a way of keeping my head above water. Curling up with me in my tight, dare I say, needy hold, his happy grumbling grew to feel more like purring against my stomach. In a strange way, delving into and sharing my past with my 'panda, I'd lost track of what'd led us to sanctuary here on our couch in the first place.

"Well, I'm sad to know that you came here for that reason... but I can't tell you how glad I am that you did." His soft blue eyes peered on up at me past the crest of my stomach. "You'd have never walked into the gym, and I'd have never had a chance to check out the big, sexy 'panda who'd end up being my... big, sexy boyfriend."

"Oh, I'm glad too." I managed to offer him another small chuckle, bumping a fingertip to his nose. "But more than glad, it was a relief to make it here to Koprovice, hard as it was to leave my parents back home. I just... I couldn't be me in Karnik. Not without fear of being abused myself for it. But here, living in a big city proud of its tolerance, be it gender, species, size, sexuality,anything, I could be open. Free. Finally."

I gasped down air, recuperating from that long, liberating announcement to my partner. Sam on the other hand, he kinda just sat there, cuddling and rubbing me, still radiating positive support, albeit now with a slight tilt to his head.

"I don't think I've never heard my hometown spoken about as positively as that," he muttered into my fur, finishing on a soft snicker. "But it's nice that you found all that here."

"Heh..." I rubbed the back of my own paw, smirking. "I mean... all that stuff about tolerance towards all, that was according to the K-Tech prospectus I read through back when I was choosing universities to apply to."

"And it sounds like it wasn't a lie."

"No. It wasn't... For about ten years or so." Sam's affectionate petting stopped. Back to the start we went. "Tonight was the first time I've dealt with abuse directly, and I... Honestly never expected to have to. Not here. Naive as that probably sounds."

"Oh, hon. It's--"

"Hearing all that tonight, thrown towards me, you."

"Listen--"

"It's got me feeling like that scared kid hiding in the closet back in Karnik. It's proved that there's bigots everywhere--"

"Marek." Sam bumped my paw, jumped, using my navel like a springboard to squeeze up out of my hold so fast it shocked me silent. "Don't beat yourself up."

"Wah--?"

He kept on going, grabbing my fur, scaling my stomach as if it were a rock face. Such was his force and speed, tail batting away behind him, he reached the crest of my belly by the time I could reach out to help him up into my chest.

"Yeah, there might be bigots and jerks," he said, stroking under my snout. "But if it helps, this is the first time I've ever had to deal with it, too. I guess we're both... kinda lucky in that sense.

"Puh... I don't feel lucky."

"No, I know, but what I mean--"

"Even when people are supportive, it's too much sometimes."

"Huh? How?"

"The laser focus, the prying into each and every aspect of our relationship. Being treated like some kind of... ugh, what did Tamara call us?"

"I don't remem--"

"Quirky! That's it. Being treated like some quirky sideshow." I sucked in air, sighed hard, rubbed at my light head. Our hectic, drunken evening was catching up fast. "Why can't we just be left alone?"

Sam fell against me, rubbing and cuddling against my chest and neck with arms and legs. The warmth of his breath tickled and soothed. It all helped my heart stop thumping so hard and so fast.

"In an ideal world, we would be left alone, hon." He reached up to scritch around between my whiskers. "But different always gets attention. S'pose... we need to embrace it. Embrace the positives, ignore the negatives."

"Shouldn't need to," I spat back, sagging.

"I know, but..." He leaned ever so, charming me with a smile from beyond my muzzle. "At least we can do it together."

My head dipped further, weighing heavier under my foggy fatigue. My Sam though, he caught me, squeezing into me with all his mighty, stopping me from falling.

"As for that Kaspar prick and his friend," he barked, grabbing at my chestruff with a defiant paw. "Maybe, probably, they're not the only intolerant fucks in Koprovice, and sure, it sucks what we had to go through this evening... but what's working for me right now is remembering our folks, our friends, and _everyone_else who loves and supports us. Even if it might not be in the... best way sometimes."

"I--"

"So_fuck_Kaspar," he roared, teeth bared. "Fuck that skunk dude, and fuck _anyone_else that's got a problem with us."

I huffed, dropping against the back cushions from way closer than I expected. Sam kept up that fierce, fiery, resolute glare, only breaking to smile the moment I did.

"There we go," he sang, far sweeter and kinder, rubbing me on the nose tip. "Love you, hon." His kiss on my lip sealed the deal, lifting me to the spinning ceiling above. "Always will."

I licked him back, voice cracking up for all the right reasons as I blurted, "Love you, too."

We cuddled up closer than ever, Sam squeezing into my chest while I allowed myself to collapse around him. He grunted hard beneath my paws and chin, tail struggling to flit from the pressure of my affections. It started me chuckling, melting over him even more. Still, I hadn't shaken the whole of my shame.

"I really do wish that I'd stood up for us more tonight." I sniffed, nursing a finger at the back of his head while his ears flicked against my muzzle. "For you. Like you did for me."

"We_both_stood up for each other."

"Not really. I went quiet while you and the others pretty much shut them down. I just... sat there. Watching."

"You were upset. Like I was. You don't have to feel bad about it."

"I just..." I broke again, giving in to a huffing groan. "I didn't take care of you."

"Oh, hon." Sam batted at paw at my snout, chuckling gently. "Look... You take care of me, watch out for me so much... be it around the apartment, or like tonight, when I'm having my anxious moments, but you gotta remember that it's not always your_job to protect _me." He wiggled his way closer to my cheek, nuzzling and grumbling into it. "I might not be as big and... mmf, as wonderfully huge as you, but I _can_and_will_protect you too." Then came a delicate smooch, sucking the pain right out of me. "It's not all on you. Don't you go forgetting that."

I couldn't stop myself breaking into a short sob, sending a tear past my Sam as I snugged him up tight. "You really are a blessing."

"I know."

We snorted softly together, staying right there, wrapped up in one another, better and stronger than we ever could be apart. I loved my friends, and I loved my little 'panda so much more than I could say with words alone.

More dampness flowed free down my cheeks, springing from a source far warmer and happier than that which had come before. Kaspar, Anton, any other bigot from the past, present, future: I wouldn't let any of them break me, us. From then on, I swore to myself that they'd only make me stronger. Heh, maybe even half as strong as my brave little Sam sprawled out under my paws.