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Juno returned to the hospital the next day. She wore a muzzle and sat in front of a steak for hours, her stomach complaining all the while. "This is going to be your life from now on," Gohin said. "Get used to it. Legosi succeeded, but he was a very special case. First I've ever seen, in fact. You've got your work cut out for you."

She didn't answer him. Juno stared at the steak, determined to prove her resolve. She thought of Louis forcing himself into a loveless marriage, and that gave her enough strength for now. Hour by hour she began to understand her hunger, to compartmentalize it in her mind. She studied how it affected her thoughts and emotions while her body begged for food. The more she thought about Louis, the hungrier she got.

Was this how Legosi tamed himself for Haru? Had he struggled with these same desires in secret for an entire summer? It sounded like a nightmare to her, and maybe it was. He'd tormented himself willingly for someone that he cared about. Was her attraction to Louis that pure? Was she strong enough to endure this for his sake?

When her meditation session ended, Juno felt proud of herself. Gohin soon fixed that. "Great job," he snarked. "One down, several hundred to go. You'll be there in no time."

"Several hundred!?" Juno exclaimed. "I-I don't have that kind of time! He'll be married and miserable by then. Legosi said it only took a few months!"

Gohin shrugged and sipped his tea. "Too bad. There aren't any shortcuts to this. In fact, just the idea of a shortcut can be dangerous. If you wanted an easy relationship then you should have fallen in love with a wolf."

"I did," Juno grumbled, but she left it at that. She returned the next day, and the day after. Little by little she found herself sinking into her meditation easier. It no longer took hours or even minutes to reach the trance-like state in which she could analyze her hunger. She could drop into it at will, and pull herself out effortlessly.

After a few days she altered her routine, and Gohin noticed right away. "Your saliva production increased," he said after her session. "What happened? You didn't give in and eat meat, did you?"

"Of course not," she said. "I've been fasting. You said there were no shortcuts, but I don't have time to devote years to this. I have to learn it as fast as I can. I think the best way to do that is to make it more difficult."

"That probably won't make a difference. The change is physiological, not just psychological." The old panda was recording their discussion in a small journal, taking note of her weight and the way her body responded to being tempted by herbivore flesh. "Ah, whatever. Do what you think is best, but don't forget to take a multivitamin. You want to be hungry, not malnourished. You'll never steal a man from the most attractive doe in town if your fur starts to fall out."

Juno couldn't help but pout. "You're making fun of me. I'm taking this seriously, you know. I wish that you would, too."

Gohin chuckled at that. "You know, maybe you're right. If Legosi sent you here then he must think you can do it. I guess that's one vote in your favor. Maybe there's something in the water at that school of yours. Speaking of which, drink your tea. Drooling that much will dehydrate you if you're not careful. What made you decide to change things up?"

"Don't you read the newspaper?" Juno asked. "I thought all old men loved doing that." She grinned at Gohin's miffed look. "Louis announced his engagement today."

The panda's sigh sent a cloud of pungent smoke drifting across the table. She wrinkled her nose at the smell. "Ouch. Sorry, kid. That has to hurt."

"Nope." Juno sipped her tea and let the word hang in the air. "He'll be mine in the end. I could see it in his eyes the last time we met. The thought of being with his fiance makes him miserable, but he's too stubborn to admit it. Besides, Louis isn't the only thing motivating me. I've got plenty of reasons for doing this."

"You want to tell me about them?" Gohin asked. "You should. It's important to keep your goals in mind."

Juno hesitated as her usual chipper smile began to fade away. She really thought about refusing, even though it was probably best to do as she was told. "It's partly to prove to myself that I can do it."

Gohin made a rolling motion with his fingers. "Go on."

Juno bit her lip. She didn't feel ready to talk about this, but it was bound to happen at some point. Better to have it over and done with. "I'm also doing it for Oko. This isn't...this is all private, right? You can't legally share information about your patients, can you? Even if my parents asked you, you'd have to keep this a secret since I'm an adult now."

"Hold on a second," Gohin said. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves. You don't have to worry about anyone finding out what you tell me, Juno. I promise. Why don't you start by explaining who Oko is?"

Juno cleared her throat and gulped down the rest of her tea in one swig. It didn't help ease the growing lump in her throat. "When I was younger, a lot of other kids teased me or avoided me. School was torture. You know how it is for large carnivores at that age, right? You're too small to scare off the bullies, but old enough to understand all the stereotypes and be hurt by them. It's a hard time for all of us. Oko was the only reason I could bear it. He was the only herbivore in school that was nice to me."

The panda nodded, staring down at the bamboo leaf in his teacup. "Can't help but notice that you used the past tense."

"Yeah. Oko went missing when I was thirteen. The adults acted like they didn't know where he went, but I was old enough to put two and two together. Healthy young sheep only go missing for one reason, right?" She sniffed and wiped her eyes. "I haven't talked to anyone about him in years. He didn't fear me or hate me, so for a while I felt okay with being a grey wolf. I didn't feel like I had to be ashamed of my species. Then, one day, he just disappeared. They found his backpack in a dumpster. Someone must have grabbed him on the way to school."

Gohin was silent, but Juno knew what he was thinking. Most animals had stories like that, and most were able to move on from the loss. There was more to her grief that kept the wounds from healing completely. "My parents did their best to make me feel better," she continued. "I know they meant well. I know they love me. They've never given me any reason to feel otherwise."

"And yet they went to the market," Gohin finished. "I see where this is going."

Juno nodded. "Once a month. They called it a date night. Isn't that awful? They ate other animals and acted like it was romantic. That was the summer when I finally figured out what went on in this part of the city. I could never look at them the same way. All I could see were their sharp teeth, and I'd picture them devouring someone's child by candlelight. I think it made me hate them a little."

Her hands shook. Juno looked at her claws and felt a sudden, overwhelming urge to bite every one of them off just like some of the animals in those awful photographs. "It's silly to feel this way, isn't it? They're good animals, my parents. I'm sure they were as ethical as possible. The chances are so incredibly small, but...I'll never know. I've always wondered, and I always will."

Gohin stood up and slowly padded around the table. "You can cry if you need to," he said. His huge, powerful hand hand rested on her shoulder. It was so gentle that she almost didn't notice. "It's alright."

"It's not." Juno hugged her knees to her chest and stared at the floor. "Nothing's alright. Sometimes it feels like nothing ever will be."

******************

A constant, aggravating barrage of questions was cut off as Louis shut the door to his home. The reporters had become so much more belligerent since he'd announced his engagement the week before. Azuki was waiting for him in the foyer. "That was quite a performance," she said. Her voice betrayed a hint of calculated approval and nothing more. "Well done, darling."

Louis couldn't help but smirk. "I hate to admit it, but it seems I still have a weakness for the limelight. Who knew that drama club would be so useful in preparing me for running a corporation?" He had to rethink before correcting himself. "On second thought, I suppose it does actually make a bit of sense. We're basically the nobility of the modern world, aren't we?"

Azuki nodded, and the corners of her mouth turned up into a subdued smile. "Public perception is important, but it isn't everything. Don't get so enamored with the stage that you make a fool of yourself. I'll see you at dinner."

Something told him that the conversation at the dinner table would be very dry that night. He nodded to her and climbed the stairs to his room, shutting the door and locking it behind him. His window was open to let in the spring breeze, and he stood there for a while watching the city go about its business.

It was a little like looking out over his kingdom, he reflected, though he wasn't nearly rich enough to own everything in sight. Not yet, at least. The world was his oyster with Azuki by his side. Nothing would be out of his reach, no matter how lofty his ambitions. No other woman could promise him that. He was already contemplating ways to change the country for the better.

A cool breeze blew across his face and sent a chill down his spine. Louis was suddenly overcome with the urge to look behind him, but his door was still closed and the room was empty. His hands shook on the windowsill. What was wrong with him these days? It felt like his instincts were constantly telling him to run, even when he was as safe as he could possibly be. His mood swings were even worse than they'd been in high school. Was it the stress? Did he have some sort of undiscovered personality disorder?

The buck pulled out his phone and looked through the contacts list, settling on Juno's name. Should he call her? That seemed a bit cruel after canceling their usual tea date. He settled for a text instead. She could take her time in replying and choose her words more carefully that way.

"I know this wasn't the outcome you wanted," he said. "I'm sorry, Juno. We can still be friends. I still want you to be happy."

The response came around an hour later. "My happiness isn't what I care about. I care about yours."

It was the kind of frustrating magnanimity he expected from her, but today it got under his skin even worse than normal. "You don't know me as well as you think you do. This is what I want. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you need to understand that you can't make decisions about my future for me. You ought to know better."

"Then why can't you sleep?"

Louis was at dinner when he got the text. His fork froze halfway to his mouth, lettuce leaves trembling faintly as he read it over and over again. How had she known? "I sleep fine, Juno."

"Don't lie to me, Louis. It hurts. I can hear how tired you are. I see it every time we meet. You're having nightmares, aren't you? I know that you can't talk to her about them. She'd never understand what you've been through. You don't have to hide the pain from me, Louis. Your past is nothing to be ashamed of."

Louis cleared his throat and pushed his chair away from the table. "Would you excuse me a moment?" he asked. "Something's just come to my attention. It won't take more than a few minutes." A polite nod was Azuki's only response.

The red deer stormed up the stairs and slammed the door to his room. He dialed Juno's number from memory and put the phone to his ear, prosthetic foot tapping impatiently. The city seemed far less inviting now that he was looking at it in a sour mood.