Clarity - Chapter 3: Remember Me
#4 of Clarity
Bonnie's taken to a friend's house to sleep off her drinks. Perhaps against her better judgment, she decides to vent about her troubles at home.
Funnily enough, this chapter contains the one thing fully intact from the original inspiration for this story. The inspiration was... really, really goddamn weird, but I loved that one piece from it, saved for almost the very end of the chapter.
Okay. Got on the bus. And no problems. Just me and Clover, heading to her place. Kinda still need to lean on her, though. Still can't get ahold of my- of- legs, they're jelly. Hmph.
Lookin' out the window instead. Not as fun, s'too fast. Think we're heading somewhere I dunno, though. Is that a problem? ...nah, Kylie likes her. Kylie. I'll be fine. ...checking her phone again?
"Whatcha checkinnng?"
"Ordering us a ride, Bonnie. My place is fifteen or twenty minutes from the bus stop, thirty or forty in your state. I'm not gonna drag you through the cold for nearly an hour."
"Ohhhhhh." That's nice. She's so nice. So nice... maybe she'd talk about her, like, work or... uh. Hmm. No, can't finish the question thought. Shouldn't ask, then. That got her worried last time. ...still too fast out the window, but at least the lights're pretty. Kinda... tired? A bit. But weeee're probably almost there, anyway, stay 'wake, Bone. ...Bonnie. Bone?
"Alllright, up ya go." Oooh! She's... well, I guess not too strong, but whew. Got up pretty fast with her. We're going, I think. Yeah. Steps didn't get me last time, and besides, Clover's here. Steps're nothing.
Walking down the street now. Guess the ride'll meet us a little further up, not far though. ...oh, Clover waved at a car. Is parked. Guess that's it. Getting in's easy with her help. Seatbelt is... not as much, but I got it myself in a bit.
"Headin' home, then?"
"She needs a place to rest safely, yeah."
"A regular saint, huh?"
"Not freaking likely, but I don't have to be. Just get going." Aww... she's so worriiiied. Thanks, Clover. I'll need to thank you later. Yeah... yeah, that's a good plan. The drive's not long, anyways. Turns out 15 walking minutes is like, 3 driving minutes? Something. Not good at that conversion. Clover's got me again, fiddling with her phone. I think you pay the guy like that?
"Smooth ride... all I can ask for, given the situation. Come on, Bonnie. We'll get you warm and rested." Ahhhhh... warm. I mean, my cardigan's warm, right? Maybe not enough for tonight, though, my ears're all sore. Warm's good, then. More warm. At Clover's place. ...looks kinda small? Maybe a basement or something, gotta be space somewhere.
"Home sweet home... ah, shit. Uh, Bonnie? You're not gonna like this, but shouldn't we at least call your husband about this? I get whatever you're trying to avoid about going home is the point, and all, but... it's gonna be worse if you're just missing." She's... bleh. Why's she right? Need to call him, but...
"I... okay, I just..."
"Do you want me to do the talking?"
"O-Oh, I- ...yeah. Yeah, that'd be nice." To the couch now. Nice and soft. Safe. Gotta get my phone open. Slide here, then here, and- no, no finger, that's- gah!
"Uh... maybe hand it to me and tell me how, before you wind up resetting your phone." Gosh, this's embarrassing... at least she got it open. ...oh no, she found the number. Making the call over there. Can't help listening, though. Hnnnnnnnn-
"Hello? This is Penn? ...yeah, Bonnie's here. ...Clover. I'm a friend of Kylie's." Pleeeeease, no, can we just leave it there?
"No, I- look, she can't, she's basically already out. I'm sorry." I-I guess that's fine, but can we please just-
"I dunno, dude, it's her first night out with the girls and she gets plastered by a newbie bartender? Maybe she's embarrassed, I'm not a mind-reader." Nooooononono, he's louder now, I can tell, please, please make it stop, just-
"...seriously? Seriously, dude? You wanna know why she's fine here!? Because Ky'd have my head if anything happened to her, get it?!" Breathe, breathe... breathe... it's getting... maybe softer, I just...
"Yeah... yeah. She'll be home tomorrow. I'll get her on the bus once she's up and the hangover's not making basic movement a nightmare, okay? ...yeah. Rest easy, 'kay?" Haaaaaaaah... we're done... done. No more. No more thinking of that. No more. She's back. Just her.
"Well... that's done, one way or another. Now, let's get you something to eat, Bonnie. Take your mind off it. No salt bombs this time, either, if I have anything to say about it." Ooooh, right, didn't eat much there... starting to feel that empty cold feeling a bit. More noticeable when warm. ...wait, salt? What's salt gotta do with it? Hm, chips, the dip, the olives... well, yeah, guess they were salty. Got pretty thirsty- ohhhhh. Ohhh. Oh. That would... that would explain some things. Oh no.
At the table now. Seat's got armrests, so Clover can go do things. Don't feel like turning around. Too tired. Can hear, though. Fridge sounds. Container. Then microwave. Heh, I got this. Can't keep what's goin' on from me even if turning feels like mush that makes my stomach reaaaal unhappy. Oooohoohoo, timer's done? Okay, focus... there's a bowl. And a spoon. Steaming... rice. Yeah.
"It's just some leftover fried rice I had when I cooked something for myself. Not from a store or a takeout place, so as little salt as there can be. Just veg and a bit of oil and seasoning." Hmmm... yeah. Green pepper, carrots, peas, green onion. They're all here. Looks fluffy, too. Must've been kept in the fridge a bit, since the rice is all fluffy and sticks together. This is nice. She brought water, too. Probably best I drink that if anything, nothing else would... would go well. Hnn.
"T-Thanks, Clover. Looks good." It really is. Could sit here a while and just eat, honestly. With Clover, since she's got some too.
"Coming from you? Now that's high praise. Maybe I should try this more often."
"Yeah, but... hm. Dunno. It's better when there's someone to... to appreciate it. Someone to look at you and say how it was."
"Well, I mean, you're here, so- ...wait. Uh. Would this be the, *ahem*, the other thing from earlier?" Other thing... other thing, yeah. I was right. Clover won't be at work. No reason not to try.
"Yeah, I... it's just hard. I know I've been better. I can see it. Physically, at least. My food, my work, everything I do, it's all better. My best. But it doesn't feel as good as back then."
"Can I ask why? 'Cause yeah, it... it sounds like you oughta be over the moon at that, from what Ky told me. Especially that anniversary story." Our anniversary... our first. I made a full course meal for two. Practiced for weeks between all the recipes, pawning a lot of it off to Kylie and Charlotte to keep Penn from noticing. Probably what Clover heard about. Made sure ingredients for that were paid for personally, too, so no alerts on our mutual billing statement. The day came, and I... he was all lit up. Saw everything, and he just came over and- and held me tight. Told me everything was perfect. That I was beautiful. Kissed me deeply. Even surprised me with a bottle of wine he picked out for us, and had it with dinner. Everything felt so perfect. And late at night, in that gentle haze, we... we...!
"...oh, oh god, Bonnie? You okay?" W-Why am I- What's going on?! Clover, Clover's right there! Getting closer, because of me!! Why am I crying?!
"I- I shouldn't have mentioned it, okay, I'm so-"
"No, no no, you're- you're fffine, Clover, I'm... what am I? What am I?!"
"You're... you're Bonnie. Kylie's best friend, and a wonderful woman. I believe everything Ky told me, you know. You're a good gal."
"But I- I'm just, that's it though, I'm just good! I try so hard, everything gets better, I can SEE it, but every response now is just... is just okay! So I'm just okay!!! So then what happens if I'm less than that?! What?!"
"I- You're-"
"No more cuddles? That barely happens anymore anyway. Sweet little w-words in my ear? Endangered, so they're hard to take, too. Touching me? Sure, sometimes. Doesn't feel right, he could take that away and what would it m-matter...? What am I gonna be punished with??? There's nothing left anyway!!! All that's- t-that's left is- h... heeeeeee..." I- nooooooo, nonono, I'm just... I'm not worth it. He's gonna go. He's gotta go. Why would he stay? I'm not impressive. I'm normal, at my best. I could slip any day. So why doesn't he just- C... Clover...? M-My shoulder... where're we going?
"No. I just... no. All that hard work, every little thing you do to try and brighten his day? It matters. Of course it matters. You're extraordinary. I JUST met you, Bonnie, and I know that damn well. That shine in your eyes when you asked to sit with me? You don't get that from some schmuck just doing the bare minimum, you get it from someone who thinks of others in every second of her life, to the point where she damn near deprives herself. You're not gonna be punished. You shouldn't be. You don't deserve that."
"T-Then why...? Why can't it just be... it's just, I, I want it back! I want him back! Where did he go?! I want him to hold me and feel like those days again, not some hollow feeling I keep thinking must just be something wrong with me! Am I broken? What's the pooooiiint- *hic*- ohhhhh..." Haaaah... heeehhh... I'm... on the couch? A pillow? B...blanket... Clover's, I'm... tucked in?
"I... can't answer that, Bonnie. I can give you this, though. So please. Just keep telling me... as long as you need, until you can rest. I'll be here." H- Her haaaand... like before. At the bar. I'm... Why's that feel so good...?
"O-Okay, I... I just... all I want, it's- I want someone to remember. For them to keep me in their thoughts. To think of me when their day's just the worst. To know they can come home and be okay. Be served something warm and perfect, make them feel good. I... I just want to know they know. Any way they can say. And he- he, I! I just want that proof back, I wanna know I'm not... not worthless..."
"Bonnie..." She's... rubbing gently. My eyes, they... they feel wet again, but I can't- can't hold 'em... open...
"W-Will... will you re- remember? Remember little old B-Bone?" Can't... drifting... good... goodnight, Clover...
"...I will, Bone. Sweet dreams."