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I woke up the next morning believing I hadn't slept a single hour.

My head hurt as if I had just got run over by a train. For a few seconds, I found it difficult to move, and when I was starting to get ready for school, I suddenly remembered it was Saturday. This realization made me sink into my bed again, my drowsy eyes getting lost in the ceiling as I slowly started to understand that, once again, I had nothing to do. I covered myself with the blankets, letting out a frustrated sigh as I closed my eyes.

Eventually, I'd have to go downstairs and grab some breakfast, right? Even though I felt I couldn't eat a single cereal. Otherwise, my aunt would start making questions, and there was nothing that hurt more than questions.

I decided to be the one to ask them, instead.

"Has Kab returned yet?" I asked my aunt minutes later, as I took a sip from my cup of coffee.

That way, not only would I get rid of her suspicions, but also make sure that Kab hadn't returned without me knowing. However, she shook her head, her back turned at me while she washed something in the sink. Better that way.

"No, but I hope he's having fun on his last days here in Coalfell."

"Me too," I answered, taking another sip even though those words burned inside me more than the coffee.

"I hope you've made your mind that he's leaving," my aunt mentioned, still without turning to me. "You know, all these things come to an end. When your mother died..."

There we went. Another uncomfortable conversation I couldn't possibly run away from.

"...but you don't want to talk about that," she interrupted herself, suddenly. For a few seconds, I wondered if she could read my mind. "I understand."

I didn't answer, but she was right. We had already talked a lot about it when it had happened and nowadays unburying the topic seemed disrespectful and pointless. Besides, it all seemed so distant that I couldn't feel anything about it any longer. Maybe one day...

Maybe one day I would feel the same about Kab.

"What are you going to do today?" she asked, suddenly, changing the subject.

"I still don't know," I answered, honestly.

I was tempted to add that all depended on Kab, but I finally contained myself. I still couldn't believe that he had left without saying goodbye, but after almost a day without seeing him, I was starting to lose all hope. Besides, it was only natural that he had wanted to run away from me; after all, I hadn't treated him well the previous day and he would probably still feel bad about it. If only I had been less proud instead of blaming him for what was going on... maybe then I could have spent those last hours with him.

But I didn't have the right to complain. I had what I deserved. If Kab had left without telling me, then I'd have to deal with it and maybe learn to be less abrasive next time.

I spent the whole day trying to distract myself, in vain. Looking at the walls, playing Tetris... it all seemed futile. When I went downstairs to have lunch I couldn't even look at my aunt in the eye. It was no use hiding the truth anymore.

I eventually decided to go to the library. It was the only place in the whole town where I could try to distract myself by reading a book, and where I'd be safe from my aunt's inquisitive words at the same time. I didn't really want to think about Kab, not at that moment, and staying with my aunt was not going to help me. Besides, I was somewhat angry that she had been right, that I had not foreseen the fact that Kab would leave one day, as suddenly as he had appeared... and that, even though she had warned me in advance, it had exploded in my face.

I had secretly been hoping I would see Kab in the library, but he wasn't there. At least, Miss Torrine didn't make a single comment when she saw me appear, and I didn't talk either. In a way, I was starting to think we were kind of similar: we had always enjoyed being lonely, and solitude was our way of life. Now that Kab was gone, I was starting to understand that. I would have to go back to the old patterns, the old routines, which I had abandoned when he had arrived. There was no other way.

Even the world seemed duller, anyway.

I went upstairs and walked by the bookshelves, trying to decide what I should try to read, even though I already knew it would be in vain. My eyes rested on Stardust for a second, but then I shook my head and kept walking. That book could only possibly remind me of Kab, and at the time it would have only made my situation worse.

However, in the end I decided to stick to Gaiman and chose Neverwhere. I thought it kind of fit me at that moment; in many aspects, it was a story about being lost, terribly lost.

It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. It was easy to get immersed in the story and I soon found myself thinking of the characters, of the paths I knew they would follow in the next pages... Would they die? Would they leave? Would they stay with those that loved them? And then, when I looked up from the book and saw the vast forest before me, I thought of him again, shook my head, and went back to reading. Several times, but it didn't stop me.

I had been about fifty minutes reading the book when I heard Miss Torrine talking to someone. As much as the old woman liked complaining and swearing, it was unusual to see her talking with someone for so long, and I could have sworn it was the first time she seemed fully interested in a conversation. I wasn't paying attention to the words: it was her tone, the rising and lowering with each syllable, the little things that showed the deep importance she was giving to everything that was being told.

It took me a while to actually hear the other voice. It took me even longer to recognize it.

"Kab!" I practically cried, standing up, with my heart beating at full speed.

I knew it had been a mistake as soon as I did it. I barely heard Miss Torrine shout something about giving explanations and then, the mechanical door of the library closing slowly. I understood that, if Kad had been there, he had decided to run away as soon as he had heard my voice. Confused, nervous, I turned around as I wondered what I could possibly do to stop him.

Then, as in a dream, I saw myself walking towards the balcony, pushing aside the hammock and practically clenching my paws around the edge of the balcony. I squinted, hoping I could at least still see him.

A shadow of stars in a deep black sky moved between the trees, getting further and further.

"Kab!" I shouted again. Only echoes from the mountains answered me.

It all happened too fast. Before I knew what I was doing, there was a weird sensation of freefall in my stomach and I had jumped from the balcony. I fell to the ground, tripped over my own feet, fell to the ground and stood up again; and then I was running, running towards the last point where I had seen his shadow, ignoring the stabbing pain in one of my feet; and then I was hearing myself screaming his name, and feeling how silence swallowed my voice; and then I was suddenly crying and still running; and then I had stopped in the middle of the forest, completely alone and only surrendered by the terribly quiet shadows of the trees.

"Kab..." I whispered, trying to catch my breath, as I looked around through the veil of my tears.

He was there. I could feel it. Hiding somewhere, still and silent, watching me like the clouds in the sky. But only my exhausted, irregular breathing filled the silence as I stood there, with the tears starting to dry on my cheeks.

So much silence. The deepest, most painful silence I had experienced in my whole life. Before, I had cherished it, even looked for it. But now, it simply hurt. I needed to fight that silence, somehow; I needed to tear it up as soon as I could.

I started talking.

"Love..." I heard myself say. "What is love?"

My words sounded weakly among the trees, getting lost in the everlasting silence. They couldn't answer that question now. I didn't know the answer myself.

But someone had to stand up and talk.

"Love... love is a weird creature climbing up a balcony. Love is a smile hidden in the eye. Love is seeing color in everything and anything, even though you had lost the hope to see something more than grey. Love is finally being able to breathe a breath of fresh air, and for the first time, enjoy it. Love is forgetting the obvious. Love is... love is... making the same mistakes over and over... knowing them, and seeing them, but falling irrevocably. Love is a stupid, stupid thing... Love is jumping out... from a balcony and... crying in the middle of the mountains..." At that point, I could no longer speak without sobbing. "Love is... chasing a falling star, even though you know it will... it will only last for an instant... but oh, Kab... what an instant..."

I covered my eyes and cried, like the silly cat I was.

I didn't want to lose him. I would have given anything to make him stay.

But I know I couldn't.

I didn't even react when I heard the steps approaching me, and then felt the soft paw on my shoulders. I just hugged him, crying irrevocably, without even looking at his face, totally embarrassed yet at the same time more thankful than I had ever been... because at least, I got to touch him one last time.

Because at least, he had not left without saying goodbye.

I don't know how much time I was crying. It had been so long since I felt something so intense, so powerful, that I think I let it all out, as if it had been waiting for a long time. Next thing I know is that we were lying on the grass, close to each other, gazing at the stars in the sky.

He had put an arm around my shoulders, and even though my eyes were still wet with tears, I felt so happy that I could be so close to him.

"The sky is so big," he was saying at that time. "There are so many places to visit, so many things to see. There is only one impossible thing is this world, and it is to stop learning new things. And however... I'll never forget you."

I nodded, silently, and tried to swallow the lump in my throat. For the first time, it seemed as if I was the one listening, and Kab the one speaking to me. It felt weird, and at the same time it felt right.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's always like this. I shouldn't leave, but I have to. I wish things were different," he mentioned, and even though there weren't tears in his eyes, I could tell he really meant it. "Will you ever be able to forgive me?"

I nodded again, but since I wasn't sure if he was looking at me or not, I muttered the louder 'yes' I could given the circumstances, which sounded more like the whisper of the leaves. He seemed to hear me, anyway, and I could see a small smile in his face. It warmed my heart to know at least he was not feeling guilty anymore.

He helped me stand up and we hugged under the vigilant gaze of the constellations. I had never felt the softness of his fur, or the warmth of his body, or his smell, as much as I felt it that night. As if a wave of pure, vast universe had just shook me from head to toes, as if all the planets and stars and asters were swirling around me; as if for a second I was more than simple fur and flesh. The forest vanished and, suddenly, we were floating in space, frozen in that single second of mutual connectedness and affection. I did not want to let go. I did not want him to go.

I wanted to be floating in space, to be part of that universe, forever and ever.

But goodbyes are never as long and beautiful as they are in movies or books.

When I opened my eyes, I was only hugging the air. Just like the wind arrives, he had gone forever.

* * * * *

Darkness is a terrible thing.

Seeing that you are damaged, letting the light bathe your own wounds, at least makes you realize how much you need to be healed. At least, that takes away the burden of the question, the 'Will I ever be able to go through this?'. If you see you are drowning, at least you'll probably try and take hold of something.

But in darkness, there's nothing to see.

Up and down, normality and disaster are both just an inch apart from each other. Where to go? What to do? Will I ever be able to go through this?

The fallen star had finally... fallen. It was bound to happen. The light had gone, and then just like that. I am such a silly boy.

I deserve it.

Go through this. Go through this. Go through what? What is supposed to be happening to me? What did ever happen? Was him ever here? Was I ever his friend? Where are the stars now, when I need them?

I don't know. I don't know anymore. Up and down, normality and disaster, let this darkness chew and swallow me and spit me into the grey ashes, where I belong.

I deserve it.

* * * * *

One night I had a dream. I saw a constellation, and in it a red star.

I opened my eyes, sweating in the middle of the night, with the strange feeling that I have been screaming. It didn't matter anymore. I was sleeping in my mother's house those days, even though my aunt had initially opposed to it. I could remember that much. Had I told her I needed to sleep in his bed or had I made up another excuse?

There was definitely no answer to that question in my memories.

But the dream. There was something about it that smelled urgent, necessary. I tried to remember what I had seen, I tried to grasp why it was so important. My heart was beating crazily.

It took me a few seconds, but it finally came to my mind. My heart beat even faster, and in a rush, I took a look at my watch. It was only 23:20.

If I was fast, I could always...

I got off of my bed, still with my pajamas, and put on my slippers. I waited for a few seconds in front of the main door of the house; then I took a long coat and put it on my shoulders, too.

The wind was cold that night, but it didn't matter. I kept walking in the darkness, knowing very well where I was going. I knew that if my aunt woke up in the night and found out I had left home at that hour she would very reasonably be worried about me, but I wasn't letting her catch me. There was something I needed to check: something urgent, something necessary.

And I wasn't letting anyone stop me.

I arrived at Miss Torrine's library at 23:40, shivering a bit but determined. For some reason, she looked at me as if she had been knowing I would come.

"Ah," she said, when I appeared. "The weird boy. Now in pajamas. You know you only have twenty minutes before I close this place, right?"

I nodded, heading towards the stairs without even looking at her. There was something strange in his voice, like a hidden note of knowledge, but for some reason I didn't pay attention to it. Not until the moment when she spoke again.

"You know, kid, you should just try to forget him. It will be better for you."

I froze in the place and turned to look at her, a bit angry.

"How can you know what is better for me and what it isn't?" I asked, trying not to sound too impolite, but at the same time letting a fair amount of anger flow through my voice. "I don't even know myself. And now, he is gone. Now..."

"They come, they learn, they go," she said, with an apparent tone of indifference that, however, sounded as if she was hiding something much more serious. "I've seen it a few times by now. One each generation, at least."

It took me a while to realize she wasn't simply giving me a talk about heartbreakers. I blinked a few times, looking at her with new eyes and unable to hide my surprise.

"Miss Torrine, you..."

"I met one of them when I was young, too," she sighed, turning to look at the window. "I was not the only one. I knew I'd see one of them sooner or later again. You see, it seems they like Coalfell, for some reason. They come, they learn, they go. This is like an... exchange programme for them."

I had to remember the first excuse I had used with my aunt. It seems I hadn't been as misguided as I thought.

"But why?" I asked, still confused.

"Why are you asking me? You should have asked him. But I bet he didn't tell you, right? No, they're never clear when asked about where they come. I sometimes doubt they even know themselves. Hell if I know," she paused for a few seconds, and then turned to look at me again. "But there's one thing I can tell you, after having lived in this bloody village for more than sixty years. They never come back. So, forget about that."

She gave me a severe look as she said those words. I didn't know what to answer.

In any case, I started moving towards the stairs again, partly because, even in the case that what Miss Torrine was telling me was true, there was still something I needed to do. Something to make sure I wasn't completely crazy.

Then, as I took the first step, a wild thought assaulted my mind.

"One each generation, you said?" I asked, without turning to look at her.

Her answer came a few seconds later.

"One each generation."

I stood silent. There was, at least, one generation between Miss Torrine and me. The possibilities of it made me feel dizzy for a second, but then I sighed and kept walking upstairs. I would never know.

When I reached the telescope, I had already gotten rid of those thoughts. I sat down in front of it and, carefully, I started looking for a particular constellation. For a particular star.

Auriga. The constellation of the charioteer.

It didn't take me long. After all, I had been used to finding stars much faster in the past.

Then, I looked for the specific star that was in my mind, holding my breath. It took me a few more seconds, but with my eyes lost in the sky, at least I felt much freer. The stars in the black veil, at last, seemed to light the way.

I wasn't in the darkness anymore.

A small smile came to my lips when I found what I was looking for, and a sparkle of joy seemed to go through my heart.

Iota Aurigae. Also known as Hassaleh. Also known as Alkab by Chaucer.

Also known as Kabdhilinan.

"Hello, Kab," I whispered, with tears in my eyes.