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What Keeps The Edge On

By: A.X. Bueno

It doesn’t come around too often but there’s always an occurrence once a while

A moment that reminds you why you stay on edge and they don’t understand why

Today that happened with some aggressive guy on the train

Reminding you of a somewhat familiar pattern as you felt his disdain

Disdain for you choosing to simply be there standing around

Sure you were standing in front of him while he was sitting in the train seat

But you got on first and were just trying to be chill

Taking in your surroundings and trying to mind your own business as you wait around

Just wanting to get to work with no issues as the train gets moving on it’s way

But then this jerk of a guy decides to try and get a rise out of you too early in the morning

And you act surprised because you thought that you were blending in fine

Just standing around, no distractions, being lost in your own thoughts and mind

But this jerk decides that he doesn’t like you being in his space

Though you were only standing there cause you didn’t want the seat he had to clean

And were doing your best to avoid looking him in the face

For people seem to misinterpret the expression or view of your eyes

It’s something you used to deal with more when you were younger

But still happens from time to time

Like now when this guy interprets your very presence there like some kind of crime

So he hurls insults and surface level labels to your face

All for having the nerve to stand and exist next to him in this crowded public space

He heatedly goes after your appearance and the way that you are to try and get you mad

You try to make it clear you were just trying to mind your own business and not do anything wrong

He still doesn’t care and just continues to shout and want you gone

When he escalates by saying he doesn’t want to get violent while still sitting down

You decide to move on your accord to not cause a subway style scene

And this guy, even after you moved away continues to talk about you

To whoever he’s talking to through headphones and screen

But not before having the audacity to shout “thank you” more than once

Viewing you as nothing more than a pale nuisance and dunce

You move again to get further away and get your own headphones on

A few stops later the jerk walks off the train and is finally gone

You still have more than a few stops to go

Before you can get to work and try to shake off this whole incident

But there’s something nagging at the back of your mind that you know won’t let this be

A couple of specific incidents like this that happened in the not distant past

Two happened on the sidewalk almost one after the other

When you were again going about your own business but were accosted by others

They made similar remarks but both were cowards who didn’t stick around to face you

That last one happened on the train but he didn’t stay either just said his piece and left

Still they went out of their ways to make you feel bad about yourself then run away

And now you’ve let this random aggravator spoil your day

Any normal person probably wouldn’t have bothered by this but you

You’ve always felt abnormal, out of place wherever you are and maybe they see

Even if you try to stay out of trouble with quietness and a mask of normalcy

Still you can’t help wonder if maybe that mask and your awareness are slipping

Despite others telling you that that was more on them than you

All you can think about is this unfortunate pattern with not much you can do

Except curse who you are making you stick out sometimes like a sore thumb

The worst part is no one around did anything or seemed even phased by what was going on back on the train

You’ve come to expect as much though

You’re not expecting people to come to your aid when it’s inconvenient or truly try to understand

All you can do is try to move on, mask up and as inconspicuous as you can

Because when there’s people around who seemingly hate you and what they perceive you to be

You have to be considerably more careful about any slippage of sincerity