The Struggle In Balancing Dually Manifesting Weights
So I wrote a vent poem, a fairly long one because I had things to say after hearing a specific, infamously brain wormed individual talk about autism in a way that admittedly got under my skin. It’s been a while since I wrote a poem that couldn’t fit on one page. Also it’s Autism Awareness Month! This poem is actually a couple of days old and I meant to post it sooner but got busy.
As proof here’s the original post on my blog site: https://thegoodmanscorner.wordpress.com/2025/04/21/the-struggles-in-balancing-dually-manifesting-weights/
The Struggles in Balancing Dually Manifesting Weights
By: A.X. Bueno
How is it weights can exist in two places at the same time
One weighing on you from the outside and the other in the mind
Technically neither is physical but you feel them both all the same
For the external one at least society can mostly be blamed
Telling you how dependent or independent you should be
All the things you should and shouldn't be expected to do
All because of a condition they think comes not from birth but chemicals
And don't realize it can't be separated from you
That if it affects your development then it's part of who you are
And while that can be burdensome People unwilling or unable to understand make it much harder by far
They don't see a spectrum but instead a set of static stereotypes
That will never be good enough for the typical or the "useful" too
You spend your whole life with them trying to train you out of what they think is wrong with you
Your awkward mannerisms
Your inability to finish school or find a job
The way you can be too sensitive or overthinking or too meticulous at times
They want you desperately to be a tax paying normal citizen
No time to accommodate your “weirdness
To some even asking that is practically the greatest crime
They need you to be more socially adept, to get with the program already
So they can save even more nickels and dollars and dimes
By making sure you pay taxes that they don't want going back to you
By way of social programs or handouts or other things they want to make sure are through
But best make sure to keep providing in the ways they don't believe you can do
And that's not even going into yet the weight that's lingering inside you
It varies depending on the person but I'm sure I can list what's broadly packing on the pounds
The need to hide parts of ourselves, the sensory issues, the fixations
Trying to follow and when necessary match this mad world's energy
The worries over misunderstandings and missed social cues
The struggle to figure out where our masks end and we begin
There's a lot of different external and internal weights
Weights that to us are seemingly eternally bound
And we'd adapt to them fine and grow strong in our ways
The internal ones anyway
But then from the outside there are again those desperate to make those weights shift
Who think they know what is bound to us better than we do
They think there's a shame or a sad obstacle in who we are
Some still think us sad jokes to not take seriously
And others think of us as overly dependent and/or savants
They don't realize we see through their misconceptions and when we can we laugh
We poke fun at them and sometimes ourselves
If only because this condition means too many people make jokes you miss or at your expense
We laugh to lighten the many weights we carry
And it sucks that we have to laugh sometimes to just get through
It'd be easier if we were left to determine our own weight limits
Instead of those who say they want to help us or those who want us gone
Make no mistake though help is vital
But that requires people with patience
Not those who see only potential flaws and cracks
Those who miscalculate our weight
Acting like it's existence and ours is unfortunate and wrong
Personally I long for these extra weights and pressures to be gone