Good Enough Chapter 20
#21 of Good Enough
Chapter Twenty--Never Have I Ever
On the October 15th, a Saturday, Damien woke alone. At first, he was too drowsy to really think of anything except the bizarre dreams that played through his mind. Then, as he started to gather his things for his usual morning shower, he was aware of how silent and empty the room felt. He looked over the room curiously before reaching for his phone, texting Thomas to know where he had gone. He waited patiently for a few minutes before going for his shower.
Thomas had returned when Damien had got back, setting out a breakfast that he had clearly just returned with on the bed. He smiled up at Damien.
"Bacon, eggs, French toast," Thomas greeted happily.
"You couldn't tell me you were leaving to get breakfast?" Damien chortled, happy to see his boyfriend. Thomas shrugged. "So, where'd you go that you couldn't tell me?"
"I'll tell you in a minute. Here, eat."
Damien had only gotten halfway through breakfast when Thomas cleared his throat. "So, I need to hear me out on something. And I want you to keep an open mind."
Damien swallowed. "About what?" Damien asked.
Thomas shifted uncomfortably. "I think it's time you learned how to swim."
Damien paused before taking another bite. He lowered his fork and looked over Thomas curiously. "Why?"
"Because it's an essential skill that everybody should know," Thomas remarked. "And I really think it'd be a good way for us to spend some extra time together. And--"
"Can't we do it some other way?"
"I know you're scared, but you know I wouldn't let you drown," Thomas said. "We'll start off simple and in the shallow end. Then once you get more comfortable, we can go deeper."
"Well, I doubt you'll find a pool that's open in November," Damien said confidently. Then, he hesitated, looking at the smirk on Thomas's face. He thought for a moment. "You mean the school's the pool?"
"Yep. Indoors and open for recreation," Thomas explained. "At least until they decide they need it."
"Well, you just fed me so we have to wait for a little while," Damien remarked.
"Not all day," Thomas answered.
"Then I'm too busy today."
"All you have today is band practice tonight," Thomas stated. "Stop trying to wriggle out of this. Please, for me? Just trust me." Thomas looked at him with pleading eyes and that alluring smile. Damien's ears started to droop, a sign he was about to forfeit the argument.
"Alright, fine," Damien sighed, "but if I say stop, we stop."
Thomas beamed. "Thanks, puppy." He kissed Damien's forehead. "Now hurry up."
"WATCH IT!" Damien shouted as Ozzy jumped into the pool, water splashing at him as he stood on the edge. It was just past noon and for some reason that Damien couldn't fathom, Thomas had invited Ozzy to join them at the pool and the rabbit was clearly enjoying himself. With a mischievous grin, Ozzy--with every bit of force his muscular body could muster--splashed Damien, some of the water managing to get into his mouth.
At once, Damien backed away, Thomas chortling slightly beside him. "It's all good. No worries."
"Except drowning."
Thomas rolled his eyes with a chuckle. "Come on. Work with me."
He walked Damien around towards the stairs leading down into the shallow end. With careful steps, Damien slowly stepped down into the pool. First his feet and ankles... then his legs and knees. Each step left him feeling slightly more frightened and he considered turning around and leaving. Yet Thomas was inching into the water as well, gently pulling him in and--
He was in, up to his chest in water. He wasn't drowning, though he was a bit chilled, and he was standing in the water. Somewhere along the way, Thomas had released his paw and stood just a bit off, watching him with pride as he started to move around in the water. Ozzy, too, was watching in intrigue, although he looked as though he was still plotting some kind of unholy mischief.
"See?" Thomas was saying. "Not so bad. We just need to get you used to being in the water."
Damien wasn't sure how long they had spent "getting used to the water"--which ranged from small splash fights to Damien occasionally venturing to sink a bit lower--when he noticed two newcomers entering the natatorium. He recognized them, members of the football team, a mouse and bear, both of whom seemed not to notice them, too engrossed in their own conversation.
"Jet! Fred!" Ozzy called, climbing out.
The pair jumped slightly in surprise but quickly calmed as they greeted Ozzy. Damien watched Thomas's countenance shift as his eyes narrowed, though he forced himself to smile. He moved over towards the edge, not climbing out as he waved at them.
"What brings you two over here?" he asked in a voice of false cheer.
"Just figured we'd take a dip, swim some laps," the mouse, Frederick, said. "This guy"--he nudged the bear, Jet, playfully--"thinks he can out-do me."
"This skinny ass mouse thinks he can push me around," Jet countered, pushing Frederick back. Frederick countered by pushing Jet fully into the pool. As Frederick began to laugh, he looked down at Thomas, then over at Damien. He scowled, kneeling slightly to talk lowly to Thomas. "You still hanging around with that dog? Thought you were gonna get rid of him."
"I can't. He's my roommate," Thomas explained, "and I'm teaching him how to swim."
Frederick frowned. "Dude, you're only encouraging him. We don't need some fag hanging around us. Tell him to get lost."
"No. Fred, he's my--Hey! Fred!"
Frederick had started to walk away, moving around the pool a bit closer to Damien who started to take steps backwards until his back touched the pool wall. "You, beat it," Frederick ordered. "Go away."
"What? Why?" Damien asked nervously, his voice meek.
"Because we're telling you to get lost," Frederick snapped.
"Fred, leave him alone," Thomas said. "He's not hurting anyone."
"It's fine," Damien said in a biting tone. "I was just on my way out."
"Damien, you don't have to--" Thomas started.
"No, I don't mind, really," Damien said, smiling. "I actually have some homework I need to finish by Monday."
He hefted himself out of the water, not once taking his eyes off Frederick as he walked around the pool and into the locker room. He had only just opened his locker when he heard somebody walk in behind him. He tensed, but relaxed when he saw that it was Ozzy, looking strangely concerned.
"You okay?" he asked kindly.
"Fine," Damien lied. "Just peachy."
"Oh, good, I was worried there for a moment," Ozzy said, sarcasm dripping in every syllable. He sighed. "Look, it's not a good idea for you two to be together on campus. Those guys... Actually, a lot of people I know on campus... Look, just try not to provoke anyone."
"I'm not trying!" Damien countered. "I was just trying to have some fun but then they just had to show up and--"
"Knock it down a notch, I'm not deaf," Ozzy said calmly. He lowered his voice. "Just take my advice. The world can be a toxic place for a homosexual. Just try to keep your head down. Right now, it's not just you--it's Tommy too."
"I know."
"We're having a study session in my dorm tonight. Just me, Thomas and Barny and if you want to stop by, come on down. We'd be glad to have you."
Damien walked into the room in surprise, amazed to find that it wasn't just Loxosceles in their usual rehearsal space. As usual, James was tuning his drums and Warren was picking at his bass, Anna warming her voice to the notes that Warren produced. But there was somebody else in the room, a golden Labrador with green eyes and a blood red guitar.
"Hey, you're late," Warren griped after a few moments. They looked up, greeting him in their own ways. The Labrador waved confidently, giving a cocky grin.
"Sorry," Damien answered. "Had to run back to the dorm. Tommy was being... playful."
"Playful?" Warren repeated. "Was he being clingy?"
"No. Just playing keep-away with my picks," Damien chortled.
"I think it's cute," James said. "You used to do the same thing when you wanted me to stick around."
Warren snorted indignantly. "I did not. I knew you'd be back anyway."
Damien chuckled but his gaze once more fell on the Labrador. "Who's...?" he started, pointing.
"Roy," the Labrador said kindly. He approached and extended his paw. Damien accepted the gesture, looking over Roy with a careful eye. He hoped he didn't look as uncomfortable as he felt. "Roy Moody. Nice to meet you. Heard a lot about you."
"From who?"
"Me," Anna explained, moving closer. "I ran into Torrie when I was on my way over here. And no," she added quickly, seeing the disapproving look on Damien's face, "I'm not hanging out with her. We just passed by each other. They were on their way back from the library and she said hi and I found out that Roy played guitar. I asked him if he wanted to jam with us. Is that okay?"
"Sure," Damien answered. "How long have you been playing?"
"Kind of a rookie," Roy admitted. "But I'm pretty good at power chords and stuff. If you need a rhythm guitarist, I'm your dog."
"Okay, let's see what we can do," Damien stated.
By the time they wrapped up for the night, Damien could not deny that he was impressed by Roy's ability. For a "rookie", he was very skilled, although he did occasionally have a bit of issue with timing. Between his almost infectious laughter and his knowledgeable insights into the music (he and James had nearly had a ten minute discussion on music theory), Damien was glad that Roy had joined them.
And yet, seeing Anna smiling with him made Damien like him less. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Damien disliked the idea of her talking to him, using that same, gentle tone that she used to reserve solely for him. And she kept close to him, as though they were--No, they weren't dating. They had probably only just met.
"I think that's a night," Warren said with a lazy yawn. He turned off his amp and looked at them with a smile. "So, I'm going to ask this and if they have a problem, they'll speak up. You got skill. And we could always use a guy with your kind of know-how. You looking for a band to play with?"
Damien's ear flicked at the question and he paused in the middle of closing his guitar's case. He looked back at Roy who seemed to be caught off-guard by the question. But before he could answer, Anna spoke up, her voice bright and cheerful.
"If you're not busy, I think we could really use you!" Her eyes seemed to sparkle as she spoke and Damien bit his lip to keep himself from speaking. Anything he said now would sound venomous and angry. He forced himself to look down at his guitar.
"I don't know," Roy said shyly. "I mean, you guys are already awesome. I don't know what I could really add."
"A lot," Warren stated.
"Well, you guys already have a great guitarist," Roy noted and at once, Damien's anger seemed to change into pride. He turned and noticed that everyone was looking at him. "I mean, I don't really know what I could add that he can't do."
"He can't play lead and rhythm at the same time," Warren said. "Nobody can. Dude, come on! We could use you." Damien's pride started to shrink down. "I mean, Damien's great, don't get me wrong. But there's always room for another great musician, right, guys?"
"Right!" Anna agreed.
"Definitely," James added, his gaze focusing curiously on Damien.
There was a brief pause before Damien spoke, his words coming out measured and careful, though monotone and strangely cold. "You are really good for a 'rookie'. If you're interested, I think we could use you."
Roy grinned. "If you guys really want me..."
"Welcome to Loxosceles," Warren said with pride.
As they started to leave, Roy got into his car and headed off, disappear around the corner to his off-campus apartment, eagerly asking about the next rehearsal. With the time and their numbers saved in his phone, he was gone. Anna left next, in high spirits as she hummed to herself, walking away. Damien was about to walk off but he felt a soft paw on his shoulder. He looked over at James, who was patting him kindly.
"Warren, we'll be along shortly," he said. "I promise I'll be home in a minute."
"Where're you two going?"
"Just for a late night stroll in the pale moonlight," James said.
"I'll come with you," Warren offered.
"No, you have homework to do," James said. "If you get it done by the time I get back, I'll reward you." He winked.
Warren smiled dumbly. "Right... So I'll catch you two later. Got some homework to do." And with a kiss on James's cheek, he walked off.
"You two have all the subtlety of a hammer," Damien said when he was sure that Warren was out of earshot.
"You're not much better," James said. "After all, jealousy is ugly."
"I'm not..." Damien stopped himself. James was too observant to have _not_noticed and denying it wouldn't help anything. "Okay, maybe a little."
"What'd you think of Roy?"
"He's okay."
"It's just us. You can be honest."
Damien sighed. "He's a good guitar player and all but... I don't know. I guess I don't know what to feel about him. Something about him just rubs me the wrong way."
"Your boyfriend's the only one who should be rubbing you any kind of way," James said jokingly. Damien chuckled halfheartedly. "What is it about him that bugs you?"
"I don't know."
"Yes, you do. You don't want him to be flirting with your calico," James said.
"She's not mine anymore."
"Then tell your brain that," James said. "I get that things are awkward with you and Anna. I do. And I can't say I'm surprised. I've seen Warren get jealous over his exes."
"I don't mean to be," Damien said. "I'm happy dating Thomas. I love being with him and everything but..."
"But you're not exactly over Anna, are you?"
Damien shook his head. "Things are still so weird between us. I thought maybe we'd just be friends but she doesn't really seem to like me too much."
"Well, most people have the sense not to talk so much about the new flame with the old flame," James said.
"What do you mean?"
"Was it necessary to say how Thomas was being 'playful'?" James wondered. Damien's ears flattened against his head and he looked away. "I'm not mad at you but you gotta admit, it's awkward. Would you be okay if she dated someone else?"
"Yeah. I mean, why wouldn't I be?"
"You're mad that she's talking to another dog."
"She's fine! If she wants, we can even double date."
"That's the epitome if overcompensation," James chortled. "Never go on a double date with your ex. It'll just be horrible."
"Talking from experience?"
James shrugged. "Warren isn't the brightest mouse I've met."
"I don't mind if she finds someone else. I hope she does so she can be happy," Damien explained.
"But...?" "I don't know. Roy just... bugs me. I feel like he's just her rebound. Like she's just trying to replace me."
"And there's the problem," James told him. "You're not irreplaceable to her. If you were, she'd have gotten back together with you or tried to anyway. The fact that she's not crying over you is proof that you're not her perfect guy."
"Thanks," Damien said sarcastically. "That really makes me feel better."
James sighed. "I'm not that good at this but let me at least try. If you guys were meant to be, you'd be with her. But you're with Thomas. And you are so proud of being with Thomas."
"I am," Damien said, "but... Are you busy tomorrow?"
"Not really, why?"
"I just need to vent."
"Why not now?"
"Because I've got somewhere else to be. Ozzy invited me to study in his dorm."
"How're you guys going to study? Do you even have the same classes?"
Damien thought for a moment. "Similar, but not the same."
"Right, so you're not likely to get a lot of studying done. Either way, I'm free tomorrow. Noon?"
"Noon."
When Damien arrived at Ozzy's dorm, he noticed that nobody was studying when Barny Eastman, Ozzy's roommate, opened the door. Ozzy had just popped the tab on a can of beer and Thomas was laughing at something that Damien was unaware of.
"Hey, pooch! Grab a beer and take a seat," Ozzy said. "We were just about to begin."
"Begin what?"
"A drinking game," Barny said with noticeable disapproval. "They want to play a game called 'Never Have I Ever'."
"Never heard of it."
"Sit, buddy," Ozzy ordered, "and we'll go over the details of this most sacred rite."
"Sacred?" Damien said in amusement as he sat down on the bed beside Thomas. At once, Thomas put his arm around Damien who grinned at the action. "This just sounds like an excuse for college students to get drunk on Saturday night."
"Least we'll be hungover on Sunday instead of Monday," Thomas said kindly.
"Well, long story short, it's a purity test," Ozzy said. He reached down into the case and pulled out a can of beer. Damien eyed it curiously. "I take it you've never had a drink before."
"How'd you know?" Damien chuckled.
"You look terrified," Ozzy answered. "Just take it. I won't tell."
Damien looked up at Thomas, who shrugged. "If you want to," Thomas said. "It's not exactly highest quality but at least it's chilled."
Damien took the can and popped the tab, sniffing it with uncertainty.
"Barny, you're playing too, right?" Ozzy asked.
Barny shrugged. "I'd rather be studying."
"But you aren't, so why not have a little fun?" Ozzy asked, offering another can, which Barny took. "Okay, the game is simple. Basically, it's just you saying whether or not you've done something. For example, one of us will say... Never have I ever gotten suspended from school. If you have gotten suspended from school, you take a drink. If you haven't, you don't. Simple."
Barny sipped from his can and they looked at him in surprise.
"Testing the flavor?" Ozzy wondered.
"No, I've actually been suspended from school before," Barny confessed.
Ozzy's jaw dropped. "For what?!"
"Trafficking in homework," Barny explained with nonchalance.
Ozzy smiled. "See? There's a troublemaker in you. I like that! Okay, you go next."
"Never have I ever cheated on a test," Barny said.
Ozzy and Thomas took a swig from their cans. "You're gonna have to do better than that, Barny. Tommy?"
Thomas thought for a moment. "Never have I ever gone skinny dipping in public."
Ozzy's jaw dropped. "That's a secret!"
Thomas took a drink. "Not anymore. Drink up, rabbit."
Ozzy stuck his tongue out petulantly before drinking, though he was surprised to see Barny take a drink as well.
"This beer's disgusting," Barny noted.
"You've been skinny dipping in public?" Ozzy asked incredulously. "Are you really Barny?"
"Yes."
Ozzy frowned. "Of course you are. Only you could be this deadpanned." He looked expectantly at Damien who hesitated. "Okay, Saint Damien, what kind of secrets are you hiding?"
Damien fumbled with his can, trying to think. "Never have I ever... drank before tonight."
"Boo! Do another one! You're the only one who hasn't had a drink before tonight," Ozzy insisted.
"That's a fair one," Thomas said, "but that means he's the only one drinking."
Damien frowned--he hadn't thought of that. "I suppose I am, huh?"
"Hey, if you don't want to, you can just sit out," Thomas said kindly.
"No, I don't mind. I'll do it."
He hesitated as he brought the can to his mouth and took a sip, cringing slightly at the taste but not hating it. He looked up shyly and Ozzy laughed.
"How's it feel to break the law? Minors aren't allowed to drink," Ozzy admonished playfully.
Damien looked down. "Well, you've done it."
"Indeed I have!" Ozzy said boisterously. Damien smiled.
For the first time in a long time, Damien pulled his journal out of its hiding place and opened it. His last entry was from... the first? He read it over, surprised he had neglected to write in the journal for quite some time. But as he began to think, what did he really have left to confide in it? His friends had become his confidants, not this bound notebook. And more than ever, his music was his outlet, not scrawling untidily on this paper.
Behind him, Thomas let out a small snore, sprawled on the bed in a lazy manner. It brought a smile to Damien's face to see his boyfriend so relaxed and calm, when the day had been noticeably tense for both of them. Perhaps the beer was exactly what he needed... Damien considered not writing at all, but he quickly changed his mind.
October 15th, 20--
Wow, it's been a little while since my last entry. You miss me, MJ? Sorry about that. I've been busy. Well, let's start with the biggest news I have for you; I'm dating Thomas... Let me try that again: I'M DATING THOMAS MARTAN! Ok, it's a long story but here's how it goes and I'll make it short: Thomas broke up with his girlfriend, Torrie, at the cabin and during break we went to the amusement park. We talked and decided to try dating. So far, it's been great. We haven't really had a lot of time to actually go out on dates or anything, but it feels great knowing that he's there for me.
Although, to be honest, I'm worried. More than once, Ozzy told me to stay away in public. We had agreed to keep everything secret, to just be friends outside of our dorm, but that might be impossible to do. A few football players are starting to act really weird, like they hate me for being around him. I didn't realize before how homophobic people really can be. And I haven't even told my parents (although if I know Nate, he'll blab before I get the chance).
Then there's Anna. She seems happy and all but I don't think we'll ever be friends like before. Not boyfriend-girlfriend, but just friends. Today, she brought a Labrador to the band, Roy. Everybody invited him to join and I couldn't really refuse. He's great and all and we could use a rhythm guitarist like him, but for some reason I feel so angry with him. Am I just jealous? I feel like she's trying to replace me. Am I that easy to replace? If I am, then what's to stop Tommy from replacing me?
But on a lighter note, I had my first taste of alcohol today. We went to Ozzy's dorm and played a drinking game--never did do any studying. Learned a lot about Thomas and Ozzy and Barny. Cheating on tests, skinny dipping, etc. And then I heard something interesting. Apparently, Thomas loves having his tail stroked. I might be able to use that later...
--Damien Jaime Blackwell
P.S: I may not be writing as often anymore. Sorry, MJ, but I might not need to anymore. Thanks for your help.