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Chapter 10

The next couple days led towards me establishing a new routine. Each morning I would go to the kitchen well before anyone else in the house woke and would set about making breakfast. Eventually the smells drifting through the house would cause the others to begin waking up. Whether out of respect from my request to be left alone the first day while cooking or, more likely, at Chase's order they all stayed out of the kitchen till I finished cooking. All except for Chase that is.

As I argue with a skillet over the uneven heat while cooking steaks and eggs Chase walks in saying, "Do you ever sleep Eb? Every morning you beat us down here by several hours."

I glance over at him before growling one last time a slightly charred spot on a steak, "Yeah I sleep. Just don't need to much and I had more than enough while I was out of it."

Chase looks at me with an appraising look then says, "Thing is since you woke up no one has been able to find out when you do sleep. Every night I'm the last to bed and your still in your room, usually pacing from what I can tell."

I give a short glare in his direction giving a slight accusation, "Are you spying on me?"

He holds up his paws in mock surrender, "Not at all, I just pass by your room on the way to mine is all. I was just commenting that your still wide awake when I go to bed, which is no more than two or three hours before you come down here and start cooking."

With a snort I pile the last steak into a pan with the others and set about trying to start frying some eggs, "Maybe I sleep during the day? Did you think of that?"

Chase nods slowly as he replies, "I did, and you certainly spend enough time in your room for that but I don't think you do."

Keeping one eye on the eggs so they don't burn I turn so I can look at him with the other, "And why is that?"

He shrugs, "Well for one thing when you're in here cooking I may have peeked into your room once or twice and noticed that the bed doesn't seem slept in."

Suppressing a growl at my space being invaded I calmly ask, "And what makes you think that? Maybe I'm just picky about making my bed?"

This time he chuckles, "Oh come on don't give me that. We both know you haven't made that bed up since you woke up the other day. Aside from where you have sat on it the covers haven't been touched."

Giving him a glare I turn and flip the eggs grumbling as a couple of them break their yolks spilling the yellow goo out into the grease causing it to pop. When I don't continue he says, "I'm sorry for intruding into your space like that but I was concerned and more than a little curious about your sleep habits."

With a grunt I finish the eggs and take them out of the skillet before turning to him saying, "If it will satisfy your curiosity and concern my sleep habits are perfectly fine. Typically I only need about eight or so hours of sleep to keep me going for a good while and I got more than that recently. So if anything I'm a bit pent up with energy, that's why I pace so much."

Its Chase's turn to glare at me now, "That's bull and you know it."

I turn and give him a bit of a smirk, "No its not bull. I really do only need about eight hours or so of sleep to function. I just don't need it every day."

He raises an eyebrow but says nothing waiting for me to continue. With a bit of a sigh I check to make sure the door is shut, "Demons don't need sleep like you do, eight hours a month is more than enough for me, not that I can't sleep more often if I choose to. Pure bloods can go even longer, some go years between sleeping. That's another reason why Agerex is so dangerous, he doesn't tire out near as fast as you do."

For a moment Chase just watches me in silence before he grabs a plate and begins filling it with food saying, "Ok so the whole lot of you are insomniacs. It would make guard duty at night another simple fix around here. Course we would want to compensate you in some way, not fair for you to constantly be the night guard after all."

Grumbling I reply, "You know I have no intention of staying long term. So consider it a free bonus with no strings since I'm going to be awake regardless."

As he sits at the table and begins eating I set to work packing up my spices into their proper spots. It's at this point that something troubling is brought to my attention. Lifting the small jar of oregano up to eye level I look inside at the two tiny leaves left and let out a sigh, "Well that's not good."

Chase looks up with a bit of steak juice running down his chin asking with a touch of alarm, "What's not good?"

Without looking at him I hold the jar up for him to see, "I'm almost out of some of my spices. Wouldn't have been a problem normally, but cooking for so many I've run through them a lot faster than I was expecting. Going to need to replace them soon."

Chase licks the juice off his chin before saying, "Oh well that's easily fixed, Richard and I were planning a trip to town later this week. You can come along with us and get what you need there."

I stiffen at the idea and say instead, "How about I just make up a list and you can give it to one of the shop keepers to fill."

He raises an eyebrow at the suggestion, "I suppose that could work, though neither Richard nor I would know if we got the right things or not. After all we can't read." He says the last part with a bit of disdain.

Closing my eyes for a moment thinking over my options I consider my reply, "It is the best option. It would only.... complicate things if I were to go to town with you."

He waves a hand through the air, "Nonsense, you're a werewolf like us. We just go to the town in our human forms and blend in. We have been doing it for years and the towns folk just think we are hunters who live deep in the forest. They don't know any better."

I finish packing my spices and close the case saying simply, "No."

Chases face goes a bit stern as he looks at me and I can tell he is not used to being told no at all. For a moment he just stares at me with the hard gaze then asks in a quiet voice, "And why not?"

I turn to look him straight in the eyes holding his gaze for a long moment before answering in a soft but threatening voice, "Because it would result in trouble for you. That's why."

His gaze hardens and narrows, "You said you would not keep any secrets that would be a threat to me or my pack. Was that a lie?"

The accusation stings far more than I ever thought it would causing me to drop my gaze and turn away with a sigh, "No it wasn't a lie. It's just... it's not a threat to you at all. Not unless you force me around humans."

I feel his gaze on me for a time before I feel his paw on my shoulder, "And why would you being around humans make a difference? Just do like all werewolves do and take a human form to blend in. It's no big deal."

As irritation gives way to burning shame I whisper, "I can't."

His paw squeezes gently on my shoulder, "Eb, what do you mean you can't? Do you dislike humans that much or something?"

With a rough turn I fling his paw from his shoulder and growl at him, "No, I mean I can't take a human form. I only have two forms I can take and you have seen both of them. Neither form will allow me to interact with a human village. In some places if they are aware and tolerate werewolves in their furry state I can pass through relatively unnoticed. But in a place where we are expected or required to hide what we are.... I can never visit."

As understanding crosses his face the look of someone looking at a person suffering a loss begins to replace the irritation that was there before. After a moment he says, "Eb.... I'm sorry, I didn't know."

With a grunt I head for the door saying, "I don't want your pity."

Reaching the door I pause for a moment then add, "I'll have a list of things I could use from town ready by this afternoon for you. I still have enough spices to get through a couple more days if I stretch them so no reason to rush your trip."

With that I leave the room closing the door behind me before Chase can say anything else to me. In silence I step across the hall and start up the stairs heading for my room when I hear a soft voice call from the direction of the living room, "Ebony, would you come here a moment please."

Suppressing the urge to growl at the interruption I turn and heads towards the sound of the voice. Upon entering the living room I see Jasmine sitting on the couch watching the fireplace.

As I approach her she looks up at me and smiles, "I wanted to thank you for the wonderful meals you have been cooking for us lately. They are a true delight to wake to each day."

Caught off guard I just mumble, "Yeah... well.... it's the least I can do."

She looks up at me and tilts her head sideways with a curious expression saying, "Well it has been wonderful just the same, much better than what we are used to at any rate. But something's bothering you isn't it?"

I look at her with a raised eyebrow saying nothing until she raises a paw in surrender, "Sorry forgot you don't like talking about your problems. I'm used to being the one people come to talk to around here when something is bothering them. Just thought I would make the same offer to you is all."

With a sigh I sit down in a chair opposite her and look into the fireplace at the crackling fire. For several long moments we both sit there in silence until I feel words begin to spill from my mouth, "There are a lot of things that bother me. Picking only one would be like trying to grab just a single drop of water out of the ocean."

She just sits there watching me in a nonjudgmental fashion waiting for me to continue at my own pace. Leaning back in the chair I continue to think about what to say without giving up anything I want kept secret, "I suppose the biggest issue bothering me right now is being here. I'm so used to being on my own and having only myself to rely on all the time that I don't know how to act in a pack. I have never really been in one in my life. I've always just wandered from place to place ever since I left home."

For a moment she looks at me with a slightly tilted head, "Well that's an easier one to help with. One solution would be to stop hiding in your room all day and socialize a bit. Most of us are very curious about you and all of us want to be your friend."

I look at her with a raised eyebrow causing her to look back into my eyes for a few moments as I say, "I have never been much of a social butterfly. Most of my so called socializing usually ended up in someone bleeding."

If Jasmine is put off by my statement in any way she doesn't show it instead she just continues to study me a she replies, "I can see how that would make you want to hide away from people. But I promise you that no one here means you any harm what so ever."

As though she is unaware of it I see her right paw move down to her stomach and give it a gentle rub as though trying feel the small ball of life inside of her. Seizing on a way to change the subject I ask, "Have you and Richard started thinking of any names yet?"

Her eyes widen for a second then she follows my gaze and sees where her paw is before letting out a small laugh, "We have started talking about it some, but haven't really narrowed down the list much. We have plenty of time though so not worried to much just yet."

Unable to help myself a small smile stretches the corner of my lips just a bit, "Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?"

She keeps looking down at her paw as she says, "Personally I don't care either way as long as its health, though I know Richard is secretly hoping for a son."

Unable to look away I just keep watching her till she looks up at me and a smirk crosses her face, "Well that's a welcome surprise."

My grin vanishes as I look up and ask, "What is?"

With a chuckle she pointed at me, "Knowing that you can smile for no reason other than to smile."

Looking away quickly I work at wiping the smile away for good, "Yeah well it's not something I do often."

She tilts her head as her own smile fades, "Why not? It looked good on you, you really should do it more."

As a small wave of conflicting emotions and memories rise up from somewhere long buried I turn my gaze back to the fire as I carefully choose my words, "Because it has been my experience that anything worth smiling about is temporary at best and will only bring more pain than if you were never happy to begin with."

I feel her gaze bore into me as though she is trying to see into my very soul before she asks, "That's why you have been on your own isn't it? You lost something or someone very important to you didn't you."

Without answering her I lean back into the chair a little more as I rest my elbows on the armrests and entwine my fingers together just in front of my face as I look into the glowing flames. As her words echo around inside my head a vision of a brown furred female wolf forms before my eyes. Her sparkling eyes filled with laughter, her smile infectious and warm. I see her reaching out with welcoming arms offering a hug.

"Ebony?"

I look over a Jasmine who has a questioning look, "Yeah I lost someone one. Long time ago when I was a young pup."

She just watches me with a curious look inviting me to continue without saying anything or pushing the subject. For a few moments we just sit there in silence as she watches me watching the fire. Eventually she turns her gaze towards the fire as well appearing to drop the unspoken question.

As though this was the signal I had been waiting for I feel my mouth begin to move without having decided to start talking, "Her name was Ismarel and she was my mother. She was the kindest most loving person I have ever known. No matter how bad someone was she was always able to find something good in them, some redeeming quality that no one else could see. More than once she used that ability of hers to turn even the most fearsome of beasts into something gentle and loving."

Jasmine's gaze slowly turns back towards me as I continue, "That is probably what my father loved most about her. She was truly a once in a lifetime wolf. All of my fondest memories as a kid involve her. No matter how gloomy or upset I got she was always able to make me laugh and smile again. At least she was until she was taken from me."

With a hint of uncertainty she asks, "What happened?"

In my mind I can hear screams of agony, smell charred flesh, and taste the metallic tang of blood. Whispers echo and scream in my mind as voices long forgotten scramble to be heard again. Louder and louder they grow threatening to overwhelm my senses.

Shaking my head a bit to try and clear away the unwelcome memories and regain control I take a sharp breath and answer Jasmine, "She was killed. Killed and I was blamed... at least in part if not for the whole of the crime."

Jasmines eyes shine with tears and more than a slight touch of horror. I don't know for sure how much she read into my words or if her ability with emotions let her feel more of what I had tried to keep hidden.

For a moment she just sits there in silence before saying softly, "You were just a child, how could you have been to blame? How could anyone think that a child could kill their mother?"

I just give a small indifferent shrug, "Let's just say things are more complicated than that and leave it be. The dead don't care about the concerns of the living and the past can't be rewritten."

My tone must have taken her by surprise because her expression quickly changes to one of slight shock, "That is a bit cold don't you think?"

Shrugging again I reply, "Cold or not it's true. Dwelling on my mother has never helped me with anything. This is the first time I've really talked about it in years in fact. Perhaps the first time since I left home."

She watches me for a time then asks, "Well what about your father? Surely he didn't believe you killed her?"

That causes me to let out a loud bark of a laugh that makes her jump in her seat, "HA! That bastard was leading the charge. Whether or not he really believed it is irrelevant, it's because of him that I have no home. So I don't much care about him at all anymore, we never were all that close to begin with."

With that Jasmine turns her face from me and looks back at the fire before saying, "I'm sorry Ebony, I didn't mean to bring up painful memories for you. I only meant to try and help you feel more at ease here."

With a bit of a dismissive wave I half grumble, "No need to apologize, its old news and the wounds have long since turned to scars that have begun to fade. It's not like I'm going to be seeing them again anyway. I have made do this long without any of them in my life so why worry about it now."

She turns back to me and says, "Because family, weather you talk or not, is still important. It does no one any good to carry such a burden without at least trying to reconcile at least once. The only family I have ever known is here in this pack. What family I did have I lost before I can even remember. I don't even know what my parents looked like. If I could I would take your family in a heartbeat just to have a family to call my own. Even if things were... complicated."

I lock my eyes straight on with hers and see her visibly shudder under the intensity of my stare and in a cold voice I almost whisper, "You do not want that. You have no idea what my family is capable of. I would take your loss over what I have a thousand times over. Being an orphan is nothing compared to being..... being related to the..... people, I'm force to call blood kin."

For the first time since she and I met there is a hint of fear in her eyes when looking at me but the fear is not directed at me but at my words, "There are many kinds of evil in this world Jasmine. Trust me when I say that you want nothing to do with my family and just leave it there."

With that I get up and go to leave the room but stop after a couple steps and turn slightly back towards her, "For what it's worth though I am sorry for your loss and I am grateful that you tried to make me feel more at ease here. You are the first to actually try and make me feel at home for no other reason than you care."

As I leave the room I hear her say, "Your wrong Ebony, I'm not the first. And we all care."