RoKo! Chapter three: Problem solving
Man wakes up one morning to discover he isn't man anymore. Shenanigans ensue. Given that this is the longest story I've ever attempted, I assume I'm hitting what all writers feel as they write, given that I felt this chapter was rushed to hell even though I worked on it for months, and hate it. But whatever, nothing's ever as good as what you imagine it to look like.
Twenty minutes had gone bye. No sleep found its way into mine eye, and I was still a weird looking anthro wolf. Jake walked back in, ice cream in hand. "So, are you just gonna sit there and mope for the rest of your life?" "Perhaps" I retorted, it sounded harsher than I meant it too, but I didn't really care at this point. "Alright, fine be that way. Just trying to help." "Mhm, sure you were. But this isn't really an easily fixed issue is it?" He stared at me, still not seeming to believe what was in front of him, I didn't blame him. I wouldn't believe me. "Alright, that's all well and good. But you still wanna play games? Might help y'all feel better." I thought for a moment. "Yeah... That would help, also, hang on a second." I got up, and walked... Well loped my way back to the kitchen, feeling every bounce and jiggle Fuckin hate being like this, it's only been a day. And I already hate this. Walking over to my fridge I opened it and grabbed a case of the beer I'd been saving for either a real party, or a rainy day. In which case it was the latter, and I came back in. Jake had hooked up his Xbox by this point and I cracked the cap of one of the bottles. "Want one?" I offered the opened beer to him "uh? No, I don't drink." I looked at him, then to the bottle and drank half of it in one go. "Eh, suit yourself" he looked at me, a slight hint of worry "uh... Are you sure you should do that? I don't want to find out its poisonous." I took a swig of the beer again and shrugged "look, it's nice that you wanna look out for my health, but I'm getting drunk enough to forget that my life has been ruined. So I'm gonna drink till I don't remember the rest of today." He look at me funnily. Clutching a controller, and sighed. "Suit yourself. Halo reach?" I squinted. He had said it was one of the best halo games, and given that I knew little. I was inclined to believe him, plus it had a split screen campaign mode. And no way was I gonna suffer through that alone. "Sure. Reach it is." I downed the rest of the bottle and opened another.
several hours later
I was kinda wasted. A pile of bottles littered the floor, I was flying a jet around in space shooting up a space battlecrusier, and I was having a blast. I was giggling stupidly, along with having a nice bubbly feeling in my chest. The alchohol had worked wonders for my mood, with me almost forgetting I was a genetic monstrosity and I was genuinely having fun. That's when Jake paused the game turned to me. And killed the mood.
"Alright bud, that's enough you need to stop drinking and discuss your game plan for the future." "buh? But I dun wanna! Whay? I jus... I jsut..." At this I slumped over, and passed out... not one of my greatest moments ill admit. But i woke up in my bathrooms small tub being sprayed with cold water. i shrieked, rather loudly and was sobered frighteningly quick. "Aaaugh! why?" Jakes voice came bubbling up from the void. "because you need to stop wallowing in your self pity, what are you gonna do for money? what will you tell your job huh? Betcha didn't think of that did you?" I hadn't.
He continued on. "Where will you live? How will you buy food? You need to figure this kind of stuff out before it crops up as an even larger issue. He was right. I had been run into a corner. I'd made my bed, now I had to lay in it. I'd... Well, the analogys could go on forever. But I did need a job. And my fridge was almost empty. Aside from a few sparse containers of month old take out. Damnit... "Y-yeah, I guess you have a point." He nodded and replied in a curt manner, "yes.. Yes I am right. Now, I'm going to call my wife. And get her over here, she's chill and will have an idea of what to do.
"Uhh... Your wife? Is that a good idea?" He was already pulling out his phone and punching numbers on the screen, he nodded without looking up. "And you don't have her on speed dial?" He stopped for a second before staring me in the eyes and hitting a final key, responding with a " no. I don't. Have her in my favorites because I'm nothing if not lazy. Now go and find some proper clothes, and get out of your wet ones.
And so I wetly slapped my way back to my bedroom, and began digging through my belongings. My jeans wouldn't fit my ass, most of my shirts would not fit over my boobs, having never been designed to do so. And I had no bra, which was understandable given I was a man less than 24 hours ago. "Why right now? Of all the times in my life?" There was no way this was a coincidence. Spooky chemical company? Check. Got splashed with who knows what? Also check. I thought it was water but that guy was probably breaking some OSHA regulation by doing that. So again... Check. It seemed the cards were falling into place for a nice conspiracy, but I threw out my board back in high school.
It ends up that a jet crashing full force into the twin towers can bring it down. The Kennedy assassination though? That has some covered facts all over it. I read killing Kennedy. Anyways, I had narrowed down my options. A pair of old cargo shorts, which were sure to be booty shorts in my state. Or a washed out pair of jungle camouflage pants that belonged to some Vietnam relative or another.
In the way of shirts, there was nothing. And so I was relegated to a hoodie I had bought back in 2016 that had a worn out logo on it. I got it second hand from a goodwill? What do you expect? I Shuffled my legs into the pants and rolled it's sleeves up, and pulled the sweater over my head. Now properly clothed I was about to leave, if I had not seen a glint out the window at the last moment. There was a black sedan sitting at the end of the street and there was two people sitting it in, one of which was holding something up. I Quickly fumbled around for my binoculars... Don't look at me like that. Do you own a ww2 light machine gun? Well if you don't, I'm sure you have some other weird shit laying around. Don't judge me.
My hunch was right though. There was two people in that car, and one had a camera pointed at my house. I dropped the window shades and ducked under the view, then half dashed half crawled out of the room. There was someone after me I'm sure of it. Dark suit types, like the MIB, but shittier. I had to warn Jake, but I wasn't seeing a lot of options. What I was seeing in my head at least was a small army of SWAT, national guard, FBI, CIA, NSA, and even the EPA if someone let 'em. And me getting hauled off in a cage, while Jake and his wife was led away in chains. I would drag down almost everyone who I'd ever even spoken to.
They might get jail for life if that happened, and I'd never see the sun again while some white coated asshole, took blood test after blood test, and made me run on a treadmill doing endurance tests, while they attacked me with a cattle prod. That was not a future I wanted any part of. So I set my jaw, and my mind on what I planned on letting happen on my watch. I had to warn Jake