Good Enough Chapter 12
#13 of Good Enough
I'm thinking of doing another side-story. Let me know which character you want to be the focus of it.
Chapter 12--Too Late Revelation
The next morning had passed very rapidly, though very quietly, much too quiet for Damien's liking. Thomas had said very little during the morning and Damien got the sense that he was sulking, though he tried to fake being happy. What he found even more peculiar was that he hadn't gotten the usual "good morning" text from Anna, who didn't reply to his own text to her.
However, he didn't have long to dwell on either Thomas or Anna, as it wasn't long before he got a call from Edward, parked outside the dorm with Chris and Kris in the backseat. With a quick, though awkward, goodbye to Thomas, Damien was out the door and in the parking lot, eager to see his friends again.
"What's up, pup?" Edward said with a close hug.
"Not much," Damien replied with a wide grin. "So, what's on the schedule for today?"
"Just trolling around," Kris said.
"Wasting time," Chris remarked.
"But time shouldn't be wasted," Kris chided.
"True, but we waste it," Chris countered.
"Vera, sed estas mal _?__ oja,"_ she sighed.
"Kiel mal _?__ oja kiel via amo vivo,"_ he replied with a snarky grin.
Damien wasn't sure what was said, but he saw Kris's countenance shift drastically. Without a warning, she slapped Chris's cheek, who immediately stopped smiling. Damien and Edward exchanged nervous looks before chortling.
"Still too stupid to know when to shut up?" Damien asked.
"Don't call me stupid," Chris scoffed. "Not when you can't even realize--"
"I'm hungry," Edward whined suddenly. "Where can we get a good breakfast?"
"When aren't you hungry?" Damien teased good-naturedly. He thought for a moment. "I know a place! Thomas showed me the way; it's got some of the best food I've ever had." He saw Edward's face darken briefly, but continued to speak. "I'll drive," he offered. "Trust me, you'll love it."
After breakfast, they roamed around the downtown on foot, simply enjoying each other's company. Damien had almost forgotten how natural, how great, it felt to be around these three. He had missed Edward's loving playfulness, Kris's blunt comments, and Chris's jovial (if somewhat asinine and ill-timed) jokes. Though, he had noted a change between them all. More than anything, Edward had changed noticeably: he seemed more distant than Damien remembered, more thoughtful and... nervous? He wasn't sure how to describe it, but the thought played on his mind. And, more than once, he noticed Chris and Edward lagging behind, whispering to each other. Though, typically, Kris kept his attention on the conversation between them.
They reached the park around three o'clock. Edward was quick to find a bench and sit down, exhaling sharply. Damien seated himself beside him.
"Let's take a break," Edward said. "All this walking's exhausting..."
"It was only a few blocks," Chris said.
"And a few hours," Kris added.
"I could use something to drink," Edward hummed. "Or some ice cream. Or a popsicle. Or--"
"Something cold sounds great," Damien agreed. "Maybe there's an ice cream stand or something around here. Wanna go take a look?"
"Ugh! I don't wanna get up just yet," Edward whined.
Damien smiled.
"We'll go," Chris said. "You two relax."
Kris looked incredulous; she glared at her brother with a mixture of irritation and confusion. "I'm sorry, what? We'll go?"
_"Ili bezonas tempon por paroli aparte,"_he said in a serious tone, one that he had very rarely used in the past. He matched her gaze, a certain steely look to his face.
Her eyes narrowed at the tone. "Parolado pri kio?"
" _?__ i okazas konfesi,"_ he answered with a knowing smirk.
"We'll be back later," she told them after a pause. "You two relax."
They started to walk off, leaving Damien curious and confused. He turned to Edward... who was unable to meet his eyes.
"Ed...? What's wrong?"
Edward swallowed thickly. He glanced over, but was still unable to look at Damien directly. Instead, he spoke to the ground, his voice shaky, uneven. "I'm... really happy to see you again. I've missed you, you know? A lot..."
"...I've missed you too, buddy."
"But probably not as much as I've missed you," Edward murmured. He fidgeted. "Can I ask you a personal question?"
"Yeah, you can ask me anything... What's on your mind?" Damien questioned, though he found himself nervous about the answer. His heart was beating strangely fast... Why?
"What do you think of that panther? Thomas, I mean," Edward asked. "Are you two just friends or--?"
"He's my roommate," Damien said. "We're close friends. That's about it."
Edward nodded and breathed a sigh of relief. "Then, I've got another question to ask you. How do you feel about me?"
"..." Damien was speechless. He had never particularly thought of what his relationship with Edward was. They were friends, certainly, best friends. But now that the question had been asked, why couldn't he bring himself to answer. The pause somehow made the air seem heavier, as though he couldn't breathe. Was he even still breathing?
Finally, Edward continued to speak. "You remember when we were back home? Our last performance as Malachite?"
"What about it?" Damien wondered, surprised he could bring himself to say anything.
"When we hugged in the parking lot," Edward said. "I wanted to say something then... I couldn't do it, but... I was hoping I could..." He trailed off.
"Could what?" Damien asked.
"I..." Edward shook his head. "I can't say it now. It's just too late."
"Just spit it out."
Edward moved suddenly, faster than Damien could think. It was something that Damien couldn't even process, the fact that he and Edward--his best friend for so long--were kissing now. His body felt numb, as though he had been short-circuited. What was this feeling? It felt... warm... Inviting.
Then Damien pulled back. "Wait! Stop! I can't!"
Edward leaned backward, quiet and solemn. "Why not?" Then, his eyes narrowed. "Are you dating that panther?! You said you were just friends!"
"Not him! Anna! Remember, the calico that was in my band yesterday," Damien insisted. "That's why! I'm dating her!" Damien stood up and started to walk off, but he turned back. "Anna's my girlfriend! I shouldn't be kissing anyone but her!"
Edward looked down. "I'm... This was a mistake. Just... pretend it didn't happen if you want," he said. "Look, I didn't know--"
"Ed, I'm sorry, but--"
"You don't have to--"
"But I want--"
"Just drop it!" Edward said loudly. "Look, I'm sorry. Had I known, I wouldn't have done that. But I just..."
"You love me?"
"I think I do," Edward confessed. "I wanted to tell you that night back home... before we all separated and left for college." Damien saw tears in his eyes, but Edward hurriedly wiped them away with his sleeve. "Are we still friends?"
"I... Yeah, we're friends," Damien said finally, sitting back down. He looked at the ground, unable to bring himself to see the tears, still glistening in Edward's eyes. "It's odd. That night, I actually went home and thought about the idea of being with you... I dreamed about it that night..." Edward looked over, listening intently. "Had you said so before, I probably would've given it a chance, being with you. I don't know if I love you, but maybe... I did before. But now..."
"What's changed?"
"I have. And Dad always said I needed to grow up," Damien explained. "I can't just dump Anna at the drop of a hat. It's not fair to her, you, or me."
"Do you love her?"
"I do?"
"Do you really?" Edward challenged.
Damien hesitated. "I do."
Edward snorted indignantly. "No, you don't." He calmed. "But you'll figure it out, I guess."
Before Damien could retort, the twins returned, each with ice cream cones--two vanilla, two chocolate. "Pick one before he eats them all," Kris said.
"Or she throws them away," Chris countered.
Damien took a chocolate cone and spared another glance at Edward, who glowered at his own cone before chortling awkwardly. "Let's dig in!" he insisted with a forced amount of cheer. Damien watched him closely; try as they might, he knew neither of them would be able to shake this encounter.
Returning to the dorm at sunset was a strange mixture of sadness and relief for Damien. There had been an awkwardness between him and Edward since the park, though he knew he was partly to blame for it. But he also knew that they had to get back to their own colleges and he would miss them greatly. As they pulled into the parking lot, they walked him to the door.
"So, guess I'll see you guys later?" Damien sighed heavily at the door. He had walked as slowly as he could from the car to the door, hoping to delay this moment.
"Yeah, but we'll see each other again soon," Chris assured him.
"Very soon," Kris agreed.
"Definitely," Chris continued.
"Damien, about earlier," Edward interjected. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have--"
"It's not just your fault," Damien replied. "I'm sorry too..." The twins exchanged nervous looks and walked away with waves. Damien waved back, calling, "Keep in touch!"
"WE WILL!" they replied. "YOU TOO!"
"I WILL!" Damien yelled back with a grin. Then, Edward had his full attention. "Ed, are we still friends?"
"I hope so," Edward answered. "But won't this make things awkward between us?"
Damien shrugged. "I don't know. I hope not, but... I still want my best friend to be there for me..." Edward reached out to Damien... That's it? A handshake? Damien thought for a moment before moving forward, pulling Edward into a quick hug. "We're still friends. No matter what."
Edward was momentarily speechless... but he soon returned the hug. "Always," he agreed. "Always."
But as they parted, Damien felt a sense of dread... Could they even be friends after today?
"We need to talk," Anna said suddenly. Damien had only just arrived at his dorm, having paused before inserting his key into the lock when she had come down the hallway, looking visibly upset. She looked agitated, as though she had been on edge all day.
"Of course," Damien answered, not really thinking. His mind was preoccupied with what had happened earlier, of Edward's confession. "What's on your mind?"
"Do you love me?"
That got Damien's attention and he paused, hesitating before turning the key. He turned to look at her, unsure of how to answer. "Where'd that come from?"
"Gold and Jade," she said simply. "Who was that song written about?"
Damien bit his lip before answering. "Where is this coming from? Are you okay?"
"Damien, answer me," she insisted with a firmness he had never heard from her before. "Was that song about Thomas?"
"Does it really matter? It's just words," Damien insisted.
"That was a love song," she retorted, "about someone other than who you're dating. Damien, be honest with me. Who was that song for?"
"Anna--"
"Damien, please just answer me! Stop stalling!"
Damien flinched at her harsh, angry yell. He swallowed and took a deep breath before saying, "I wrote it about Thomas. I wasn't really thinking of it as a love song. It was just words that fit the music..."
"Those are some pretty powerful words," Anna scoffed. "Do you even think about what words can do? Words have meaning; did you ever think about how I'd feel about that song?"
"Anna, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you!"
Anna shook her head. "But you did!" She wiped her eyes beneath her glasses. Her voice started to quiver and crack as she continued to speak. "Do you even think of me as your girlfriend? Or just some other cat you know? Just a friend?"
"You're my girlfriend! Who else would you be?"
"I don't feel like it," Anna stated. "I feel like I'm playing second fiddle to Thomas. And nobody wants to feel like that. I feel like a third wheel in our relationship..." She was crying now and Damien found himself struck completely speechless. "I don't even know what to think right now."
"Anna--"
"I don't want to talk to you right now, Damien," she interrupted. "Please, just leave me alone... I don't think I can face you right now." She started to walk away but Damien rushed forward, grabbing her wrist to stop her. She turned to look at him and their eyes met... Damien's words faltered and he found himself unable to speak when he released her. She let out a strained, awkward chortle, a pained sound that didn't suit her. "I want to be so mad at you... I want to be furious... I want to hate you... but for whatever reason, I can't bring myself to be that kind of person..." She shook her head. "Please, give me some space..."
"But--"
"Damien, let her go," another, male voice interrupted. Damien wheeled around; Ozzy was approaching from the other side. "It's creepy to hold on so tight."
Anna turned and walked off and Damien watched her disappear into the stairwell. Sighing heavily, he walked back towards his dorm where Ozzy had stopped.
"What was that about?" Ozzy questioned.
"I don't want to talk about it..."
September 25th, 20--
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?!
Maybe that was a bit melodramatic, but I feel like I've fucked up in more ways than one in less than a day. In one day, I hurt Ed, Anna, myself... Good god, am I a masochist or something? Why the hell do I keep doing stupid stuff that'll end up with someone getting hurt?
I feel like garbage. Ed's probably going to be hurting about what happened today for a while. I hope he'll forgive me. What makes me feel even worse is that I think if I had known back then... I might've been his boyfriend. I probably would've... No, no "probably". I would have been... But now... I don't think of him like that...
And Anna. She's probably going to hate me now for that damn song! Why'd I write that?! She probably should break up with me after that. I can't say I blame her. I'm just fucked up in the head. If I didn't have this stupid crush on Thomas, none of this would've happened!
Damn it! Why'd I write that?!
I'm just one fucked up puppy, huh? Wonder what Nate would say if he saw me falling apart like this...
--Damien Jaime Blackwell
Somehow, he never imagined he'd find himself here... Standing outside of the door of Thomas's best friend, knowing exactly the kind of energetic weirdness that was on the other side... but he needed to be here. He needed someone to talk to.
But why Ozzy? Damien wrestled with the "why" in his mind for several minutes before deciding to be here and even now, he wasn't sure of the answer. Why not call someone else, someone more sensible? He had both of the twins on his cell phone. Or Amy; she'd always give sound advice, just like a therapist she aspired to be. Or his mother...? No, not her. She'd make the situation worse by overreacting. And his father was too... awkward.
Yet here he was, hesitating...
"Just do it," he told himself. "You've got nothing to lose... Just do it..."
He knocked on the door...