Lost Within Thoughts...
#1 of Lost Within Thoughts...
Lost Within Thoughts....
Chapter One
Diary entry #187
Why did everything seem to happen to me? nothing seemed to ever go right....yeah, i get my ocassional bad luck instance. nothing entirely did ever make sense thoug. even with my boyfriend who says he is supposed to visit me, does not seem to come and see me, even though its been a long distance realationship for three odd years. Definately add the fact that we have been on and off a few times...which definately is hell trying to go through....i mean seriously, going through a realtionship while your going through school does not help at all, and only seems to make things worse for me, my friends, and my family. The sad thing is that i put up with it, every day.....
I was just 13 when i first met him, it was like yesterday....the only thing that sucked was that i didnt get to date him for another year or so after that. its hard to even think about shit that goes through your mind when your sitting down thinking, even when you look at yourself in the mirror, i mean yeah, im a handsome black wolf with a fitting pair of green eyes, but, no one seemed to even care about me back then. i was pretty much the out-cast of my school. Then again, i did have no big sense of style up until now i guess.
I used to wear like blue and red colored shirts, shirts with the band logo's on the front, which now i cant even stand a shirt with a logo on the front, unless it suites the shirt. i guess you can say im a bit picky and what not, when it comes to what i wear. though i definately feel alot better now that i moved to a different school for like the 10th fucking time. I finally decided to actually tell poeple myself im gay, and everyone seemed to accept me for who i was, though most instead, were scared of me, becase i was friends with one of the biggest, wolves i have seen, and he was also gay, but has a major crush on me.
He was one of those guys, that broke their jaw a bit to many times, but looks like nothing happened, blown out his left and right new like two or three times each, broke a few fingers, toes, and almost broke a vertebre in his back. i mean seriously, whats not to like about this guy. though i definately would not be surpised at how big his 'package' is in his pants. just imagine a 6'5 or 6'6 tall, black and gray wolf, with a rather large, baseball/runners build, walking down the hallway towards you. You can definately see where i could go with this.
Though, thats not the person im going out with, hence the reason he is a friend of mine, were just friends and we would love to be with one another, but, were both not ready, and im still in the realationship i am in now. My boyfriend i have now is 5'11/6 foot even just like me, and is a pure white wolf with amber eyes. he is most definately a sexy one....i know i said that my one friend was a hunk, but i mean, hey, he isnt my boyfriend, my boyfriend i have now, still is.
Im sure some of you that think back and are saying this too your kids, the truth of the matter is, "school is only fun if you excel in your classes and are hot, plus not a asshole." and its the reality of life. its true and im a example of it. now im not saying im hot or anything and what not, im just saying that, im not a asshole, im decently hot, and i do okay in my classes. i used to literally be a low-life pretty much, and their came to a few instances were i almost commited suicide and such.
In all, im definately passed that, "im going to kill myself because my parents are yelling at me and im a whiny bitch" stage. now im just that average guy that you cant tell is gay, because, he speaks regular and acts more masculine than anything, but, deep down, is one hell of a subby little mother fucker, when it comes to sex.
The truth of the matter in my orientation for those that i probably will have to explain it to. is that i used to be straight, and when i dated my girlfriend. At first i thought she was the best and we could make it forever and be happy. that turned into a pile of shit after the first year when i met my boyfriend i have now at age 13 and cheating on my girlfriend at 14 when i finally went out with my boyfriend i have now, and to make this easier, his name is jack. Anyway, after i cheated on my girlfriend and realised how much of a lieing bitch she was, i had my boyfriend explain to me that he was gay and not bi. At first i was like woah, because i thought he was bi. though soon i just ended up being gay right along with him. My god it definately was the best choice i have made. i love the fact that girls want me so badly, but i just say 'nope, im gay..."
Though its really annoying when you get the ones that are like 'omg you are gay, lets be friends', then it gets awkward and sometimes when they do that, and give you a hug. now i just kind of live through the hellish part of my life that im going through right now, and ill definately tell you, it sucks to keep recounting on your past memorys when all they are is bad ones most of the time....i definately need to start worrying about what i have to get done, rather than lingering in the past....
End of Diary # 187
i closed my book and thats when i heard a ring at my door bell. it was roughly 10:13pm and i didnt know who the hell was at my door at this time of night, and it definately was a 'wtf' moment. i just threw on a pair of loose khaki shorts, sense i usally right in my diary's at night, in the nude and when i reached the bottom of my steps, their he was....the one i had been waiting for, for 3 years.....