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Sutopia

Ch 28, SFame: Space Fame

Logan remembered some kind of mantra his dad used to repeat after quitting alcohol-- something about having the strength to change the things that could be changed, the serenity to accept what couldn't be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference. It wasn't long after realizing what had happened with his upload to the Lunar Spire's social media system that the young man came to the conclusion that the release of the Sim Vid was part of the second category: it was out of his hands.

The three days following Logan's return to the Lunar Spire were spent sequestered away in his res hab completely ignoring the outside world-- a policy that his family 'lovingly' referred to as "Ostriching" or, more specifically, sticking one's head in the ground and hoping that all of the troubles would go away. He realized it wouldn't really help in the long term but, as far as a vacation after a vacation, it was good enough to distract him from the insanity caused by his uploading mistake.

In order to futher reinforce his capacity to hide away from everyone and everything he had turned off the notifications on his social media feed, directing his implant to toss everything into a file for later review (or, more likley, deletion). He was content to lay low and let everything blow over, but, time and time again he couldn't help but think back to what he had done and what the end result was on the Lunar Spire: he was famous in a way he absolutely didn't need or want but, for whatever reason, the entire community of Transhumans had decided that he deserved.

Logan spent most of his time during those three days trying to distract himself from the "shit show" in which he found himself. He had planned to upload just the experience with Iactis; he hadn't wanted to share the personal nature of his time at Ozar's Realm, and DEFINITELY not his very-private time with Bri. He wondered how long before word of the Sim Vid made it to the Jovian system; considering how quickly information was shared among Transhumans he was fairly confident that she probably knew about it. He hoped she didn't hate him for it.

He worked very hard to keep those thoughts out of his mind, preferring instead to drown his sorrows and distract his brain deep in the various worlds of his visor games. In addition to all of the games he had been familiar with back before his brain scan there were also several other ones that he'd planned on picking up... and apparently he had back when he was still alive the first time. It still freaked him out a little to consider that he was, in essence, a "saved copy" of a guy who had died hundreds of years in the past, which had, in fact, been his future back when he was alive.

Logan set his visor down, realizing just as he was transitioning games that his mind had drifted back to the existential crisis that he hadn't faced since first awakening after Corpus Verto. "One big stress circle... 'yay'."

In truth, Logan had to be honest with himself, he greatly preferred philosophical naval-gazing and contemplating his place in existence more than he liked dwelling on the mistake he made with uploading his Sim Vid from his time at Ozar's Realm. He never wanted popularity, and what he had been receiving was definitely the worst kind possible... and the Transhumans were unceasing in their endless desire to interact with him.

During the three days he'd hidden away Logan had received thousands of personal messages-- they had started well before he rerouted his social media feed but, once people realized that their posts were not being reviewed by the new Sim Vid star, they switched over to PMs and then his messages per hour more than tripled. It wasn't long before he had those set up to auto reject too-- directly deleted. The only exception were those from his friends list and those were not set to notify him unless they came from a very VERY limited list. Because of that, he was quite surprised when, just after noon on the third day of his self-declared exile, Logan received two message notifications back-to-back.

The first message was from Star and the second, Logan saw, was from Pete. Their messages were less than a minute apart and his implant made sure he knew that they were available for him to read whenever he was ready. Logan set his visor aside and, rubbing his face with the palm of one hand, realized that the least he could do was give them a glance-- despite how much he liked being alone he did miss talking with Star... and Pete was okay too.

Star's message was fairly straight forward and relatively short in length. She said she hoped he was feeling better and that she'd be around whenever he was ready to talk. More than that, she indicated that she was heading to her special location in VR and she hoped he would consider joining her; apparently she didn't like the idea of him locking himself away alone in his res hab, and that whatever he was hoping to accomplish would probably be better suited by choosing another approach. While he wanted to lump her in with every other member of his family who thought they knew better about how to achieve a desired result, for some reason he couldn't help but think that she probably wasn't wrong.

Pete's message, the second of the two, was much more casual, much less opinionated, but no less encouraging. Pete explained in his short note that Star had contacted him about Logan's well-being and the two would be talking at one of Star's preferred personal VR landscapes-- Pete was confident that Logan knew which one. He also encouraged Logan to join them and Pete closed with the ardent desire that the young man consider doing so; they were both on his side and wanted to help him get through whatever had him so forlorn.

Part of Logan felt good about having such a supportive mentor, but the less optimistic one had a different view. "He's a Transhuman after all... how COULD he understand?"

It had been a reoccurring theme since Logan awoke after his first Corpus Verto; Transhumans often didn't understand what was going through his mind because society had changed so much in several hundred years that his concerns and hang-ups and social conventions weren't theirs. He thought long and hard for several minutes if finding common enough ground for Star and Pete to really comprehend his concerns was possible in the moment or if he'd just waste his breath trying to help them understand why he was so worked up about the Sim Vid being put into public domain. In the end, he didn't know if they could, but was willing to hope that spending time with them might help change his general outlook, and so he resolved to meet up.

Settling back down into his recliner, Logan switched his senses over to VR and the world faded around him, replaced just as quickly with the interface that he used to direct him to where he knew Star and Pete would be waiting. Scarcely a second later he found himself aboard a cruise ship sailing on the arctic sea. It was night time and the aurora borealis was visible in the sky. There were sounds of muted celebration coming from within the cruise ship not twenty feet behind him, but he was content to stay on the deck.

The cruise ship was the same as he'd remembered from when he met Star on deck the prior time, but the goings-on were different. There was an animated, active, and engaging atmosphere with the memories representing people going about whatever festivities involved them. He couldn't help but think that the experience was much more engaging, and there was a certain levity to it all. In his dour mood he found it distracting in its positivity but, at the same time the joyful 'merrymaking' going on nearby also helped almost drag a smile out of him.

Looking around, he saw that Star and Pete were already there some 50' down from him, both leaning on the railing and looking out to sea toward the horizon and the lights dancing in the sky. He moved wordlessly over to join them and took place to rest his hands on the rail beside Star. Logan's companions said nothing and, for quite awhile neither did he. There was a strange peacefulness to the cruise ship VR experience that was soothing in a way that sequestering himself away in his res hab hadn't been.

He lost track of how long he stood there with them in silence until he decided that it was finally time to speak his mind. The first place to start, he reasoned, was with a question. "So... why'd you ask me here?"

Both slowly turned his direction, expressions neutral, but with hints of concern that were neither overpowering nor accusatory-- they seemed more supportive than anything else. Although Logan fully expected Star to be the one to monopolize the discussion it was, in fact, Pete who spoke first. "If we said we were worried about you would that be off-putting in your mind, Logan?"

The young man thought about the question for a few moments before simultaneously shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head 'no'. "No... I mean... I don't want you worrying about me. I'm okay... just... dealing with stuff... you know?"

He realized that part of the problem was that he already knew that they did NOT know-- they were part of a Transhuman society where they couldn't comprehend what it was that was eating him up about his personal business being cast out to the metanet. He had, however, forgotten that Star hadn't grown up as a Transhuman, and her response was surprisingly empathetic. "I get it, Logan... I really do. Looking back to how things had been and how they are, sometimes it seems like the difference in thought is so wide a rift that it might appear impossible to cross... that's why we try so hard with orientation classes."

Pete nodded, adding "Those classes only help get you ready for life events that have to be experienced, not taught. No matter how great a job we do of teaching you what to expect, there are still the unexpected events that can turn your world upside down... I can imagine how it might make you feel."

Their words, despite how much Logan wanted to call useless platitudes, did in fact have an effect. They didn't make MUCH of a difference but they did help. "Thanks. Yeah... I know. I mean, I know this kind of stuff may not be a big deal to all of YOU guys, but it's a big deal to me."

Pete, who had been by Star's right elbow, stepped away from the railing and walked around her, past Logan's back, and moved to the railing by the young man's left elbow so that Logan had one of them on either side. The black man looked down at the water rather than at him. "You mentioned this is something you need time to process, Logan, and I can respect that. If you feel you need to do it alone then that's fine too, just so long as you realize that you don't HAVE to do it alone. If you might benefit from a shoulder to lean in you don't have to look very far."

Star spoke up from Logan's right. "And if you ever need an ear to listen, either of us are only a quick message away."

Letting out a long sigh, Logan realized that they were right and, despite what got him so disturbed should have been achingly obvious, he also realized that he never gave voice to it. Perhaps, he reasoned, it was time. "I messed that submission up bad. REALLY bad. I didn't mean to send everything, honest! I really just wanted to upload my experience with Iactis in case it could help any other first-time travelers get through that 'weird bit'."

Pete smiled beside him, eyes meandering up toward the sky. "That's a very noble pursuit, Logan. The idea of helping others with your experiences is an age old benevolence for one human to bestow upon another, and that can still hold true with Transhumans as well."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Yeah... the 'noble pursuit' thing aside though, I really screwed up on what I meant to do."

His ex-instructor let out an easy, good-natured laugh. "Oh, don't I know it? Everyone makes that mistake at some point... those of us who doesn't learn from it the first time are often known to do something like that more than once."

The young man scowled. "Maybe... but I HIGHLY doubt that any of those mess ups are quite as extreme as mine."

He felt Star's warm paw pad on his arm. "I suppose that depends on your definition of 'extreme', doesn't it? I know the idea of your personal life becoming others' business is of huge concern to you, but--"

Logan interjected "If you say it's not a big deal to everyone else then that doesn't exactly help. I KNOW this is about ME and, sure, maybe nobody else on the Spire gives a shit, but I do, and it makes me feel... like..."

At a loss for words, Logan simply let out a frustrated sigh and leaned more heavily on the railing, grinding his teeth as he failed to provide clarification. Pete was the one who came to the rescue. "Overexposed."

It was indeed an accurate description and Logan simply nodded before letting out another sigh, albeit, more of resignation than frustration. "I tried to delete everything... I took it down and erased the file from social media, but it was already out there beyond my reach so I couldn't get rid of everything."

Star patted him on his arm before removing her paw. "And that made it worse."

Of course she knew the situation; even if she wasn't part of the social media that he was dealing with she'd told him that much before: the more you try to hide things the more interested Transhumans would be interested. "Right... with information so easy to access, people these days become obsessed with--" he paused, turning to look at Star. "You're recording this... aren't you?"

She shrugged. "I always stream... Pete probably is too... are you, Pete?"

Pete's voice came from behind Logan. "Recording. I usually do brief edits every night before uploading."

The young man felt immediately exposed. "Can the two of you maybe STOP recording our discussion please? Just for a bit?"

Pete very quickly confirmed. "Done. I'll also edit this meeting out if you like."

Logan was appreciative. "Yeah. Thanks."

Star was not quite so immediately accommodating. "Logan... we JUST got finished talking about secrets..."

He didn't relent. "I know... but... well... fuck them. Sure, I'm a little egocentric-- this is about ME, and I REALLY just don't want to be monitored or recorded right now... Please, Star... just for now."

The Vixen nodded and spoke in a more narrative than dialogue tone. "Okay, everyone... see you again in ten."

Pete spoke up. "It's just us now."

Star nodded in agreement. "Just us, Logan."

Feeling much safer about it, Logan spoke his mind. "I think I may not be a good fit for Transhumanity... all this stuff... always being in the public eye, every action and word observed, dealing with scrutiny from EVERYONE. You guys... I don't think I'm wired the right way to deal with all of this."

An audible 'splash' caught Logan's attention and when he glanced at Star he saw that she no longer had the champagne glass she'd been carrying. "There isn't any one kind of Transhuman, Logan. Saying you don't think you're a good fit for Transhumanity is like saying you didn't belong in Ohio. No culture, community, or people are THAT homogeneous."

The young man sighed, looking to where the splash had risen up from the water. "Well... if that's the case I still haven't found a place where I can feel comfortable yet."

Pete piped in at that. "Which suggests that there's some value to keep looking. Just because you haven't found it yet doesn't mean you never will."

The Vixen to Logan's added in "You know... according to Sociologists a society is possible with as little as three people. Would you say you're not comfortable here and now?"

Ready to tell off his niece for her use of semantics, Logan glanced to the Vixen and saw that she was smirking like her namesake. He shot back with the same contradictory energy. "Sure... now if only we could replace everyone on Lunar Spire with clones of you two."

Pete must have realized that the two of them were just aiming for unhelpful oneupsmanship at that time because, thankfully, he came to the rescue with an actual thoughtful comment. "You know, Logan, if an open and socially-aligned community of the Lunar Spire doesn't appeal to you then perhaps you could try out one that's a little more reserved and introspective. There are plenty of them to choose from."

Logan had turned to focus on Pete and behind him Star made a sound that almost reminded him of a cat coughing up a hairball. "Ugh... you're not serious. It's been over a hundred years since I was last on a Bola station."

The young man didn't have the slightest idea of what Star meant so he quickly pulled up that information on the metanet; he could imagine why she wouldn't be happy living on a space hab designed for only a dozen people. He tuned back into Pete's countering of her comment by listing off options "...not to mention the Archology on Eris, the Kalpana Hab at Earth's L4, or the Vesta Beaded Habs."

Star continued the conversation which was rapidly stretching beyond Logan's capacity to keep up with on metanet searches. "You kidding? Those Beaded Habs are practically daisy chained Bolas... I mean, having a thing for privacy is one thing, all of those socially closed habs being so small and isolated-- I'd lose my mind."

Trying to regain control of the conversation, Logan pushed forth the real issue at hand. "Even if I DID disappear to one of those places it won't do anything about those circulated Sim Vids everyone's obsessing over."

His niece giggled softly and rested a paw on his forearm once again. "THAT is your biggest worry, Logan? Honestly, everyone's attention here shifts so quickly that as soon as the 'next big thing' shows up it'll be long forgotten. If you're really that worried just disappear for a week or two and before long it'll be old news and people will move on to whatever catches their attention next."

Pete cleared his throat. "Usually."

Star shot him a glance. "ALMOST always, Pete."

The black man offered a casual shrug. "True... but most people own their posts. Logan staying hidden away just creates more attention, and this private round table won't be helping matters one bit."

It was the Vixen's turn to shrug. "I TOLD him, but Logan wants privacy-- and if he feels more comfortable in private it's only fair that--"

Getting frustrated that they were talking about him right in front of his face, Logan objected. "HEY! This isn't just about me, you know... I'm worried about Bri. I uploaded the entire trip, including some stuff involving her and I didn't get her permission!"

His two companions glanced at one another and, even as Pete shook his head at the Fox, Star quickly spoke. "Bri already knows about it and is doing some consulting with a few SVAs on a Participant Cut."

Logan lost track of the next ten or twenty seconds as his brain figuratively popped (at least, he hoped it was figuratively). He ended up sitting cross-legged on the deck, one hand on a knee, the other being held by Pete who was kneeling next to him, going over breathing exercises. The young man was getting himself back under control as his companion spoke calmly "Different social norms, remember? You shouldn't have to worry about Bri because she is not angry with you."

Logan slowly pulled his hand free from Pete's. "People keep telling me that and I hear it, but I keep getting surprise at just how different-- what's that?"

Distracted from his own comment, Logan looked up at the railing where he saw what looked like a red-hot ember appear on the metal and, as he watched, it began to wriggle and crawl across the surface, leaving some kind of burned/scratched/worn indent into it. Both Star and Pete followed his gaze and all three of them watched together as letters began to form. Star was the first to respond. "Damn it... I KNEW this would happen!"

Logan read the words numbly as he felt a coldness in the pit of his stomach. "Hi Logan. Check your messages, Super Star! Love ya!"

The dour vixen walked off a short distance down the deck stating gruffly, "Yeah... I'll take care of it."

Pete helped Logan to his feet even as the young man questioned what he was seeing. "What in the heck?"

The usually calm-and-collected black man was wearing a distinct frown. "VR hacking. It's considered really bad form, and generally discouraged... Star's reporting it."

Even as he stared at the letters, Logan was surprised as they disappeared as quickly as they had appeared. "Someone... hacked into this VR to-- what... message me?"

Star returned to them with a gruff huff. "Some people don't handle 'no' well when it comes to social interactions. There are rules about leaving people alone but certain bad actors don't think the rules apply to them. I handled it. I'm sorry, Logan--"

The young man interjected. "You're sorry, but you DID warn me about secret meetings, right? That's what you were gonna say?"

She sighed. "Better in here than in meat-space."

Logan had heard the term 'meat-space' before, referencing 'real life', or the area that wasn't cyberspace or within VR. That thought really stuck with him. "Wait... people HACK outside of VR? How does THAT work, exactly?"

Pete provided an answer and skillfully pushed away from the topic and into a different one. "Nanobots can accomplish quite a bit in the hands of a skilled operator-- but what I'd RATHER focus on is finding a productive way to address your concerns, Logan. If you think that taking some personal time is the best way to handle the situation then you should follow your heart. Lay low for the rest of the week and see if you feel better. If not, try opening up a little and posting a message requesting that people give you space and if they don't, you'll jump over to another Hab for a bit."

Logan liked the idea of Pete at least validating his methods, but his mentor's suggestion didn't really make sense to him. "Go to another Hab? How will that help? Doesn't every Hab have social media of some kind? They could just find me there."

Star and Pete spoke up at the same time. "Earth L4."

Rather than try to pry more info out of them, Logan just looked it up. He recognized the word that Pete had mentioned earlier. "Kalpana, huh? 250 meters in radius and 325 meters in length? What's that in feet?"

Pete didn't answer the question directly. "It's fairly small as far as habs go... has about 2000 residents but room for three thousand. Each resident has about 1800 square foot including storage, utilities, and living space."

Star huffed. "So tiny..."

Logan did a double-take. "Tiny? That's about what I have here."

Pete clarified. "That also includes shared space like hallways, so, in actuality it's far less. Residents in the Lunar Spire have just short of 4000 sq ft... there's a lot more that goes into assigned space than what you see."

The young man shrugged. "Still not bad... but what's the deal with the Earth L4 Kalpana station?"

Star explained. "No social media feed... in fact, anything other than user recognition features on implants are prohibited."

Pete added "The Corpus Verto facilities there are limited and they don't offer Iactis-- it's shuttle-or-nothing."

Logan considered what he was hearing; Earth L4 sounded like a dramatically different setup than the Lunar Spire and, the more he thought about it, the better and better it sounded. In the end, he reasoned that maybe it was just his anti-social mood that was making him consider a place that Star obviously had a distaste for, but he wasn't going to count it out as an option. In the end, he realized that he was at his limit for interaction. "Well... thanks for the invite, but I think I'm gonna disconnect so I can think for a bit on my own."

Neither gave him any objections. Star offered him a hug and Pete shook his hand, adding "If you need anything, I'm here for you, Logan."

The young man logged out, leaning back in his recliner and letting out a deep breath. He'd hoped that spending some time in VR with Star and Pete would help him clear his mind but, after everything that had happened in there and the trajectory of the discussions his brain was even more alive and the disquiet was real. That feeling only grew when a message made it through his implant's monitoring. Logan almost fell backwards out of his recliner when he saw that it was from Bri!

Opening it right away, the young man was immediately struck by a bitter sweet introduction. "Hi, Logan-- Star reached out to me and she said that you haven't been doing all that well since returning from Ozar's Realm. She also said that you were worried that I was angry with you. Please don't think that because I'm not. I hope to see you again soon and, if you change your mind about Sim Vids I really want to show you what I'm working on by using what you posted. You gave Transhumanity something gorgeous, Logan. Please believe that. Love, Bri."

The number of peaks and valleys in Logan's emotions as he received the message were innumerable, but there was an extended high as he let the final two words repeat again and again in his mind. After the ninth or tenth time his euphoria froze; he'd originally thought that there was special meaning to her valediction, but what if it was just a friendly way to close out? He would have continued obsessing over it but he was interrupted as a fresh message made it into his inbox past his implant's auto reject feature.

Logan took a quick glance and saw that it was from Harper Knight. With everything going on in his life the last thing he knew he needed was the kind of chaos that his childhood idol would doubtlessly bring but after a moment, he reasoned that perhaps some non-him-specific chaos was EXACTLY what he needed. With that thought in mind, the young man opened the message, and realized his mistake too late.

"Hey Logan, it's Harper. I heard about your Sim Vid. Let's meet up tonight to talk shop. Usual spot. Dinner. Not taking 'no' for an answer, bud. See ya there."