Looking Within Chpt. 1: The Light and the Sleeper
"The sparks always burn out in the end..."
This was the last thought Diego had as he peered through the fabric wall of his tent and saw the campfire's last ember fade into oblivion. He would soon be joining it.
It was a slow process for him; falling asleep. First he would begin to lose track of what went on around him, fall into a sort of sensory deprivation, then he would start to think... his last solace before the dreams began. He would often think about things many were afraid to: religion, science, law, societal norms, existence, even his own sexuality. He thought as long and hard as he could each night because he knew that when he stopped he wouldn't be able to control what went on in his mind. He didn't have terrifying dreams of peril like his best friend Leon; Diego's dreams were always about his worst fear, his life as it had been for a while. Diego dreamed of loneliness and insignificance.
He was surrounded by a deep blue haze. Leon called it the Abyss. Not the most creative name, but it described the place quite well. Every time he entered a dream it began like he was being shot from the bottom of the ocean to the surface in a matter of seconds, but he arrived in the dream feeling like he had been standing there for minutes already.
This dream was new. He was sitting in a hotel lobby filled with everyone he knew. Normally anyone else in his dream was far off, an ephemeral being he could never get any closer to.
"Now this is odd... why is this one populated?" He said as he rose off the leather chair in the center of the lobby.
His crush Kaila gazed at him with a puzzled look "Hey...has something been bothering you lately? You seem a little shy around me...anything you wanna ask me?" she giggled as she finished her slightly flirtatious questioning. Kaila was a curvy Husky that was about 5'8" with some of the most strikingly emerald green eyes Diego had ever seen and cloudy grey fur that made them stick out that much more.
"Well...actually...yea. Listen, I know I'm not the most sought-after guy in school and you probably just think of me as that nice little rabbit boy you've known since preschool but we really have a lot in common," he began to blush as he looked away out of embarrassment, "and I wanted to know if you would like to go out on a date some time. It doesn't have to be anything serious and we already get along decently well so at the very least you know we would have some fun and....well...whaddya say?" he looked back to see that where Kaila once stood was now a mannequin bearing her likeness. He looked around the hotel lobby to see that everyone had turned into a mannequin. "Wow.....ok then..."
He had seen a Starbucks through the front door and decided he might as well humor the sick corners of his mind creating this dream by delving further into the dream's recesses.
That was a mistake
As he stepped outside he looked back into the hotel to see everyone alive again and Kaila flirting with some baseball team douche-bag. He ran back in, but as soon as he opened the door everyone had turned back into their plastic, department store alter egos.
The feeling of being ignored began to slither off his scalp and down his spine like a cold, unforgiving poison. "So its one of these," he thought, "The morning's going to be rough."
He went into the overpriced coffee shop whereupon the inhabitants froze and he proceeded to make himself a breve late. He walked outside and took a sip only to find that the soothing drink was anything but. His coffee had chilled and went down his throat like a thick poultice meant to induce feelings of insignificance and solitude. He tossed the drink aside and began to walk home. His dreams always progressed real-time and only ended when he found a bed to sleep in. he was lucky enough to be near home this time so he thought he'd kill the time with a walk.
Another mistake.
With each passing city block he saw lively people with their families and loved ones going about life, only to turn to cold, heartless plastic as he neared. Each step brought him deeper and deeper into his horrid feelings of isolation. Diego didn't have any abandonment issues; he was just too social to feel comfortable while alone. He had always felt that life was worthless unless you were making a difference somehow, so he always thought that if you were alone or being ignored or unable to act in a situation, you might as well not even exist. It was this thought that scared him so much. Precious seconds of his mortal life being wasted, the very thought was enough to grip him with a paralyzing fear.
He had been walking home for a while when he heard someone yelling for him.
He turned around to see some stranger running at him. He was relieved to see someone who actually acknowledged his existence in this crazy land.
Diego felt a horrid chill come over his body and he lost control of his movements as the panther drew closer to him. He was unable to do anything with his body, no matter how hard he willed it. The panther was only a few feet away from him now and he froze with a horrified look on his face.
"Whoa....hey....what are you doing, man?"
Diego was confused; he hadn't even felt his body move.
"Hey...please man, I have a wife and three kids! Please don't do this!"
The darkness controlling Diego's body looked down and he saw that he was holding a gun by his hip, pointed at the panther. His body took another step closer.
"Oh my god, please, I'll do anything, just don't shoot me, please, I'm a banker, do you want money?! I can get you in the vaults, I'll do ANYTHING!! Oh god...." Tears were rolling down the man's face and he was sobbing uncontrollably.
"...why ar--"
Diego heard a loud bang and saw the blood spurt from the panther's head. The panther crumpled to the ground as Diego's body repositioned itself over the stranger. The body put another bullet in the man's heart. A loud screech began to dominate Diego's thoughts as his dream slowly faded to black.
He shot up in his cot and thought about what had just transpired in his mind. He looked at his paws and could make out some dried blood on one.
"Aw shit, I reopened the cut from yesterday... must have been really tensed up while I was asleep..."
He could see the sun rising through the walls of his tent and he thought about the coldness he felt during his dream. Tears started rolling down his cheek and he began to cry. The noise woke Leon. The German shepherd rose and held Diego close to himself.
"It's ok, man. It was only a dream."
Diego felt safe with Leon's muscular embrace and let himself cry even harder. This was a ritual they had to perform for each other often. They each understood exactly what was going on and what the other was going through when the dreams got that bad.
"Its g--getting wo--worse, man. I didn't e--even have c--control this time." Diego barely squeaked out the sentence.
"It'll be ok, man. Here, lemme put on the radio and make some breakfast before everyone else wakes up."
Leon turned on the radio and tuned it to some classic rock and stepped out of the tent.
Diego wasn't in the mood for music quite yet so he turned it to the news. He relaxed in his cot and listened to the goings-on around town.
Crackles ".......will certainly be a project the whole community will be proud of.....In other news, a banker was gunned down in downtown Faraday late last night....."