FSE

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Chapter 16

Instead of being able to fall asleep right away I end up primarily staring at the stars for a while. I allow my mind to wander to the subject of how much different the night sky would be if I would be able to actually have the eyes of the others. I can tell that Allen had chosen a clearing by the fact I can see the moon and a few stars but not really much else in the sky. What it must be like to be able to stare into the night sky and see what I imagine would be a sea of lights. I try to keep my thoughts focused on such wonderment to try and keep it from the real reason I can't sleep all that well.

Though my reasoning for needing for us to stop was genuine it wasn't the real reason. In fact if I wanted with the others all walking in front of me I could probably have gone the entire night without any of them knowing I can't see in the darkness. All I'd have to do is pay attention to their scents and more importantly the noises they'd make and I'd be able to follow behind without tripping over anything. But without being able to see I wouldn't be able to be of any help if we got into a fight over the night and at best all I could do is just press the device at a steady rate and hope it all works out for the best.

"Why is it that I must be this way?" I whisper to myself as I continue staring at the stars.

Here I am with several people who don't seem to care about the fact that I'm different from others of my kind and yet I can't open up the slightest bit to them. They all think me incredibly slow because I have been hiding my true intellect. Yes I know almost nothing about the world around me, in particular the ways of humans but I'm not. There must be something seriously wrong with me that I'm hiding myself to such an extent to people that might be the only ones that might understand. Well that Alakazam might have understood as well. Heck he managed to see right through me though most of that was because he could peek into my head. Allen does seem to like hitting me and he'll probably beat me up quite a bit once he's found out that I've been lying to him about how intelligent I am but even he doesn't really seem like he'd really care that I'm not clueless.

I hate myself, slightly, at how for the first time I might truly have friends and yet I find myself still hiding in fear. I don't want to be afraid to show who I am but whenever I try to get past that wall I hide behind, the wall I put up so that all anyone sees is a vulpix that's somewhat worse than others, I find myself too afraid to go past it. I want to be open with them, to truly be myself with all of them and not hide anything with my friends but whenever I see them all I feel is guilt. Above all else I don't want them to abandon me or chase me out like what happened before.

"Oh mother, why couldn't I have been born as a normal vulpix? If I was normal then perhaps..."

I do still remember quite clearly what happened that day with my mother. Tears begin to fall down my eyes as I reflect on how much of what happened is my fault. If I was born a normal vulpix like all the others then I would have had more friends and thus wouldn't have been there at that time. But instead I seem to have been born a freak. They wanted to make sure I always knew my place, that I was not better than them and so I just learned to always act as if I was less than they are. It became natural.

As much as I hate myself, though, what I would like even less would be my new friends deciding to abandon me or hate me when they find out that I'm not less than normal. Or that because I've lied to them I've broken what trust they've put in me. I know the longer I wait the harder it'll be once my secret comes out but I'm not sure I'm strong enough yet that I could handle such a rejection.

"I pray to you, oh gods, so that you may grant me the strength to open up to them and not be afraid of what people will think of me," I plead beneath my breath while closing my eyes for the moment.

I'm fairly convinced that I'm not going to get any semblance of a reply. If they ever showed me any favor I would still be with my mother back at home instead of out here with these other pokemon. I pause a moment and reflect if my fate thus far might be Jhan's punishment for me not feeling the inherent feelings of other pokemon based on type. It is of little use worrying over such things, however. Knowing full well how bad my own type can be, it doesn't really give me much an incentive to think of the other types as any worse. My ears twitch slightly and I stand up again. There is a rodent nearby. My ears begin moving constantly and to help pinpoint where it is my head rotates from one side to the other. Finally after getting enough of an idea of where it is I pounce and manage to find some sort of vole between my teeth. I play with it for a moment or two before chowing down on it. It wasn't a pokemon nor was it at all aware of its surrounding to the extent that humans and Pokemon are and eating such animals is not forbidden. In fact if we couldn't eat them we'd likely starve during the winter months.

I know he's still here, I reflect after swallowing the remainder of the rodent. I stare off in the distance, knowing full well at this time of night I can't see anything at all. I know he's there because I know he would be there. He's been following us all day, doing nothing more than observing us. He's been observing us a little too guardedly for him to attack us now that we cannot defend ourselves; there is too much malice in his intent to strike when we cannot know who's doing it. I'm almost certain that this individual following us is the rogue pokemon that we were warned of. He's probably watching me this very minute, watching me catch and eat that rodent. The only reason I can think of why he hadn't attacked us earlier today is because he hasn't decided what to do with us yet. Whatever it is that he has done to warrant being called a rogue he hasn't yet decided yet if we qualify as the target of his next action. And more than likely it has to do with the fact that there is not a single human in our group.

I try to see things through his perspective on why he would attack trainers but beyond maybe testing himself against them I can't really think of anything. And I can sense far too much malice in him to be able for such a casual reason to apply. I suppose it could be very likely that I'm misreading what I get from his behavior though it might be because I don't really have any experience in how being a human's pokemon would be so much different. I know Allen hates the idea so much that he ran away from that old human but so far they don't seem all that bad. I mean that Alakazam didn't seem to really dislike his own owner, whoever they are. And the humans we've fought so far don't really seem that bad, just a bit long winded. Beyond fighting and making their pokemon fight without asking them first they really didn't seem all that harsh to their own pokemon either.

But I suppose humans might all be different. If I belonged to a human like those two from that day I'm sure I would be probably very bitter towards any trainer once I had managed to successfully escape. I sigh and roll over to lie down on my side, not really interested at the moment in using my tails as a pillow at the moment but rather want to spread out somewhat. I can hear the breathing of everyone else in my little group. Allen and Caleb seem to be fast asleep already. The other two are still awake, or at least only pretending to sleep. I imagine that like me it takes a bit longer for their senses to die down to true sleep. Surviving this long in the wild by myself had taught me how to pretty much how to fall asleep and keep my senses alert. The trade off is that it takes a bit longer to fall asleep and I can't sleep as deeply. I'm sure that Sanaline and Shoul have learned how to do this as well and are both in a state of resting while staying at least somewhat alert for the time being.

Between the three of us I'm sure that if something did ever try to get close to us at least one of us would notice and alert the others. I suppose the first step in getting them to trust me and not be turned away by my secret that I'm just as smart as any pokemon would be to trust those other two to have my back if something happens. Eventually sleep does overtake me and I begin to dream. Most of it I can't really make out or understand. Due to how chaotic this dream is I manage to not only realize that I manage to become aware of the fact I'm dreaming pretty quickly. Normally my dreams aren't anything like this. More often than not my dreams involve me just running for the sake of running or exploring an ever changing environment without any real reason behind their layout. On the best of dreams I would find myself in a field surrounded by small animals for me to hunt and devour at my leisure. This dream, however is very chaotic and unstable. The ground doesn't seem to want to stay the same color or even same texture. Trees seem to come and vanish randomly before my eyes. The only real thing I can gleam from it that's a constant is the image of the yellow pokemon from the previous night standing in the distance.

I try to say something to get his attention but my mouth doesn't seem to be moving all that well. On top of that everything about this place seems almost sluggish. I can soon make out another figure, though the appearance can't seem to settle on a single shape. I try to guess what it might be but all I can think of is that it is easily twice my size and runs on all fours as well. I can make out four little glowing balls coming from around me though I can't make them out either which is getting a little annoying. I try and focus and one of them seems to materialize somewhat into the size and very rough shape of Caleb. This figure moves quickly towards the other bigger figure in the distance though the Caleb like thing falls apart as soon as it touches. The yellow pokemon doesn't seem to make any motion.

Next comes another of the ball that doesn't really gain a shape but takes on the same coloration of Sanaline. This one moves faster but again falls apart when it reaches the other. Guessing it must be a sign that it's referring to all of us I watch as all four materialize and then fall apart completely in front of the other figure and then all I can see is blood on the ground. The shock of such a thing wakes me up, though I manage to maintain enough control to not bolt upright. It takes me a moment to gather where I am. I can hear all of the others still sleeping and I still get the same sense of unease that I had earlier. Needing to take care of some bodily functions I get up and walk away from the others further into the forest.

I'm pretty sure I know exactly what was going on. With the fact there is a rogue near us I'm confident that Averik had given me that dream as a sort of warning, alerting me of the fact that if we were to run into that pokemon, as we are now we would not stand a single shot of actually being able to beat it. Given how there were only four there and we have five now I'm guessing that it was something he planted into my mind sometime between when I met him the previous night to whenever he left, which certainly annoys me that he would violate my privacy in such a way. Or at least to the effect of planting things into my mind. I can't really stop him from reading my thoughts and I don't really have much of a problem with him doing so if that's simply what he does. A planted dream would certainly explain why it was so discordant as well. With so much complexities involved in replicating senses and getting it to work correctly on some sort of timer would probably be very difficult to do even just the message he wants, the rest would be a phenomenal level of skill to pull off.

After relieving myself I notice a few rodents nearby and begin hunting them. I miss a couple of them but once I've had my fill I move back towards the group. I pause a moment while I consider whether to try and find some berries or other vegetation to bring back to the group but with the rogue out there I decide it's best if I'm on my own for as short a time as possible, especially if I'm the only one that Averik bothered to plant that warning in. When I get there I can still sense that other figure somewhere in the distance and that it is most likely awake. Everyone else in the group also is awake and moving around. Allen gives me a look of particular disapproval, encouraging me to stay away from him for the moment.

"And where were you?" he demands.

"I was hungry," I comment casually, taking note of Shoul's expression since he seems the most aware of his surroundings of all the rest of them.

Shoul doesn't seem to be noticing anything off or if he does he's doing a good job of not showing it. Caleb seems to have taken off again for a morning flight as I cannot see him anywhere near us. Sanaline stretches a bit before turning towards me.

"And you didn't think to bring anything back for the rest of us?"

"I'm sorry, I was hungry and wasn't thinking. I'll try to do better about that next time," I drop my head, not so much from actually being sorry but because I still can't seem to shed this fake me and tell them the truth about the dream that that yellow pokemon planted in my head.

"Well then you're going to come with me as we remedy this problem," Sanaline orders.

"Hold up," Allen states as she starts to march off. He reaches into the bag and pulls out a somewhat decently sized bowl. "Use this. Neither of you two have anything even remotely like hands and I would really prefer not having to eat regurgitated food."

I shrug and shake my head and body for a few seconds before moving over to Allen and grabbing the bowl before quickly moving out of his striking range and following Sanaline. The bowl isn't so much a heavy object right now. Instead it's sort of awkward trying to carry when I can only grab it at one end. Once we're apparently far enough away from the others Sanaline turns towards me.

"Put that down. Let's start looking nearby for food. I don't want you grabbing any meat. Just grab any edible vegetation you find, okay?" she instructs.

I nod and place the bowl thing down, taking a moment to flex my jaw out a bit. It doesn't take long to find food, though. Even though I like meat far more than plant food I have often enough stalked around areas that other plant eaters would get food that I can tell where to look. And once I look in that general location it's simply a matter of smelling each one of these berry stalks to find which ones seem to be ripe and edible and which are either not there or otherwise not good smelling. It only ends us taking a few minutes before the bowl is mostly filled. But before I lower my head to try and grab the bowl to either pick it up or drag it Sanaline stops me.

"I want your word that no matter who else we end up picking up that you will not allow me to become stuck on the sidelines," She states, standing particularly close to me.

"I don't understand," I state, my head tilted somewhat to the side.

"Allen may run the show but I'm guessing you'll at least have some say in who does and does not sit out when you are the one playing at trainer. I don't want to be left on the sidelines and forgotten," she informs.

"And why would we do that?" I ask.

"Because I have nothing special about me. You can breathe fire, which makes you useful even when you aren't being the trainer. Allen has what seems to be super spit. Shoul can create bolts of lightning from his cheek things and Caleb can fly. I can't do any of that. I want you to promise me that you won't simply abandon me because I can't keep up or do all of the spectacular things that everyone else can," she pleads.

"Well, I guess I promise?"

"Well you better live up to that promise because if you don't I'll hate you forever and do my best to make your life miserable, even if I have to haunt you from beyond the grave," she snaps before heading back, leaving me to try and bring the bowl back.

The bowl is far too heavy for me to be able to lift right so I end up resorting to turning away from where Sanaline left and slowly drag the bowl back while walking backwards. Thankfully after a minute both Shoul and Allen come over and basically take it from me, Allen literally shoving me out of the way as they grab it and carry it between them. I'm somewhat offended but grateful for the carrying back aspect being taken over by people who don't have to try and drag it all the way back. Once back to where the bag is the three of them begin eating. Apparently I notice when getting back that Caleb has returned and he makes another uncomfortable comment towards me but doesn't seem that interested in the food. Once done Allen puts the bowl away and turns towards me.

"Whatever. Anyway get over here so I can get this on you. We still have quite a ways to go."