FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Good Enough/Crossroads--Chapter 19--After the Battle

Despite security and the police telling Zack he should leave, he had stayed and it was only Chance's insistence that kept Zack beside him. He had quickly been taken to the nurse's office, Zack's jacket around him to hide the ripped shirt.

He had given his statement to the police officers and spoken to the principal, but it was mostly Zack who'd done the majority of talking. Chance had kept his head downward, his sentences terse and clipped and his voice void of emotion. The principal had called his father and now they waited for him to arrive.

When the police had their statements, they waited patiently for Chance's father, while two others took Coach Salt away into custody. They sat together in the nurse's office, Chance's looking down at the floor as he tried to stop his memory from replaying what had just happened.

"Are you going to be okay?" Zack asked, Chance's head resting on Zack's shoulder.

"I don't want to talk about it," Chance answered meekly, clenching Zack's jacket closely around himself--Zack's scent was a small comfort to have around him right now. He didn't feel like speaking to anyone. He just wanted to go home and forget, to wish everything away. He wanted to believe that he could wake up tomorrow, realize it was just a fucked up nightmare that he let go for the rest of his life.

But with the school being closed and the presence of law enforcement, he knew it was real, that it had happened. He could imagine his father's reaction--even his mother's when she was notified. He wondered how he'd even be able to come back here to school.

"Do you need some water, anything? I can get it for you if you need it."

"Please don't go. I don't want to be alone right now," Chance sniffled. "Why'd it happen to me?"

"I don't know," Zack admitted and Chance could see just how badly it had shaken him to happen upon the scene and he didn't dare think what could've happened if Zack hadn't gone looking for him. "I'm sorry, I should've gone instead of you." Zack sniffled and Chance could see the beginnings of tears forming in the jackal's eyes. It was more disturbing than he'd thought it'd be to see Zack Bailey shed a tear. "If I had gone--"

"Please don't," Chance begged. "I don't want to hear it."

"I'm sorry, Charlie," Zack said again. Chance had long since lost track of how many times Zack had apologized.

Chance leaned closer to Zack, his head buried into the jackal's chest. He felt drained, weak and felt the urge to cry, yet no tears would come. His throat was dry and hoarse from the weeping he'd already done and his eyes red and puffy. He never felt weaker than now, cowering into his boyfriend's chest. He could still see the two policemen standing just outside of the nurse's office who were waiting for his father. He wondered how long it'd be.

"Zack, can... can you come over tonight?"

"What?" Zack asked.

Chance sat upright and asked again. "I don't want to be alone with my dad tonight. Can you come over? Or can I go to your house?"

"Well, I guess... we could ask your dad if it's okay, but I don't think your dad would be okay with--"

"I don't care what he wants!" Chance whined louder than he intended to. Zack flinched and the policemen looked in. "Please, Zack, I just want to be with you right now. Dad won't understand, Michelle won't get it and I don't even know if I'll hear from my mom... Please..."

"... Okay, okay," Zack said, putting his arms around Chance once more. "Please try to calm down. I'm not going anywhere."

"You mean it?"

"I mean it."

"Hold it, sir!" the police officer barked suddenly.

"Please, move, officer," came a familiar, shaky voice. "I need to see my son."

"It's alright," said Principal McLawhorn's voice. "This is the cub's father."

The police officers exchanged looks before stepping aside. Almost at once, David Argent dashed into the room and practically lifted Chance from his chair, pulling him into a tight embrace. Chance was too stunned for a moment to react--he could feel his father shaking and when his father pulled away, Chance was sure he saw his father was on the verge of tears as well.

"Charles, are you okay?" David demanded as Chance sank back into his chair. "Please tell me you're alright."

"I guess," Chance managed to say through a thick voice. His mind replayed what had happened so vividly. "It happened so fast, but he didn't really hurt me. Just..." Chance shrugged off Zack's jacket to show where his shirt had been ripped.

"That fucker..." David breathed.

"If Zack hadn't found me--"

"Zack?" David repeated, looking over as if seeing Zack for the first time.

Chance could almost see the gears turning in his father's head. "Dad, it's not what you think! He saved me!"

"That's right," Principal McLawhorn said behind David. "This young jackal is a hero."

"Where's the dead fucker who did this?" David demanded.

"He's in police custody," Principal McLawhorn explained. "He'll be tried and jailed for what he did."

"Dad, please, can we just go home?" Chance begged. David's breathing didn't calm, nor did his temper ease. Chance watched his father's head swivel around to him and felt Zack place a comforting paw on his shoulder.

"You should go home," David ordered Zack in a clipped tone.

"Actually, can he come over? Just for a little while?"

"Charles, now is--"

"Just tonight, please!" Chance stated forcefully. David seemed taken aback by his son's insistent tone, but Chance had continued before the older wolf could protest. "I just don't want to be alone tonight. I just need... I need to feel..."

"You won't be alone tonight," David assured him with a kind smile. "You'll have me and Michelle."

"That's not what I meant," Chance said weakly, his voice strained and throat hoarse. "I just want to feel loved," he managed to choke out.

There was no disguising the hurt on David's face, his smile failing as he tried to understand what his son had just said. "Charles, you know I love you. Michelle loves you."

"Then why is it so hard for you to show it?" Chance challenged darkly, sniffling. He looked downward, preferring to speak to the floor rather than his father. "It's always something that I'm doing wrong, never anything I do right." He exhaled heavily and said, "If Zack can't come over tonight, I'm going to his place."

"Charles, I don't think that's a good idea," David said, not angrily but firmly. "After what's just happened... I don't even know what kind of state of mind you're in or if you're thinking clearly."

"And now I can't even think right," Chance said, unable to suppress the irritation, the frustration, that flared inside him. He'd never felt such resentment before, nor had he even stopped to consider what he was saying or why.

"Charlie, calm down," Zack said, pulling his shaking boyfriend into an embrace. Zack took a calming breath and Chance could practically feel the fury radiating off the jackal. When Zack spoke, the tone was even and measured, an attempt to mask the anger boiling beneath the surface. "Mr. Argent, with everything that's happened, he just wants someone to there for him. I get why you're upset and why you might not want me around, but Charlie needs someone he can talk to."

"What do you know?" David challenged. "He can talk to me."

"Then why doesn't he want to?" Zack countered.

David swallowed thickly, trying to contemplate a retort, when somebody new was allowed in, clearing his throat carefully to gather their attention. They watched as the coyote fidgeted nervously where he stood, unsure of how to say what was on his mind. Chance watched the coyote closely, but could've sworn he heard Zack gasp.

"Who are you?" David asked.

The sharp tone in David's voice made the coyote flinch, but it seemed to give him the will to speak. "My name is Anders Erikson. I'm Nathan Salt's husband. I need to apologize for his actions. They were... inexcusable and reprehensible."

"That's putting it mildly," Zack grumbled, but Chance elbowed him in the stomach lightly.

"You've got some nerve talking to us after your faggot husband just tried to rape my son!" David raged.

"Dad, stop, please. I want to hear him out," Chance said, pulling away from Zack.

"I don't. We're leaving."

"No, you're leaving," Chance corrected. David turned on him and Chance felt himself take a step back. "If you're just going to throw a tantrum anyway, why don't do it at home where no one can see you?"

"Who the hell do you think you're talking to?!" David yelled.

Chance swallowed and he could see the police officers starting to inch further into the room. "Just let me talk to him. He's just trying to apologize."

"He can't apologize for this! Are you even aware of just how serious this is?!" David huffed and tried to lower his voice, though it rumbled with the anger he couldn't contain. "This little faggot's husband--"

"Is that what this is about to you?! Him being gay?!" Chance yelled back, his mind snagging on a single word that his father had said. "Is that all that matters to you?! So what if he's gay! Even if he was straight, that doesn't make what happened any better! Why are you so caught up in whether or not he's gay?!"

"I'm not! But--"

"But what?!" Chance sobbed.

David sighed heavily and looked back at the coyote. "I'll wait in the hallway. Keep an eye on him, okay?" he added to Zack.

"Yes, sir," Zack rumbled through gritted teeth.

David took a moment to glare at the coyote before stepping out into the hall. Anders exhaled a heavy breath and spoke again. "I didn't mean to cause anymore trouble. I just wanted to apologize for my husband's actions. There is no excuse for him to be drinking or to be attacking his students." Anders' voice trembled. "He had... He has a drinking problem. He removed everything from our home and I guess he was hiding it here in the school. Had I known..." He shook his head.

"You couldn't have. He was trying to hide it from you," Chance reasoned.

"That doesn't make it okay," Anders continued. "If there's anything I can do to make this alright... Anything at all, please don't hesitate to reach out to me. Although I will say this--Nathan's problems began when his family started to tear him down for his sexuality. If your father is doing the same to you, I suggest you try to find a way to escape before you go down the same slippery slope."

He reached into his wallet and withdrew a business card. Chance took it, not bothering to even look at the small card as Anders straightened up and cleared his throat. "Again, I'm sorry. Please, be well."

And he walked out and disappeared. David waited until Anders' footfalls were inaudible before reentering.

"I think we should go," David announced. "And where are you going?"

"Wherever Charlie decides to go," Zack replied confrontationally.

"Then I'll tell Michelle to prepare an extra plate."

---

Following behind his father's car in Zack's left Chance feeling a strange mixture of closeness and distance. Zack had kept a comforting paw on his on the armrest and, though the jackal was being respectfully quiet, Chance couldn't help but appreciate just how nice it felt to have Zack beside him. On the other hand, his father had never felt further away. Chance questioned if he had said the right things, if he had even thought through anything that he had said in his overly emotional mindset. He had meant every word, no doubt about it, but he regretted half of what had slipped out.

When they arrived, David got out of his car hurriedly and walked into the house silently. Michelle had rushed past him, hurrying over to Zack's car to help Chance out. When Chance was fully out of the car, Michelle pulled him into an almost too-tight hug and Chance was sure it was his gasp for air that told Michelle to release him.

"Oh my God, when your father told me... I was so worried... Are you okay, sweetheart?" Michelle said in a breathy tone.

Sweetheart? Since when did you ever call me that? You're not my mother.

She might as well be, a voice in Chance's head snapped. Your real mom isn't here.

"I'm okay, I guess," Chance said. He certainly didn't feel okay. His body felt heavy and his exhausted brain was still racing with emotions and the memory continued to replay itself in the back of his mind. "I kinda just wanna sleep."

"I understand, but I'll make a good healthy dinner for you, anything you want," Michelle offered. She looked up. "For you and your beau," she added with a weak smile to Zack.

"Thanks, Mrs. Argent, but I'm not hungry," Zack stated.

"Michelle, I just want to forget," Chance admitted. "I just kinda wanna hide in my room for a bit."

Her eyes narrowed slightly. "Okay, I suppose. I'll check in on you later, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks."

Chance entered the house first and almost sprinted to his room. He was about to close the door behind him but Zack's heavy paw pushed it forward as he stepped over the threshold. Chance paid him no mind as he shook off the remains of his tattered shirt and quickly found a replacement on his messy floor. He pulled the gray shirt over his head and was about to take off his pants as well when he looked over at Zack, disturbed by the jackal's worried expression.

"Can you give me a minute?" Chance asked.

"Charlie, you're not okay," Zack noted. "You look like you're about to go crazy. I really don't think you should be alone right now."

"I just need to change my pants. Wanna put on my pajamas. Be comfortable," Chance said. Even Chance could hear the nearly manic tone in his voice. "Just... one minute?"

"... Alright, one minute."

And sure enough, one minute later, Zack reentered to see Chance sitting on his bed in his t-shirt and pajama pants, fidgeting nervously with a pencil. One of his sketchbooks lay on the bed beside him, but Chance made no move to reach for it. His mind was buzzing with activity, to much to stop and force himself to think of a new drawing.

"Charlie, we need to talk," Zack said, seating himself beside his boyfriend.

"I don't want to right now."

"Then why am I here?" Zack asked harshly.

"Fine, if you don't want to be then go home."

"Charlie, that's not what I meant," Zack snapped back, affronted and offended. "Please, just listen to me. I can see you're still completely wound up and all. I'm not trying to poke at you or anything, I just want to help." Zack wrapped an arm around Chance kindly. "After something like this... I'd be more worried if you weren't acting all emotional and stuff. Means you're not a psychopath without emotions. But I'm worried about you. How're you going to face this?"

"I don't have to."

"You will eventually," Zack remarked. "What about when you go back to school? How are you going to be able to walk into that building, knowing what almost happened, and be okay? And what about what's going to happen with the police and Coach Salt?"

"They arrested him. I don't have to do anything else."

"But what if they want another statement? What if you have to testify in court about what happened?" Zack challenged. "Can you do that?"

"I don't... I don't know, okay?!" Chance said, his breathing growing heavier as if the air was getting thinner. His heartbeat was starting to race in his chest which suddenly felt almost too small to contain his heart and lungs. Would he have to face the coach again, to look at the dog that tried to assault him? Would the police come prying for more information when he'd already given his statement? Could he testify in court about what he wanted so desperately to forget?

"Hey, hey, calm down, look at me," Zack said, turning Chance's head so that they were looking into each other's eyes directly. "Don't panic on me, alright? No panic attacks. I wouldn't have brought all that up without a reason. I was just trying to say you might want to think about getting some... mental help."

"Are you calling me crazy?" Chance grumbled.

"No, not at all," Zack said defensively. "I just think you might need therapy. Some counseling to help you put this behind you when all's said and done."

"I don't need therapy."

"Please, just think about it," Zack remarked. "There are therapists who specialize in helping victims. They exist because it's needed. At least think about it, for me?"

Chance looked downward. "Am I weak?" he asked suddenly.

Zack blinked in surprise. "What?"

"Am I weak?"

"No! Why would you even ask that?"

"Because if I was strong like you, it wouldn't have happened. I'd have been able to just get away."

"Charlie, don't think like that," Zack said, pulling Chance closer. Chance rested his head on Zack's shoulder and inhaled the jackal's scent, silently reveling in the closeness. "God, you're not weak. There are different ways to be strong. And in the time I've known you, I've watched you get stronger and stronger. You're not afraid to stand up for yourself. You're not scared to speak your mind. And you're even learning how to fight back against your dad. You're stronger than you know, Charlie."

Chance pulled back and placed a kiss on the tip of Zack's nose. Zack grinned and kissed Chance's lips. "Zack... Thank you for being here."

"I'm glad I could be here for you," Zack answered.

They kissed again and Zack's weight gently pushed Chance backward to lay on the bed. For a moment, Chance lost himself in the kiss but his mind rapidly reacted to the scene of Zack hovering above him. Almost at once, Chance's mind replayed the memory of him being pushed down by Coach Salt and Chance let out a small shout as he pushed Zack away, gasping, "Stop! Stop!"

Zack backed off and stood up from the bed, looking terrified. "I... I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me! I shouldn't have--"

Chance's breathing began to even out as he looked up at Zack. "It's not you," he exhaled. "I love kissing you, it's just... I saw... and then..."

Understanding dawned on Zack's face. "You remembered... and I reminded you of it... Oh my God, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking, I shouldn't have--"

"Please stop apologizing," Chance huffed weakly, standing. He pushed himself into Zack's arms and felt the jackal's hesitant movements to embrace him again. "Zack, I love spending time with you. I just need time to get over what happened."

"I'm worried. What if you get PTSD from this?"

"I don't know," Chance confessed, sniffling again. "I just... I don't know but will you be there to help me?" Chance pulled back. "I know I might be asking a lot, but... I can't face this alone. Promise me you'll be there for me."

"That's never too much to ask." Zack kissed him once again. "You don't have to ask."