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For starters, since this post is a collection of excerpts from my book, I must first introduce the cast! So here is a hopefully brief explanation of everything important:

Hilda Anna-Maria von Eierkuchen: The protagonist of the book; human; tamer.

Penis: A bisexual dragon, known as Penny in public; tamed by Hilda.

Sock: A nobleman turned cheese turned back human; also tamed by Hilda; very much straight.

Walburga: Hilda’s maid, assistant, and enforcer; human; absurdly muscular.

Zoe: A cheese-addicted fairy and Sock's girlfriend; also tamed by Hilda.

Bethy: A Canada-goose demihuman and Zoe's friend.

Becky: Hilda's former nemesis, dragged to the isekai world on purpose and accidentally forgotten there.

Marie-Antoinette: Yup, she’s in this story too; usually called Antonia for short. She’s also a rapper in addition to being a queen.

Kingdoms:

Marengy: Parody of Germany.

Cefran: Parody of France.

Yalit: Parody of Italy.

The “cuddle saga”, as I like to call it, spans over several chapters, so I’ll provide minimal context in the beginning of each part.

◈ ~ ◈

Arriving at an inn on the way to Yalit

Hilda gathered up the crew and briefed them about the rooms. “All righty then, so I had a look at the options we had and made my decision for how we split the rooms. In room 203 we’ll have Becky and Bethy, Walburga and I will stay in room 204, and thus Penny will share a room with Sock and Zoe. Luckily for you three, Penny put in some of his own cash to get a room upgrade, so you’ll be staying in room 310. Should any problem arise with any of you, let me know tomorrow morning.”

Sock and Zoe were happy to hear about the room upgrade and cheered Penis for his favor.

“You’re the best, Penny!” Sock said as he and Zoe both hugged him from his two sides.

Penis didn’t say anything, but gave both of them a few, gentle head-pats.

“Now, let’s get dinner. I’m getting hungry,” Hilda said, making her way towards the restaurant part of the inn.

“Actually,” Sock said, “if you don’t mind, I’m taking Zoe on a couple’s dinner somewhere else. We saw a place that does a cheese-tasting evening event, and we thought it would be nice to do our own thing.”

“Huh!” Hilda exclaimed. “This is the first time I actually see you making any initiative ever since the two of you got together! Fucking finally. Have fun!”

Sock and Zoe left the inn while Sock murmured something about him having done for Zoe more than Hilda ever bothered to see.

When the two came back, a few hours later, they quietly entered the room to the sight of Penis laying sloppily in his underwear on his side of their bed, already in deep sleep.

“Heh, look at Penny here,” Sock said. “Seems like big boy is already asleep, huh?”

“He’s so cute when he’s like that,” Zoe replied, as they could only giggle at the adorable sight of their precious, big lug of a friend sleeping like a silly pet. “I’ll go take a shower,” Zoe said, “feel free to go to bed in the meantime.”

Sock was more of a morning shower type of guy, so he had no problem hopping in bed and slowly drifting away into his sleep. Sometime later, Sock sensed a soothing warmth enveloping him.

“Zoe, love, is that you?” he murmured as he felt up the gentle hand that held him close. “Zoe, your hand is so big and muscular,” he continued, feeling up the hand for longer as his consciousness slowly reared its head. “It’s so big and scaly… and your body and your legs are so big and scaly too!… And… And your chest is so hard, yet soft to the touch…”

Zoe, who was only at that point slowly creeping into the bed desperately held herself from laughing as she let Sock figure out by himself what was going on. “And your fi…”

Sock’s babbling was ceased by a loud and sudden snore that came from behind him, doing more than enough to properly wake him up. It took no time whatsoever for Sock to notice he was actually held and caressed by Penis in his sleep.

“Good night,” Zoe told him and flipped the other way.

Well, I don’t mind it too much if it’s just a cuddle, I guess… Sock thought to himself and shut his eyes.

Penis murmured something unintelligible and wiggled a little bit.

Goodness, is this how my night’s going to be? Sock thought to himself again, starting to regret his lenience.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, Penis then held him as tightly as he possibly could, breathed onto him and uttered, “Mmm, beef bourguignon…” before gently licking and gnawing on his ear. Sock froze in helplessness as his internal thoughts blended into a desperate scream for help.

◈ ~ ◈

The day after

The day after, while everybody was sitting in the carriage and continuing making their way towards Yalit, Sock kept his distance from Penis as much as he could. After his night was spent being locked in-between Penis’ arms, no amount of shower could efface his scent from his body, nor could he undo the teeth-marks that covered his upper half. The only thing he could do was to wash off the slimy saliva that was left on him. Needless to say, he could barely sleep at all that night and during breakfast he was virtually half-dead.

In the carriage, he focused on getting himself together and doing his best to overlook that incident. To no avail. Much to his comfort, at that point in time Penis was the one driving the carriage.

“For fuck’s sake, Sock, are you still bitter about last night?” Hilda asked, annoyed by what she regarded as his childish behavior.

“I was violated by a bisexual dragon, Hilda!” Sock yelled in frustration. “It would’ve been one thing had I also been gay or bi—he is a good looking fellow—but goddammit, I’m straight and I have a girlfriend! I can’t be walking around with the scent of a sweaty dragon and a hickey on my neck!”

“Ugh… Could you yell any louder?” Bethy groaned, “You’re not the only one who had a bad sleep here!” She got up and wiggled her wing through the baggage in the back of the passengers’ part of the carriage. She pulled out a small bag of hers and approached Sock. “I don’t even know what I was thinking when I bought this thing, but at least it comes in handy somehow…” She opened her bag and inside was a basic set of makeup. She took some foundation and covered Sock’s hickey, so that he could look somewhat decent.

“There, happy?” Bethy pulled out a mirror and showed Sock his neck, now seemingly unblemished.

“Oh, thanks Bethy. That was really nice of you,” he said, shocked that anybody even came up with that idea.

“Don’t mention it,” she said tiredly, “now let me sleep.”

[…]

Sock seized a well-timed moment and pulled Penis by his horn.

“Penny, we need to talk,” he said as he dragged him to a private corner.

Penis was afraid more than anything, knowing damn well what he had done in his sleep.

“Listen, Penny, I don’t blame you for last night,” Sock said, giving Penis a little sense of relief. “But if we’re going to keep sharing a room together, you’re going to have to find a way to restrain yourself.”

Penis bowed his head down and uttered a simple, “I’m sorry.”

“And one other thing—right now I’m completely covered in your scent, and that leads me to the next couple of questions. One, why the FUCK is it so potent? And two, how the hell do you get rid of it?”

Penis blushed and burst in laughter, though neither of them could figure out why.

“Hey, that ain’t funny!” Sock scolded him in embarrassment.

Penis put his hand on his shoulder, which made Sock flinch in pain from where Penis bit him. “Oh, you poor thing!” Penis said almost patronizingly,

“Yes, I sure damn am!” Sock retaliated.

“Wait here, I have something for that. You should’ve told me earlier!” Penis rushed with a weird sense of both shame and amusement towards the carriage and shuffled between the suitcases until he found his toiletries, amongst which was a half-empty bottle of shower-gel meant for dragons. He went back to Sock and gave it to him.

“Sheesh,” Sock said, impressed, “I didn’t know they make special products for dragons like that!”

“Does it mean we’re good now?” Penis asked, giving him puppy eyes and tapping his fingertips.

“Huh? Sure, of course,” Sock said almost dismissively while still inspecting Penis’ cosmetics.

“Oh, you’re the best!” Penis happily exclaimed, “I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself otherwise!” He then lowered himself a little bit and gave Sock a big bear-hug. Sock was helpless against the beastman who held his head right above his armpit.

Why is he so sweaty? Sock desperately thought to himself.

Later that day

Sock and Bethy were having a random conversation while Antonia was sheepishly waiting for the right moment to interrupt their conversation.

“I’m sorry to interrupt the two of you,” she eventually found the time to say, “but could I take Sock for a quick discussion?”

“Uh… sure, I guess,” Bethy answered confusedly as Sock was dragged by the hand.

Reaching a more discrete corner in this abstracted space, Antonia caringly held Sock’s hands and talked to him. “Listen, while I know Hilda is always looking out for all of you, I just want to let you know that if you have something you’d like to share in secret, I’m always here for you. But please, don’t keep such secrets from Zoe, she deserves better! And you too!”

Sock was astounded and confused by the queen’s inadequate words of comfort. “I’m sorry, but I’m not sure I understand what you mean,” he said. “I don’t keep any secrets from Zoe, we’re very honest with each other!”

“Is that so?” Antonia asked surprisedly. “In that case… Oh… OOooohhh! Oh la la, you kinky little rascal you! I didn’t know you were in a throuple! That makes way more sense now!”

Sock was at this point flabbergasted, if not flat out mortified by Antonia’s misguided assessment. “What? No! What are you talking about?” he asked in his agitation.

“Oh, come on, Sock,” Antonia dismissed his frustration, “let’s not pretend we don’t know. I could smell the dragon on you the moment I stepped my foot out of the carriage. And that makeup on your neck? Trust me, honey. I’ve been there more than enough times to recognize a hidden hickey when I see one.”

She dragged her fingernail across his neck and scratched off a portion of the makeup that hid Sock’s “love-mark”.

“Listen,” she continued, “I will never judge you for whom you choose to love, but it concerns me to see you deny it so vehemently.”

Sock looked up to Antonia’s eyes and began tearing up. Just when Antonia thought she finally got through him, he quickly turned and ran away crying. “NOW PEOPLE THINK I’M GAY!”

“There’s no shame in being who you really are!” Antonia shouted towards him in one last desperate attempt.

◈ ~ ◈

The group arrives in Yalit, Marie-Antoinette booked the gang hotel rooms

“So,” she began speaking again, “I have arranged some rooms for you all to stay. I actually had and still have no idea what you guys have in plan for your mission, but I figured it couldn’t possibly take more than a month, so that’s the amount of time for which I made the booking. Needless to say, your booking includes both breakfast and dinner, including weekends. This way you can keep focus on the important stuff.”

Everybody in the group was amazed and excited to hear Antonia’s words and gave her a group hug.

“By the way,” she continued, “for our lovely throuple here I booked a special room! I really hope you like it.”

The group’s looks shifted drastically from excitement to bewilderment.

“Throuple? What throuple?” Hilda asked.

“Oh no…” Sock said, whimpering quietly.

“Well, yeah,” Antonia said, “Sock, Zoe, and Penny, of course!”

Everybody in the group looked at the three, dumbfounded and in shock.

“Antonia,” Penis rejected, “what made you think we three are all in a relationship with each other?”

Antonia looked puzzled to hear Penis’ objection. She thought for a moment about it and then said. “Oh, I get it, then it’s only Sock then who’s polyamorous!”

“NO!” Sock yelled in madness, “I am monogamous with Zoe, and Zoe alone!”

“Aha!” Antonia retaliated. “So, you did cheat on her with Penny!”

Everybody but Zoe and Penis laughed at Sock and Antonia’s argument while Sock just turned red. He held Penis’ hand and dragged him towards Antonia.

“See this guy over here?” Sock said, pointing at the timid dragon. “We never had sex! I don’t know what about him, and honestly, I don’t even wanna know, but never in my life would I consider having sex with him. I am straight! A cishet normie! He is my bro. My homeboy! And most importantly, he is a cuddly dragon who apparently dreams about food way too passionately!”

Antonia was left speechless from embarrassment.

“Speaking of which, I haven’t taken my shower yet,” he said and headed towards the lobby.

“I’m sure he’ll calm down soon enough,” Hilda said, feeling almost concerned for him.

“No,” Antonia said, “He is right. I was wrong to make assumptions about him, especially when he was trying to make his stance clear. Alas, the rooms are booked already. I hope it won’t be too bothersome for him.”

“We’ll manage,” Penis said, still somewhat flustered.

◈ ~ ◈

It is morning, and Hilda might’ve royally fucked up her mission

Sock came back into the room from the shower, covered only by a couple of towels on his head and body, just to find the two of them at their current state. He sighed and addressed Penis. “Uh… Penny, why are you sitting topless on the bed while Hilda is right in front of you, down on her knees and on the verge of tears?”

“Haha, very funny. In case you haven’t heard, [spoilers!]. Anyway, I don’t think you’re the one who should be making innuendo jokes after your entire saga with Antonia.”

◈ ~ ◈

_Backstage, before Marie-Antoinette’s concert

Sock and Penis are under pseudonyms – Calzetto and Penelope_

“By the way,” Antonia said after some time spent chattering about whatnots, “could I have a moment with Calzetto and Penelope?”

Penis rubbed his eyes in frustration and interjected. “We decided to keep it ‘Penny’, by the way…”

The rest in the meantime left the three alone.

When they were finally alone, Antonia hesitantly put her hand on Sock’s shoulder before speaking to the two. “I would like to apologize again to the two of you for my careless misunderstanding. Especially to you, Calzetto. I can only imagine how worse I made you feel…”

Sock gently pushed Antonia’s hand away from his shoulder and held it before answering her. “It’s all right. I know you didn’t mean to be rude. Plus, now that Penny here finally got a prescription potion for sleepwalking, I don’t need to worry about him accidentally crossing the line. Plus, with his specialty shower gel I don’t need to worry about smell either!”

Sock rubbed Penis’ back and continued. “And I also think spending so much time together made him change his scent a little bit. He sure has a nicer scent now, I must say.” Penis looked at Sock for a moment, struggling to understand what he was talking about.

After thinking for a few seconds, it dawned on him. “Oh, you mean THAT! Uh… Sorry to tell you, but that’s not you unfortunately.” Sock looked at him with worried eyes that demanded explanation.

“Penny, if it’s not me I’m smelling on you, what caused it then?”

“Well…” Penis said, looking extremely shy and guilty, “With all the free time we had since we got here, I may have been a little frisky a few times with a few other dragons I met at a bar nearby.” Antonia stared worryingly at Sock while Sock stared at Penis in composed horror, learning that his scent he enjoyed was the scent of what he understood to be multiple orgies. He took several steps away from him before taking a deep breath (he may or may not have turned his head away from Penis too).

Having given up, he made his final speech. “Well, Antonia, it was very lovely meeting you in person again, I wish you all the best in today’s concert and a pleasant journey back home afterwards. PENNY, YOU MAY NOT STAND IN MY PROXIMITY UNTIL YOU TAKE A LONG, LONG SHOWER!” He then left the room and slammed the doors behind him. Penis and Antonia looked at each other and laughed.

◈ ~ ◈

In an inter-dimensional fast food restaurant

“Hmm, do you smell that?” he asked. “There is an oddly familiar scent here that I can’t really pinpoint what it is…”

“Sheesh, do you mean ‘food’?” Bethy asked as Hilda nodded to her in agreement.

“Ha ha, very funny,” he replied. “I mean the scent of a person.” Sock, who was sitting at the farthest end of the table from him, looked at him with a disapproving sneer before making his own judgmental question.

“Are you sure it’s not one of your ‘orgy partners’?” Everybody looked at Penis in shock, having had no idea he was partaking in such debaucheries.

“What the fuck, Sock?” Penis asked him, shocked just as much as the others, if not more, “What makes you think I’m hoeing around?”

“Oh, don’t try to back out now, Penny, you were very clear about how you were ‘getting frisky’ with other dragons in the bar, you slut!”

Penis eyed him for a moment and sighed. “I was wrestling,” he said. “It was a wrestling bar, Sock. Not a sex club, you perverted twink!” Sock continued to stare at Penis, defeatedly.

He sighed and uttered just loud enough to be audible to him. “Fine. But I’m still a bit weirded out.”

Becky came to the table, intrigued by the noises she heard from behind her back. “Hey guys, what did I miss?” she asked.

“Sock is being a whiny bitch again and he thought Penny was hoeing around,” Hilda said, as she pulled her rolled-up newspaper. “Wanna have a go at it?”

Becky nodded and grabbed the newspaper from Hilda’s hand.

She approached Sock and whacked his head with it before yelling at him. “Can’t you for once act decently, man? With the way you behave, I would think Zoe is more of a man than you are!” She pulled him by the ear and dragged him away from Zoe and his seat. “Now go to Penny and make up already!”

Sock ended up standing right in front of Penis and stared at him awkwardly. After struggling to mutter anything for a couple of moments, he managed to speak a little bit. “S… Sorry I w… Sorry I was being a dick…” He looked down in embarrassment, but Penis just let off a smile and gave him a few head-pats.

“I forgive you,” he said softly. “I, too, am sorry for insulting you back.”

Becky, in the meantime, took Sock’s spot beside Zoe and watched their little apology with a devious smile. “Great. Now kiss!” she said jokingly, only to get a stern, “NO!” from both Sock and Zoe.

Penis and Becky laughed at the two, followed by everybody else.

I hope you enjoyed this silly little side-arc! 🤪