The Storm Wolf: Gathering Clouds - chapter 4 Temperance- 4.2
Imported from SF2 with no description.
When I returned to the room, Tadao had just come out of the bathroom, his freshly dried fur looking slightly fluffier.
"I heard about your heroic deeds," he said, pulling down the towel hanging from his antlers while rummaging through his closet. "Holding off a hundred enemies on your own."
"There were only about thirty squids at the time," I said, while watching Tadao stretching the neckline of the undershirt and slipping my legs into it. I'd seen him do this many times, but it always amused me. "Besides, I was blocking a narrow opening, using the terrain to my advantage." For some reason, an image of Kotetsu putting on his shirt in the same way flashed through my mind. I shook my head hard, forcing myself to focus on guiding the stream of water through the sink pipes, beginning my quick five-second wash routine.
"That's still pretty selfless." Tadao, now dressed, adjusted his fur at the top of his head in front of the mirror, as if checking the skin around where it met his antlers.
"But I was confident I could handle the situation." Having practiced in dreams beforehand, I could make quick decisions—otherwise, those squids, with their agile direction changes, would have easily broken through my defenses. "I never felt like my situation was anything to worry about, so does that even count as ‘selflessness’?" After draining the used water into the sink, I stepped over to the closet to change into lighter clothing and prepare to rest.
"I think motivation and results both matter," Tadao replied, and as I climbed onto my bed, I realized he was still looking at me. "Going to sleep this early?"
"I'm a bit tired." As if to confirm my own words, I immediately yawned.
He shrugged without saying more, walked over to the control panel near the door, and turned off the main lights.
Once I lay down, I adjusted my position so my fur could spread comfortably beneath me.
I closed my eyes, relaxing my body, but sleep didn’t come as easily as I expected.
I was sure I was exhausted, but perhaps my body clock was rebelling against this irregular schedule. And I had no desire to reflect on Kotetsu’s earlier suggestion or to analyze clues about the mysterious tower in this state.
Tadao’s subtle movements reached my ears, and instinctively, I turned my ears in his direction. That deliberate gentleness made the sounds somehow... softer.
Opening my eyes, I stared at the white ceiling. His elongated shadow cast by the desk lamp extended forward, shifting between light and dark with each of his movements, a haze of changing shadows.
Turning my head, I glanced at Tadao’s bed frame, where there were faint scratch marks—the oxidized lines a reminder from when we first moved in last year.
"Last time, you only mentioned that your father was a psychic, right?" I said, watching his shadow pause.
Last time, he’d spent most of the conversation venting, not actually sharing much about himself, probably just needing an outlet at the time.
"Yes." After a pause, he answered. From the sound of his joints popping and the rustling of fabric, I guessed he was stretching. "That father who’s never home, with no free time to even talk to me."
"It’s a bit hard for me to imagine that." I spoke in an even tone. "Not the absence itself, but that it feels natural for there to be ‘someone who should be there.’" I gently touched my chest, feeling a bit of relief. "As long as I can remember, I’ve lived among wolves, always sharing a room with five other wolves." Of course, that wasn’t a part of my past I wanted to share in detail. "What about you?"
"Only child," Tadao replied. "An empty mansion was the norm for me." He gave a self-deprecating chuckle. "Though it wasn’t always like that."
He fell silent, save for a steady tapping sound, like nails drumming against a tabletop.
"Too young at the time, I never understood why the fights that never ceased only grew louder and louder." Tadao continued, "It wasn’t until I was older, able to grasp more complex concepts, that I realized I was the product of a political marriage, a mere contract for my father’s rise into the elite. In all those grand gatherings, I played the dutiful son, allowing dignitaries to pat my head approvingly." The tapping stopped, replaced by a faint sound of fur rubbing. "Looking back, it’s rather pathetic. Only in those rare moments, beneath dim lights and buoyant music, would we sit and talk, pretending to be a family for the guests around us. Even though I knew that as soon as the music stopped and the party ended, the illusions would shatter, leaving the mansion feeling cold and empty once more." His tone didn’t change noticeably, but I sensed a subtle tremor in the air. "And yet, when everyone wore their masks and played their roles, it was the only time we were allowed to come close. Only in those fleeting moments did it feel like I was needed, and maybe, if I behaved well enough, they’d be proud of me."
Perhaps I hadn’t experienced it firsthand, but the loneliness and longing in Tadao’s words were so familiar, I could easily feel the emotions beneath his detached recounting.
"After a few years, whether due to exceptional social skills or my mother’s influential family name, my father finally reached a point where he no longer had to keep playing the game. The parties of deals and schemes became less frequent. My mother stopped attending, eventually moving back to her own family, and I was no longer required to make an appearance." Tadao let out a faint laugh. "Or maybe it was just that the mascot lost its charm once it grew up."
"So what does your father do?" I could understand the concept of a political marriage, but I wasn’t sure what kind of career would demand it in a society like the Federation, where lineage seemed to matter less for career advancement—though nepotism was probably universal, just something I hadn’t encountered much.
"Federation Navy." Tadao answered without hesitation, making me suspect he’d already rehearsed how to respond if we ever talked about this. "They all call him ‘the Brigadier General,’" he said with a dry chuckle. "I’m not even sure if that’s a compliment, since the first person to use it was a jealous colleague annoyed by his record-breaking promotion rate."
"So..." I mentally updated my knowledge as I recalled past conversations with Tadao. "Is that why you’re so familiar with the Altai Wapiti faction?"
"Yes." Tadao sighed, barely audibly. "A few dinners, a few conversations—none of which were particularly pleasant memories."
"Mm." I responded, recalling some scenes from the Tree Hall.
"My father was always working, stationed somewhere or attending some logistics meeting, so there was barely any chance to meet. When we did, it was brief and formal, as if it were some sort of social obligation." The tapping resumed, less rhythmic this time, as if he were tapping aimlessly. "My mother, meanwhile, lived out her end of the ‘contract’ with full dedication. It wasn’t until I had the chance to visit other people’s homes that I realized a family is supposed to eat together, to..." He paused, as if a heartbeat skipped. "...laugh together."
A contract, huh...
I wondered if those wolves sent to live among the pedigrees were living the same kind of life.
"Mostly raised by the mansion staff, I’m probably closer to them, honestly. But after my mother left, she took them all with her, and my father had no intention of hiring replacements. So, that cavernous house, echoing with only my own voice, took up much of my life." The sound of cloth shifting followed as Tadao stood up and turned off the desk lamp. "When we spoke a few days ago, he actually said he was glad I would have the opportunity to contribute to the Federation’s goal and looked forward to my future performance. He didn’t even have the time to see me off last year, not even a farewell." Tadao scoffed, the sound more weary than angry. "The scary part is, the thought of him being proud of me actually makes me feel a bit of pride."
After a while, he didn’t continue. I lifted my head slightly and saw him wrapping a few velvets of felt over the tips of his antlers.
"I think it’s natural to want approval, especially from those you care about," I said softly, recalling my own brief attempts to blend into the pack before eventually giving up. "But no matter how strong that desire is, I don’t think you should lose yourself over it." I rolled onto my side, covering my thigh with my tail as I combed through the fur at the tip. "That would defeat the purpose."
"You really are quite a unique wolf." Tadao’s comment made me chuckle. As he climbed the ladder to his bed, I considered how to respond.
"I’d say it’s more like the strategy of a wolf cast out of the pack, just trying to survive." Tugging at the fur at the end of my tail, I summoned a faint pain and the memories that went with it. "Nobody likes being the odd one out."
"Oh, sorry." Tadao sounded slightly hesitant, as if choosing his words carefully. "Maybe it’s because we herbivores don’t like standing out too much, but you do seem… unique."
"Aren’t we all? We’re all different." I turned onto my back, feeling the corners of my mouth lift uncontrollably. "I’m different from you, and you’re different from him. Every one of us is so distinctly different." I stretched my right hand upward, spreading my fingers wide. "But I think it’s precisely because everyone is different that our differences become the very thing we share." Closing my eyes, I could easily summon that image, feeling the gentle, fleeting touch of each snowflake grazing my fingertips. "Just like… the endless snowfall."