Spicy Night
Mander and Charlie sat on the couch, one late Someday, and watched an episode during a 36 hour Three Stooges marathon. Mander started snorting as she laughed at Curly nyuking away. Charlie heard this and started laughing harder. Soon the room was filled with the laughter of a female black-and-white housecat and a herm coyote. Meanwhile, a truck with a cargo of 8 barrels of radioactive waste sped along the bumpy backroad that would pass behind Charlie's property, right alongside Mander's prize pepperoncini garden. The truck hit a rock, causing the full vehicle to jump and one of the barrels to get knocked loose. It rolled down the embankment, gaining a gash in the side as it hit a rock on the way down. The leaking barrel rolled over and settled beside the garden, oozing glowing green goo into the garden, where it soaked into the ground and was absorbed by the pepperoncinis. The veggies started to glow, themselves, and pulsate as they mutated and grew. The next morning, Charlie went out to water the garden.
"Mander!" cried the 'yote. "Get out here! You'll wanna see this!!" Mander awoke, none too gracefully, and peered over the back of the couch.
"The garden better be on fire..." she grumbled as she staggered through the soda bottles and chip bags, scratching her butt as she wandered out to where Charlie was. "Yea, what'd you want me to see so badly?"
Charlie looked at her like she had grown a thumb out of her forehead. "Mander, look at the peppers."
"Yea, what about them?" asked a groggy feline.
"'what abou-'" Shi scoffed. "Mander, the smallest one we had growing here is the size of a football!"
Mander rubbed her eye with the back of her paw and yawned, smacking her lips. It took a while before what her roomie had said sunk through the layer of sleepiness. "HOLY MONKIES! They're huge!"
The sandy hound scoffed again and made a "finally" gesture. "Uh, yea. I think it was the product of radiation, too."
The housecat looked over at the coyote. "How can you tell?" Charlie simply pointed at the remains of the rogue barrel. "Oh..." she chuckled sheepishly. "How'd that get there?"
"Well," started Charlie as shi scratched the back of hir neck. "My guess is it was accidentally dropped when the truck carrying it came through." After looking around the scene, Charlie and mander went inside. Charlie donned hir hazmat suit and went back out. Shi pulled it up to the road and kicked it into the ditch on the adjacent side. Walking back, she stood in the middle of the yard. "Mander, I want you to hose me off. Don't get too close, though, or you'll be contaminated." Mander unleashed the hose on Charlie's hazmat suit, making sure every bit was pressure-washed so Charlie wouldn't be contaminated. Shi slipped out of the suit quickly and took the hose from Mander, doing hir best to hose the goo and wash it away. Shi even went up to the road and hosed the trail shi left from dragging the barrel.
"Guess we can't eat the pepperoncinis, huh?" asked a disappointed feline.
The coyote nodded. "Yea, they're pretty much mulch material. My grinder's busted, so we'll have to head into town tomorrow to get a new one."
"W-well, why not today?" asked a curious cat.
"Right, you're new here. Well, today's a town holiday, so no one's working." Charlie shook off the residue moistness and grinned at Mander. "That Stooges Marathon's not gunna watch itself. TO THE SNACKS!!!" They ran inside, grabbing some sammiches and kicking the T.V. back on. Little did they know that when Charlie shook off, some of hir fur came off and landed on all the irradiated veggies. The fur folicles were sucked in and the peppers throbbed and pulsed as they mutated further into something more obscene...Pepper Zombies! That night, in the light of the crecent moon, the beasts awoke and snapped themselves off their stems, groaning softly as they made their way to the house. Mander snappedawake at the sound of a twig breaking. "Charlie," she said in a hoarse whisper. "What was that?"
Charlie just smacked hir lips and swatted sleepily. "Bacon...syrup...b-buttermilk waffles..." came a drowsy mumble from the slumbering pooch.
"Charlie!" said the cat while she nudged the dog with her elbow. "Wake up, Fathead." More mumbling and sleepy movements were the responce. Mander sighed. "You leave me no choice." She grabbed an airhorn from the cabinet and pressed it for half a second.
Charlie quickly sat up. "Women and mogs first!"
The feline snickered. "Wake up, Doofus! I heard something."
Charlie struggled to her feet and shone hir flashlight out back. "Oh, it's just a bunch of pepper zombies coming to eat us." They both calmly looked at each other before it hit. Their eyes went wide and they screamed before scrambing around the house trying to figure out what to do.
"Ok," sighed Charlie. "We're fans of classic horror movies, right?"
"Yea." replied the feline.
"So, we should know how to kill these bastards, right?" said a worried coyote.
"Yea." confirmed the kitty.
"So, let's do it." came the responce from the desert hound.
"Right!" agreed Mander. "So, what do we do?"
Charlie thought and thought. "We bash their heads in!" Shi grabbed a fire poker from the fireplace and put a mixing bowl on hir head as a helmet. Mander grabbed a rolling pin and put a collander on her head. There they stood, Warriors in Pajamas.
Mander smirked and calmly said "It's go time." Both ran out and attacked the swarm of veggies, beating in the tops, smashing them with their fuzzy slippers, the works. The sun broke the horizon just as they took out the last one together. "Whew! I'm sure glad we don't have to do anything like that again."
Charlie chuckled."Yea! Now, let's go sleep in. We deserve it." They headed in and passed out on the couch. Unfortunately, Charlie didn't see what the barrel had settledby when shi rolled it in the ditch. Two words for all you B movie fans out there reading this: tomato plant.