Good Enough Chapter 22
#23 of Good Enough
A little glimpse into how I personally came out to my stepfather and mother. One day, I'm going to tell my biological father as well.
Chapter Twenty-Two--Confessions
The first call Damien got on Wednesday was in between classes. He had been on his way to the culinary building to taste-test whatever Thomas's new recipe was when his phone began to vibrate in his pocket. He was amazed to find that it was Roy calling him and, intrigued, he answered.
"Hello?" he said calmly.
"WE GOT A GIG!" screamed the voice on the other end. At once, Damien held the phone away from his ear, yipping and wincing as his ears rang with pain. It took him a minute to realize that, firstly, it wasn't Roy's voice on the other end.
"Warren? What're you shouting about? You almost blew off my ear," Damien whined.
"Sorry, I'm just excited," Warren remarked. "Roy got us a gig on Halloween. But first, we need costumes."
"Speaking of Roy, where is he? Isn't this his phone number?" Damien wondered.
"I'm here," Roy's voice answered. "You're on speaker."
"Okay. So, tell me what's going on without making me deaf," Damien insisted. "And preferably, let's let Roy talk. Or James if he's there."
"What's wrong with me?" Warren wondered.
"You're too excitable," a softer voice, James's, admonished. "Long story short, we managed to land a gig on Halloween at the Scream Park. Have you heard of it?"
Damien shook his head. Then, remembering that he was on the phone, said, "Can't say I'm too familiar. Is it a haunted house?"
"It's many haunted houses," Roy explained. "It's basically a big park celebrating haunted houses, scares, and carnival stuff. They've got food and games and lots of little things for people who want to be scared shitless. They were looking for live acts to perform hour-long sets. I figured we could go ahead and do a show."
"It's an outdoor show at midnight on a full moon," Warren said, "and it's going to be creepy as all fuck. You good with that?"
"Let me know what Anna says and I'll get back to you," Damien said, "but for right now, Tommy's waiting on me."
"Before you go, we'll need costumes for the show. I'm going as a demon," Warren said. "We can think of something for you two."
"As long as I don't end up in a dress," Damien huffed. "Let's talk later, okay?"
"Okay. Keep in touch, buddy."
The second call came just shy of midnight while Damien was drifting into sleep. His phone rang and, for a brief moment, Damien was too disoriented to think much of it. When the noise stopped, he started to lay his head back down on his pillow (on Thomas's arm) when it started again. Groaning, he answered it, his voice drowsy and weak.
"Hello?" he managed to say.
"WAKE YOUR ASS UP!" a distressed voice ordered. At once, Damien's eyes opened wide and he jerked upright. Thomas, disturbed by the sudden action, grumbled something as he sat up. "THIS IS IMPORTANT! I'M COMING TO GET YOU RIGHT NOW!"
"Nate, what's going on? Why're you--?"
"Dad's in the hospital," Nathan snapped. "Get dressed and be ready. I'm coming to get you."
"What happened? What's going on?"
But the line went dead. A rush of panic seized Damien and he jumped out of bed, hurriedly throwing on whatever clothes he found first (one of which happened to be one of Thomas's t-shirts). But he was too frightened at the moment to really think of anything right now besides the chaos running around in his head. What happened? Why was his father in the hospital? When did this happen? Is he--?
A heavy paw grabbed him, shaking him madly. Damien's eyes focused on Thomas's, unable to contain his hyperventilating breath.
"What the fuck is going on? Why are you acting like a maniac?!" Thomas insisted.
"My dad," Damien breathed. "He's in the hospital!"
"What? Is he sick or something?"
"I don't know," Damien said and he could feel himself start to cry. "Nate, phone, I don't--"
"Breathe, pup, breathe," Thomas said soothingly. He pulled him closer and Damien sniffled awkwardly, his face in Thomas's chest. "I'm sure everything's going to be okay."
"Really?"
"I hope so. Otherwise, I'd be a liar."
"That's not funny," Damien choked.
"Sorry. Is your brother coming to pick you up?"
"Yeah, he's on his way over here now."
"Is it bad?"
"I don't know. He sounded weird. He didn't say."
"I'll go with you."
Damien thought for a moment. "No. I think you should stay here. You've got classes."
"So do you."
"This is a family emergency, and I don't want my parents to be mad at me for dragging you out of classes," Damien said.
"Damien, you don't want to do this alone."
"I won't be alone," Damien replied. "My mom, my brother, my sister... They'll be there. I'll be okay." Damien pulled back and looked down. "I've been thinking recently... I want to tell my parents about us. I don't want to hide from them."
"Is now really the best time to do that? I mean, if your dad's in the hospital, the last thing he'll need is a shock to his system like this."
"When else could I tell them? I don't know if I'll be able to keep holding this off."
Thomas thought. "If you think it's the right time, I'll support you, but don't want you want me to be there with you when you tell them?"
"I don't know. Maybe I'll just tell them I'm not straight."
"You can't even say the word. How're you going to tell them?"
Damien found himself unable to answer. "Can we just sit for a little bit? Just until Nate gets here. I just... I don't know."
"It'll be okay."
"I hope so."
"Mom, what's wrong? What happened? Why's Dad--?"
"Shh, it's okay," Selene assured him as Damien burst into the waiting room. "It'll be fine. There was an accident."
"What happened?" Nathan questioned. "He's not...?"
"No, he's still alive," Selene said meekly.
Still alive. The words echoed in Damien's mind. Still alive. Was he expected to die?
"How bad is it?"
"They took him into emergency surgery," Selene explained. "It was pretty bad. We didn't even see the other car."
"Are you okay?" Damien hurriedly asked.
"I'm fine. A few bumps, a few cuts, but nothing that won't heal," she answered. And Damien could see where she had bandages wrapped around her arm, and legs. Part of her ear looked to have been wrapped as well and there was a small mark right above her left eyebrow. "I'll be fine," she insisted when she noticed him staring. "Did you tell Amy?"
"She's on her way," Nathan answered.
"Then there's nothing left to do now but wait," Selene said. "We might as well sit down."
They sat and Damien found himself unable to sit still. When his foot tapping had become annoying, he began drumming his fingers on the armrest. And soon enough that, too, got grating and he instead began to play a game on his cell phone with the volume muted. Finally, after what seemed like the longest time in history, a doctor emerged and approached them. Nathan, who had fallen asleep, seemed to perk up as he heard the doctor get nearer and Damien hurriedly stuffed his phone into his pocket, eager to hear of any good news. Amy, who had arrived nearly fifteen minutes after her brothers, looked up, her eyes red and puffy.
"The surgery looks like it was a success," Dr. Ryerson noted. "He appears to be doing well, but we've kept him in the ICU for observation. Right now, he's resting but we'll need to keep him here for a bit."
"Can we see him?!" Amy questioned.
Dr. Ryerson looked at her and seemed to regret in. He quickly returned his attention to his clipboard. "I don't think that's a good idea right now. He's asleep so he wouldn't be able to talk or anything anyway. I think it's best for you all to go home and get some sleep yourselves. We'll notify right away if anything happens."
"Can we at least see him?" Damien insisted. "I don't care if he's asleep, I just--"
"Thank you, Doctor," Selene said and she sniffled a bit. She almost looked as though she was shaking. "You have my cell phone and home number?"
"Yes, Mrs. Blackwell. We'll keep in touch."
"Thank you," she managed to say in a weak voice. She shook his paw and turned to her children. "Come on, let's go. We're not doing any good just sitting around here."
Damien wanted to protest, but the look on his mother's face struck him dumb. She didn't want to leave, he knew that much. Not with her husband still here. And Damien could tell that the effort of keeping a strong face looked painful.
"Mom, can we talk?" Damien said shortly after they returned home. The four of them had just barely stepped over the threshold when Damien spoke up and Selene turned to face him. "I need to tell you something. Something important."
His siblings gazed at him. His mother, in her infinite patience, took a deep breath and spoke in a voice of strained calmness. "Damien, is this about your father?"
Damien shook his head.
"Did something happen at school?"
"No. Kind of. Can I just tell you in private?"
She seemed as though she wanted to refuse. And Damien could see that his timing was poor. She had just survived a car crash and her husband--his father--was recovering from emergency surgery. And yet Damien knew he had to speak now. If he waited until later, what little courage he had mustered would undoubtedly die.
"Okay," she said after a few minutes. "You two," she said, looking at Nathan and Amy. "Get some sleep. I promise we'll go by to see him tomorrow."
Damien sat with his mother in the living room and swallowed thickly. He caught her gaze and found himself unable to think clearly.
"Are you okay?" she asked. "I know this is hard, but everything's going to work out."
"You love me, right? No matter what happens?"
She stared at him. "Of course. How could you ask that?" Then, her eyes narrowed. "You weren't arrested were you?"
"No. But I..." He closed his eyes tightly. "Mom, I'm... not..."
"Not what?"
"... normal," he said and he mentally kicked himself. Normal?! Why did he say that?
"Of course you're normal for you," Selene assured him. "What exactly is normal when everybody's different. But that's not what you meant to say, is it?"
Damien shook his head. "I'm not straight."
"Straight?"
You're going to make me say it, aren't you? I can't just say something like that and get away with it, can I? Or do you already know?
"I'm"--he swallowed--"gay."
She looked at him and said nothing. The silence was painful and Damien wanted to get up and walk away.
"I'm gay," he repeated, no more confidently than the first time.
"And...?" she prompted.
And? Wasn't that enough?
"And I'm... dating Thomas..."
She looked at him as if there was more to say, but she spoke. "Is this a surprise to you?" He stared at her, mouth ajar at her unsurprised expression. "Damien, I can't say I'm surprised. I honestly thought you were dating Edward. You spent so much time around him that I figured you might be gay or at least bisexual. I was really more surprised when you were dating Anna."
"Oh," Damien said, relief flooding through him.
"I love you," she assured him, "regardless of how you identify yourself. Gay, straight or bisexual. You're still my son."
"Thanks... I needed to hear that."
"Was it that bad?"
"I thought I was going to have another panic attack." He chortled slightly, but his eyes narrowed. "Does Dad know?"
She bit her lip. "I think he has an inkling about it but I don't think he outright knows. Or at least, he's never seen or heard anything to confirm it. You want to tell him?"
"I do."
"Do you want me to be with you when you tell him?"
"Maybe. Is he going to be mad?"
"I don't know. He's not exactly comfortable with the idea of homosexuality, but he's not homophobic either. I don't know." She studied him carefully. "I don't think it's a good idea to say something when you see him."
"But I need to."
"Let him rest first," she insisted and she yawned. "Sweetheart, let's talk about this later. I'm really tired and you look like you could use some sleep too."
Sleeping alone was awkward and uncomfortable to say the least. Damien had become so accustomed to Thomas's comforting presence that lying in his bed alone was almost scary. But he drifted to sleep within minutes of lying down and by the time he finally woke, the sun was high in the sky. He checked his phone. Just a bit past noon. Yeah, he'd overslept.
Much to his surprise, his phone had apparently been going off all night. Six messages from Thomas alone (and a phone call around eight), two messages from Anna, three from Ozzy, two from James and one from Warren. Even Roy had texted him. Silently marveling at how fast word had spread amongst his circle of friends, he replied to everyone, copying the same message several times before making his way downstairs. His siblings were eating what looked to be a hastily prepared lunch and were already dressed by the time he walked into the kitchen.
"About time, midget!" Nathan chided. "Hurry up and eat."
"We're going to see your father when you're properly dressed," Selene said, setting a plate down at an empty chair. Damien sat.
"He's awake?" Damien asked excitedly.
"Yes, he is," Selene answered, smiling. "And it looks like he'll make a full recovery..." She looked down. "But we're going to keep this visit short. We don't want to get him worked up or anything."
Within an hour, they were all crowded into Nathan's car and Nathan, with very poorly hidden excitement, flew down the roads and parked haphazardly in the parking lot. Soon enough, they were in the lobby, the elevator... Just outside Marcus's room. Selene knocked hesitantly and pressed her ear to the door.
"Marcus?" she called. "Are you awake?"
A voice, weaker than normal, replied. "Yeah, I'm up. Come on in."
Selene threw the door open and they rushed into the room. Marcus looked at them and smiled and for the first time, reality truly hit Damien. His father looked weaker than ever before lying that hospital bed. His left leg, broken, was kept upright and Damien could see the bald patches in his fur where he'd been cut and stitched back together. An IV was in his arm and Damien could've sworn that Marcus looked thinner.
"Glad to see you're awake, you old dog," Nathan said, his voice strained in an attempt to keep up his cool demeanor. "Too stubborn to die?"
"You can't get rid of me like that, Nate," Marcus answered. "I'll still be around to kick your tail into shape." He chortled weakly. "You guys shouldn't have come all the way here just for this. I'm perfectly fine. You three should get back to your classes."
"How can we go back to school when you're laid up in the hospital?" Amy said. "Daddy, we were worried sick."
"I know, but I'm fine."
"You don't sound fine," she said, sniffling.
"Just a bit of tiredness," Marcus assured her. "When I get out of here, I'll be back to my old self in no time." He looked over them. "Damien, are you alright?"
"Fine," Damien said automatically. "More worried about you."
"I'll be alright. Just fine," Marcus said. "Well, how long are you all going to crowd around here? You know you'll have to go back to school soon. I'm not paying for nothing."
"I'm on a scholarship," Nathan said with a cocky grin. "You're barely paying at all."
"Then I'll repossess my car," Marcus said. "I'll need a new one."
Nathan's snide smirk vanished instantly. "Uh, is yours completely totaled?"
"Probably," Marcus answered. "Never got a chance to look at the damage." He took a deep breath. "Well, I suppose I can see the photos when the insurance company gets back to us." His eyes surveyed his family before settling on Damien. He scowled. "Damien?"
Damien looked over. "Yes, sir?"
"What's on your mind? You look like you're dying to say something."
Really? Is it that obvious?
"I'm just happy you're alright," Damien said and he was sure that they could tell he was partially lying. Yes, he was greatly relieved, but he longed to speak. He caught his mother's eye and saw her shake her head.
But Marcus's eyes were trained only on his youngest son and he frowned. "What's bothering you?"
"It's--"
"Damien, please don't lie to me right now," Marcus said. "Just speak. Tell me the truth."
"Marcus, maybe we should just let you rest," Selene interjected. "I mean, going through the surgery and the crash and everything. You must be exhausted."
"I'll rest when I'm sure he's okay," Marcus answered.
"Dad, it's nothing. Really, it can wait."
"Can you three give us some time alone, please? It won't take long," Marcus said.
"Dad--"
"Out," he ordered his two older offspring. They looked nervously between their parents before walking out. "Selene, are you going to stick around?"
She huffed. "You're too stubborn sometimes," she said. "Instead of worrying about us, you need to worry about yourself."
"I can't do that," Marcus said. "Well, Damien, what's on your mind?"
Damien looked down at his father and immediately regretted looking into those eyes, the same shade of blue as his own. His throat felt dry suddenly and he found himself unable to speak. He bit his lip and tried to think. What was he going to say? He looked at his mother, who looked agitated. Why didn't she tell him what he was supposed to say? Why wasn't she speaking for him?
"Damien," Marcus said. "What's bothering you?"
"I..." Oh, that's right. That's what he was supposed to say... "Dad, I need to tell you that... I'm..."
"You're...?"
"I think I'm..." I think? I think? Come on, just spit it out! Why is this difficult? You said it before. Just say it again. "I'm... not straight. I'm... gay I think."
Damien waited for the information to sink in. Why didn't he speak? Perhaps he hadn't understood. Or maybe he didn't believe it. Or maybe he thought it was a joke. Damien was about to open his mouth to speak, but Marcus spoke.
"I see," he said. "I take it this is something you discovered while at college."
Damien nodded.
"Well," Marcus began, "I won't say I'm... completely comfortable with the idea of this. How did you reach this... conclusion?"
Damien looked down. "I was... It was during break, when we went to the SkyStorm Park." He exhaled. "Thomas and I decided to... date."
Marcus nodded. He eyed his son curiously, as though Damien had suddenly transformed completely before his eyes. He opened his mouth, then closed it. When he opened it again, he spoke in a low, calm voice. "I see. I'm willing to let you explore this... side of yourself. But let me make this clear. Don't be anybody's bitch. I don't care if you're dating that panther or anyone else. If you need to put him in his place, you put him in his place. If he needs a knock on the head, you knock him on the head. And just because you two can't get pregnant doesn't mean you don't use protection, understand? I don't want you catching anything."
"Yes, sir."
"Good. And Damien, I'm not upset with you," Marcus added. "I'm not going to get angry or anything. Not right now. If this is what you want and who you want to be, so be it."
"You're alright with it?" Damien wondered.
"We'll see what happens," Marcus answered. "But if that panther fucks with you, I'll send Nathan to put him down."
"That's a bit extreme."
"Not when it's my cub."
Damien felt a wash of pride as he saw his father's grin. He smiled back.
"Tommy?" Damien said, his paw shaking as he held his phone. He stood in the bathroom, just down the hallway from his father's room.
"Hey, what's going on? Your dad okay? You need a ride back?" Thomas asked, all three questions in such rapid succession that Damien couldn't answer. When no answer came, Thomas said, "You still there?"
"I'm here. And yeah, I'll need a ride," Damien said. "But come after your classes. And there's something else. Two things."
"What's wrong?"
"First, I told my parents about us."
"How'd they take it?"
"Pretty good, I think," Damien confessed. "My mom said she always knew. My dad was a bit more... cynical."
"I don't know what that word means," Thomas answered. "But what's the other thing?"
"I'm ready."
"Ready for what?"
"To"--Damien swallowed--"have sex."
"...Damien, are you sure about that? I don't want you to feel like you--"
"Thomas, I'm sure," Damien said.
"If you're serious, then let's not do that in the dorm," Thomas remarked. A voice called out to him and Thomas gave a reply before returning to the phone. "Look, I gotta go, but I've got an idea. I'll book a nice hotel room where we can have some privacy."
"Why?"
"Less chance of curious rabbits getting in the way," Thomas said. Then, he said, "I'm talking to Damien. Hey, watch it!"
There was a small scuffle on the other side and Damien's eyes narrowed. When someone spoke, it wasn't Thomas.
"Hey, pooch," Ozzy said. "How's your dad doing? You coming back soon? Tommy misses you."
"Dad's going alright," Damien said. "And I'll be back soon. Where's Tommy?"
"He's chasing me to get his phone back," Ozzy said. "He misses his puppy."
Damien smiled. "Tell him to come get me when he's done with his classes and everything. And you give him his phone back."
"Yes, sir!" Ozzy said playfully.
The line went dead and Damien chuckled.
It was shortly after ten when they arrived in the parking lot of a hotel. They had barely spoken during the whole ride here and Damien could sense the tension in the air and could see it in Thomas's movements. Somewhere in the back of his mind, it really clicked. They were really going to do this...
When they got up to their room, the sound of the door closing behind them seemed louder than it should've been. And then the lock clicked and Damien felt strangely trapped. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a nagging voice told him that he wanted this. And seeing Thomas awaiting him only confirmed what he thought.
He wanted this.
"It's not too late to back out," Thomas explained, walking over to the bed.
Damien hurriedly threw his arms around Thomas with more force than he meant to. They tumbled back onto the bed and, despite mentally kicking himself at how unsexy the move was, Damien kissed Thomas with as much passion as he could muster, to simply convey his thoughts. When he pulled back, he looked Thomas in the eye and spoke with as much conviction as he could get in his voice.
"I don't want to back out."