Tina's story- Chapter 79- I Don't Know How to Love Him- A Gray Muzzle story
Tina's Story- Chapter 79- I Don't Know How to Love Him- A Gray Muzzle story
Author's note: The character 'Kendo' belongs to Kendowolf, and is used with his permission. We've discussed my doing this story, and he encouraged me to do it.
I don't know how to love him
What to do, how to move him
I've been changed, yes really changed
In these past few days, when I seen myself
I seemed like someone else
I don't know how to take this
I don't see why he moves me
He's a man. He's just a man.
And I've had so many men before in very many ways
He's just one more
Should I bring him down?
Should I scream and shout?
Should I speak of love
Let my feelings out?
I never thought I'd come to this
What's it all about?
Don't you think it's rather funny
I should be in this position
I'm the one who's always been
So calm, so cool, no lover's fool
Running every show
He scares me so
I never thought I'd come to this
What's it all about/
Yet, if he said he loved me
I'd be lost, I'd be frightened
I couldn't cope, just couldn't cope.
I'd turn my head, I'd back away
I wouldn't want to know
He scares me so
I want him so
I love him so
"I don't know how to love him"
Andrew Lloyd Weber
Saturday dawned cool and dreary, but nothing could dampen Felicia's spirits, for this was the day of Felicia's big date with Kendo.
"Get, up, Sis! Felicia urged "You said you'd help me...."
Felicity grumbled, then stumbled out of bed. She was grumpy, but she understood how important today was to her sister. By the time Felicity made it to the coffee maker, Felicia was in the shower. She picked out a lavender body wash. She used a special shampoo to brighten her creamy fur. She groomed inside her ears, and between her toes. When she left the shower, Felicia and Felicity no longer looked like Siamese twin sisters.
By now, Felicity had her coffee, and was somewhat awake. Felicia sat in the chair at the dressing table, smiling.
"OK, what do you want, Little Mary Sunshine?" Felicity deadpanned
"Perfect. I want to be PERFECT today.' She chirped back.
'I think you were locked out of 'perfect' the day you were born. I do what I can with what I have to work with."
So it began. Felicity primped her sister for at least a couple hours. She did her nails. She dried and smoothed her fur. She trimmed her ears. She even did her foot and paw pads. By the time she finished with her makeup, Felicia looked as good as she possibly could.
Which was pretty darn good. Felicia was a pretty Siamese. Small and lean, with a dancer's body, 'sexy' was the description that first came to most minds. But 'sexy' was not the look today. Following Colleen's commandments, she was to try for 'pretty'. So, instead of her usual slinky things, she would wear the outfit she had picked out with Colleen. It was a wool suit, brown in color, with a cream top. She would wear it with brown tights, and brown flats. It was a perfect outfit for the day's activities. Felicity gave her a spritz of perfume, and declared her 'done'.
"Did what I could, Sis" Felicity teased
Truth is, she was impressed. She's never seen her sister look like this before. More importantly, she'd never seen Felicia CARE like this. She knew that this date was very important.
It was still almost an hour before Kendo was to arrive. Felicia paced the floor nervously. She checked herself in the mirror every few minutes. She went to the bathroom a couple times. Finally, it took its toll on Felicity.
"Will you like, go wait outside? You're driving me crazy."
So she did, spending the last fifteen minutes by the curb.
Kendo arrived on time. She saw a deep green Audi A6 pull up. Kendo jumped out, and opened her door. He kissed her cheek.
"You look lovely"
Felicia giggled like a schoolgirl. She blushed and looked down
"Thank you. You look very handsome."
Indeed he did. Tall and buff, at well over six feet tall, Kendo cut an impressive figure. He was black, silver and white, with brown accents. His suit was Italian, tailored perfectly. But, gorgeous as he was, he didn't look like he had to try. His look was natural, effortless. Even though women swooned as he went by, he hardly seemed to notice.
The trip to Rutgers went quickly. Following Colleen's instructions, Felicia kept the conversation focused on Kendo. It was easy, though, as Felicia was eager to learn more about Kendo.
"How did you get into mathematics?" Felicia inquired.
"My father" Kendo began "Was a shopkeeper. Worked in a store all his life. But he was a very smart man. Kept his mind occupied during slow times with math puzzles. Often, I'd be in the store with him. One day, out of curiosity, he gave me a puzzle to do. I must have been maybe five. Did the puzzle just like that. So, he gave me another. Did that one, too. He gave me the toughest puzzle in the book. I did that one too. I guess I was born to be a mathematician."
Felicia was amazed with this fascinating stranger. No mental giant, intelligence impressed her. Kendo was really smart and good looking. And Felicia was falling for him hard. By the time they pulled into the Dean's residence lot, Felicia hung on his every word. When he parked the car, Kendo got out and opened Felicia's door. This really impressed her. You see, Felicia was not used to being treated respectfully. It was a new thing, and she liked it. Leaving the car, they headed for the Dean's residence, and the party.
The Dean's residence was brick, a quaint cottage in the style of 1930's Great Britain. Felicia was in awe. The world of the university was so foreign to her. Everything was so attractive, and the people were so smart! But, some things were the same. Kendo was just as popular at work as he was on the outside. People approached him constantly. Some times, they call him away. A few weeks ago, Felicia would have been scared to death. But with the tips Colleen had given her, she did well. Colleen had told her that she'd never go wrong starting with a compliment, or asking people about themselves. Felicia asked the women about their jewelry or bags, the men about their work. Fortunately, Felicia was naturally outgoing, so conversation came easily to her. To her surprise, she was received well, and with the aid of a drink or two, the afternoon went quickly. Before she knew it, it was time to leave.
"Have a good time?" Kendo asked
"Uh huh" Felicia replied, a little sad the party was over.
'I thought, maybe we could go out, since it's still early" he asked hopefully
Felicia smiled happily. This was what she's hoped for!
"I'd like that very much."
They drove to New York City. Kendo had made reservations for them at Spark's, a famous steakhouse. There, they had a wonderful dinner. Kendo knew wine, and he ordered a wonderful bottle to share They laughed, and talked, learning more about each other. After, they had espresso, and shared a cheesecake. To her surprise, Kendo offered her a carriage ride around Central Park. Going to the park's south end, He let Felicia pick the carriage. She selected a white one, with a white horse. Once in the carriage, the driver tucked Kendo and Felicia in snuggly for their ride. Felicia had no idea how long the ride took. She was totally focused on Kendo. They were so close, she could feel the heat of his body. As they rode, Felicia looked intently into Kendo's bright blue eyes.
"Are you having fun?"
Words failed Felicia. All she could do was smile and nod. The world was more beautiful, more perfect than it had ever been. It was with great sadness that Felicia let Kendo lift her from the carriage. They took a cab back to the car, and began the long ride home.
Felicia was in a fantasy world as they drove, a moderate rain beginning to fall. After a time, Kendo began to speak. He seemed a little nervous, which was not like him.
"I had such a wonderful time today. I'd really like to see you again. But there's something....something about me that I should probably tell you sooner than later. Many tears ago, I made a decision. A decision that I wasn't going to have sex....until I married. That's a part of me I wanted to save for my wife. It's something personal and important for me. Unfortunately, it's not something everyone understands..."
Kendo exited the highway, as it was their exit. By the time they reached the stoplight by the park, tears were falling from Felicia's eyes. Suddenly, she bolted from the car.
Felicia ran blindly though the park, blinded by tears. She ran as fast as she could, not caring where she ended up.
Fast as she was, a wolf is faster. Kendo caught her, and they fell to the ground. They lat there on the wet ground, Felicia sobbing, Kendo wet and confused.
"I'm so sorry!" Kendo pleaded "What did I do?"
It was some time before Felicia's tears allowed her to speak. Even then, her words were interrupted by crying.
"I (sob) .....really, really like you. But you're goinna want a woman who saved herself, too. And I can't give that to you...." Felicia started sobbing on the damp ground, when Kendo gathered her up in his strong arms. He held Felicia close to his chest, delivering her protectively to the car. He put her gently in the passenger seat, then got back in. He leaned over, and loked in her big, frightened cat eyes, stroking her hair.
"You...let me worry about what I need." He said, soothingly.
It was then that Felicia reflected back on what she had just done, and started crying again.
"Colleen's going to be so mad at me! She worked so hard to help me make this a good date, and now look what I've done!"
"It was...no, IS a good date." Kendo smiled "You can tell Colleen so. Or, I'll tell her."
"You would?"
"I would."
When they arrived at Felicia's apartment, Kendo carried her upstairs, as she had fallen in the park. He carried her all the way upstairs, only putting her down so she could unlock the door. As she turned the key in the lock, every part of her wanted to drag Kendo inside. Still, she recalled Colleen's waring about what would happen if she even considered it. She stood in the doorway.
"I had a really nice time, Kendo."
"Can I call you?"
"I'd like that"
Staring into Kendo's eyes, Felicia kissed her index finger, then pressed her finger to Kendo's lips, then slipped inside.