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The Talk

Weeks went by. Nothing was to change. I awoke every morning at least an hour before the others. It was normally the time when I'd climb up the mountainside to a peak that held the berries I mostly enjoyed in the morning. I had considered just cutting off the berries and taking them down to my cave so I wouldn't have to make the climb every day, but acted against it considering that I wouldn't get the exercise I required, or need to wake up so early in the morning.

I took a deep sigh as I sat looking out the window of the common room. Admiring the view as if it were actually something to me. Something more than just a way to waste time, like I might actually learn something from it, or gain a certain skill or ability. But I quickly dropped that thought, I figured that with the many months I had spent doing nothing that I'd already picked up on everything I might've learned. I watched in the distance as a pair of Noctowl flew towards the window I sat before. Quickly followed by a single Hoothoot significantly smaller than the two preceding it. Obviously part of a family.

Watching the trio fly out of view, I returned my gaze to the horizon. Images of the two leading birds remained in my mind. Several times I had considered talking to Syne about it. To say that we had gotten closer would've been an understatement. And much like how it'd happened to me the first time, living with one single pokémon for a certain amount of time doesn't give you much of a choice. We usually talked between ourselves telepathically during the night, often going on into the morning because Syne slept for most of the day anyway. But not me. I couldn't sleep during the day. There may've been nothing to do, but I never wanted to waste a moment of the daylight while it was around. Like one day the light wouldn't shine again.

As the nights went on, I had found that speaking telepathically wasn't as hard as I had expected. And after the first week of my only contact being psychic I had managed to gain enough control over it to be able to continue my stride while communicating. It requires much more concentration and energy than I first thought. But as my telepathic ability grew, so did my bond with Syne, if I could put it that way. We no longer spent as much time asking as we did responding. I still hadn't revealed everything to Syne about my previous life. He still didn't even know the Luxray's name. Which I was strangely grateful for. As if such information was stepping over what I would call acceptable knowledge. He didn't have to know everything about what I have done, although eventually there would be no point in trying to hide it.

The only other thing he didn't know was what I did that destroyed three different lives, mine included. Although mine wasn't destroyed entirely, I don't believe. I had been given a second chance, and have taken full advantage of it. All I needed now was an answer.

"How can I set this right?" I muttered quietly to myself, staring straight into the cyan blue sky. "Why do I still feel this way?" I pressed my forepaws against the glass and stood up, pulling myself higher than usual, stretching out my hind legs. "What should I do?"

"It's been a while since I've heard anything like that." I pushed myself off the glass and turned around, finding Syne standing before me, as I had jumped around he ended up only a few inches from my face. "What brings up such thoughts Luyo?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I slumped my head down and walked off to my right. Heading towards our room in the corner.

"Luyo, stop." He said quietly. "You only go like this when I ask you why you were in the wild if you already had a trainer to begin with." He bounded towards me and stopped right before my face again, this time halving the distance from before. "What happened that would get you so down?"

I turned to the other side and continued walking, not even giving it a second thought. "I don't want to remember."

"But you do remember. You are remembering. Why must you put yourself through this if it is in your past?" He walked to my side, placing one of his forepaws before mine, holding my back in the subtle gesture. "Please Luyo. What's wrong? Maybe I can help, but only if you tell me what's wrong."

"Syne..." I looked back towards the light-purple coloured psychic. His eyes wide and open. Truly caring for whatever I might say. Unfortunately for me, I was lost on what my options were. I could tell him about what was bothering me, but then have to deal with the constant questioning on why I did this, or, I should've done that. "Syne, I..." I couldn't tell him. What difference would it make? It's not like I could just tell him what was going on and have everything fixed immediately. Maybe I was going about it in the wrong way. "I can't tell you. You wouldn't understand."

"You keep saying that. But you're making me want to understand. I would try, to understand. And if you can't believe that I would try, then how is this going to continue on?"

"What do you mean how?"

"You cannot be oblivious to it Luyo." I stared back at Syne who took a step before me and turned around, sitting before me like he usually would. "You, me... Us. Surely you're not that blind to the world to see that something is happening. We have lived together for almost a month now, and you don't believe that something is happening here?"

I was afraid that he would say something like this. "No." I responded simply, watching as he stood up and turned around, saying several things incoherently under his breath. "I can see what's happening Syne, I just refuse to allow it into my mind. I know what you're saying, and I agree to some points you have made. But I can't do this, not yet. Not now. When I can't answer what I should do."

"Then why don't you talk to someone about it? You can't take on the world by yourself and expect to come out the victor. Luyo, you're fighting a battle that you cannot win." A month ago if Syne had said that I would've struck him across the side of this face with my claws, then pressed my blade against his throat while he was on the ground. But, that was a long time ago. Today, I didn't know what to do. I just sat still and looked straight at Syne. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know how to act. "Luyo... Listen to me. What do I stand to gain if I know about what is troubling you? What do you stand to gain? An answer. The answer? Or nothing at all. It could be what you're looking for. Or, if could just be nothing. But it comes up to you Luyo." Syne paused and lowered his gaze, if not only slightly. "If you don't want my help, then just say so. But otherwise, I am here to listen."

Again, Syne knew how to twist my words into believing that he may be able to help me. But he was right. What I stood to gain was a close counterbalance to what I stand to lose. If he knows about what I did and how I acted during my 'previous' life, then... Then it wouldn't be unknown anymore. I wouldn't have to hide behind the feelings I'd been holding within me for all this time. But Syne would know. He said he could understand, would try to understand, try to help me find what I would do to make up for the mistakes I've made. The problems I've caused only to myself. The reason I'm here today.

"Luyo," He said softly, taking a step towards me and seating himself inches closer. "I don't want you to think that I'm forcing you. I'm just telling you that I'm here. You might not think of it now, but if and when you decide to tell me what happened, why you're acting like this, what problem you're trying to correct. I am here for you."

Syne stood up and turned around, entering the short corridor towards our room, leaving me out in the open, alone and segregated from the others. I was truly alone again. No-one to speak to me. No answer to have to think of, no response to someone's comment required. It was just me, and my mind.

* * *

"-I want you to promise me something." I opened my eyes and lifted my head slightly, turning towards the source of the speaker. Seeing only who I had dreamed of so often many weeks ago. Nion. I looked towards the blue and black Luxray in question, wondering what he was saying.

"Alright, what is it?" I replied, but didn't. I didn't feel myself say it, but, the words came anyway. That was it, it was the night before the... Accident...

"I want you," I watched his head turn slightly. Turning towards the windowed side of the house. "to promise me, that even though we're trying to hate each other, when your time does come," Nion turned his head back towards me. His bright yellow eyes shining brightly in the pale street-light. The way his eyes glowed seemed unnatural. They held my attention better than anything else in this world could. Nion had them opened widely, allowing for me to see straight into his heart. "you won't want to kill me."

I felt my body jerk back slightly. "Of course." My former self replied almost immediately. I looked out towards the window and the opposite building. I lowered my head into the cross of my forepaws. Hearing another vehicle tear down the street at what would've been much faster than the others did, the light from street level was illuminated to a much stronger level than normal, causing me to shut my eyes and drift off to sleep. Feeling the slight touch of Nion's tail against mine.

Life was perfect.

* * *

"Luyo! Wake up!" I heard Syne's voice ring through my ears. Stopping any further attempt at sleep. "Luyo! Are you ok?"

I opened my eyes and stretched out my forelegs, feeling a torn material underneath my paws. "Why are you asking if I'm ok?" I glanced around the room and noticed it was still very dark. It must be near midnight or very early morning.

"You were talking in your sleep Luyo. It sounded like you were talking to someone named Nion."

I shot to my feet and stepped back from Syne, who also stepped back from my position at the suddenness of my start. "What did I say?"

"I'm not sure. Yo-"

"How can you not be sure? Did you hear me say anything or not?" I stepped closer to Syne and lowered my gaze, leaving my eyes focused squarely on him. It was bad enough that I had planned on talking to Syne about my past life because I couldn't figure out what it was I should do to correct my mistakes with Nion.

"You weren't speaking normally. You... Skipped words, left out details. I had to guess what you were talking about."

"What did I say?" I made another step closer to Syne who immediately went back another step to compensate, finding himself backed up against the side of Saria's bed.

"You were talking to him, about a promise... You asked him to battle you."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Because you also told me about what happened after. I never knew you wer-"

"What do you mean after? After what?"

"You said that it was all your fault... That, none of this would've happened if you called off the battle. You said that..." Syne trailed off and turned his head away.

"I said what? Tell me!"

Syne looked as if he didn't want to continue. Like something bad would've happened to him if he told me what I had told him during my reliving dream. "You said that Nion would still be alive if it wasn't for you."

I was afraid that I'd said that. I turned around and immediately let out any tension in my limbs. I padded slowly back to my bed and fell down in what would be seen as a defeatist manner. That was it. I had nothing more to hide. Syne knew everything.

"I didn't know you two were so close. I'm sorry Luyo."

"Sorry?" I lifted my head slightly. "Sorry for what? It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your blade that caused three different lives to crash down around you. It's my fault that Nion is gone, it's my fault that I was in the wild. It's my fault that almost caused me to lose my life when you found me that night." I stood up again and turned around to face the wall. "I had everything, my life would've been perfect if only I'd let myself enjoy it."

Syne didn't respond. I didn't expect him to. Not initially anyway. I assumed that he was now piecing together everything that I'd said, how I'd acted the whole time around anyone, why I wanted nothing about my previous family to be brought up in conversation. The guilt I still felt for taking a life and destroying my own had almost controlled me ever since the day it happened.

"Luyo. I'm sorry for what you've had to go through. Now I understand why you wanted to ignore me sometimes, why you had Saria never say anything about how you lived in Jubilife city. It all makes sense to me now. But, in saying that, I'm sorry for bringing it up in the first place." I knew something like that was happening in his mind.

"So now you know what I'm trying to do. What has been driving me for this long. What is the error in my life that I want to correct."

"You still feel guilty for what you've done..." Syne said in understanding. I nodded slightly, unsure on what he would be thinking. "You want to honour Nion for the mistake you made that cost him his life." I cringed from his words, and an immediate apology followed my action.

I picked my head up and turned around, watching as Syne walked over to his bed and lay down slowly. "What am I going to do?"

I watched Syne close his eyes and lay his head down. "I'm afraid that I can't help you with that Luyo." I stood up and padded over to his cushion, standing over him.

"Why not? You said if I told you that you would at least try!"

"No, I didn't. Luyo, I can't help you to figure out what you can do to correct your mistakes because I didn't know Nion. I can make a suggestion based on what you've told me but otherwise I am useless to you." I turned around and sighed heavily, the moonlight that began filtering through the window allowing for a slight better view of the room. "Luyo..." I heard Syne say quietly behind me. "The only thing I can tell you to do is to stop trying so hard. The reason you can't find an answer is because you're going about it your way. Your life was spent alone thinking about the world and how you saw it to work. But was that how he saw it? Think of it his way. Surely there was something that he wanted in this world, but didn't get around to achieving."

Syne was right. I was doing things the wrong way. I was trying to think of something to remember Nion my way. It gave me something new to think about. Another way to try and save what I have destroyed. I turned around slowly, seeing Syne laying on his cushion, head held up looking straight at me. I nodded slowly, not saying anything.

He smiled slightly and lay his head down. Not saying another word to me as he looked like he wanted to return to his sleep. I took a step closer to him, and lowered my head to his. I pressed my lips against the side of his face for a moment, then took a step back. "Thank you." I whispered silently.

* * *