Azure Phoenix, Chapter Seven
#8 of The Azure Phoenix
A bit of much-needed character development for our couple here, so no sexy shenanigans this time around, but don't worry, they'll be back at it next chapter!
I awoke sometime after dawn when the sun's rays finally began to peek over the mountaintop behind us, giving us more time to rest without the sun blinding us. Something Zuri had planned, I was sure. While I'd realized early on she was thorough, I was quickly learning just how thorough she was. Of course, I should have expected that, given her background. Her mother didn't rise to the top of an empire by sheer happenstance, and she surely would have passed that on to her children, as much as Zuri seems to be rebelling against it. Or was it truly rebelling? Is it so different than what I was doing in not following in the footsteps of my family? I just didn't want to be a baker, it wasn't what I felt called to do. As I've said before, I feel at home amongst the stars, at the helm of my own ship. Maybe this is what Zuri feels called to do-to find those who've fled justice and bring them back to face their crimes.
My early morning ruminations were interrupted by the feeling of Zuri shifting beside me, wrapping her strong arms around me and holding me tightly. I can't say I've been the little spoon all that often, but in her arms, I have to admit, I can see the appeal. In her arms, I felt safe. In her arms, I felt comforted. In her arms, I felt loved. Those were the moments I remember most when we would simply hold each other. No words, just embracing each other in moments of silent intimacy. The feeling of her fur as it parted beneath my fingertips, her plush curves that gave way to toned muscle. Her eyes, a deep and brilliant blue, an azure that has become more precious to me than the Phoenix itself. Looking back, I think this is the day where I first began to realize I truly loved her. And it was good that I did, considering what was to happen next.
I had laid my head back down on the small camping pillow we were sharing and drifted off again, content and relaxed. That was until I felt my stomach growling. Deciding she would probably be hungry as well, I carefully prised myself from her arms, slipped on a pair of boxers, and flipped on the portable stovetop we brought. The eggs and bacon were almost done when Zuri finally stirred, blearily blinking away the sleep from her eyes as she slowly sat up. She looked around, trying to get her bearings before her eyes settled on me and the breakfast I was making. "Mmm...good morning, loverboy," she said sleepily, "Whatever you're making smells delicious."
"Morning, Zuri," I smiled as I plated her portion. "Eggs, bacon, and toast. And tea, of course, just the way you like it." I quickly gathered up our plates and mugs before sliding beneath the covers to join her.
"Thank you, darling," she said, pulling me in for a tender kiss. We ate our meal in relative silence, leaning against one another as we watched the sun rise over the mountain. As we neared the end, I decided to finally break the silence.
"So, where are we headed next?" I asked, washing down the last of my eggs with a swig of tea.
"Ah, Alpha Centauri, actually," she said, a bit more subdued than I was expecting. "Didn't think we'd go there so soon, but our next target's gone to ground, probably because he found out what happened to the first two, so we need to work our contacts, and that means a trip to Alpha Centauri." There was a bit of a pregnant pause afterward, and I suspected she had something else to say. "You know, the Amaka shipyards are in Alpha Centauri..."
"Ah," I replied. "I take it you want to go visit your sisters while we're there?"
"And my mum." There was another pause. "And I want you to come with me."
I took another sip of tea to buy myself a bit more time before answering her. Meeting her family was something I always knew could happen, but this soon? Not to mention just after finding out who her mother is, I couldn't help but feel anxious about this.
"With you? To meet your mom?"
"Of course. Why are you acting like this is such a hard decision?" I could hear her annoyance creeping into her tone, which only heightened my anxiety. I didn't want to start a fight over this.
"It's not, it's just...your mother still makes me a bit nervous."
She let out a frustrated sigh as if she'd been over this before, and in retrospect, she probably had. "Every bloody time," she muttered under her breath, "Why is it everyone freaks out about my mum? Because she's had a movie made about her?"
"Yes! Well, no. I mean-it's not the movie, it's the fact that she's one of the richest and most powerful people in the known galaxy! She could buy and sell me in the blink of an eye. I've never actually met anyone like that before, it's a little daunting." The words came spilling out of me in a rush and even as I said that, I could see that was not helping my case at all.
"Remember when you said that my mum had no impact on how you felt about me?"
"Well...yeah."
"How does this fit into that promise?"
"This isn't about you, this is about your mom!" I exclaimed, trying desperately to defend myself. "I still feel the same way about you!"
"But when I ask you to meet my family, you balk. What if you asked me to meet your mum?"
"That's different! The worst thing my mom will do if she doesn't approve is glare disapprovingly when you're not looking and send passive aggressive e-mails about how I could 'do better'! Your mom doesn't like me, that's the end of my career!"
"That's a load of bollocks and you know it," she snapped back, "What the bloody hell are you afraid of?" She paused, and some of the anger drained from her face, replaced by heartache. "...really thought you were different," she whispered, and with that, she threw off the blanket and began packing her things up.
"Zuri, Zuri, wait!" I tried to explain myself further, but she wouldn't listen. She packed up her things in minutes and left me there, atop a mountain, alone, wondering where I had gone so wrong.
"...fuck."
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I had packed up and hurried down the mountain after her, but she was already inside the ship by the time I had made it up the ramp, panting and sweating. The rest of her crew must have already known what was going on as I received a reception that ranged between forced indifference and outright hostility. Bjorn and Denari were on the indifferent end, engrossed in a pair of novels that they never bothered to turn the page on, whereas Myra and Zhora were more on the hostile end, the mouse glaring daggers at me from the second I set foot on the Phoenix.
"Nice job, loverboy," she spat.
"Yeah, I know, I fucked up," I panted, not really interested in a second dressing down. "Where is she?"
"The empty passenger berth," Bjorn volunteered, his voice a low rumble. "But I wouldn't go in there."
"Look, I've got to-" I tried to ignore his warnings and head in, but Zhora and Myra both blocked my path.
"Don't," Zhora warned, speaking for the first time since she's come on board. The fact that she said anything at all stopped me dead in my tracks. From behind, Bjorn came up and placed a massive hand on my shoulder.
"I know," he said, "Believe me, I know. But with this one, you must give her some space, some time. If you go in now, it will only make things worse. Give it time. When you are both calm, then talk. You will get a lot farther than heated argument now."
As much as I wanted to just barge in and fight, to make things right, to make her understand me, I realized the bear was right. I needed to wait, to calm down, to try and explain why I felt the way I did. I looked over at Bjorn and nodded, my shoulders slumping in defeat as Myra and Zhora moved away from the door.
"Alright," I sighed, "You win. I'll go and try and clear my head, but I will be back to see her."
"I expect nothing less, little badger," Bjorn rumbled and wandered back to his seat. Out of the corner of my eye, I could swear the tiniest of smiles on Denari's face.
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I had decided the first thing to clear my head was to get out of these sweat-stained clothes and grab a shower. Although that proved to be a bit more emotional than I had originally intended-everything in my quarters reminded me of her. What had once been a cozy little room I slept and got dressed in, was now filled with memories of us. Our nights of passion, pressed against each other in lust and hunger, our quiet moments of reflection and pillow talk, the peaceful moments where we held each other and slept. I could still smell her scent in the air, hear her laughter, and I was haunted by it.
Clearly, staying in my quarters wasn't a good idea, so I quickly finished cleaning up, slipped on a new pair of coveralls, and decided to tackle some maintenance. Pretty sure we hadn't made any special memories over by the port side power relays, erotic or otherwise, so I grabbed my toolkit and headed out.
As I lay there underneath the relay, working on getting the couplings cleaned and reseated, I heard the sound of approaching footsteps. It wasn't Zuri's, and it wasn't the heavy tread of either Denari or Bjorn, which left only two options.
"What is it, Myra?" I called out from the crawlspace, not bothering to pull myself out of it. If she wanted to come here and gloat, she'd have to do it to my knees.
"How'd you know it was me, for starters?"
"I know the sound of Zuri's footsteps, and it wasn't heavy like the Haraldsons, so that leaves just you and Zhora, and quite frankly, she's not the talkative type."
"What if it was Zhora, though? Maybe she was here to kill you."
"At this point, she'd be doing me a favor," I sighed. "Besides, if she did, you'd have a hell of a time getting off this rock." There was a long silence, and I hoped she would just go away, but eventually, she spoke up again.
"You know you really fucked up, right?"
"Yes, thank you Captain Obvious," I snapped back, pausing in my work before I lose focus and uncouple the wrong relay. "I am keenly aware of that fact. Do you have any other helpful observations?"
"You know why?"
I let out an exasperated sigh, put my tools down, and slid out of the crawlspace. "Do you?"
"Look, y'know the story, right? Every time she finds someone she likes, they find out who her mom is, it changes them. Changes the dynamic. Try an' get something from her family. Or run away because they're just using her to get their rocks off, don't want that kind of commitment. But not you. Or at least, that's what she thought. Why'd you have to go and ruin something like that? Just usin' her for a good time? Lookin' to get a new ship?"
"No!" I wailed, "That's not it at all! I don't want a new ship, I don't want anything from her mother, and I'm not just using her for sex. No, I'm just...terrified of meeting her mother."
"Really? That's the reason? You're afraid of Shuri Amaka?"
"Look, she's one of the most powerful women in the galaxy, I'm dating her daughter, I'm just...nervous about meeting her. Really nervous," I answered sheepishly.
"Well did you tell Zuri that?"
"Of course I did!"
"And what'd she say?"
"Said it was 'bollocks and I knew it', and that's when she stormed off."
Myra sighed and leaned against the bulkhead. "Then you're really going to have to explain it to her when you talk to her. Because right now, she thinks you're just like the rest of them, either embarrassed by her or wanting to get something from her. For what it's worth, I hope you don't balls this up."
The genuine concern in her voice confused me, and I looked up at her. "Thanks, but..why are you telling me this? Thought you hated the two of us together."
"At first, yeah. Thought she was sleeping with you to get you to go along, and I thought you may have been sleeping with her to get a better cut. But the more you two have been together...she really cares about you. And I hope you care about her. It's been a long time since we've seen her so happy, and we all want to see her continue to be happy. So if you really do mean what you told me, tell her, fix this. And if you're lyin' to me, don't lie to her, just cut ties and get it over with."
I look back down at the deck and nod. "Yeah," I sighed. "She means a lot to me, too. I don't know if I can convince her, but I'm going to give it my all."
"Good luck," Myra whispered and began heading back the way she came. I let out a long breath before shuffling back under the crawlspace. Once this work was finished, I decided to go and talk to Zuri.
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An hour later, with maintenance complete and no other reason to keep waiting, I decided to go talk to her. This time, Myra and Zhora didn't block my path; in fact, all of them got up and made their way elsewhere in the ship. At least they were willing to give us privacy in the event this turned ugly. Which was still a pretty high possibility in my mind.
I pressed the door chime to the unoccupied berth, although, I guess this would be her room now, and waited nervously for an answer. My heart was racing, and every second that went by without an answer felt like an eternity. After a few seconds, the door flew open with its usual swiftness, and I tried my best not to jump. Zuri stood there, looking annoyed until she realized it was me and not one of her crew. Then her expression went from annoyance to barely restrained anger. "Why are you here?" she demanded.
"My mom always said that you know you really care about someone when you're willing to argue with them," I said, still fighting my nerves as I looked her in the eyes. And I could see the hurt and anger swirling behind them. "S-so here I am, ready to argue, but I'd much rather talk. Please, Zuri..."
She looked into my eyes, studied my face, her jaw muscles clenching and unclenching repeatedly. Eventually, some of the anger faded and she nodded curtly. "Get in," she ordered, stepping aside. I nodded and quickly slipped inside, feeling the rush of air as the door shut right behind me.
Her arms folded over her chest as she stood there, still giving me that piercing stare that seemed to bore right through me. "So you wanted to talk. Talk."
"I wasn't lying up there, I really wa-" she quickly cut me off, her anger rising again.
"If you're just going to keep up that bullshit, I don't want to hear one word of it."
"Zuri, I'm serious, it's the truth, I swear!" I exclaimed, the desperation filling my voice.
"Oh, come off it, you've got no reason to be this scared of my mum."
"Look, I just..."I struggled to find the words, "I get that people before me used you, or abandoned you and that's not right that that happened to you. But that's not me. I care about you, and I'm just really nervous about meeting her."
There was a period of silence, Zuri still staring me down. "I still don't believe you."
"Zuri, please-"
"I cannot believe you thought-"
"Zuri, listen to me!"
"-and that I would be stupid enough to-"
"I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" the words exploded out of me without warning, surprising both of us. We stared at each other in shock for several seconds before I found my voice again.
"I'm not," I shrugged helplessly, " I'm not good enough." The words began pouring out of me now, faster and faster. "Not even close. I'm a tramp freighter captain who quit the Navy, my parents are bakers from a small town, I'm not rich, barely in shape, I'm...I'm...I'm...just not good enough. You-you're beautiful and strong and so impossibly out of my league it hurts and yet here you are, with a guy like me and I don't ever want this to end but your mom, your mom's smart and shrewd, she'll see right through me and that'll be that. I'm over, done. We're over. And and and-"
"Hey, hey, shhh..." Zuri was at my side in an instant, her hands cupping my face tilting my gaze up to meet hers. "You are good enough because I said you are. It doesn't matter if she likes you or not. What matters is that I like you."
A wave of emotion crashed over me, and I covered her hands with mine, smiling up at her. "So...we're good, then?" I asked hopefully. She laughed and nodded.
"Course we are, silly badger."
I let out a long, shuddering sigh, the adrenaline draining out of me. I felt my knees get a bit wobbly, I backed up, and sat down on the small bed.
"Whoa, steady on, there," she said as she sat next to me and put her hand on me to make sure I wasn't going to just fall over.
"I'm sorry, Zuri," I said, shaking my head, "I just...I couldn't put it into words until just now."
"It's alright, it's alright," she soothed, "I'm sorry, too. As soon as you started to get nervous, I just...I just wrote you off. I thought, 'Oh, here's another one who's just in it for the tits and sex.' Because that's...honestly, all I've known. They find out who mum is and...they change."
"I know. Myra told me some of it earlier today after I got back. She said they were either in it just for a quick screw or they tried to use you to get favors from your mom," I paused for a moment. "Every one?"
"Every one I was serious about, yeah" she said. "I had my fair share of flings, one night stands, don't think any of them knew who mum was, and if they did, they never let on. But the ones I let get close, the ones who I cared about...soon as they put it together, they either got really eager to meet her, or they balked and ran."
"So when I began to get nervous..."
"I thought you'd run, yeah. Or you'd try to stall as long as possible until I caught on."
"Zuri..." I whispered, "I am so sorry..."
"It's alright," she replied, her hand taking mine, our fingers entwined in each other's. "I found someone who's good enough to bring home."
"Wouldn't change him for anyone else, huh?"
She smiled at me, her eyes bright and happy. "Not on your life, loverboy."