God of Marriage Saga: Intermission 2: Cultists
Imported from SF2 with no description.
I took a break to play some Cultist Simulator.
The matter was that, spoken echoes of my favorite characters lingered, in my mind. And I wasn't 100% convinced they were 'just' characters. They would chime in at times, to give moral support, sure. But... maybe it was just... the coldness and cruelty, of acknowledging with dead certainty, that 'fictional characters aren't anything meaningful', that was holding me back from that conclusion.
Maybe whatever was calling me insane for this, was the truly insane, evil thing. But for the moment, I needed to be focusing on my own petty recreational evils, and not on an evil insidious enough to try and get me hospitalized solely for creative endeavors.
I was a Cultist; and an Aspirant, by the name of Foxface. Yes, it was just a simple game I was self-inserting into, but it was a game! At least in a game, it's not some high-crime to be the subject of imaginary happenings.
I think that's something that had turned me away from writing, for awhile. Writers are often, some of the most pretentious pieces of shit, with high-falutin notions of what you can or can't write well. And I was simply not the kind of person who wanted to deal with that negativity.
...
Which, for awhile, was a conclusion I made and accepted about myself, that made me weak.
...
But today... at this moment, I was creating a cult. In a game. And writing about it.
What was my cult about? I hadn't decided yet. The cult, you see, was just a device. Its aims didn't have to truly reflect the leader's intentions.
_ Even Jesus could have been this kind of creep, _ I thought. His sacrifice could have just been pretentious posturing that got him killed. Or it all could have been a staged resurrection.
Doubts crept in. The whole matter was, I didn't want to believe a thing, just because of a cult. I didn't even want to believe a thing, because it would endanger my soul not to.
Belief had to come from a truthful and forthright, honest place. One that could risk being taken advantage of... because believing in one another, is a fundamental prerequisite for marriage. For any idea to be married to any other idea, there has to be a belief in the possibility of union.
Today, however, I was not here to expand that belief. Not as a primary focus, anyway.
I was going to play out the kind of rotten bastard who would consider taking advantage of peoples' beliefs.
Why? Well, for sensation, of course. That was my chosen temptation.
You see, I'm a Sensation aspirant. I'm aspiring to the sensation of 'transforming into the shape of one of my loved one's people'.
... loved one. Right. These fantasy characters were potential loved-ones, in my playbook.
I felt the dry, hollow, clinical, cynical, bastard within.
I had named them "Megumi". They were a possible Foxface. A possible me. A Thievul. A very evil Thievul.
And the bastard that had to die in me, for me to ever stand a chance at doing good.
So... for the purpose of this playthrough of Cultist Simulator... Megumi had a possible hand in my playthrough. His detached, evil, tricksy, opportunistic practicality... it'd show up in the run.
And I was going to write about it, because fuck me, I'll be creative, even if I have to contrive reasons to.
Aerith: "When were we going to get back to talking about the God of Marriage?"
She let out an audible sigh. I didn't even try to correct her. I had forced things off the rails intent-fully, and deliberately, to explore my own mental world, a little bit more.
We were going to do this.