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The roaring noise of the indoor waterfall was somewhat distracting, but it was white noise to mask the din of the mall’s food court. I somehow managed to navigate through the crowded tables whilst balancing the shopping bag containing my new clothes and a plastic tray holding four slices of pizza and two drinks. Holly managed to find a small, empty table near the waterfall, just large enough for two patrons. I figured her choice to also go for pizza was intentional; considering her message from a few days ago.

After the delicate dance of setting the tray on the table was finished, I didn’t waste much time digging into my slices of pepperoni-laden goodness. Holly was a bit more reserved; looking around the area before turning to her food. I met her gaze after finishing about half of my first slice. “Is everything okay?”

Her expression was quite pensive; there was a moment’s pause before she answered. “Not really. I was making sure none of my so-called friends were around. I figure I wouldn’t hear the end of it if they saw me like this.”

I blinked before taking another bite of my pizza, giving me enough time to frame my response. “You mean hanging around me, or your change in style? I figure you wouldn’t have asked me about this prom thing if you liked those people. Why stay around them?”

She took a sip of her drink, her pensiveness shifting to curiosity before she responded. “Did you take Mr. Dennings’ philosophy class in junior year?” I shook my head and arched an eyebrow; Holly taking that as a sign to continue. “One of our later class assignments was to develop our own personal philosophy; guiding principles, outlook on the world, and all of that. My dad taught me that service and loyalty are paramount, even if that means self sacrifice.”

I nodded. “That’s understandable and noble, though how does that apply to jerk friends?”

She nodded at me between bites of pizza. “Part of that philosophy is that if you’re in a group, it’s your responsibility to do your part within that group to help it succeed. When I started school here, I was alone. We just moved here; I didn’t have any friends or knew anyone outside of my parents and neighbors. I had a class with Katie and Megan; they took me under their wing and introduced me to their friends. By the time freshman year was over I was a part of their group; Megan started dating you during sophomore year and we started seeing her less and less, so I got more involved with Katie and her friends.”

I took a breath. I still wasn’t okay with hearing old stories about Megan, but this conversation seemed to be important to Holly so I fought past the discomfort. “I… I vaguely remember Megan telling me Katie seemed angry at her for spending time with me.”

Holly nodded. “She was. At the time I thought it was just Megan being a jerk, but I was sucked into Katie’s orbit. I wanted to fit in and be part of their group so I made sure to wear the right brands, do the activities they wanted to do, and make sure to help out and be loyal to them. I didn’t have that philosophy written down, but that was how I saw it. I wanted to see everyone succeed, and that meant sacrificing what I wanted in order to see others succeed. There are leaders and there are followers; they provide direction and guidance while we help them achieve their goals.”

I sat back a bit, taking a swig of my Coke. “Holly, while I can admire that philosophy it’s easy to get taken advantage of by those kinds of people. I’m surprised Matt never mentioned what I did, considering what happened that winter.”

“You mean the winter shindig?” Holly asked.

I nodded. “Yeah. Megan accidentally let it slip that my folks were going to be away on a ski trip over most of winter break, and he took it upon himself to corner me after school and insist that I let them hold their party at my house. His reasoning was that Tim’s parents were going to be home and they needed a nice place without a lot of supervision,” I sighed, gesturing to the air with my rapidly disappearing slice of pizza. “Megan told me about their summer shindig where they snuck alcohol from Tim’s parents and left his house a wreck. Despite promises to befriend me and ‘let me into the club’, I refused. He wasn’t too happy with me after that. I wasn’t stupid; I knew they were going to wreck our house if I let them.”

“After being part of several of our shindigs, that was a smart move,” Holly admitted; embarrassment crossing her features. “I’m not going to lie; Matt was pissed. He had a week to convince Sarah to let us use her place; I don’t think she was caught but her brother had to help her clean up.”

“So, why be loyal to these people?” I asked. “I get the whole philosophy of being a team player, but it doesn’t seem like they care about the consequences of their actions.”

Holly was silent for a moment; meeting my gaze with a curious expression. “You have a point. That’s why I’m here and not prom shopping with Katie and her friends at the boutiques downtown,” she paused, setting her pizza and drink aside before continuing her explanation. “Mr. Dennings also mentioned that our philosophies can and will change as we learn more about ourselves and the world. It’s a hard lesson to learn, and I’m starting to realize that I’m following the wrong crowd.”

I also remained quiet for a moment; absorbing her words. “It sounds like you’ve done a lot of thinking and made some significant changes. I didn’t think you were an anime fan, for starters.”

“I spent a few years in Japan before we moved here; my family is military,” Holly explained, straightening up to more closely reveal her T-shirt. “It’s from an Anime called Neon Genesis Evangeleon; have you seen it yet?”

I shook my head. “Not yet, at least. Julie and Seth have some tapes and DVDs and I’ve seen a few shows, but I haven’t watched much Anime. I assume it’s a good show?”

Holly nodded. “It’s deeper than it appears and the characters are complex. I like shows and music that make you think. That’s why I like Asuka,” she pointed to the character on her shirt. “She’s headstrong and a bit stubborn, but behind all that she tries to be kind and caring. I see some of that in myself,” a little bit of a blush lit up her cheeks. “I even went as her to a Halloween party last year, but my friends didn’t really recognize the costume.”

I finished off the last piece of my pizza; setting my plate aside to concentrate on the dregs of my soda. “Well, we do have characters we relate to on some level. I mean, last year I went as a videogame character that nobody really knows about.”

Holly’s response surprised me. “The one where you went as Caleb from Blood?” I blinked; surprised she knew about that. “My dad has that game; Julie showed me a picture of the party you guys went to. I think I would have had a better time there.”

“At least someone got the reference,” I chuckled. “Will and Seth twisted my arm until I agreed to go with them. It was the first time I had really done anything after Megan’s accident, and since it was just us it was a better time than I thought.”

A smile tugged at her lips. “I told you they are good friends. I know you aren’t interested in the prom, but they’re making sure you’re okay. Julie’s concerned that you’ve closed yourself off, and I can see why.”

I remained silent. The tone of her voice wasn’t accusatory and Julie had brought that very point up with me. There was some truth in those words; I had walled myself off except for occasional outings like this. The virtual worlds I delved into were a bit more important to me; my vulpine alter ego’s life of intrigue and adventure was a lot more exciting than the humdrum experience of finishing up school and going out into a bleak, uncaring world.

Holly’s voice continued. “And that’s okay. I’ve done it too, especially after that Halloween party. It’s when I started to understand that my friends weren’t really concerned about my thoughts and feelings. Just don’t shut out the people who care, like Julie, Seth, and Will?”

“And you?” I asked, with a bit more venom than I should have conjured. She flinched a bit, causing me to shake my head. “Sorry. I don’t mean it like that. I just don’t understand why you’re concerned about me. We don’t know each other that well and we kinda run in different circles. Is this what you wanted to talk about?”

Holly looked down, not trying to hide her chagrin. “Y…yes. I’m not really sure where to start with this, especially after I made a habit of telling people otherwise. I was a closer friend to Megan than I was Katie, at least at first. She’s the one who introduced me to Julie, but after she started dating you I drifted to Katie’s orbit. At the time I thought it would make her jealous because I missed spending time with her. After the accident I felt alone and in a way I still do; I lost someone I once considered to be my closest friend and I had surrounded myself with people who were more interested in what they could get out of me than helping me through a difficult time.”

Again, it was a lot to digest. I wasn’t sure how to take her baring her heart out; at the same time I didn’t want to act like the popular assholes she had considered her friends. “That’s a tough spot to be in, and I can’t say I haven’t felt like that at times. You realize you don’t need my permission to be friends with my friends, right?”

Holly’s auburn hair hid most of her features as she shook her head. “It’s not that. It’s a bit awkward because I was jealous of you and Megan.” She glanced up; flushed cheeks framing an even more sheepish look.

To say I was confused was a bit of an understatement. “Why were you jealous? Megan hung out with other friends after we started dating; she just wasn’t that comfortable around Katie.” Holly blinked; puzzlement washing the embarrassment from her face. “She told me a couple of times that she missed spending time with you and that she thought Katie was being a bad influence.”

“I… I didn’t know,” Holly stammered, taking a deep breath. “She was right. Katie ended up sucking me in, and I think Megan realized she was next. I just didn’t understand what was going on.”

Again, I found myself pushing the discomfort of this line of discussion aside. I wasn’t prepared for a talk with a relative stranger to get this deep and personal. “She didn’t blame you, Holly,” I offered. “She just realized that Katie was being manipulative and playing people off of each other. She was really good at figuring those things out; kinda like Julie is. She taught me a lot.”

Holly’s voice was hushed. “She taught me a lot, too.” I wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to that.

After a moment of admittedly awkward silence she took a breath and stood up; a quick glance revealed that her eyes were brimming with tears. “Could you give me a moment and watch my bags? I’ll be right back, I promise.”

I was a little confused by her sudden request. “Sure. Are you finished with your pizza? I’ll clean things up.” She nodded her assent as she walked away, leaving me to dump the remains of our pizza and drinks into the nearest trashcan.

I sat back down and glanced up to the skylights; partly cloudy, blue sky greeting my vision. I wasn’t the best at figuring out other people; what I hesitated to tell Holly was that Megan had warned me away from Katie and her crowd. They were the hard partiers and risk takers; people who didn’t follow along with their drinking, pot, and getting frisky ended up taking the fall for some of these parties. At the same time, how deeply had Holly been caught up in all of that and what made her back away from that crowd?

I didn’t have much time to ponder those questions as I caught a glimpse of her walking back down the stairs to the dining area. She looked a bit more composed than before; offering a slight smile to me as she sat back down. “Sorry about that. I went up to tell Julie to give us some more time; it sounds like we could use it.”

“Yeah,” I answered, some of those thoughts still running through my head. “Could I ask why you wanted to go to prom with me? What happened to bring this about?”

Holly’s eyes met mine; a nervous expression crossing her face as she began to explain. “It kinda started at the party Katie and Dean threw in February for Matt’s birthday and mine. There’s details I feel uncomfortable talking about but he tried convincing me to do something I wasn’t comfortable with; I told him no and I left the party early.”

I was about to respond, but she beat me to the punch. “He talked me into it a couple of weekends later; I admit we were drinking. A few weeks ago I found out that Matt had been cheating on me with Cassandra Richards; I ditched him but Katie has been trying to coerce me to take him back.”

“Why, though?” I asked, still a little confused at the situation. “You have the right to end it with him.”

Holly closed her eyes; a flush rising to her cheeks. “Matt had his fun with her and has been trying to get back with me. Katie owes him a big favor, big enough that she’s pulling all her strings to get me to agree to it. Katie, well…” She took a deep breath, opening her eyes as a much more resolute, determined expression took over the sheepishness and embarrassment. “She has something she can blackmail me with.”

“Does that even matter?” I asked. “I mean, it’s six weeks before we’re out of school and on our own.”

“It’s something that can go on my school record; especially the times where alcohol and pot were involved,” another flush came to her cheeks. “I’m not sure how straight-laced you are, but it happens all the time. I think it’s how Katie keeps a tight leash on all of us; remember Jeremy Ulster?”

“He’s the guy who got caught with pot in his backpack and expelled, right?” I didn’t keep up with scuttlebutt, but that event was high profile enough to reach even my ears.

Holly nodded. “He crossed Katie and ended up screwing his chances of getting into a decent college. There’s a rumor that someone slipped it into his backpack, but all it took was a concerned word to Mr. Briggs for Jeremy to get marched out of school in handcuffs by the police.”

“Why would you risk something like that by asking me to prom?” I asked, shrugging at her. “If Matt wants you back, showing up with me will piss both of them off.”

“Because I’m tired of letting Katie step all over everyone. I spent most of the past four years beholden to both Katie and this false sense of duty, and I want one last chance to be myself before we go out into the world.” Her eyes just about burned with determination as she reached forward.

The softness and warmth of her hand wrapping around mine was startling. I didn’t want to admit it even privately, but the contact was almost electrifying. Holly’s voice broke through the confusion and the sensations. “I had a crush on you during freshman year, but Julie introduced you to Megan before I could work up the nerve to talk to you. After the accident you were so distant and walled off I was hesitant to approach you. Matt kept on asking me out, Katie insisted that I give him a chance, and things kinda spiraled out of control.”

I closed my eyes for a moment, taking the chance to force some of those old memories aside. “This is very sudden, Holly,” Opening my eyes, I choked some of the residual pain and venom back down. “I don’t know you very well and I don’t want to disappoint or hurt you. I’m still not over what happened to Megan. I’m angry, bitter, and hurt, even after nearly a year. I don’t mind getting to know you as a friend, but I’m not ready for anything more than that.”

“I… I understand,” Holly’s voice became softer and more hesitant as she withdrew her hand; she then looked up to me with a hint of steel in her deep blue eyes. Her voice found itself a moment later, echoing the hardness I found in her gaze. “Your friends are worried about you, Adam. Even though I don’t know you very well I can tell you haven’t let yourself heal. They want you to be happy, too. However, your happiness is your responsibility and not anyone else’s. You’ve got friends who aren’t going to stick a knife in your back the first time it makes them look good, and I want to be one of them.”

As much as it hurt my pride to think about it, she had a point. However those wounds and scars went deep; deeper than I really knew how to express. “I appreciate you being forward with me and I understand where you’re coming from, at least somewhat. I really don’t know how to heal from this. It’s been very touch and go, just one day at a time.”

A thoughtful expression crossed Holly’s features; her eyes gazing into mine with a curious mixture of sadness and understanding. “Sometimes you don’t have to know the details to get started. In fact, I think I know how you can get started,” a soft smile tugged at her lips as she stood up. “C’mon. I told Julie that we needed some time to talk and wander. We’ll meet up with them before our ride shows up.”

Holly motioned for me to stand, which I did. “Is there anywhere in particular you wanted to go?” I asked.

“I wanted to hit up Independent first, if that’s okay with you?” Holly answered. “There’s something I wanted to get for the movie night we wanted to do.” She turned to walk out of the food court, turning back to me with a grin. “I promise it won’t be too boring.”