Yarr’Nited Feline Pirates
The Yarr’Nited Feline Pirates is a fleet of Space Pirates based in the Saturnine Galaxy, well known for using neurotoxic experimental brainwashing technology called “Project Neverland” in order to force peaceful crew integration between Wildcadians and Housecadians. Captain Mildred “Morbid” Paur and Chief Engineer Mel Deko of the IFC Timeship Airiam have just been captured, and non-binary Captain Shelby Candlesworth is logging their success.
April 14th, 3222
Yarr! I’m Captain Shelby Candlesworth of the Yarr’Nited Feline Pirates. I found William Paur’s pad and decided to write a little “log” of my own. I’ve got him and his former Chief Engineer Mel Deko in crew training right now and it looks like Project Neverland is a success so far.
Both of them were incredibly easy to train since they both really needed to loosen up a ton. I’d say William must run a tight ship over there but he’s practically a God of Chaos. Pour lost soul was fawning over me immediately until he started having headaches and begged me for pain medicine.
Project Neverland is classified, but if you must know it’s simply a recruitment project. I designed the NeverLamp pirate recruiting device from advanced future technology that affects the brain in ways that help me get the most of my new crew. One of many side effects is that it peaks early and falls off within a handful of years, and at that point I just make worn out overused crew members walk the plank and recruit new ones.
Wildcadians and Housecadians have never gotten along before I founded my own fleet, but now with Project Neverland I’ll never have to worry about integrating both feline races into my crew, as well as any other feline species I find among the stars. I’ve heard an ancient rumor regarding a Milky Way species called Cations or something. I hope to spend enough time in the Milky Way to find them, unless they’re simply an myth from another universe or timeline.
For those worried about the ethics of my recruiting process, crew training is based on pleasure, positive-reinforcement, and recreation. With a handful of side effects of course, but I haven’t been able to slow down the neurotoxicity of the Neverlamp without diminishing its effects.
I’ll be on the Holonet if anyone wants to ask me any specific questions, but I’d rather keep the details of William and Mel’s training to myself for now as the details are quite intimate. I also don’t want to draw attention to William being on my crew. I do hate deadnaming the poor girl but I’d rather not call her Mildred or “Captain Morbid” and risk being shot by temporal agents for kidnapping and brainwashing her. Her Axolotl lawyer already knows and keeps spamming me with messages regarding a lawsuit.