Inner Struggle-chapter 3-The heart stops here!
#6 of Inner Struggle
Disclaimer: this story contains fictional romantic situations between fictional gay anthropomorphic characters.
Chapter-3 The Heart Stops Here
I had to think my next movements carefully. The last thing I would want to happen is have the letter fall into the wrong hands. I Scanned the whole campus for him but he was nowhere to be found. Something inside told me that finding him would be more important than anything education would offer. As hard as I tried to avoid them, thoughts about what could happen to him flooded my mind. Pulling on my hair, I tried not to let those thoughts get the best of me. Feelings of pain and sorrow kept cycling through my mind such as:
What if he's sick?
What if he moved?
What if he was just a part of my imagination?
What if he missed the bus?
What if he dropped out?
What if he's dead?
As the feelings in my mind worsened, my heart rate sped up. Now or never, i knew I had to confront my problems. I roamed the desolate halls until I found his locker #213
I saw that there was paper slowly creeping out of his locker so assumably he couldn't have moved. I shoved the letter into his locker making sure that no outside forces would snatch his note. The next step was to tell Rachel that I was gay.
I continued to my 1st period class with my head hung low. All that I learned in that class was that time wasn't on my side.
I only had 2 more classes for lunch so I made sure I knew exactly what to say before I talked to her. Instead of the traditional lunch bell ringing they played "Don't Dream its Over" by crowded house over the intercom, which surprised me for the most part. It was the last song I listened to while my mom was alive, so it really touched me.
Well here goes nothing.
I approached Rachel sitting with Tom and Sora at the lunch table. I put my hand on Rachel's shoulder firmly and said we need to talk.
She followed my patiently behind the gym and I prepared to pour my heart out. As ready as I was, I froze up. The whole speech I had prepared in my mind seemed to fade away, I couldn't remember a thing. I continued to sweat profusely in my jacket.
she grabbed my hand and said what's the matter. she leaned up against the outer wall of the gymnasium and looked me directly in the eyes.
No matter how hard I tried I couldn't stare her straight in eyes. Before I could say anything I burst into tears uncontrollably, and fell to my knees. She kneeled to my level and started patting my head. My collar was drenched with both sweat and tears. I leaned in to hug her tight and she dried my tears with her bosom; I finally spilled the truth.
Chase: promise m-m-mme
Chase: promise me you wont stay mad at me
Rachel: for what?
{I then looked at her straight in the eyes}
Chase: Rachel, Im GAY
Rachel's jaw dropped slightly as she let go of me. It seemed as if her soul just left her body at that moment.
She pulled her left arm back and back-handed my left cheek with full force. Her nails dug deep into my cheek causing it to be serrated. After that she pushed me away, and yelled "what is wrong with you!". My eyes started to swell up with tears as hers filled with rage. She stormed off all a gloomy manner. Later on I met up with the others at the round table. Tom greeted me with a "what was that all about". "Nothing" I replied.
Mitch: 'eh Chase were you cryin'?
Chase: no
Chase: guys I don't feel so hungry today
I got up from my table and went to the bathroom just so I could have a moment alone to think. I didn't think Rachel would take the news so badly. I thought of all people she may feel happy for me, She was always there when I needed her, how could she forsake me? I continued the day normally suspicious that other people knew, but for some reason Rachel was nowhere to be found. She wasn't even on the bus so I guess she had her dad pick her up, which I thought was pretty overdramatic.
I called her to apologize to her.
Sonny: hello may I ask who's calling
{are you kidding old man by now everyone has caller I.D.}
Chase: Chase sir.
Sonny: uhh son she doesn't want to speak to you.
Chase: may you please put her on the phone.
Sonny: what ever you say.
Rachel: what do you want.
Chase: look I'm sorry Rachel I just wanted to make sure that you know I'd love you no matter what.
Rachel: you know being gay is a sin right?
Chase: *facepalm* it wasn't my choice to be gay, I'm just not attracted to women an.....
Rachel: look I don't want to hear from you ever again you can go be depressed in your little queer world of yours *hangs up phone*
Chase: Rachel? RACHEL?!
From then on I felt terrible. I didn't wanna tell anymore people I was gay cause I feared the consequences.
The next day I stayed silent, I didn't say a word to anyone. When I approached the gang Tom asked me "what did you tell her yesterday" {holding back tears} I replied n-nothing. We didn't say much at the table that day.
I still haven't seen Kevin around and when I went to check his locker it was untampered with (no fingerprints except for mine). I drooped my head in sorrow.
Today Blake had football practice so he was coming home late, one of his buddies is giving him a ride.
When I arrived home the lights were out, which was really unusual because the car was in the driveway. when I came in through the front door I noticed the tv wasn't on so I started to worry. I wondered to myself did something happen to dad? I checked the living room and he wasn't there, so I checked his bedroom, and again he wasn't there, so I stumbled upstairs until I came across my room. The door had been opened by someone. so I walked inside and my dad was sitting on the ground with a half-empty beer bottle in his right hand.
Robert: what the FUCK is this supposed to be!?!
{I cowered in fear}
Chase: dad why are you reading my journal
Robert: I don't know? why are you ATTRACTED TO BOYS?!!
I wasn't sure how to answer that last comment so I just stood there.
Robert: your a fucking disgrace
Chase: your not supposed to read someone else's journal
Robert: you don't say
Chase: dad you're a fucking prick
Robert then started ripping pages rapidly outta my journal
Chase: dad stop it
Chase: please
[3rd person shift]
"Please dad please" whined chase as his dad continued to rip pages out of his journal. Chase tried to bat it away from him but the angry bear overpowered him. Chase then grabbed his computer chair and hit Robert with it. The bear in retaliation grabbed Chase's laptop and broke it over his Chase's shoulder. The Irate bear then picked up the remainders of Chase's journal and grabbed Chase by the scruff of his neck (with his claws digging violently into his nape). Chase yelped loudly all the way downstairs until his dad forcefully threw him out the front door. Rob then chucked the remainder of his journal at him yelling "you're a fucking disappointment of a son, don't you EVER set foot near my property again or I'll KILL YOU!!"
Once Robert slammed the front door Chase started crying. It had become evident that he had been hurt. There was no place left to go he had no friends or neighbors that he knew, so he just collapsed there effortlessly in tears.
It was hard to think of at the time but he needed to patch himself up.
Chase picked up any salvage-able pieces of his journal and limped to a nearby fast food restaurant. Since he didn't really have any money on him he couldn't buy anything so he just stole a couple of salt packets for his open wounds so they wouldn't get infected.
Chase wasn't sure where to go so he just picked a random direction and just started walking. He eventually reached a slum, it seemed like a nice retreat for the homeless so he just ventured off in an alleyway
{1st person shift}
What did I do to deserve this?
For the next several hours I just sat in the alley and cried; it was a comfortable place to vent because it was nice and peaceful. Notice how I said "was" peaceful. The overhead rainstorm did a perfect job of disturbing the tranquility. I did the best I could to shield the pages of my journal from the rainstorm, some pages were soggy but dry enough to write on. I prayed for a sign, just a glimpse of something better. My prayer nearly went unanswered until..... I found something. Of all places there was a full unopened bottle of anti-depressant medication just sitting in the corner. All I could think of at the time was of how lucky I was just to finally end the day happy. Even my miracles suck heheh
I read the label carefully
ingredients: ferolzyphozene, citomapheropiates, etc.
recommended dose 1 tablet for pups 2 for alpha's
Warning: do not take more then the recommended dosage
side effects include: nausea, itchy skin, heart failure, respiratory failure
consult your local vet to find out if it is right for you
misuse of this product may lead to serious injury or death.
At least one thing would go right today. Swiftly, I unscrewed the cap with my paws. I took a big gulp of air and put it down for a second. I thought it was nice that I wrote my last memories while my book was out. I removed the pen from the rings and started writing.
After a few minutes I got bored of writing so I sat there and read my entire journal from front to back. Just remembering it all (the parts that robert left untouched) brought tears to my eyes. I gripped the bottle again
All have left is see how many till until eternal slumber
1..........................................
nothings happening.
2..........................................
still nothing
3..........................................
fast acting my ass!
4..........................................
they really do work
5..........................................
ugh! they didn't include headache as a side-effect
6..........................................
my arm feels numb
7..........................................
THUD!!