What Am I Good For?
What Am I Good For?
A Short Story by The Cuddling Fox
A sigh escapes my muzzle; slowly, but it was still there. I rub my head fur mostly in frustration; can't sleep, again. I try so hard, every night I try truly, but every night I fail. Damn insomnia; it not only keeps me awake but it keeps me thinking.
Thinking, I chuckle. Yeah, thinking about what a crappy fox I am in this world; one of the most unique as well. My fur, though mostly white, down from my head to the tip of my tail was an almost stain glass pattern of fur. A rainbow fox is what others called me. I bring my tail to my paws, massaging it gently in my grasp.
"I'm not good for anything", I say to myself without even realizing I am talking "I just am a fat depressed ugly fox. I'm not good at anything, what am I good for?" I whine softly and massage my tail more softly. I didn't know my purpose anymore, I never did I think.
I curled up in a little ball of fur in my bed, laying my tail slowly under my head, my white angelic like wings curling up slowly for comfort. I looked at my wall, hopelessly. Was I good for anything? Slowly tears streaked down my solemn stare; abandoned wreckage nobody cares. I chuckle a little, quoting a song by accident, then slowly the memories come back to me, I start to cry.
I sob in my ball hard, yelping a little in between, so much had gone wrong. So many of my dreams were crushed, and it was all my fault, I cried harder. So many of my friends were dead, all I wanted was a normal life, I tried to make friends, really I tried. I sobbed hard into my paws, rubbing my muzzle slowly, trying to calm myself down.
I just didn't know anymore, what am I good for? I slowly brought my claws to my wrist, I could be with them, again, join them, be happy, smile a little for once. Wincing I held my wrist hard, I just didn't know anymore. I couldn't even see through my tears anymore, I didn't know what to do. I yelped out loudly, scared and in pain, as my claws slowly ripped through the veins in my wrist. Blood spurted everywhere. I gasped, regretting instantly what I did. They didn't want this, they wanted me to live a happy life, move on, and love! I held my wrist, hoping it would make it better, make all this pain and blood go away. It didn't. I panted softly, my head going light, I finally felt like sleeping. I laid my head on my pillow gasped my last breath and...
*.*.*
I screamed and shot up, waking up hard. Immediately I began to cry, whining deeply in my throat, rubbing my head all over trying to calm down, to tell myself everything was okay, just a bad dream. I cried into my paws gently, trying to be quiet.
"Hunny? Hunny, what's wrong?" As soon as I heard those words I felt paws all around me, rubbing everywhere they could.
I looked up to see my mate's beautiful brown eyes looking into mine in the dimly lit room, the sunlight perfectly contrasting is emerald green fur and his beautiful dragon muzzle, and I saw his thin long tongue probe out and slowly lick my cheeks, licking my tears away.
I just hugged him, held him tightly and with all the love I could muster in my state. Still crying, only a little I sniffled and asked "My draggy, what am I good for?"
"Oh sweetheart, you are good for everything hunny, you give the greatest love my sweet little foxy" He kissed my forehead slowly "And I will always love you, always."
I smiled.
FIN