Home Again
The town of Stagecoach, was, to put it mildly, a shitshow.
First, there was the name. Whoever had originally chosen the name Stagecoach was long-since gone, but the interceding years and town governments had never thought it worthwhile to rename such a terrible name.
Second, you had the vast no man's land of culture that was the space between Colorado Spring and Denver. The world seemed like it was moving forward, but Stagecoach always seemed like it was clinging onto a past of simple farming, despite the fact that most of the people who lived that lifestyle didn't even farm or have animals, they just wanted to have the look.
Third, there was the way that everything seemed more crowded, more run down despite all the new money that was flooding the state with the wealth of investors and businesses that came in following Legalization. The town had grown, but there wasn't any major industry or draw. And building a large conference hotel across the street from the small movie theater was a choice that baffled everyone.
But, nonetheless, Avery was back here. And she hated it. She hated that this was where her life took her back after escaping it so many years ago. The blue jay sat in the coffee shop she'd tried a few times in the days before she moved away. She ruffled her wings a bit, sitting forward from the booth and trying not to be seen too much. She was not doing the best job.
It was odd enough being a bird in this part of the state, but it was odder still to be a bird not native to this region of the country. But even still, she grew up here, native or not! She took a sip of her coffee, sighing and leaning back in the booth, her rough-skinned hands tapping on the mug.
"Avery?"
The voice stopped her dead in her tracks. She looked up, eyes going up towards the voice until she saw him.
The coyote she was once friends with so many years ago, stood there looking at her. He had a mug of coffee in mid-step. His large ears were perked up as if she'd made a sound he was trying to identify.
"Isaac," Avery said. Her voice faltered as she spoke. So many years of confusion since, but she could still remember the sting.
"I didn't know you were back in town."
"Just got here a few days ago," she said.
"Wow. It's so... It's nice to see you again. If you want to catch up, we can--"
"No." She said. "I don't think we'll be catching up, Isaac. Look, I'm not here to reconnect or whatever. I'm just trying to drink my coffee in peace, okay?"
His shoulders dropped just a little, but his ears, those big ears dropped to his head and he nodded slowly. "Right. Yeah, no. Of course. I'm sorry to have bothered you." He didn't even say goodbye. He took another step and continued around the corner of the coffee shop.
The taste of her coffee seemed suddenly sour.
***
Avery was on her bike after dinner. She'd had to oil the chain and put liberal amounts of WD-40 on the joints, but she couldn't handle being at home with her parents. They were so kind and supportive and they just wanted her to feel comfortable and didn't they get it? That was the problem! The problem with all of this was how everyone acted as if her fuck up wasn't important. It was as if everyone seemed to put blinders on, ignoring what she'd done to try and make her feel better. She didn't want to feel better!
She wanted her life back.
Being back in Stagecoach wasn't helping anything, but the one piece of solace was the bike trail she was able to speed through. She pedaled hard, legs burning on the straightaways. She leaned into the turns, feeling the wind in her face. When she was confident no one was around, she'd spread her wings and let the air go through her feathers. Her large wing span made the act somewhat dangerous to anyone passing by, but it was worth it for those moments she could do it!
Avery rode through the trail, going through the prairie, past the baseball diamond. She went under bridges and pedaled hard. It felt good, it felt alive. She hated being back here, but she loved how good being on the bike made her feel! Being in the city had its disadvantages, and not having her bike seemed to be the greatest.
Avery came to a stop around a thick bramble of trees and bushes. She kicked the stand and set her bike up. Slowly, she walked up to it. This was where she and her friends would play together. Their poorly-constructed "treehouse" was here. She'd pointed out that a flat piece of wood with no walls or roof didn't make a treehouse, but no one cared about that distinction. It took her some time to let go of that fight.
The Jay pushed her way through the brush. She had to bend down and almost crawl at one point to get through the thick bramble of branches and shrubs. They pulled and tugged at her clothes and brushed against her wings. After a bit of work, she got through to the clearing. She looked over the clearing and saw the curve of the old, gnarled tree on which they'd planted the few boards to provide a flat platform. She took another step and put her hand on it. The liberal amount of nails looked like they still kept the boards in place. Taking a tentative step up, Avery stood up on top of the boards.
They shifted under her weight, moving and creaking so much she thought they may break but instead, they stayed in place. Avery put her hand on the tree, running her rough hand over the rough bark. She sighed and leaned into the solid tree.
Looking down, she blinked back tears.
She was back here. Where she fought so hard to escape from. Where she worked so hard to make sure she never came back. But she was here again. Trapped. Caged.
Bound, inextricably, to a place that still had this power over her to make her feel so weak and miserable. She closed her eyes, letting the tears fall down and hit the wood. Each drop hit with a plat against the old wood. She opened her mouth and let out an anguished cry, primal and hurt. She tried to force the sheer fact of her existence, her territory, her being into the strange cry her species did that sounded like a squeaky gate. For so long, Avery hated that sound when it came from her, but this was what it was for.
To tell the world she existed.
She sat, quiet, alone, hunched over as sobs racked her body.
"That's a hell of a call," a voice said.
Looking up, Avery saw, not ten feet away, Isaac. He stood there, looking up at her. He had hands in his hoodie. It was an old, faded hoodie from the school she knew he went to after graduation. His ears twitched at the sound of something in the field, but he looked at her, focused.
"What do you want?"
"I'm not following you, I promise! Believe it or not," he said. "I just wanted to come to this spot again. I don't even mind if you don't talk to me. But this is the one place in this town I feel... at peace, if that makes sense."
Avery looked at him, cheeks red from crying. She wiped her face and sighed. She wanted to hate him. She really wanted to hate him but instead...
"It makes perfect sense."
"Do you mind if I stick around for a while?" he said. He had one foot behind him, ready to leave if she decided to attack. She didn't blame him. She remembered--
"Sure thing. Just... this doesn't mean we're friends."
"Nah, I get it. Just... thanks."
Isaac put one foot on the boards and jumped up to a nearby branch. The coyote turned around and got settled on the branch. He leaned his back on the trunk, resting his head and letting out a deep sigh.
"I don't miss much... but I miss that sky." He said.
Avery looked up at the dark sky. She looked up and up, seeing the stars, the blinking stars of millennia past. How many of those were still burning? How many died out eons before but their light still hit the atmosphere?
"It's... It's beautiful."
Isaac looked over at her. He was chewing on his lip and went back and forth between the sky and her.
"Can I say something?"
Avery glanced over at him for a moment before nodding her head.
"I... I've been thinking about... about us, about what we did, who we were before. Not just today, but for a while now. Ever since my marriage fell apart... I've been thinking about my life and just... I'm sorry for what I did to you. I'm... I'm so ashamed, Ave. If I never say anything else to you than this, I'll be okay with that. I'm sorry for hurting you."
The moment stretched on. The silence filled the space between them. She couldn't even look at him. But she could remember when they fought. When they screamed at each other. She remembered grabbing his collar and tearing at it. She remembered screaming at him the day she finally broke. The anger filled her up and made her lose control. It was the first time she'd ever been that far out of control but it wasn't the last. And she hated that. She hated that she had this moment of fury deep down. She hated that he was the one to bring it out of her. But she hated that was in her to begin with.
But...
"I accept your apology." She said. It was quiet, barely even audible but Isaac looked over at her with a soft smile.
"Thank you, Ave."
"But we're not friends."
"You know what? I'm fine with that. As long as you let me keep coming here when I need to, I'll be happy."
"I won't stop you. Will you stop me?"
"Nah," he said. He pulled a vape out of his pocket and took a puff from it. He exhaled the vapor in a thick cloud. "Neither of us want to be back here."
"Too many memories," she said.
"Yeah," he sighed.
"I can't believe you vape though," she smirked. "I never figured you for the type!"
"Well, it ain't about being cool. It's about not smoking cigarettes anymore. I hate the looks I get from this thing but it's been 6 months since my last one. So... It's worth looking like some try-hard tool to do this."
"Ordinarily, I might make fun of you for only looking like a try-hard tool, but really, that's great. I'm happy you're able to quite that."
"So am I. I'm just... I'm trying to figure out who the fuck I am anymore. A ruined marriage takes a lot out of you if you didn't know."
Avery nodded her head slowly. "Yeah. I... I don't have that, but I have something similar. I was laid off from my job last month. I thought I'd be able to stay out there but... Nope. I had to come back here. To the nest. To Mommy and Daddy."
"Well, at least you've got company back here at the bottom."
"Yeah," she said. "It could be worse; I guess... I, um, I think I'm gonna go."
"Oh. Okay," Isaac said. He had a soft smile on his face, and he nodded at her. "I'll probably stay out here a bit longer. But I'll see you around, yeah?"
"Yeah," Avery said. She looked at Isaac for a moment. She wasn't sure... what to think of him, but she knew that the anger she'd still had in her heart for him was cracked open now. She could tell the sting of seeing him had lessened tonight.
And she was okay with that.
***
Avery slipped her clothes on, her feathers still drying off from the shower. She'd dried her down off as best she could and took her time getting dressed. With her clothes now on, she grabbed her phone, scrolling through the messages and texts from her old coworkers. She sighed and pinched her beak.
"Dammit. I just can't right now."
The Jay's thumb swiped each notification away, moving them aside and sighing to herself. Being back here, she should be looking for job postings.
She _should_be trying to apply places or figure out a plan.
She _should_be doing anything productive.
But somehow, coming back to this place that still had so much power over her had the inverse effect that her parents hoped. She felt worse than ever. She hated being here, the memories, the anger, the pain that was all so wrapped up in this place. She hated that she felt like a child again, each time she was here.
She hated how weak she felt when she had the urge to break down crying all the time.
She hated who she was when she was here. And the reminders that kept coming back to her didn't help matters.
Avery went downstairs, moving her wings and letting them dry out. She went to the front porch and stretched her legs out, trying to let the sun help dry her off. She shook her wings out in the space. Her arms were stretched out and she rolled her head around.
"Hey Avery," Isaac said. Her head jerked forward and saw him. She gave a little smile to him and waved.
"What are you doing around here?"
"Just taking a walk. Parents still live a few streets over. So I just thought I'd take a walk and enjoy the nice day. You're welcome to join me if you want."
The blue jay looked the coyote over for a moment. He was smiling at her so sincerely. His eyes were soft and a fierce shade of green that bored right into her. It was the look she'd remembered so well when he made fun of her. When they fought and screamed at each other. When she'd insulted his mother. When they stopped talking, they were the eyes that would flare up with anger when she saw them.
But none of that was there anymore. They were the same eyes but there was a kindness and a weariness that moved any cruelty away.
"Sure," she said.
The pair walked in silence through the old neighborhood together. It was a home she'd never really liked. It felt smaller and run-down and the whole time, the blue jay kept wondering why this place persisted. It felt like time and hope had moved away from this place, but it persisted, a scab healing over, ugly and painful.
"So... I have a proposition for you."
"Go on," Avery said, taking a look over at him.
"We're both... a little fucked up right now. We're both hurting. Why don't we just... Look, I'm willing to listen to whatever you're feeling right now if you're willing to listen to me. No advice, no pity. Just venting and being able to say shit that's bothering us that we need to get off our chest. Sound fair to you?"
"I..." She thought for a moment. Her stomach twisted as she fought the urge to scream no. She'd trusted him before, telling him her secrets that he'd twisted against her in school. When she'd molted her feathers from her head, the coyote laughed and made sure everyone did to. He made her ashamed of who she was because he knew where to hit. It took a long moment for her to swallow and look at him.
"I'm not sure. I'm not sure if I can trust you. You betrayed my trust before."
"You're right," Isaac said. "I did. I won't bother trying to deny it. I'm not expecting things to be magically fixed. But I'm offering you a chance to speak and to try again. Who would I tell? I don't know anyone in this town but you and my parents. They don't give a shit. They're angry that I ruined the marriage when she's the one that left me for her boss.
"So I can't say you have a reason to trust me. But I can only tell you this, I don't like that I hurt you. And I'm trying to be a better person. So if you give me a chance, I'll make sure I earn the trust, Ave."
"You're the only person to call me that in years, you know that? I stopped going by that ages ago. It's... it's nice to hear."
"You're the only person to smile at me in a few months so thank you for that."
"Little kindnesses, huh?"
"Yeah."
Avery let out a long breath and stopped at a split in the path. She leaned back against the railing, the trees' shade hiding her face.
"I got fired from my job for reporting something illegal. Whistleblower laws should protect me from that, right? But right to work states don't mean a damn thing. So I did the right thing and reported the embezzlement that the investment firm was doing with pension money. And what do I get for it?"
She laughed, running her hands through her hair.
"I get to never use the skills and contacts I use again. I get death threats and dead animals left at my apartment door step. I stepped in deep shit and I'll never get to be in the field I spent the last 10 years working in. And what do I have to show for it?
"Nothing. I have absolutely nothing. I'm just trapped here. This is where my life led me. I had to come back to the place where I have... nothing. I am nothing. I have nothing good here, nothing to look forward to and I'm... I'm trapped, Isaac. I'm trapped in this hell hole and I don't think I'll ever get back to happy again."
Isaac looked at her. There wasn't any anger or pity in his face. But there was pain. He brushed a thumb over the tears on her cheeks she wasn't even aware of. The look on his face was soft and caring. He moved his arms around her and she was being held.
_God!_It felt so good to be held. It felt so good to be held and safe for that moment. She hated herself for being so weak. She wasn't weak! She wasn't the type to break like this but here she was. Crying into the chest of someone she'd hated for so many years.
It felt good to just let herself go, let the anger, and pain, and frustration all slip away until she was free.
"I'm sorry," she sighed, holding him around the waist and not letting go. "I'm sorry for breaking like that, Isaac."
"No need to apologize. That's what we're doing here, right?"
She nodded her head, feeling some of the weight that was on her chest feel like it was finally being let go.
"Thank you," she said, pulling free from him. She leaned back to the sign and looked over his face for a long moment. The silence dragged on, an impenetrable wall between them.
"You're welcome, Ave." Isaac said. "I'm happy I can do something right for a change."
The blue jay cocked her head at him. The coyote's ears were flat to his head, his shoulders drooping the longer she looked at him.
"What happened to you?" She said. "You were so confident, so happy and sure of yourself when I knew you. Even when you were an asshole, you were so confident. I don't get it."
The coyote's face twisted into a smirk. But the look didn't hit his eyes.
"Well, I went to college. I was suddenly a very small fish in a big pond." He gestured for them to keep walking, going down the sloping path through the prairie.
"I started going to a few different clubs, trying to figure out who the fuck I was. Pretty standard shit, right? Well, I went to one and there was this antelope there that took my breath away. She was funny and smart, and she had this biting wit that would chew into me when I said something. We were friends for a long while. Then, I started to date her. Things were good! "After college, we moved in together. She got this job working for a marketing agency. We got married. Things were good. We were saving up for a house and everything just felt good. It felt, right, y'know? Hell, I was happier than I'd been in a while. But then her new boss came along. After a few months, she was sleeping with him. I knew about it shortly after it happened. I confronted her. She told me..."
He took his vape out and drew on it for a long moment, taking the time needed to compose himself in his long, slow exhale.
"She told me that she knew what love was finally. We'd been married for about a year by then. And she just destroyed me. I tried to fight for her, but she just... she was done. She didn't want to hear it. So we split up. It was... amicable, as far as divorces go. And, I didn't want to live in that city anymore. Too many memories. So I just drifted for a while. I was couch surfing with my friends until..."
He rolled up the sleeves on his long sleeves and Avery gasped when she saw the deep scars that had dug into his skin and fur. The long marks on his wrists that went up his arm.
She grabbed his arm and looked at him, feeling the tears stinging her eyes.
"I'm not a happy person, Avery... I don't think I ever have been. I don't know... I don't know what being happy feels like anymore. I can fake it, but God, I fucking hate that I _have_to hide it! Why can't I just... hurt? Why can't I be sad, be angry? Why can't I be normal?"
Avery looked at him for a long moment. She brought his hand up to her beak, nuzzling into his hand. She gave his fingers and hand soft kisses. The motion somewhat awkward with her beak, but Isaac looked at her with flushed cheeks.
"Isaac. Even when I hated you... I never wanted you dead. You hurt me as bad as anyone can._But I never wanted you to die. I wanted you to move away, to get hurt and just... learn a lesson, but I never, _never, wanted you to go away completely. I'm not trying to fix or save you, only you can do that for yourself... But I never wanted this."
Her claws went over the scars and the coyote's hackles raised. He shivered the feeling away, looking at her and nodding his head slowly.
"Thank you... I... I should probably shut up. You don't want to hear me bitch about this--"
"Did we or did we not agree to listen to each other?"
"We did," he said. "But you just... you should hate me, Avery. You should hate me for what I did."
"I antagonized you! I brought it on myself and hurt you just as badly. Even when I didn't, I was such a stuck up bitch. I don't want you to dwell on that, okay? I forgive you. Let's just ignore all of that and focus on the here and now. Okay?"
The coyote cocked a brow at her words. He opened his mouth as if to argue with her but closed it. Those large hands found their way to her head and he planted a kiss softly on her forehead.
"Okay. Then, how bout we just enjoy the nice day for now. And maybe we can start talking more. Not about the past but just... catch up. Really catch up. I want a second chance at being your friend, Avery."
"Okay," she said. "But can you promise me something?"
"What's that?"
"If you think you have to hide some feeling from me, please don't. We're both past that stage."
"Alright," he sighed. "Then I have something I have to tell you. I didn't tell you before."
"What's that?" she asked. She hands both of his hands in his.
"I drank a lot of coffee this morning. So I think we need to cut this walk a little short so I can go to the bathroom."
Avery snorted at him. She shoved his chest and let out a laugh.
"Alright, pooch. Let's get back then."
***
Wanna grab dinner tonight? It was an innocent enough question, but why was it throwing her for such a loop?
Avery sighed and ignored the text for now, focusing on another application she was sure would go nowhere. She shook her head, typing out the cruel monotony of another application that asked for the same information she'd already provided a thousand times to a thousand different companies. The blue jay was quiet and her brow was furrowed with annoyance at the insinuation. She felt...
How did she feel?
They'd been spending time with each other for a few weeks now, and she enjoyed having him around, but the question...
Who did he think he was to ask her that?
She shook her head again, typing with anger in every keystroke. She slammed the enter key down and the next application was submitted.
It hurt her head to keep doing this.
Where did you have in mind? She typed back to the coyote.
Their time together was... helpful. It helped to be able to spend time with him and talk and vent and not feel the pressure. She'd broken down a few times and he in turn. But... She didn't feel like either one of them was using the other. She didn't think that Isaac was trying to take advantage of her and she just wanted to help him through this as best as she could. This wasn't...
Avery, for once, had no idea what was going on. And that scared her. It scared her to think that things could be that good or that normal between them that she could talk and play around with him as if they were normal people, without all their history together.
Noodle Bowl. The Thai Place? 6 work?
Yeah. Yeah, that sounds nice.
Fine! She'd go out to dinner with him, but she wouldn't dress up. This wasn't a date; this was just two friends. They just needed to ... Well, what topic _hadn't_they covered recently? She felt as close to him as she did before. It was like they'd never had their fight or the pain of losing something important to them.
Cool. I'll see you then, Ave.
Getting ready for their dinner was simple. She just grabbed comfortable pants that she thought looked halfway decent and a top that hugged her. Mostly, Avery just didn't think they were at the point where dressing up that much mattered. She told him every secret she could think of and he'd bared his soul on his failures as a husband and they both still wanted to talk to each other.
And Ave. She didn't let anyone call her that. But she let him. She let him call her a name she stopped using almost a decade ago. What the hell was going on with her? Why was it so hard to figure out what she wanted? She was so listless that she knew she needed a change, but what kind of a change? Was she just latching onto him as the first thing that came along because she didn't know how to deal with the creeping dread of life?
She didn't know. But it didn't bother her enough to stop her as she got into her car. Or when she parked her car at the restaurant. Or when she saw him, in a striped shirt and a nice pair of jeans but she still smiled at him because he really was handsome, wasn't he? When did that happen?
"You look nice," he smiled.
"Thanks, so do you."
Isaac opened the door, leading her in. She'd gone to Noodle Bowl a few times when she stopped back in. But this... She wasn't sure what to make of this.
"So I got a job doing some consulting work while I'm back in town. At the very least I can keep some money coming in for the moment," Isaac said.
An older red panda came up to the pair, leading them to their seats. She smiled and her whole face lit up. She came back a moment later with menus for them, her smile positively infectious.
"That's great!" Avery smiled. "Happy to hear you've got some good luck heading your way."
"Yeah," Isaac frowned. "About that. I actually uh, I've been talking to my uncle who's an investment broker."
It felt like the air was sucked out of the room. Leaning in, Avery looked at Isaac. Her eyes narrowed.
"What are you doing?"
His head cocked to the side.
"What do you mean?"
"What do you think you're doing? You're talking around behind my back? You're running your mouth again?"
Isaac bit his lip and shook his head. He looked over at the panda to make sure she wasn't coming over just yet.
"I'm not. I'm not doing anything. I just wanted to talk to him about your situation. This isn't middle school, Ave--"
"Why would you talk to him about me? Why wouldn't you tell me first?"
Isaac's hand rested on hers. He squeezed it and looked her straight in the eyes. "Because I wanted to help. He'd like to talk with you. I'm not saying this will fix anything. But he's worked with people who ran into the same situation you did. And he'd like to talk with you about options."
Avery looked at him, from his hand back to his eyes.
"Why? What's it you're after?"
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Hell, you could never talk me again. And I'd still make sure you spoke to him. I just want you to get back on your feet. Honest truth. I haven't lied to you since we started talking again."
The blue jay smiled when the red panda came back. She nodded her head, and placed her order. But she kept looking over at Isaac. She wasn't sure what was happening with him. Why was she so suspicious of him? She couldn't seem to trust his motives but it didn't make sense why. Something about her was broken.
"Ave?"
"Sorry?" she said.
Isaac frowned at her. His hand still on hers. "I've been trying to get your attention. I just... I'm just trying to help you. I know you... you may not be able to trust me very well. But all I want to do is help you get back on your feet. Nothing else, no ulterior motives. I'm just trying to be your friend."
"I..." She sighed and shook her head. "I know you are. I_know_ you are. But I have something in me that keeps telling me not to listen to you. And I just... I'm trying to figure out why that is. You're helping and kind. But I feel like there's something in me that won't let me take that step to believing you yet."
Isaac nodded his head. He scratched his ear, not looking at her. His eyes were closed tight and his body shuddered at his next sigh. "Truth... truth is, I like you, Avery. I've liked you for a long time. And I don't care if you don't like me back or not. I don't care what this means. I need to tell you that I like you and I need to try and help you because I care about you. You can trust me or not. But I promise you on my name, for all that's worth. I won't ever lie or hide the truth from you again. I just want to be your friend."
"Isaac--"
"Just... forget I said anything. Let's just enjoy dinner and not worry about that, okay? I shouldn't have--"
Avery leaned across the table and kissed his lips softly. The motion awkward but she didn't care. Her beak pressed to his and she closed her eyes in the soft touch of his body to hers.
"You're a pretty trustworthy coyote. I won't... I won't pretend this isn't hard trying to trust you and get over our past. But, I can't deny that I've liked you for a while. It's why you hurt me so much back then. I thought I was in love with you when you started teasing me. So I... I want to keep seeing you. I overthink things. I overcomplicate things, but you're just being helpful and sweet and I just like you."
Isaac leaned forward, kissing her again. His lips were warm and he held her cheek. The jay gave a trill, her eyes fluttering closed and she relaxed into the touch and taste of him.
"That's... that's much better news than work."
"Yeah," Avery grinned. "I'm much more important than work."
"We'll see where this goes and help each other pick ourselves up. Does that sound good?"
"Yeah," Avery smiled. Her cheeks were hot and she held onto his hand tightly, afraid he'd leave if she let go. "It really does."
Their meal came and went and the voice in her head stopped yelling at Avery. She seemed able to be in the moment for the moment. The voices stopped, the worry stopped. She didn't have anything else but peace in that moment. She could just smile with him and let go.
After dinner, Avery and Isaac walked through the town together. They meandered past the closed shops that made up downtown. They jumped up on the stone facades and balanced on precarious stones on the side of the sidewalk. Avery smiled, feeling lighter and freer than she had in ages. It was so nice to let go and just feel, not quite happy, but better.
Better was all you could get sometimes.
Eventually, they made their way back to the old treehouse, tramping through the brush to climb on top of the wood. Isaac laid back on top of the wood. Avery leaned against him, resting her head on his chest. She closed her eyes, listening to his steady heartbeat.
"This is nice. Just being here with you is really nice. I'd just forgotten what it felt like, I guess."
"What's that?" Isaac frowned.
"I just... I work too hard. I'm so focused on my career that I don't worry about friends or relationships and when everything blew up on me... I had nothing. I don't know who I am without my job anymore. That whole part of me is just gone. And I'm upset, but at the same time? I don't know. I guess I'm not terribly. It's part of my problem. I put everything into that place and then when I did the right thing, they didn't have my back."
Isaac's hand rubbed over her back and wings slowly. He rubbed her body slow and soft, feeling her soft feathers and down. She wrapped arms around him and kissed his cheek.
"You matter, Ave. You're more than your job. You're more than just one thing so I... I don't know. Act like it, I guess? Focus on work and that, sure. But go home and allow yourself to be someone else. Find something you like. Hold onto it. Things can slip away from you so quickly and you don't even know it."
"Like we slipped away?"
"We pushed each other away. But hey," he smiled, kissing her softly. "I'm staying right here. Got it?"
The blue jay smiled at him and kissed him again. She kissed him, closing her eyes and letting her hands run over her chest and stomach. She felt him, the soft fur on top of his firm body. She rubbed his chest and sides. His hands worked under her shirt and she shivered. But she didn't stop him. She didn't stop him. But he didn't go past that. He just felt her bare stomach and back and the feeling of his hands made her shiver.
"I'm... I'm sorry. I'm still feeling a little... broken myself. I ... I really like you, Ave. But I need to figure out how to do this at my own pace. Please don't be--"
The blue jay shut him up with a soft kissed and she held onto his head with both of his hands. Her forehead pressed to his.
"Ssssh. I won't do anything else, Isaac. I'm gonna hold you but I'm not going to press you. Okay?"
He nodded his head slowly, a sigh leaving his throat. "Thank you, Avery. It means a lot to me."
Avery placed a last kiss on his lips and smiled. "Let's just lay back and watch the stars for a bit."
She leaned her head into Isaac's chest. The wood creaked when she shifted her weight and she moved her arms around his waist. The quiet moment with the two of them was nice. It was nice to sit there with him, holding him close and watching the stars together.
"When I'm with you," she said. "I don't feel like I'm... stuck alone. I feel like I belong somewhere again. I matter. Whatever the rejections and the firing did to me... I matter."
"That's what that call is for, right? The one from a few weeks ago?"
"Yeah. It's... territorial, I suppose."
"Like a howl."
"Yeah," she smiled at him. "Exactly."
Isaac leaned his head back, howling up at the night sky. His eyes were closed, howling into the night. Avery shivered at the sound of it, lonely, sad but... safe. She didn't feel like she had anything to fear from him anymore. She didn't think he'd hurt her again. Taking the chance to be happy again was worth the possibility of pain.
Avery took his hand, holding it in her hand and singing the squeaky noise. She kept going, declaring this as her territory. This was where she mattered, where she belonged. Not just Stagecoach, not just Colorado. But Here.
Wherever she went, she belonged. She mattered.
Nothing could stop that.