Life Beyond the Snow: Chapter 2
#2 of Life Beyond the Snow
Zane and Vexx have a much needed talk about the events leading up to them meeting.
Vexx sat against the wall just beside the door, hugging his knees close to him as he started calming himself down. It wasn't fair. Every waking day, he had to remember how alone he was now. His parents were taken from him without warning. He couldn't bare the memories of what happened that day... he would only allow himself remember the looks on their faces. Just before he ran. Their terrified faces, urging him to run. Why did he run? Why did he not just stay there with them? He would at least still be with them. He still could be. It would be so easy. Just walk out into the blizzard whenever Zane fell asleep so he couldn't stop him. Surely, that would be enough to end him. Then he could finally be with his parents again. He wouldn't be so alone...
...
...no. No matter how many times he considered it, he could never bring himself to do it. He didn't know if it was because he was too weak or strong enough not to, but no matter how close he came to stepping out into the ferocious cold winds, he could never find the will to end it all. And every single time he thought of it, he found himself even lonelier than before. It was a never ending cycle. And it tore him apart knowing there wasn't a thing he could do to stop it. Vexx buried his face in his arms and knees and began to silently cry again.
"Vexx? Please... I want to help." A clearly dismayed voice called to him, catching his attention. He stopped himself from crying and looked up to the door. Zane had no doubt come to try and cheer him up. Vexx turned his body facing away from the door. "Go away, Zane..."
Zane either didn't hear him or he just ignored him, because not two seconds later, Vexx heard the door open and he felt Zane's presence make his way beside him. Vexx turned his head to the other side defiantly as he sensed his friend taking a seat beside him.
"Hey... I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry. I didn't mean to bring up anything about... them." Zane told him. He tensed up a little bit as he felt the fox's arm around him, but he didn't bother moving. He didn't feel like talking much right now.
For several moments, the howling wind was all that could be heard. Vexx could even ever so slightly make out Zane's shaky breathing. He could tell that he'd been crying too. He started to wonder what the point of him coming in here was until he spoke again.
"You know... my parents are probably dead too," he spoke softly, finally breaking the silence.
Vexx didn't make a movement for a few seconds as Zane's words fully sank in. He decided to finally face him as his face betrayed his emotions, having a visibly surprised expression. But as he turned towards Zane, his eyes widened even further. For a very brief moment, instead of seeing Zane, he saw a flash of his father in his stead... or was it his mother? Vexx shook his head and blinked, and just as quickly as those images came, they left, leaving him to wonder just what it was that he saw.
"I know that I've been saying that my mom and dad are still out there somewhere looking for me, but..." Tears began welling up in Zane's eyes as he struggled to continue, "they probably died out in the blizzard a while ago. Maybe if I hadn't gotten lost, I'd still have them, but... *sniff* but they probably couldn't find a house like I did to stay in. So... even though I could keep looking and hoping, I'm never gonna see them again..." Vexx could tell Zane was struggling to keep himself from crying again. He didn't know what to do. Up until now, Zane, however shy he might've been, had always been the optimist of the two. To see him in this state right now was surprising to Vexx.
And that's when he realized; Zane had been keeping his emotions at bay the entire time. He pushed back the thought of losing the only people close to him, the emotions that came with that trauma, and his fears of being alone just to... just to...
...just to try and make sure Vexx didn't feel the same way. His friend had been supporting him while ignoring his own pain the entire time.
Vexx's mind went back to the time he first met Zane. His memory of that time was slightly hazy, but he could still remember enough. He remembered his consciousness slipping away as he trudged through an especially violent blizzard as he saw a figure in the distance. His consciousness began to end as he collapsed into the snow and the figure sped towards him. And the next thing he knew, he had felt warmth. A feeling that he hadn't felt in a long time back then. And right by his side, was an arctic fox, asleep by his side. Zane had let a total stranger into his home, provided him with warmth and food, and gave him company, all without asking a thing in return. He remembered all of the times Zane had showed concern for him. He had always been there whenever Vexx was not feeling right, whether it was physically or emotionally. Vexx realized that he had more to thank him for than he ever would've thought.
But as he sat by him, looking down while he barely held back his tears, Vexx also realized how much pressure it put on him. With a new insight into his friend, he decided that it was his turn to comfort Zane, instead. He scooted over closer to his friend and wrapped an arm around his body, pulling him into a comforting embrace.
Zane looked up at his friend in surprise. After seeing his friend's expression soften, he couldn't hold it back any longer. He lay his head on his best friend's shoulder and wept silently. Years of built up pressure from emotional pain being inflicted on him finally coming out. Vexx sat there silently for his close friend, giving comforting strokes to his side.
As his friend cried softly at his side, Vexx allowed himself a small smile. Maybe he wasn't as alone as he thought he was. His parents may be gone, but he had a great friend who would undoubtedly look out for him. A pang of guilt shot through Vexx as he realized that through this entire time, he hadn't been doing the same, and his smile once again faded. Yes, he had been doing his part in making sure that they survived, but he never once asked himself how Zane felt, and he certainly hadn't asked Zane how he felt. Not anymore, he thought. If Vexx and Zane were going to survive together, then Vexx needed to make sure he was with him every step of the way.
Zane continued crying for several minutes before it finally began to slow, and simply rested his head against his friend, as well as wrapping his arm around Vexx. "You know..," he whispered, sniffling a little, "I don't think I ever asked how exactly your parents died..."
Vexx visibly tensed up a little. Zane had, in fact, asked him before, but it had been a while, and Vexx simply dismissed the question when he first asked it, so it didn't surprise him that he couldn't remember that it was a question Vexx didn't want to be asked.
"It's not a day I like to remember... but..," Vexx sighed and relaxed again, "...but I suppose you deserve to know." He held onto Zane tighter as he struggled to remember just what had happened.
"It started when I was just seven years old. Back then, I still lived in... not a town, because those had already all died out, but it was... it was kind of like civilization. One of the last parts of civilization. We took shelter in a bunch of man made caves and helped each other survive as best as we could. I would always stay inside while my parents took care of me, telling me stories about what it was like without this winter and the tales of a city that survived... heh... it filled me up with hope and a feeling that nothing bad was gonna happen, even if it was always snowing. And I had no reason to suspect otherwise. The adults brought back plenty of food and taught us how to hunt feral animals, clean fallen trees for firewood, and find and gather the fruits and vegetables that evolved to survive the cold. And everyone got along too. It all seemed like we were gonna be okay. Until... until one day, where word got out to a bunch of bandits that there was a semi functioning civilization.
"It was horrible... I didn't realize what was going on when I first heard screaming coming from outside. But my parents seemed to. Cuz as soon as the screaming started, they told me to hide. Hide and don't come out. So... I did. I hid under the slab of rock that we used as a table. And very soon after, those... thugs came in and started yelling at my parents. My parents tried fighting them, but they were just too strong. They.. th-they pinned my parents on the ground, and my parents just looked at me.. And I could tell they were urging me to run. They looked terrified... th.. then... there was so much blood... They k-killed them.. Right in front of me... I just screamed and ran. I was scared I was gonna die too.
"They took my parents and my home from me... and for two years, I had to survive on my own. Heh... can you imagine that? A seven year old wolf cub having to fend for himself for two whole years, trying to use the skills that they taught me. There were several times where I thought I was just gonna die. Because I could barely get enough food or warmth. And one day, when I got caught in an especially bad blizzard while I was trying to get to a new shelter, I really did think it was the end. I... I could feel myself becoming numb as I slowly started losing consciousness. The last thing I saw just after I collapsed in the snow was a shadowy figure in the distance moving towards me... which, I suppose was you, considering the next thing I knew was the fact that I woke up in your... house."
Vexx finished with a shaky sigh and rested his muzzle on Zane's shoulder for comfort. "So... there you have it. That's how my parents died. And... that's how I found myself at your place, I guess. Just please don't ask about it again. I hate remembering everything in between that day and the day before I found myself at your house. Please..." Vexx began shuddering softly.
Zane gave a slight but quick nod and backed away from the topic. He had learned enough, and did not wish to add even more salt to Vexx's open wound. He just inched closer to his friend and held onto him closely, just sitting in silence for the time being and listening to the howling wind outside.
Vexx tried to think about other things to keep his mind away from his parents' deaths. He chose to instead think about the day that he met Zane. That kind hearted fox who took him in without a second thought. Vexx surely would've frozen to death had it not been for the fact that Zane was nearby. Leading up to that moment, Vexx had been searching for new shelter since the last place he stayed in had very few resources. He could remember the moments leading up to his rescue so vividly. How he wanted to keep going when he saw the fox's shadow, but also remembering how exhausted he was, and had no choice but to collapse in the middle of the clearing because his muscles simply wouldn't support him anymore... the clearing... hold on a moment.
Vexx frowned in confusion as he remembered that specific detail. He went over his memories and looked towards Zane again. "Umm... Zane?"
"Hmm?"
"You said something about your parents probably being dead right? Well... when exactly did you... um... give up looking for them?" Vexx asked carefully, trying not to hurt his feelings.
Zane winced at the question and gave a sad sigh. "Honestly... I gave up a while before I met you. The blizzard we were caught in was a really bad one. I guess... the only reason why I was tryin to look for them for so long was cuz I didn't wanna be alone."
Vexx nodded and then swallowed nervously. "So then... what were you even doing so far away from the house that day?" he asked, already having an idea of what the answer was going to be.
Zane flinched and looked at his friend with a nervous expression. "What do you mean?" he asked, trying to maintain his composure.
Vexx sighed and shook his head in sadness, his suspicions basically being confirmed by Zane's reaction. "I can remember the moments leading up to you saving me so clearly. That's not a memory that just... goes away. I remember everything about my surroundings and where I was when I collapsed was a clearing with a couple dead trees and rocks. Thing is, I've been twenty minutes away from this place in all directions a couple times, and even that was pretty dangerous. My problem is... in all the area I've seen around this place, I didn't see any part of that clearing. So you had to have gone out further to get to me, and you couldn't have known I was there ahead of time. So my question is... why were you so far away from the house?"
Zane's eyes shifted around the room, wearing a panicked expression. He felt like he couldn't escape those questioning eyes of his friend, though he wanted to be anywhere but in that room at that current moment. "I... w-well, I was..." Zane fumbled over his words, trying to come up with an excuse... but eventually he just looked down and let out a sad whine. There was no point in avoiding it.
"Y-you have to understand... this was before I met you. I was feeling so alone... I thought I wouldn't have any friends and I just wanted my parents back even though I knew they were dead... I-I..." The young fox's voice shook as he tried to explain himself. He took a breath, trying to steady himself, and continued. "That day... I was feeling so alone... I went out there to try and... freeze myself to death."
Vexx nodded slowly, expecting that answer, and pulled Zane closer with an arm, showing him that he was still very much supportive of him. Zane visibly relaxed a little at this gesture and took a shaky breath. "It's just... the day I got seperated from my parents in that very strong blizzard, I found this house and decided to make it my home until my parents found this place too. I could do that cuz I always helped out my parents with the hunting and wood gathering and stuff when I was with them, cuz it was just the three of us, y'know...? But the more I waited, the more alone I felt and the more I felt like they would never find me..." Zane started shivering and tearing up yet again, trying to fight the urge to break down again.
"But they never came... and day after day I was thinking the same thing; 'I want my mommy and daddy. Please let them find me.' And then soon it became, 'just let SOMEONE find me.' But... there was no one... it was just me. It really hurt, y'know... not like a cut or anything, but not having anyone around was just... yea. So one day, it just hurt so much that I wanted it to end. I wanted to be with my mommy and daddy again. So... I was gonna go out. Further than I had ever gone before. And I was gonna freeze myself to death. Just so I could be with them again. So I wouldn't have to hurt that way ever again. But... then I saw you in the distance.
"I got so excited cuz I couldn't help thinking that it was one or both of my parents. When I saw your shadow, I knew that it couldn't be one of them cuz your shadow was too short. Didn't stop me from hoping though. But when I got to you, you had already fainted. I could tell you were close to dying. So I made a decision."
Zane let out a guilty whine and let his gaze drift downward and shrink away from Vexx's. "To tell you the truth, I didn't save you cuz it was the right thing to do or anything... To be honest, I kinda thought you'd stab me in the back or something when you got better. But... I wanted to take a chance cuz I didn't have any friends or family. So yea... I didn't save you cuz I was nice. I saved you cuz I was lonely. I'm... I'm really sorry..."
Vexx took in the new information slowly. He had expected the attempted suicide answer from his friend, but he had not expected Zane to reveal his true motives for saving him. In the end though, Vexx decided that it didn't matter to him in the slightest. In a single and sudden move, he faced Zane directly and pulled him into a tight hug. "I don't care why you saved me," he gently muttered to his friend, "all that matters is that you did. And... I know what I said earlier, but I'm actually really happy that you did. I know I don't show it much, but I really like having you as a friend. And I swear, I'm not gonna let you feel that alone ever again."
No other words were exchanged between the two. Zane simply returned the embrace, and while tears were still streaming from his eyes, he had a small smile across his face as he enjoyed the company of his close friend.
The two stayed in their embrace for several minutes until Zane's ears perked up and he looked outside the window, causing Vexx to look up and do the same. "Looks like the blizzard died down a bit," Zane noted in a mutter, wiping the tears from his eyes. "You wanna go out and get that deer now before it picks up again?"
Vexx gave his friend another smile before getting up and grabbing his stone sword and some rope. Zane smiled back and took that as a signal to start getting ready, himself. The two grabbed their stone swords and knives, put on their snowshoes, and stood at the front door once they were ready.
"Ready, Zane?" Vexx asked. Zane nodded and Vexx reached for the lock on the door. "Alright, let's bring it back before it's too frozen to eat." Zane unlocked and opened the door, and the two stepped outside into the howling arctic wind.
(Author's Note: Hey guys, I'm really sorry this chapter took so long to complete. I'll be honest, I don't have any real schedule to my uploads. I just work on them whenever I feel motivated to. I'm not making any promises, but I'll hopefully be working on it more now because I've already been thinking of some more plot points in my head.)