A Taste of Something Else ~ 20/20 Hindsight
“I need to break this off. I don’t regret any of the time we spent together – this was fun. I’m glad we could share this together. I love you, but… I don’t want to be in love with you. And you make that really hard."
My debut novel A Taste of Something Else has been out for some 2 years now, and the original draft of the story has been done for like 6 years longer! A lot has happened in the time since; my writing style and quality have both changed & improved; I've gone through so many experiences of my own, and as we all know, a little bit of ~you~ always ends up making its way into each and every little thing you create.
If you've ever read Taste back to back with Unexpected, Undeserved, then you probably noticed that the main themes of these two stories are pretty darn similar. The reason for that is that I wrote Taste while I was going through the shitty-boyfriend situation myself, without realizing it at the time - something we see in both Daniel and Eli - and then UU came after, once I'd had time to escape & process what all had happened to me. (With Heart of the Forest out now, I'm actually thinking of getting UU pushed for publication next...)
And then, along with that, y'all've probably ~also~ noticed a distinctive emergence of poly-relationship themes in my personal projects over these past few years, as another personal exploration in myself: Ghost of a Rose deals directly with the idea in its main plot, then the main character of Heart of the Forest is also poly, even if it doesn't really factor into the story until the end, and even then only in a minor way; and then when you think about it, it's reasonable to believe that that's the underlying issue to Eli's indecision in UU; and then when I was first doing edits for Taste, the realization hit me like a good ol' ton of bricks-
holy fucking God these boys are poly as hell & they just don't know it yet. Funny how that works, huh?
So anyway! I've actually been thinking about a sequel to Taste for quite a while now, but it's an idea that's been backburnered for a couple of reasons. I've touched on the subject & built out some characters for it through my Weekly Worldbuilding supporter tier, but nothing concrete - and I wanna highlight that this upload is also not me starting down that road! I just had some time for personal work last week, & really wanted to get some initial ideas down.
I've waffled back and forth on what I want the actual story itself to be, & where to go and what to do with these boys, and maybe this isn't the "proper" way to go about it, but I've been fascinated with the idea of a story about a relationship told after the fact, after that relationship has dissolved. But no matter what format or framing, the core thought has been the same: the sequel to Taste will be a story about how sometimes a relationship just isn't meant to be, and that that's OK.
So again, no promises that this is going to be my next project! It might be. But it might not. But also it might. But here's a quick lil story sketch on some of those thoughts.
“This is just how it goes sometimes."
“I know."
All around bubbles the sound of a slow day at the mall. In the air hangs the aroma of hot pretzels, and fresh baked cookies, and the unique mingle of the nearby food court; then there is the chill of the indoor ice skating rink as well, paired with the distant rumble of the arcade just past the far wall.
The coyote shifts where he sits, drumming his claws together, resisting the urge to reach over and check his phone. “It just… feels bad, y'know?"
“Don't I know it." The wolf across from him leans forward, sighs, rests his chin in his paw. “And I wish there was more I could tell you."
Then silence again – apart from the pressure of the constant noise all around. The coyote bites his lip, looks out across the lower floor thoroughfare here, glances across all of the shops in line, yet sees none of them. That sharp, slick, unpleasant heat starts to well up again; he blinks, then blinks again, and finally gives in and presses a paw to his eye to work it away.
“I feel like it's my fault." He sniffs, swallows, and looks back to the wolf across from him. Daniel smiles sadly, his head tilting slightly. “But I did what I could."
The lupine nods, reaches across for his paw, takes it in his own, squeezes. “I think it's both of our faults, is the thing. God knows I'm certainly to blame for it a bit." His little laugh shakes his shoulders. “But. Breakup's a breakup. I think you and I know that better than anyone, Harley."
Harley swallows again, throat tight, and squeezes the wolf's paw as tightly as he can. “Yeah," he manages, then has to pause again. “Wish it weren't the fucking case. Keep on trying to learn, and do better, and yet-"
“Hey. Hey. Look at me."
So he does. Cool stone-grey fur slashed with cloud shadow, then soft eyes blue like the sky on a warm spring day. Daniel smiles again, the wolf's short whiskers perking up a little bit.
“Remember how far you've come instead," he murmurs, voice barely audible over the noise of the mall. “Not the mistakes on the way. Isn't that what your therapy said? Every day, you do a little better than the day before. Both of us do. And circuitous progress-"
“-is still progress." Harley squeezes his paw again and nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I remember. That doesn't make it any easier, though."
“Just a little bit less difficult. Right?"
A rather boisterous, chatty couple brushes by their table, for the moment drawing both of their attention. Harley feels his gaze follow along as they mill their way through the space and then disappear into the sporting goods store across the way. “...Right."
For some years now the malls had clearly been dying. These visits were only an occasional thing for the two of them, something to do on a weekday afternoon when work had been finished early or on a rare weekend when the urge hit them, and as time had passed they had watched stores made familiar when they had first moved gradually close down, giving way to those under construction box walls which sometimes led to a new installation but more often than not became the installation themselves.
“At least the theater's still open," Daniel had said once last summer, face bright, joy in his voice. “Those are usually the last to go when a mall dies. And this one's already seeing the price reductions – barely eighteen bucks for three. Y'all got yours, right?"
To think things had seemed so pleasant, Harley thinks, now sinking back in his seat. He cranes his head back and looks up past the upper platform bridged on either side by the escalators, from this angle underneath just barely able to see the heads, ears, and tails of passing patrons. The cracks had definitely started to show by then already, but… it was easy to ignore. Since we'd go out and do something together, or just spend some more time at home, and then that would be enough to patch the wound. What movie did we even see…? It was part 2 of that sci-fi one, right? Or part 1? I don't remember. But I do remember the time spent together.
And I miss that. God, I miss that so much.
“Harley…"
He opens his eyes again, blinks in the light, then rolls his head down to look at Daniel across the table from him. The wolf taps at his phone screen a bit, then returns the gaze. His ears flick; his mouth quirks; his nostrils flare as he breathes in, swallows, then sighs.
“I know I didn't really… act like it," he begins, then glances away again. Their clasped paws had begun to get sweaty. “And I'm sorry for that. You of all people know that that's what gets to me the worst, even though I've been working on it too. I can't help but feel guilty. But…"
Daniel shifts where he sits, untwines his paw from Harley's, wipes it off on his leg beneath the table, then squirms again. He eyes his phone until the screen goes dark.
“She was my girlfriend, too."
“Yeah," she had said in response, and slid her paw back out of Daniel's to dig in her pocket for her phone. Harley watched from her other side, amusement tingling at his lips, tail swishing. He was a bit taller than her; from here he could see the whole of the necklace he had given her, draping down into the collar of her shirt. “Got it on my phone. We good on snacks?"
“Uh huh." The coyote patted the inner pocket of his jacket. “Still dunno why you can't take these in your bra, though."
She scoffed, squeezed his other paw, and nudged him. “Oh, shut the fuck up. You try wearing one of these sometime and see how you like it. Twink-ass."
“You might have an easier time getting Danny to do that."
“Do what?" The wolf glanced up from his phone. “I was checking our time. What'd I miss? Why are you looking at me like that…?"
Harley crosses his arms. The look in her eyes when she had told them, the sound of her voice, the way she had said it; I knew it was coming, the coyote thought. We both did. I don't know if that made it hurt more or less. But with so much confidence? My first breakup since, like high school. Other than Daniel, my first – our first – real relationship. Is that the difference?
He could tell that the wolf was thinking about it too. Daniel had covered his muzzle with his other paw, and glances at his boyfriend across the table.
“I need to break this off," she had told them that day, earlier this summer. She had reached up, brushed a lock of hair to the side, and made sure that each of them looked her in the eyes. “I don't regret any of the time we spent together – this was fun. I'm glad we could share this together, the three of us." And there, then, her smile had faltered: “I love you, but… I don't want to be in love with you. And you both make that really hard. I know there could be just so much more for me."
And then from the two of them: “Yeah." and “I understand." Then much more to follow in text messages that weekend, after they had helped her move out, and… that was that. Back at home their bed still felt strange, with the sheets that she had recommended, in her favorite color; when the boys had first moved in after Daniel finished college, their queen size mattress had felt fine for the two of them.
Then two became three, and suddenly the queen was too small – but the king size to which they had upgraded now felt far too large. It helped when Zoey came over, but she had her own life and her own girlfriend now, too.
“You met her here, didn't you?" Harley blinks, brought back to the present. Daniel nods up and over his shoulder, towards the second floor of the mall. “At the tea shop?"
The coyote nods. “Yeah. I'd seen her before but never really thought about it. Y'know?"
“Trust me. I know how that is. We've still got, like… a pound of the chai mix. One of us has gotta drink that."
“Yeah, leave it in the pantry. It'll hold for a while in that tin."
“Okay."
“And then her other nail polish…"
“I don't think she'll mind that one. But I can check with her. Or she might message me about it."
“Mhmm." Daniel drums his claws against the table, his still bearing the last colors the three of them had picked, just now starting to chip: metallic sapphire blue for himself, then a rich emerald green on his left ring finger for Harley, and sharp, bright orange on his right for Ryley. Harley, of course, wears the opposite: mostly green, then one blue, one orange. His orange had flaked the most. “I checked how much shipping would be for that stuff, and I don't think it's worth it. Besides, she's just next door, geographically speaking."
“Just forty-five from here to the campus. Was doing that twice a day last year."
“You sure you're okay with dropping your TA position?" The wolf leans in to circle a claw along the table's surface. He drops his muzzle into his other paw. “You were making some really good moves there."
“Yeah. It's… yeah. On the one hand I don't wanna make things awkward for her, but-"
“Ry's a geology student. You were doing history. Don't tell me there's much overlap there?"
Harley reaches forward to enclose his boyfriend's paw in his own. “Well, she's on the archaeology track. So a little bit. That was how I was able to help her out on some of her assignments last year."
“Mm." He nods. “I think I knew that."
“Yeah."
ottcrossbuns [8 months ago]: psst heyhey can you give me a ride back to my place after class
ottcrossbuns [8 months ago]: gotta stay late & don't wanna bug my roomie to get me
RightOfHarley [8 months ago]: yeah of course! I'll be wrapping up my shit around like 6?
ottcrossbuns: omg u r so nice 2 me
ottcrossbuns: <3 that works perf
RightOfHarley: oh also I spoke w/ danny about what you and I talked about
ottcrossbuns: yeah?
ottcrossbuns: and…?
RightOfHarley: he said it'll be good to split rent with someone else
RightOfHarley: and we've been looking for a reason to upgrade our bed anyway
RightOfHarley: and uhhh
RightOfHarley: oh right and he can't wait to tell his friends he'll be living with his boyfriend AND his girlfriend
ottcrossbuns: >:3c then may I have y'all's help getting packed this weekend
RightOfHarley: what are boyfriends for <3
The sound of Daniel's chair scraping back across the floor catches the coyote's ears. Harley lifts his head, looks over to him, then rises as well.
“Anything else you wanted to do here before we head out?"
“Mm…" Harley looks up towards the tea shop again. “Yeah. Let's get some boba before going home."
~ ~ ~
“So that's what's been on my mind today," Ryley finished, the otter's short claws poking softly into Harley's fur. He rumbled, lazily draped his paw over hers, squeezed. “You are a tapestry of everyone you've ever loved. Isn't that a nice thought?"
“I suppose so." He lifted her paw to his muzzle, took a soft breath of her scent – she had used the soap that Daniel had bought for the three of them, that handcrafted bar with the bits in it – and then touched his lips to her fingers. “There's some spots I'd rather not have, though."
“Sure, but that's kind of the point." She rolled onto her side and flopped down next to him, the bed shifting underneath her weight alongside his. Harley turned his head to bump his muzzle into her shoulder. “I spent three hundred dollars on a guitar I didn't want for a boy I didn't even like that much. And don't even get me started on fucking Kel."
“He's why you're a girl, right? I-" But then her other paw squished against the side of his muzzle, pushing his head to the side, and she play-bit at the tender spots along his shoulder. Harley giggled, then laughed, then squirmed as he tried to roll away. “Hey! Hey, that's – not fair, I wasn't-"
“I'll show you girl-"
“I know you will! You have." With effort he managed to wrap his arm around her and pull her back down. Bright orange eyes glittered in the dimness of the bedroom. “And I was very impressed. Daniel still teases me about that."
“Good. You deserve to be teased."
“Hmm." He ran his paw down her back, fingerpads brushing along the fabric of her shirt, dancing across the clasp of her bra in back. Ryley arched her back and pressed against him a little more firmly. “I think I deserve to be kissed."
“Again?"
“Yes, again."
“Get our boyfriend to do it."
“But he's at work. And you're not." Again he tugged her closer. “And I'm here, tragically kiss-less."
“Well, let me check." Ryley tapped her chin. “Hmm. That's not good. Your account is running on empty. You'll have to make some deposits and wait for interest to accrue first."
“Will bribery work?"
The otter squirmed, lifted herself up, and then leaned over him, her chest pressing against his, her mouth quirked in a sly smile, her whiskers up and back. She flicked her little tongue out across her lips.
“It's worth a try, isn't it?"