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Chapter 137 - Reflections

Optional track to LWR - Listen While Reading - Lamenting One's Power https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2kwie-gs2o Recommended - Right Click On Video - Select Loop

Having left the girls in the living room to watch his deeds on the news and reflect on his words, Chris stood before the mirror in the now shut bathroom, clutching the sink with a frustrated look on his face, wincing with a hiss as he raised his hand and looked at his arm before stepping back and looking at his reflection. "What a mess..." he muttered, letting out a groan as he placed his hand on his side, pulling it away to find his blood having soaked through his bandages. "Why did you push me away?" a voice suddenly echoed, causing him to jolt before looking at the mirror and seeing Ninetales face transparently showing over his own. "I didn't have a choice." he replied, glancing away. In the living room, Rose continued looking at Serenity and Alicia as they silently faced down, their tears having stopped leaving their faces wet as guilt and regret loomed in their expressions. Letting out a sniffle, Rose wiped her eyes before turning toward the hall leading to the bathroom and making her way toward it, poking her head past the corner and looking at the door. Turning back to the others, she looked down for a moment before heading down the hall, reaching up and about to knock only to pause and pull her hand away, clutching her chest and instead leaning her ear against it. "You look terrible... It could've been avoided." Ninetales point out. "I did what I had to do!" Chris insisted. "Explain it to me then!! I offer to help you of my own volition and you push me away!! Have you any idea of the insult that caused?!" the fox lectured. "Were you trying to appear masculine? It was foolish to...!!" she added, only to pause when he suddenly gave her a nerve stricken glare. "I told you it was what I HAD to do." he affirmed a third time. "Don't call me foolish for protecting my freedom and my family." he added sternly, Ninetales looking at him silently.

"...Explain." she repeat, reeling in her tone in an attempt to understand him. Looking back at the fox for a moment, he let out a sigh while looking down at himself. "All of this was to save that kid and protect the girls... Had you got involved, if I'd used your power with all of the media and police around here, who knows what could've happened..." he began. "Back on the ship, they told me not to take things into my own hands. The stuff I did to those people from the Platinum company, using you the way I did against them... If they see me using the power you gave me on other people again, there's no telling what could happen. Even if it was to help somebody, it's hard to say how they would react to me using you again." he continued, looking at the fox. "I had to push you away..." he added before looking down. "Just like how I had to put Serenity down the hard way this time..." he point out, Ninetales looking at him silently while tilting her head. "...Go on." she replied, glancing toward the door before looking at him again as he looked at her. "When that guy was fighting me, I was getting so mad, so frustrated... If you got involved I don't think I could've held back. It's easy to lose control when I'm using your power." he explained while looking up. "Back when I saved Rose from that truck... I lost it there. Then when we were fighting that Gyarados leader, if Smith hadn't got involved I could've killed that Pokemon too. It's hard to keep a grasp on my morals when I use your power too much." he went on, the fox now looking down. "You inherit the nature of my species. Vengeance runs strongly through our veins, and in turn it runs strong within you as well." she nodded. "And I don't want any part of that." Chris affirmed, looking back at the hand he'd placed on his side.

"This is my own blood. I don't ever wanna see someone else's blood on my hands because I lost control. Even if it's against someone like that guy, I'd rather take the brunt of the damage. As long as I still come out the winner, that's all that matters." he added while clutching his fist. "It's weird when I'm fighting with you... It turns me kind of dark in a way. Like it feeds on my emotions... Like when I'm happy, it's stronger." he point out, thinking back on when he'd flown through the sky in the mountains. "When I want to protect someone..." he added, thinking about when he'd lift the Guardian and the Arceanic wreckage. "And when I'm angry... It gets really crazy... I lose myself in a way..." he added, thinking back on when he'd disintegrated the truck and nearly burned the Gyarados leader to death. "I've got to learn to control it when I'm feeling negative things. Otherwise it will get the better of me eventually." he warned, Ninetales continuing to look at him silently. "...I apologize." she replied, nodding with her eyes closed. "More than anyone I should know how my power affects a being... I understand better now." she added. "Think of what the law would do to me if I'd killed that man. And even if he'd survived, knowing I used your power to beat him, probably causing who knows what kind of harm to the guy... I'd be in just as much trouble as him, maybe more even." Chris point out, causing the fox to tilt her head again. "That is something I'm still finding difficult to understand..." she replied. "The world of law is really... Finicky." Chris sighed. "The way I see it, they'd worry that I'd be willing to use this power you give me on anyone. That anytime I got upset, I'd resort to it and potentially kill people." he point out.

"Even when you use something like this for good reasons, for a good purpose, people still look at things like this with a wary eye. I think it's why so many people are acting the way they are around me. Even though I've done good things with your power, at the same time... It's scary to them... I don't want anyone being afraid of me." he added, looking down at himself once more. "If it takes going through something like this to show people I'm not some kind of monster, that I'm not going to just lose control and use your power to beat people up and take lives with it, then it's worth it to do what's right for people and at the same time make sure nobody has to live in fear of having me around, that my family will be safe." he nodded. "If the law slammed the hammer down on me, there's no telling what would happen to the girls. And with Serenity being the way she is... What she would do... I have to keep that in mind too. If they locked me away for years or worse, tried to sentence ME for death for going out of control and going too far against somebody, she would lose her mind and what she'd do is WAY worse than anything I'd ever do, even if I lost control against someone. I don't want the girls torn apart from me, and I don't want anything happening to Serenity, or to those she might hurt... Don't you get it?" he asked, looking at the fox. "I have to do what's right to help people, but I have to do what's right to protect the one's who matter most to me at the same time." he affirmed. "And what of your actions toward Serenity and Alicia?" Ninetales asked, causing him to pause and glance away uncomfortably. "That's a little harder for me to explain." he replied, holding his arm. "But... I guess I'll try." he nodded, the fox glancing at the door again before looking back at him.

"When she showed up, saying and doing everything she did... I finally lost it. I went off on her, I admit. But deep down I also did it because I was afraid of what those cops were going to do to her. I had to choose the best way to make sure they felt I had control of her so they didn't have to do anything bad. Blowing my top the way I did, yeah it was because I was furious and frustrated, but they all had their hands on their guns and Tibb's was about to lose his top at the same time. Everything was going downhill WAY too fast and I had to do something to stop what was going to happen... I got out everything I've kept bottled up and at the same time protected her. Even if it turns her against me, makes her start hating me, it's like I said. In a fight, I'd rather take the brunt of it..." he affirmed, looking down as Ninetales glanced at the door again, where outside Rose had tears streaming down her face more than ever, biting her lip as she struggled to keep silent. "So... You harbor no hatred toward her?" Ninetales asked, looking back at him. "Of course not. No matter how frustrated I might get, even if we argue sometimes... I'd never want to lose any of them. That'd never change no matter what." Chris affirmed. "And what of you leaving her behind at that human eatery? What if she'd refused to follow? That was a rather risky wager." the fox point out. "It's like I said, I had to do something to leave as big an impact as I could, to stop her, catch her off guard... And to stop those cops. If she didn't come after me, I'd of had to go looking for her... I couldn't sleep after what happened if she'd disappeared on me, but it was worth making sure nobody got hurt, her and those cops." he affirmed. "I guess it was a test of our bond more than anything... If she'd still have enough feelings and faith in me to follow even after I had to put my foot down like that. I'm glad she did, really." he nodded.

"...In a way I guess I also fought the way I did for your sake too, maybe unintentionally though." he shrugged, the fox blinking at him with a "how so?" response. "Think about it... On top of everything else me winding up in prison would cause, now that I think about it, that would mean a part of you would be stuck behind cells too. You wouldn't like being the prisoner of humans, would you?" he asked, the fox thinking it over with a quite "hmm" before looking at him again. "And what of Alicia...?" she asked, causing him to open his mouth to speak, only to pause and think about his response. "...The same as why I went off on Serenity in a way, but at the same time it's different." he point out. "I was already dealing with my mood before that happened. Trying to settle down and all, brighten up... Then to come back and have more issues thrown in my face just as I started cooling off. It was a reaction in the moment, but at the same time I said things in a way I knew would give her a hard snap in her head." he explained, tapping his forehead. "It's dangerous to let her think that way. When she gets something like that in her mind, it blurs the line between me and the guy she was with before..." he point out, turning away and crossing his arms while looking at the ceiling. "Ever since she has been with me I've had to snap her away from that line again and again. I was harsh when we met, firm when training her. I pushed her to fight and I've been clear on the separation between me and who she was with. But she still has her moments where she acts like she has to prove something, like the incident with my staff. Moments she keeps trailing back to that line, wondering if I could be like the other guy... I have to stay on my toes with her and make it as clear as possible that we can't be compared." he affirmed.

"It's hard to balance between when to be delicate and when to be firm with the girls. I'm only human so even I'll lose it sometimes, but even when upset I do my best to do and say things in a way that shows it's out of genuine love and concern. The main difference this time is that I had to let them know how much they were hurting ME by acting and thinking the way they were. I had to say things in a way that would let them think about things the way I was, that would let them feel the way I felt... That's why I did everything I did and put my foot down so hard this time. Having Serenity show up, looking down on me and getting in my face, then coming home to have Alicia mentally comparing me to that other guy again... I just couldn't deal with it this time and was harsher than usual. But in the end... Hopefully it was all for the best, what I said..." he sighed, turning back to the mirror and noticing Ninetales was focusing elsewhere. "What are you looking at?" he asked, looking behind him toward the door only for the fox to shake her head. "Nothing... I was simply thinking your answers over." she nodded. Facing her again, Chris looked at his hand once more before he started washing it off in the sink, silently losing himself in his own thoughts while the fox watched him and suddenly revealed a smirk with her eyes closed, letting out a "heh" of sorts causing him to pause and look up at her. "What?" he asked, only to jolt back when the fox's face started pushing out of the mirror, followed by her head and the rest of her body before her aura hovered around him in a ghost-like manner before stopping at his side as she looked at him. "...I'm proud of you..." she praised, the statement catching him off guard as he blinked with an "eh?" in response.

Before he could say anything more, Ninetales vanished into his body, leaving him with an echoing "clean yourself up, you're a mess" statement as he felt his torso over where she'd entered him. "Proud...?" he muttered, looking back at the mirror. "Hey! What was that?" he asked, looking at himself only to find no response. "...I hate it when you do that." he grumbled, suddenly hearing the fox chuckle in his mind. "Dur hur hur!!" he mocked, looking at his forehead with a scowl before letting out a sigh and continuing to wash his hands. "...Thanks." he nodded before looking around for a washcloth. Outside the bathroom door, Rose stepped back with a small smile on her face, wiping her tears away and nodding before silently returning to the others. Noticing they'd turned the TV off, Serenity as now sitting in a curled up position on the recliner, holding her legs while Alicia lay with her head over the arm of the couch, the two remaining in their state of depression and uncertainty as the rabbit walked into the room. "Y-You okay?" she asked, looking at the girls, only for them to remain silent. Wanting to tell them what she'd overheard, at the same time Rose felt it might be doing them some good, sitting with their thoughts and reflecting on things as they were as she sat in the second recliner opposite from Serenity, reaching for the remote on the table before them. "Not want on..." Serenity finally spoke up, causing the rabbit to pause with a jolt. "Not want see anymore." she added before resting her forehead on her knees. "What a dreadful night..." Alicia groaned. "Really having best time ever." Serenity muttered, remembering how Chris had hyped up their time in the city only for things to crash so quickly.

Looking at the two, Rose faced down as her ears drooped. "Y-You know..." she began, cut off when Serenity put her legs down and slumped back in her recliner with a groan of her own. "Not feel this way in long time." the Pokemon point out. "Like scum you mean...?" Alicia asked. "Guess that close." Serenity nodded, the two looking at one another and simultaneously groaning again while hanging their heads, a cloud remaining over both. "He say things before but not way he did this time..." Serenity point out. "Rather furious..." Alicia agreed. "...And hurt." Rose chimed in, causing both to look at the rabbit. "He believes in us, he loves us so much and support us... I think he was just really hurting inside this time." she point out. "...Maybe even more on the inside than the outside. When somebody you love more than anything puts you down and doubts you, I think that probably hurts a lot more than the cuts he got." the rabbit explained, Serenity and Alicia looking at one another before falling into an even deeper slump. "You not helping..." Serenity muttered. "Well... Maybe it's for the best you feel this way." Rose point out, looking down herself. "I know what it's like to be doubted. To live with somebody who doesn't have any faith in you..." she reminded, looking at Alicia as the snake faced her. "With somebody who abuses you, just for being who you are..." she added, looking at Serenity as she too faced the rabbit. "...It might hurt having to hear this, but you're kinda giving him the same abuse WE went through. That's how I see it..." she explained, causing both of their eyes to widen before looking at one another. "When you showed up, yelling at him and getting in his face... You looked just like the human I was with before." Rose point out, looking at Serenity before focusing on Alicia.

"And when he came home and found out how you were feeling... I bet he felt he was being abandoned just like you did. Your human doubted you until he left you behind... Right? You tried so hard until the very end and still wound up abandoned... I bet you're making Chris feel like he's on the same path you were on. He tries so hard, works so much, thinks of us all the time... And still it's like he doesn't have anyone to believe in him." the rabbit went on, Serenity and Alicia facing down with their eyes remaining wide. "I-I not mean to do that." Serenity muttered. "Good heavens..." Alicia added in the same tone. "I can't say it's on purpose... But watching and listening to you two, and to this whole thing with him, it's like I'm looking at the human I was with before, and I'm looking at the humans you were with... Maybe they rubbed off on you and now you're taking it out on him... Not on purpose maybe, but..." Rose suggested, rubbing her arm while glancing away nervously. "To hate him for not trying to be more like the human you were with before, I think that's the worst part though..." she point out, looking at Serenity as the Pokemon faced the rabbit again. "What... Mean...? she asked. "Wanting him to hurt people more. Wanting him to kill people... It was a human that hurt us and tried to kill all of us, and he tries so hard to prove he's nothing like them. And yet... You want him to kill other people... You want him to be more like the humans we were with before... I think you just want him to kill so you feel like you're getting your own revenge on humans through him without really thinking about the big picture... Without thinking about, or caring how much it affects and hurts him when he's forced to fight and hurt somebody." Rose affirmed.

"As long as you feel like you're getting revenge on humans, you don't care if he's like, or turns into the kind of human we were with before." she suggested. "You're telling him to be like the same kind of human who almost killed us when you say he should kill people... I can't imagine how much that hurts him inside." the rabbit point out. "And to be told to be like the humans who treated us so badly... And then to come home and find out how little faith somebody has in him that's closer to his heart than anyone, to find out how he's still so easily compared to horrible people... He does so much, cares so much, and look what you've done to him..." she finished as the two started sobbing again, Serenity holding her legs up against her and hiding her face while Alicia hid her head under a pillow. "Appreciating when he helps and serves us, only to get mad when he helps and serves other people, I don't think that's right either... We should be proud, that's what I think. Even when he's fighting for someone else, he's still thinking about us, worrying about us. That's how I feel too." Rose nodded, referencing what she'd heard him saying in the bathroom without revealing the conversation. "...Try not to turn him into the people who abused us. Love him completely, accept everything the way he does for us. And... Try to believe in him more. I think that's what you should learn from this the most." the rabbit nodded with a small smile. "Though... You shouldn't of had to learn this in the first place. You should've already known..." she affirmed as the two continued weeping. Letting the two vent their emotions, after a moment the rabbit jolt when she heard a tap on the nearby window, turning to see Rapidash with something in his mouth.

Looking at the girls, she quietly made her way to the front door and stepped out onto the porch, the stallion meeting her and leaning his face closer to hand over the object. Taking it out of his mouth, it turned out to be the feather Ho-Oh had dropped when they were leaving the border. "Oh yeah..." she muttered, looking at Rapidash as he grunt with a nod before returning to the garage. Showing a smile, she nodded back before taking the feather inside, shutting the door and returning to the girls. Raising their heads, they watched as Rose placed it on the table before them. "F-Feather?" Serenity sniffled, wiping her eyes. "Do you remember what it means?" the rabbit asked. "S-Something or other about happiness." Alicia sniffled as well. "It's supposed to bring happiness to whoever has one of these. Chris said he'd rather share happiness than have more of it for himself though... I'd like to think that little human girl and that old lady were pretty happy to have him there to help." Rose smiled. "And he did say he didn't mind doing stuff for others... Maybe it's also a sign that we should do more to show him how happy we feel being with him, how lucky we feel. Don't you think?" the rabbit asked. "We've done rather poorly at that..." Alicia muttered. "Which is exactly why I think it's a sign for us too. Maybe more for us than him." she suggested. "Of course by us, you mean the two of us...?" the snake replied. "W-Well..." Rose laughed nervously with slight sweat on her face. Looking at her for a moment, Alicia faced down with a nod. "I can't deny it..." she admit. Looking at the feather for a moment, Serenity reached out and took it, looking over its shimmering and glossy texture before setting it back down and standing.

Watching curiously, Alicia and Rose were silent as the Pokemon walked by and made her way toward the hall, pausing as she stood looking at the door at the end of it. Looking at one another, Rose and Alicia turned back to see Serenity head down the hallway before they raised up and followed, looking around the corner to find her standing at the door in silence. Looking down at Rose, the rabbit looked up at the snake before they saw Serenity's hand move, the Pokemon reaching up to knock only to pause and lower her hand back down to her side. Facing down for a moment, she finally reached for the knob of the door, pausing before touching it only to hesitate once it was in her grasp. Taking a moment to collect herself, she finally turned the knob and cracked open the door, warily calling Chris's name and getting a "yeah?" from him in response before she slowly entered and shut the door back behind her. "She actually went in..." Alicia muttered. "At least she took the first step." Rose nodded, the two looking at one another before facing the door again. Inside the bathroom, Chris sat on the counter next to the sink, dabbing and rubbing his injuries that had been left in the open and wiping the blood that had dried on his skin away, rinsing off the cloth and squeezing it out under the hot water trickling out of the faucet before continuing to tend to his body. Unsure of what to say, Serenity stood silently rubbing her arm, facing away yet glancing at his figure, covered in new injuries making her feel guilty yet at the same time showing a slight blush, seeing him tending to his battle-torn self with a focused look on his face before he gave her a glance of his own, causing the Pokemon to jolt. "Something to say...?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"N-No." she shook her head as he went back to dabbing and wiping himself off. "Bleeding's stopping. Just cleaning off the cuts and dried stuff now for the most part." he assured. Watching him as he wrung out the cloth, Serenity gripped her arm before slowly walking up, causing Chris to pause as he looked down at her feet before hovering his gaze up her body. "Yeah?" he asked, looking at the Pokemon's face as she glanced away, maintaining her grip on her arm. "...Don't be that way. I'm not really mad at you." he assured while dabbing his side. "I'm not anymore at least... You just really frustrated me. So don't act like that." he affirmed, checking his cloth. "Side's still an issue. Missed me but not by much." he muttered, rinsing his cloth again. "Actually thought he did run it through me at first til' I realized it was just the edge of the knife that cut into me." he point out. However, as he pulled the cloth out from under the faucet, Serenity placed her hand on his, making Chris pause a second time and look at her once more. "What?" he asked. Getting no response, he loosened his grip as she slowly took the cloth away, holding it with her gaze focused on the blood that had stained it before looking at his body again. "I'll be fine, really. Don't worry." he assured. "Just glad everything's okay in the end." he affirmed, facing away. "...Glad you're okay too and all." he added, causing Serenity to look at his face as he showed a somewhat guilty yet agitated expression. "So don't act that way when you're close, it bugs me with you actin' all nervous." he point out, scratching his cheek before jolting when he felt the cloth being pressed against his side.

Looking down, Serenity was tending to him with tears showing on her face again, having squat down and letting out a sniffle causing Chris to show an uncomfortable look. "C-Cut that out. Come on. I said I'm not mad anymore." he repeat, trying to coax her back. "I-It not that. Just let help." Serenity assured, wiping her eyes before continuing to take care of him as more tears appeared, Chris watching silently until responding with a soft "alright" and nodding, silently letting the Pokemon do as she wanted while letting out more sniffles...