Ander - Part 6: Subchapter 63
63
The snow was starting to come down hard, but at least the trees were doing a good job of keeping the wind at bay. Mateo was sitting on one of the many stumps left over from the construction of the wall, polishing Agatha for the hundredth time, when he noticed the dim orange glow reflecting off her stock. He knew, even before he raised his head, what he would see.
High above their heads, about halfway up the mountain slope, the warning torch had been lit. He could see Hezzi's outline, no bigger than an ant from down here, scurrying down the rope ladders, going from crag to crag and ridge to ridge, recklessly fast.
Mateo's hands shook as he hooked Agatha over his shoulder. "Well, guess it's time to go," he said, but his legs wouldn't listen. He kept sitting down, digging his claws into his knees as heads started to poke out of their tents. Soon, shouting could be heard above the gathering wind, and a minute later they started rushing by in groups of three and four, bows in hand.
Mateo closed his eyes.
Okay, Mat. This is it. You've done some really crappy things in your lifetime, said some unbelievably mean things, but this your chance to make up for it. You can prove to everyone that you are not just some -
"Ready to go, Jackass?"
Mateo opened his eyes. Even in this dim light, Nilia was oddly beautiful, standing there with the snow sticking to her fur and the wind whipping her frosted hair from side to side. She had a bow on her back and a look of steely determination in her eyes, like she was completely immune to fear.
"I don't think it matters whether I'm ready or not," he said. "It'll happen either way."
"True." She stuck out her hand and Mateo took it. He figured he would have gotten used to her strength by now, but he still nearly yelped out loud when she jerked him to his feet.
"Easy, Nilia! Jeez..."
"Apologies."
He expected her to let go so they could continue on to the wall, but the seconds dragged by and his hand was still enveloped in hers, a thin layer of frost gradually creeping over their interlocked fingers. "Nilia?"
She looked at him with those emerald eyes, and he had to take a moment to figure out what it meant. Back when he first met her, she was capable of only two expressions: anger and neutrality. But now, ever since the night they shared together, it was like she was becoming a completely different person. No, that wasn't quite right. She was still the same person, but now she wasn't trying to hide herself anymore. Everything she was before was only a glimpse of her true self, and every day she was showing more and more, and what she was showing him right now was concern.
"Are you afraid, Mat?" she asked, and Mateo simply could not lie to her.
"I am," he admitted.
"Do not worry. You will feel fear before the battle begins. And, if your gods will it, you will feel fear after the battle is over."
"So then, I won't be afraid during the battle itself?"
"That will be the worst fear of all, but you will not remember it afterwards."
"Oh. That's good, I guess?"
A small smile briefly flickered in the corner of Nilia's mouth, there and gone. She was still holding his hand, gently running her thumb across his fingers.
"Are _you_afraid, Nilia?"
Mateo didn't think she would answer, but he surprised her yet again. "I am."
"I didn't think that was possible."
"Because I am so big and strong? Because I am a Wolf? Because I've been in situations like this before?"
"Well, yes."
She bent down and leaned in close, so that her lips were pressed almost right up against his ear. "I have never had more to lose than I do now," she whispered. Her breath was warm. "It is because I have something to lose that I am afraid, but is also because I am afraid that I can be brave. Because, if I have something to lose, I also have something to fight for. And if I have something to fight for, I have something to make me strong. I have friends. I have family. I have a new home. And I have you."
Mateo was frozen solid, and not just because of the cold. Did he really deserve to hear such words? He was just some jackass who didn't know when to keep his mouth shut.
She put her hands on his shoulders, and for a brief moment, her face was the only thing in his entire world. "And if I have you," she said, "I have someone to feel all my fear for me, so I can be brave enough to protect those I love. Can you do that for me, Mateo? Can you feel my fear for me?"
Mateo swallowed the lump in his throat and put on a brave smile. "I made a promise, didn't I?"
She smiled, and even in this bitter cold, with the wind and the snow pelting them in the face, it was still the most beautiful smile in the whole world. "Yes. You did."
She kissed him, and the contrast between the biting cold and the warmth of her touch was as extreme as the difference between a sharp icicle and a blazing fire.
She pulled back and gave him a hearty thump on the shoulder that nearly knocked him off his unsteady feet. "Come on. Let's go."
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