Love, Lost, and Lost again.
What i have been feeling these past couple days. And the person I am referring to, as 'you', did exist, but I don't have him anymore, because of how my family felt about it. and 'he' is my new love interist. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him, makes me feel sick and want to cry every time, right now. *sniffle*
The darkness inside me needs to feed, the darkness inside me needs to breed, I keep dark thoughts away, so as to where I may live another day, but sometimes they push through, my defenses being quite few, over the situation they take advantage, then they turn me savage, I have no wish to live that kind of life, it really isn't living if it is filled with strife, every day I do the best I can, yet I'm still caught up with a man, he pulls and tugs and teases me so, and so bad him I wish to blow, yet he still says no. I can deal with the pain, this is something I cannot explain, I live with it every day and night, it would give most people such a fright, I have not to fear, my end is nowhere near, I can harness all it's power, and the rest of them just cower, I have no intention of being mean, all I want to do is to come clean, I hate having to hide every day, just because a portion of me is gay, to do this it kills me so, it is something I all too well know. Luckily I have never been called a fag, but that is no such thing to brag, there are hundreds on the hour, leaving a taste so very sour, to be filled with so much hate and rage, to themselves they make a cage. I have much anger in my heart, though with it every day I part, leaving no Ill trace behind, especially none for others to find. I was once as happy as I could be, with my boyfriend underneath a tree, it has been long since I have loved someone so, I wish they're would be a one for me to go, I won't just let my feelings burn, I need to be loved, it's my turn, I want to lay my head in your lap, lost in your eyes, needing a map, though I enjoy not knowing my way, for chance of running into you someday. It is worth it all the while, as long as I get to make you smile, I mustn't run from it anymore, otherwise I'm just a whore, I love you, it is true, with all my heart, I hope it just doesn't tear me apart, I have had too much of that, been too long in severe combat. Love me now, as I do you, after all, it's up to you, don't leave me alone to die, take me away, I wish to fly. I try to express my affection towards you, for you I will always come through, I hope you will do the same, each other we will tame. You care for me as I never felt before, I couldn't ask for anything more.
Thank you, Jimmy. You are the most caring man I have ever known. I love you after all that went down, I'm sorry about my insane family.