Chapter 9 - I Never Really Knew Thee
Saraka's supervisor, Inter, makes an appearance to review his progress... Does Saraka know enough about his boyfriend, Moggy?
Moggy and Saraka were sitting around the kitchen table weaving dreamcatchers. As much as Moggy enjoyed sleeping with Saraka, the nightmares had returned and were worse than ever. He’d barely slept in the last week. Being so close to a demon whilst in bed, although fun, was not doing him any good. Saraka had tried sleeping at the end of the bed like a pet a few times but it hadn’t made a difference. Moggy’s tiredness was getting him down and affecting his daily life, including the protection of the tower. He did snap at Saraka the other night, accusing him of just being here to slowly drain him so the demons can complete their mission.
Saraka went away in a huff for a few days but returned happy once more saying that his mum had an idea. She suggested making dreamcatchers, they were supposed to help prevent nightmares from being so intense at the very least. Moggy was unsure, and felt it a bit of a silly superstition since there was no knowledge of them working by the wizard council. He felt bad for snapping at him though and was out of other ideas so was happy to give it a shot.
It was stormy outside. Black as night despite only being 3pm. Rain, as it often did on this planet, battered against the side of the tower. There was a crack of thunder and suddenly outside the window there was a figure staring in at them. A tall slender goat demon wearing a plastic white and grey trench coat, with white goggles over his eyes.
“Oh fuck, it’s Inter!” Saraka yelled before scarpering off to hide under the sink. Moggy looked around mostly confused but a bit concerned too. “Inter who?”
Then in an instant the demon stood over him, shaking off his umbrella that was not even wet.
“Ça va! Chatte Nya!” Inter grinned at Moggy and offered a bright painted hoof.
With a flick of his wrist the cupboard under the sink flew open and Saraka who was covering his face, was dragged along the floor towards the other demon.
“Why don’t you take a seat, Saraka?” Inter gestured to a chair that moved itself out, ready to be sat on.
“I’m good standing, thanks” he replied, still covering his face pretending not to be visible.
Inter tapped his hoof on the table and Saraka was compelled to sit and look Inter in the eyes.
“So, what exactly are you doing here, Mr. Inter is it?” Moggy managed to ask before he found his mouth sewn shut. He pawed at it in panic before resigning himself to sit and watch.
“He’s my supervisor, and yes, why are you here? Don’t you trust me or somemat?” Saraka interjected.
“Now now. Saraka. I am here to do a review of your progress since your reports haven’t been particularly useful” Inter wagged a hoof at him to say he’s been naughty.
“What you on about? I’ve sent all my reports on time!”
Inter pulled out a silver laptop covered in scratches and tapped away at it.
May 17th: “Damn I'm so bored standing around on this hill all night. Why do I have to do this? This is the most boring thing to ever happen to anyone. Oh my gosh is that the guy? Wow look at that cute ass kit kat, kitty kat kat he is so fucking cute. Damn I want to taste that kit kat so bad.” Inter read out Saraka’s words.
“That’s perfectly factual though!” Saraka said, gesturing towards Moggy’s booty.
June 6th: “I got to see him up close. Damn he’s even hotter than faraway. I could just snog him right now. I want him to tie me up and spank me with a bamboo stick” Inter was reading these dryly and very matter of factly.
“We did that last week, it was great” Saraka grinned, Moggy rolled his eyes.
July 24th “We had some rough play today, he clawed me up real good and I smashed his head in with the brick! I am happy we can explore our fetishes together. He’s gonna be my kitty real soon I know it”
“Look look, we both have scars from that!!” Saraka bounced about, showing them off.
September 19th “I am so lucky to have him, my big kit kat boy. I love him so much”
Moggy smiled with his eyes.
October 11th: “I fed him my family's special kebab recently and he loved it. I am so pleased. My parents would never accept him if he didn’t like the kebab. I should get him to spit roast me like a kebab”
“OK, we've heard enough… I get it. I thought these were supposed to be private” Saraka said.
November 27th: “Moggo was a bit of a jerk face today. But he hasn’t slept in forever and wow the bags under his eyes are getting so fucking big you could store stuff in there. My mum says it’s because of us demons fucking people’s dreams up. Well I didn’t mean to!! But I guess it’s meant to be my job or something. Anyway we’re gonna make some dreamcatchers and hang em up and they should stop the bad dreams!!”
Inter closed the laptop and put his hooves together, staring at Saraka under his goggles.
“As an IIA agent you were tasked in collecting intelligence on the enemy. Not being horny”
“We can’t all be a-sexual like you, Inter”
Inter raised an eyebrow that was covered in sparkly eyeshadow.
“Right. Now. I will give you one more chance to redeem yourself. Answer the following questions about the enemy, one Mr. Moggy O’Brien.” he said, gesturing over to Moggy who still had his mouth sealed.
“Yes! I can do this, I know everything about my lovely kit-kat” Saraka slapped Moggy’s thigh and left his hoof on his knee.
“Question 1: what planet was he born on?”
“Cat Wizard Planet, duh!”
“Question 2: How old is he?”
“At least 58?”
Moggy glared at him, offended.
“I like older men”
“Question 3: how much does he weigh?”
“Well he’s really tall, like twice as tall as me, so I'd say 240!”
Moggy gave an exacerbated gesture with his paws.
“250?!”
Moggy was desperate to try and shout out 170!
“Question 4: What is the name of the school he went to to learn magic?”
“Hogwarts?!”
“Question 5: his mother’s maiden name?”
“Mrs. Brown? Yes! It has to be, I am sure, he showed me her picture once”
“Question 6: what style of magical combat is he most proficient in?”
“Karate chop… magic… blast fireball… zim zam zella bim!”
“Question 7: what’s his favourite type of tea?”
Moggy desperately tried gesturing over to the literal box of tea on the kitchen counter, going completely unnoticed by Saraka.
“Dandelion and Burdock!”
“Question 8: What are his hobbies?”
“Farming and having sex with me!”
Moggy put his head in his knees out of frustration.
“Question 9: What is his full wizard rank and title?”
“Grand Wizard of the 9th order of Arkansas!!!??” Saraka pulled a face as he tried to think.
“Question 10: Who precisely is Tabby McFudge?”
“Oh that’s his ex” Saraka answered nonchalantly.
Moggy looked upset, he knew he had told Saraka most of these at some point yet he really did have no clue at all. Couldn’t even make sensible guesses. Did he ever actually listen to him? The last question hit him like a ton of bricks though, since he did not expect Saraka to know who Tabby was, he had never talked about him at all. It was both painful hearing the name and confusing as to out of all these questions, the supposed intelligence agent he was sleeping with would only know the one thing that he’d thought he’d kept buried.
“1 out of 10. Merdique! Ouah Ouah Ouah! That is just appalling. Did you sleep through basic training or something?” Inter shook his head, grinning, his fangs on show.
“It’s not my fault you’re all so bloody boring at HQ. Anyway, I quit. Am gonna live here with my boyfriend now. I don’t need you lot”
“Humm, yeah. No. You’re recalled.” A collar snapped around Saraka’s neck and tightened up. Inter stood up and walked away, Saraka being dragged behind him.
“Moggy! Help me!!” Saraka yelled.
Moggy looked too dejected and just stared at the floor. Inter booted Saraka through a portal, then turned to Moggy, his long coat blowing in the wind emanating from the portal.
“Don’t worry. It won’t be long now till you lay dead under this tower” he stepped through, then came back a moment later “Oh right.” he flicked his wrist and Moggy’s mouth was released, yet he had nothing to say. Inter stepped back through the portal and it closed.