Crossroads - Zack: Chapter 19

Story by Lupine Catastrophe on SoFurry

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#23 of Crossroads (Zack)

See? I told you it was going to be okay! :D Kind of...

This story is a companion of ragewolver's Crossroads. Don't forget to check out his chapter for Charlie's side of the story!


This is all my fault.

_ _ Those were the words echoing through Zack's head as he drove away from the school with Charlie at his side. After the incident with Coach Salt, the two of them had talked their muzzles off answering the police's questions, and now they just wanted to be alone together. David had arrived and certainly had his fair share of opinions on what happened, especially when a familiar coyote showed up and admitted to being Salt's husband.

And then Charlie had asked if Zack could spend the night, to which David begrudgingly agreed.

This is all my fault.

_ _ When they arrived at Charlie's house, his stepmom came out almost instantly to hug him. "Oh my God, when your father told me...I was so worried...Are you okay, sweetheart?"

"I'm okay, I guess," Charlie mumbled, his face devoid of expression. "I kinda just wanna sleep."

Michelle nodded. "I understand, but I'll make a good healthy dinner for you. Anything you want, for you and your beau."

"Thanks, Mrs. Argent, but I'm not hungry," Zack assured her, resting a comforting paw on Charlie's shoulder. To his dismay, the wolf didn't seem to notice.

"Michelle, I just want to forget," said Charlie. "I just kinda wanna hide in my room for a bit."

Michelle's brown eyes darted between the two, her suspicion clear as day. "Okay, I suppose," she relented. "But I'll check in on you later, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks." Charlie continued into the house without another word, his tail hanging limp behind him. Zack followed him, but the moment he entered the house, Charlie nearly sprinted to his room. He just barely kept pace with him, reaching out a paw to hold the door open when Charlie tried to close it. He saw the wolf immediately pull off his torn shirt and start searching for a new one.

"Can you give me a minute?" Charlie asked without looking at him.

"Charlie, you're not okay. You look like you're about to go crazy," Zack said, noting the way his boyfriend manically rummaged through his drawer. "I really don't think you should be alone right now."

"I just need to change my pants," Charlie assured him, though Zack could still hear the shakiness of his voice. "Wanna put on my pajamas. Be comfortable. Just one minute?"

Zack started to protest but thought better of it. If he was in the same position, he'd want a little time to himself without people constantly checking up on him. "Alright, one minute."

He left the room and rubbed his muzzle. This really was his fault. If he had just gone with Charlie to the locker room, none of this would have happened. And he had probably ruined his reputation with the wolf's already hard-to-please father. He had ruined everything.

Zack checked his watch, noting that a minute had passed, and returned to the room. Charlie was sitting on his bed with a sketchbook. It lay unopened, though the wolf was fiddling with a pencil, probably trying to distract himself from the situation at hand.

Zack sat down next to him. "Charlie, we need to talk."

"I don't want to right now." The wolf still didn't look at him. Only now did he realize that Charlie wasn't even looking at the book, rather staring through it, lost in his own thoughts.

"Then why am I here?" Zack demanded in a harsher tone than he intended.

Charlie detected his intensity and snarled. "Fine. If you don't want to be here, then go home."

"Charlie, that's not what I meant," Zack snapped. He willed himself to calm down and continued. "Please, just listen to me. I can see you're still completely wound up and all. I'm not trying to poke at you or anything, I just want to help." Zack scooted closer and wrapped a comforting arm around him. "After something like this, I'd be more worried if you weren't acting all emotional and stuff. Means you're not a psychopath without emotions. But I'm worried about you. How're you going to face this?"

"I don't have to." Charlie still wasn't looking at him.

"You will eventually," Zack replied with caution. He was afraid the slightest provocation might set him off. "What about when you go back to school? How are you going to be able to walk into that building, knowing what almost happened, and be okay? And what about what's going to happen with the police and Coach Salt?"

Charlie shrugged and shrunk away from him. "They arrested him. I don't have to do anything else?"

"But what if they want another statement? What if you have to testify in court about what happened?" Zack pointed out. "Can you do that?"

Charlie shrunk even further away, squeezing his eyes shut. "I don't...I don't know, okay?!" He turned, and Zack could hear his breathing pick up. He was hyperventilating in a panic.

Zack realized his mistake and tried to backpedal. "Hey hey, calm down. Look at me," Zack urged, turned his boyfriend's head with a finger. "Don't panic on me, alright? No panic attacks. I wouldn't have brought all that up without a reason. I was just trying to say you might want to think about getting some..." Zack braced himself. "...mental help."

"Are you calling me crazy?" Charlie mumbled.

"No, not at all," Zack said in as calm a tone as he could muster. "I just think you might need therapy. Some counseling to help you put this behind you when all's said and done."

"I don't need therapy."

"Please, just think about it," Zack insisted. "There are therapists who specialize in helping victims. They exist because it's needed. At least think about it, for me?"

Charlie didn't respond right away. When he did, he had shrunk impossibly smaller where he sat. "Am I weak?"

The response surprised him. "What?"

"Am I weak?" Charlie repeated.

"No!" Zack replied, growing even more worried. "Why would you even think that?"

"Because if I was strong like you, it wouldn't have happened," Charlie sniffled. "I'd have been able to get away."

His heart sunk. "Charlie, don't think like that. God, you're not weak." Zack pulled him closer and allowed the wolf to rest his head on a shoulder. "There are different ways to be strong. And in the time I've known you, I've watched you get stronger and stronger. You're not afraid to stand up for yourself. You're not scared to speak your mind. And you're even learning how to fight back against your dad. You're stronger than you know, Charlie."

Charlie leaned up and kissed his nose. "Zack...thank you for being here."

Zack grinned and kissed him back. "I'm glad I could be here for you."

Zack leaned in further to continue the kiss, allowing his weight to push them back onto the bed. He propped himself up to hover over his boyfriend, deepening the kiss. Suddenly, he felt to paws pushing at his chest and a yelp from Charlie. "Stop, stop!"

Zack backed off and stood from the bed, seeing that Charlie breathing heavily and grasping his chest in a panic. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me! I shouldn't have -"

Charlie started to calm down and glanced up at him. "It's not you." He gulped and shut his eyes. "I love kissing you, it's just...I saw...and then..."

Zack's eyes widened as he realized what had happened. "You remembered...and then I reminded you of it. Oh my God, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking, I shouldn't have -"

"Please stop apologizing," Charlie cut in. He stood and embraced him once more. Zack, surprised that the wolf had initiated the hug, hesitantly put his arms around him. "Zack, I love spending time with you. I just need time to get over what happened."

"I'm worried," said Zack. "What if you get PTSD from this?"

"I don't know." Charlie was starting to sniffle again, and Zack squeezed him tighter. "I just...I don't know, but will you be there to help me?" Charlie pulled back. "I know I might be asking a lot, but...I can't face this alone. Promise me you'll be there for me."

"That's never too much to ask." Zack swallowed the lump in his throat and kissed his boyfriend once more. "You don't have to ask."

This is all my fault.

............................................

Zack awoke to silence. The room was dark, and the covers had been drawn over his sleeping form. Charlie whimpered softly in his arms, and he remembered what had happened. After convincing them to come down for a light dinner, the Argents and Zack had sat down for a mostly silent meal. Shortly after, Charlie had come back upstairs and the two of them gone to sleep together in his bed.

He heard another whimper from Charlie and thought about waking him up but thought against it. He needed his rest. Zack, quietly as he could, got out of bed and left the room, going downstairs for some alone time of his own.

A glance at his watch told him it was nearly midnight. Zack continued downstairs and looked around. The living room appeared empty; everyone was probably asleep by now.

"Going somewhere?"

Except for him. Zack found David sitting on the couch, apparently having fallen asleep there. A laptop and phone sat on the table in front of him, and the wolf still wore his work clothes.

"What are you doing up?" Zack asked without thinking.

David raised an eyebrow, glaring at him. "Is that any of your concern?"

Zack quickly backtracked. "No, you're right. I'm sorry."

David stared at him for a while longer before patting the couch beside him. "Sit."

Zack gulped and sat himself down. "Is something wrong, sir?"

"You've been asked to come spend the night with my son after he nearly got raped at school today, and you're asking me if something is wrong?" The laser-like glare from David intensified, and Zack had to make a conscious effort not to look away. "An interesting question to ask at a time like this."

Zack didn't know what to say. There had always been tension between the two, but now that he knew David was likely angry with him, he was positively terrifying.

"Charles told me that you got him out of a bad situation today," David stated. "Is that true?"

"Yes," Zack confirmed with hesitation. He wasn't sure where David was going with this, or if he would like it. "I got him out before anything bad could happen."

"He was pretty shaken up when I saw him this afternoon. I hardly think he avoided 'anything bad.'" David retorted, never moving his gaze. "But you're right. Something terrible almost happened to him that I'm not sure he would ever have recovered from, but you stopped it before it was too late. Thank you."

"Of course," Zack stammered. He felt so out of place talking to him like this. He was usually quite confident with anyone he spoke to, but David always managed to make him feel inferior, and it wasn't just because he was Charlie's father. The wolf was just so intense.

"I just thought I should properly thank you, since I didn't do it earlier," said David. "I overreacted toward you at the school earlier, and I apologize. I was just worried about Charles."

Something about the apology seemed off, but Zack accepted. "It's okay. I understand."

"Good. That brings me to my next point." David turned to him fully and continued. "What were you doing at the time Charles was assaulted?"

Zack felt that pit in his stomach reappear with a vengeance. "I was at lunch. He said he lost his phone at the locker room and went back to get it."

David narrowed his eyes. "And you didn't follow him?"

"I offered to go with him, but he said he would be fine," Zack clarified. "And we were having a bit of a disagreement at the time, so he was kind of annoyed at me. He needed some time alone." Zack thought that sounded reasonable, given that he hadn't had the gift of hindsight at the time.

David thought otherwise. "So you left him with that fa - creep, because you had a fight? And you thought that was a good enough excuse not to be there for him?"

Every negative and self-deprecating thought he had experienced that day came rushing back, and Zack had to fight not to grieve. "No, I -"

"The moment you thought it was no longer in your best interest, you just left him for himself. What was he annoyed with you about?"

Zack racked his memory for the cause of the disagreement. It had been such an arbitrary detail until now that he had forgotten it. Once he did remember, however, his heart sank once again. "He kept telling me he smelled alcohol on the coach's breath, and I didn't listen."

The pure contempt on David's face suddenly tripled. "So he knew? He knew the coach was drunk at school, and you didn't listen to him?"

_ _ "It seemed ridiculous at the time!" Zack protested. "It wasn't like that!"

"Do you remember the last time you were in this house?" David demanded, shaking with fury. "When you promised me you would take care of Charles?"

"Yes," replied Zack, trembling.

"You promised_me he would be safe with you," David continued. "And now he's going to be traumatized for God knows how long because his _boyfriend didn't care enough to be by his side."

"I did care!" Zack retorted. "I just didn't know it would come to this."

"It shouldn't matter what you think might happen. You protect him no matter what," said David. "When I heard of the assault, I came straight to the school without a second thought. Ended up losing my job in the process, but I didn't care. Because my son is more important."

Zack paused. "You lost your job?"

David gestured to the laptop. "What did you think I was doing down here so late? The point is I want Charles to be safe unconditionally, and you should think the same. If you want to be a part of this family, I expect full dedication. Understood?"

Zack nodded. "Yes, of course. It won't happen again."

"It'd better not. I'm glad we can agree," said David. He checked the time. "Have you called your parents yet?"

Zack's heart dropped as he realized he hadn't. "No, not yet."

"Well, go ahead and do it," David suggested. "Let them know you're spending the night."

"Wait, you're still letting me stay?" Zack asked in disbelief. "After everything you just said?"

David blinked. "Of course. I'm not about to kick you out of the house this late at night. Besides, Charles would never forgive me if I did. I made a promise to let you stay, and I intend to keep it." David stood and took the laptop with him. "Now, call your parents and then go to bed. Charles need you right now." With that, the wolf left him alone on the couch.

Zack breathed a sigh of relief and dialed his home number.

To his surprise, it was Seth who answered. "Hello?"

"Seth?" Zack glanced upward to make sure David wasn't still lingering nearby. He was still alone. "What are you still doing awake?"

"Why do you care?" Came his brother's snarky reply. "You're not my mom."

Zack rolled his eyes. "Never mind. Just put Pa on the phone."

"He's asleep. Where are you anyway?" Seth inquired.

"I'm at Charlie's," Zack replied. "Did you hear about what happened at the school?"

"Uh huh. Mom and Dad are worried," said Seth. Zack could hear laughter in the background. It sounded like one of those dumb reality shows. "How come you didn't call? They tried like a thousand times."

"I forgot. And I must've dropped my phone somewhere," Zack said, knowing very well that he had silenced it before he went to sleep with Charlie. "Tell them I'm staying the night keeping Charlie company. I'll be back in the morning."

"You're sleeping with him?" Seth's grimace could almost be heard through the phone. "Like, in the same bed? Are you going to...?"

"No!" Zack snapped with more force than intended. He brought his voice down and tried not to give away his remorse. "No, we won't be doing anything like that..."

Seth paused, and Zack heard the gears turning in his head. "Okay, well it was nice talking to you I guess..."

"Wait! Remember to tell Pa what I said," Zack ordered. "I need to make sure Charlie knows he's safe and to tell him I'm sorry for everything that happened."

"I know! Jeez," Seth griped. "Wait, what? Why are you sorry?"

"Because it's my fault he's in this situation," said Zack, growing tired of repeating himself to people who wouldn't care. "If I had been with him, Charlie wouldn't have gotten assaulted. It's as simple as that."

Seth paused once more. "I...how the fuck is that you're fault?"

"Language," Zack admonished. "And I just told you. Don't make me say it again."

"But you're not making any sense," Seth said confused. "Charlie's the one who got assaulted, and you had no clue what was going to happen. How is that you're fault?"

"As his boyfriend, I need to be there for him. And I wasn't," Zack insisted. "If I was, it wouldn't have happened."

"Why not? Because you were there?" Seth argued. "It just would've happened to you, too. And maybe the whole thing would have ended quicker, but why do you think you could've stopped it happening? That makes no sense."

"That's not the point!" Zack snapped, abandoning his attempts at maintaining his cool. "Mr. Argent said that I should've been there. And he's right. I'm Charlie's boyfriend, and I'm supposed to protect him."

"Fuck that."

Zack balked. "Excuse me?"

"Fuck that." There was nothing but adamance in Seth's tone. "He can't expect you to protect him twenty-four-seven, right? You couldn't do that no matter how hard you tried."

"That's no way to talk about an adult," Zack berated him. "You know what, never mind. I can't expect you to get it."

"Everyone but you and Mr. Argent gets it," Seth shot back. "Why is it up to you to protect him? You couldn't possibly have known he was going to get assaulted, and it's that coach's damn fault for getting drunk at school in the first place. You even saved Charlie before something worse could happen. So fuck him. Fuck everyone who says otherwise."

Zack was ready to admonish him once again, but something about his brother's words rang true. That confused part of him he had kept buried since the incident reared its head, and he realized that he was angry, not at himself, but at everyone else involved. Part of him knew that Seth was right.

He took a breath of calm. "Thank -" Zack stopped himself, realizing who he was talking to. "I'll excuse the language just this once."

"Whatever," Seth huffed.

Zack allowed a smirk to stretch his lips. "Just tell Pa what I said, okay?"

"Uh huh. See you later." Seth hung up without another word.

Realizing he had been pacing, Zack sank back down onto the couch. As he stared off into space, he thought about Seth's - perhaps unintended - advice, and the truth behind it. Somehow, it had helped quell the self-doubt that had been festering within.

Maybe not today or tomorrow, or even next week, but he knew he would once learn to live with his mistake.