Seven Days- Part VI
Joshua could see his brother through the mist, wearing a robe of white.
"Brother, I'm so sorry that I abandoned you at your time of greatest need. Please forgive me!" the fox said as he ran towards his brother, whose face was radiant and beautiful. The atmosphere was serene and beautiful, the sky was all around the two, and all was at peace Joshua was about to embrace his brother who he loved so dearly when...
KNOCK! KNOCK!
In a moment, the dream faded and Joshua found himself again alone in the confines of his dead brother's house. It had been such a pleasant dream, it seemed almost a shame to leave it but he knew the knocking meant that someone was there at the door, even though the sun had not yet risen.
The sixth day of this imprisonment had come, meaning that after this day and one more, the freedom of finally seeing the outside- a chance to bathe, a chance to feel the sunlight, shave, and enjoy the television rather than sitting alone and thinking of his brother David Kleiner. But first Joshua had to open the door for the next mourner.
It was his sister Esther, a vixen of incredible beauty even after the age of 40 and even for vulpine standards. She was wearing a professional blue dress and black skirt and when the time came for Joshua to make the ceremonial tear in her garment, she resisted. ("I have to do the evening news in this please").
"I saw you at the temple with that goyish hybrid, I assume that was David's daughter," she said, a bit of a surprise for Joshua who had assumed that they would be discussing David himself, rather than his offspring.
"Well, yes. That was his daughter who you saw. And while she may only be half-Jewish by birth, she has begun a study of our faith and she takes deep comfort within it. She's a Jew in spirit, if not in fact. And she has only respect for our faith and I think she'd be insulted by that. And more importantly, she is indeed David's daughter."
"Hmm... maybe I was wrong to have stated that. You see, in the field of television reporting, it's rather difficult. I may seem a bit sharp in my criticism, maybe unladylike but my employer- he doesn't like vulpines, females, or Jews. And I'm the intersection of all three. So what have you found about my brother, other than he died? I lead such a busy life, I haven't kept up."
It was the last sentence that cut Joshua deep. He knew that his sister was somewhat materialistic and concerned with her job but up until a few days ago, so was he. To "lead such a busy life" that you could not "keep up" with your own brother, even as he was slowly succumbing to the effects of a crippling disease was inexcusable. And he wanted to raise his voice for David's sake but stopped only when he realized that the vixen standing right beside him was his own flesh and blood.
"He died, that much is obvious... and from what I can tell David's last few weeks were lonely and miserable. We're both equally guilty of abandoning him in his time of need. His parents gave him money but they could have done a lot more, his cubs were estranged, I don't know about my sister-in-law, and Isaac was the only one who cared for him at all," Joshua told his sister, the whole time guilty about his own lack of involvement in his dying brother's life.
And then Esther, who had been fighting the urge, broke out in tears. "I remember, the time... he collapsed in front of everyone at that house party... over at my place. And I was ashamed at him, I thought it was an act. But now, he's dead. What are we but incompetent idiots for not helping him, for ignoring his cries for help?" This was the first time during the entire sitting sheva that Mr. Kleiner had seen anybody weep and cry for his dead brother. And Esther might have been female, but she was strong-willed and professional, able to maintain somewhat of a detachment from the things which surrounded her. That's what it meant to be a television reporter, after all. But here she was crying and burying her muzzle in her brother's jacket, soaking it with tears.
"Damn us for our neglect," she stared upward. "You took him from us because we were poor stewards of our brother." Then she turned and looked at her brother and said "We failed, Joshua. We were meant to be our brother's keeper and we failed at that miserably. Look at this place, it's a mess. Everything's out of place, the roof is about to cave in, and this is where David passed on. Why? Sheer neglect and stupidity on the part of his family. But... I am his family and I am responsible for this."
There was no way Esther could be consoled for this- she had taken herself as the sole reason as to her brother's final suffering, even as Joshua tried to convince her otherwise. "No matter what we would try, he still was going to lose his life anyway. If someone besides Isaac had stepped forward..."
"And that someone could have, no should have been me!" the vixen interrupted, finally pulling herself together and trying to hold back the tears. "I became so married to this job that I forgot what really mattered in life." Joshua knew these words; he had uttered them many times himself throughout the sheva.
She offered him a part of the dress near the shoulder. "Cut it! I don't care how much this dress cost- please. I know it's only a tradition but I must honor my brother in some way." And with a snip of the scissors the blue dress was insulted with a visible hole on the right shoulder. "And if anyone should ask, I'll them about David." And after they said the Mourner's Kaddish again, just as they had at the funeral (she did not feel she was truly mourning her brother then), Esther exited door and Joshua was alone once again. He had never seen his sister, a strong and independent career woman, cry before today but the vixen did indeed lose it. And that was when he realized that still small voice inside that told him that in order to forgive himself, he would need to forgive others first. And his brother would not have had it any other way.